Nice Girls?

[Omen]

We all hear stuff about the nice guy finishing last, and all that stuff. Now I have a question about nice girls.

I went out last night with 3 girls. One I met last week, and 2 of her friends. I just moved, am in a new state and don't know any of them. So the first time I met the other 2 was last night.

I noticed that as everyone got to talking I noticed one of her friends was really upset with the male population, and then said I need a nice guy as a boyfriend. Haven't found one yet. Last one was a real jerk and played nice but I caught on.

So my question is; most people here say don't be a nice guy, and that girls don't like nice guys. What's the plan with a female who truly is a nice girl?

If you try NOT to play a nice guy when you met a girl the opposite, and it works, I say good.

So what's the rule of thumb for a nice girl? One who says I wish a guy would open the door for me sometimes, or buy me flowers out of the blue. No one ever has? Not that she wants it all, just cause she has never been treated in a nice way.

There has to be some happy medium or some tips you can give me. I want to pursue one of them, and I don't want to mess it up.

After I met one of them last night I was like..... Hmmm total opposite of the last gf, and total opposite of what I was planning on.

Thanks for the help fellas. And if there are any girls out there like this, tell me what you think.

 

[CaptianMorgan]

o trust me she doesnt want a nice guy and i learned from being one for 3 years that no girl, no matter how nice, now matter how much she says it, will ever want a nice guy, ever ever ever!!!

 

[Omen]

I get you. I was in the same boat with you, but I hate to mess up with this one and find out otherwise. Find out after time she would be like your not nice like I thought. Your like the last one. You sure could act like it, but your a total ass.

That's the last thing I want. To realize I didn't play the nice guy I am this time, and actually HURT me on this approach.

 

[becker]

The definition of "nice guy" is very unclear. I told a girl the other day that I used to be a total d*ck and I'm trying to change my ways because people were always intimidated by me. She immediately said "that can be a very attractive quality". I also said I was trying very hard to be nicer. I am not interested in this girl at all, and I was actually trying to sort of push her away by saying that I'm becoming very nice. This girl is literally all over me and at every chance she has, she's asking all these questions hinting that she wants to be with me. There's no chance in hell I'll ever get with her. She has certain qualities (physically, she's not bad) that I absolutely can't tolerate.

Anyways, before getting off on a tangent, I think that being a nice guy is important, and that has probably been discussed to death on this board, but being nice doesn't mean that you are just supposed to bend over backwards and do everything that a girl tells you to do. That's not being nice, that's being a slave.

The type of "nice" that is attractive is being a guy who is independent, doesn't seem to need a girl, yet doesn't act conceited about it, makes a girl feel good about herself, but doesn't do it by showering her with compliments and gifts, rather by being a guy she wants to be around. Act as though you're a desired object to women, but at the same time, act like you don't know it, sort of like when you know a girl likes you and she's throwing all these hints in your direction, but you act innocent and don't acknowledge it too much and keep up the charismatic talk, being funny. I don't know, it's hard to describe.

Never act like a total ****y guy that's God's gift to women, because that will definitely tend to get you nowhere. To me, the key to confidence is this sense of independence. A guy who needs nobody, yet, still popular because he draws people to him. People want to be around him because he's a good guy, but he doesn't care if they don't. You need to look as though you're sort of a rebel, but people who know you know that you're nice enough to talk to, and even if they don't, they'll still want to. Take an example of people who we have all known who tend to be cool, yet are not always surrounded by people nor do they care if they are. The key is that if you're a person who is insecure, your actions will tend to speak for themselves.

For example, an insecure guy with a GF would probably be the type where, if their GF is talking to another guy, will stand right next to her and hold her hand while she's talking to him. Without saying a word, his actions speak of insecurity, and is definitely a turnoff. On the other hand, a more secure guy is one who doesn't seem to need anyone else in his life except himself, yet is accepting if people want to be around him. He just doesn't go and try to get reaffirmation from others of his worth.

BOTTOM LINE: In the end, whether you act like you need to be with a girl rather than that you would like to be with a girl determines whether you are a nice guy that finishes last. I think that it's the nice guy who feels as though rejection is the end of the world that tends to lose out. There's a world of difference between wanting and needing.

 

[MetalFortress]

Girls and guys, IMO, have far different definitions of a "nice guy". To girls, a nice guy is simply a gentleman. To us guys, a nice guy is a sissy AFC doormat. It's definitely cool to be a gentleman; you don't have to be a nice guy AFC to do that.

 

[es_mer8]

Of course girls say they want nice guys. How many girls would you know that would just flat out say "I want an ******* with six pack abs and a 8" d1ck." Not many. Just remember, they said they want nice guys. They don't want nice manginas. That means be a man also. Somehow a lot of people equate being nice to being a wimp when thats ridiculous. I'm sure there are varying degrees of nice. Do they mean nice as in nice and rich, do they mean nice and hot or do they mean nice and friendly or a mixture of the aformentioned?

Being an ass can get you women but the relationships will never last. Being too nice will get you women but they'll walk all over you and cheat on you in probably a couple of months after starting. The point is to find a nice medium. Nice as in a decent guy but you got to be a man first beforehand.

 

[Omen]

I haven't heard the word Mangina in a while.

 

[trajhenkhet]

If you can respect a woman and yet not be a doormat then the riddle is solved. Whenever someone disses you, call them on it. Don't go off neccesairly. Help others find this in themselves. In their own way.

 

[violator]

A girl, even a nice girl wants a "good guy" as opposed to a "nice guy". What is the difference?

A nice guy is one who is boring, predictable, constantly complimenting, always agreeing and supplicting and non-sexual among other things.

A good guy is one who strikes the perfect balance between being jerk and a nice guy. He is other wise respectable to women but doesn't go overboard in trying to impress her. He will be nice to her, but the girl will know that she will not be able to use him as a door mat once he passes all the shyt tests she throws at him. And most importantly, he will demonstrate that he is a sexual being by going for the kiss, touching her, etc.

It is interesting that you bring up the subject, because just yesterday I was at this July 4th BB party where the subject of "nice guys" was talked about by some HB's. They were pretty much making fun of the guys who would always call them, compliment them, offer them gifts, and otherwise being perfect in every sense. But they (HB's) would always say, "He is such a nice guy, but...." And then they will go on how the guy just never did it for them.

The point is don't lbelieve her when a girl tells you she wants a nice guy. What she really wants is a good guy. Yes, there are women who go for complete jerks, the ones who treat them like crap, but stay away from these because they usually have issues and mental problems. And the women who originally go for the nice guys, usually get bored quickly and end up cheating on or dumping them anyways.

 

[becker]

There was a girl I knew in the past, a totally conservative, but very pretty girl, who I was certain would never go for anyone who wasn't a sweet, caring, nice guy, because all she did was complain about jerks. I was a total sweetheart around her, and was sort of her shoulder to cry on. Then there was this other guy who was a total ass (not that he was really that much of a jerk, just that all he did was to do things that would make him seem rude and neg hit her) and she ended up going out with him. I believe they're still together to this day. This was like 7 years ago or something like that.

But again, be careful because not being nice has to be done with some discretion, and don't just go out and be a total lame-ass and treat everyone like sh*t thinking that the girls will come flocking, because that's not the right interpretation.

 

[MetalFortress]

Good posts, Becker and Violator.

I think that girls and guys have a different definition of nice guy... For guys, it is generally what Becker said. For girls, it is the same as a gentleman. When a girl says she wants a nice guy, she means a gentleman, who she doesn't end up saying "He's such a nice guy, BUT..." about him. The "nice guys" who get the "He's such a nice guy BUT..." treatment are gentlemen, but that's about all they have going for them. "I want a nice guy" is referring to a guy who is a gentleman, AND has more going for him than simply being nice. Like being a leader, confident, self-reliant, whatnot.

 

[becker]

Something else a "nice guy" who wins needs to be able to do is to be around a HB, and when there are other guys trying to hit on her, be able to totally disregard it, and even maybe get along with the other guys (majority of them who are likely to be trying to stake their claim and see you as an opponent) rather than try to create a competitive situation. If you can exhibit this grace under pressure, it will make you seem like you're the prize rather than being the one who is trying hard to get the prize. Again, it's independence and displaying a lack of need.

Nothing shows lack of need more than making a girl feel important in the face of a pack of hungry men, but at the same time making her feel like you don't need her, so that she will want to go to you instead of all the other typical players. It's easy as long as you don't get all territorial, but be careful not to make the girl feel insignificant.

A fine line to walk.

An example is that there's this girl who is so unbelievably gorgeous that I'm in awe of her. We get along so well too. Anyways, there's another guy who is very good looking, and I'm sure gets plenty of women. He's always sort of flirting with this girl, but the stuff he says is sort of corny, and things like "I feel we're drifting apart", or some other kind of lame AFC stuff. Anyways, it gets this girl's attention, but in the end, I'm the one she chooses to sit next to, and I'm the one she goes to lunch with. Anyways, I never show any jealousy or defensiveness even in the most hostile situation, where he may actually seem to be saying things that are getting her attention and being C+F and stuff. I actually laugh along with this guy, and I just make myself as likeable as possible to this guy. It's the only way to prevent yourself from looking stupid too.

 

[GeekGirl]

That’s part of the whole problem with a ton of relationships today. Girl thinks guy is jerk, guy thinks girl is too needy. The thing is most girls don’t want to have to tell their mates TO BUY THEM FLOWERS, or Open the door for them, I guess guys these day’s are really NOT into to the romance thing. I mean the way I really see it is, most guys just want the WHAM BAM, THANK YOU MAM routine, which is all good, but then they shouldn’t be the ones to complain when they them selves can’t find a decent women left in this world. I mean why do you think so many girls are getting bored in relationships and moving on from guy to guy or getting divorces. Because THEY CAN! Because there will always be another JOE BLOW waiting for her around the corner.
This is a GIVEN don’t kid your self. But that scene gets old really fast. I for one have to admit, I cam glad I am married. The problem is there have been so many damaged girls and guys, that the next relationship is ruined. Hence, guys call girl *****es, and girls think guys are d*cks. It’s a total cycle that’s all. And like I said girls are catching on. Dam are they, I can’t get over some of these chic’s today. And I just think it takes a while to find a mate. I think too, most guys don’t want to be in a relationship these days because frankly who needs the head ache, and some girls feel just the same. It doesn’t stop even after your married, being in a relationship is probably the HARDEST job in the world. It just sucks like that some times. Sure every one gets lonely for a mate, but what happens when the loneliness fades and you NEED YOUR SPACE! Uuggh, that is the first sign of boredom if you ask me. Girls really do want to find a nice guy, but most of them are picky….he has to be hot, he has to have money, he has to treat me like a queen BLAH! I tell you some how the majority of our society seems to think very highly of them selves. But if your nice to a girl and she rejects you, chances are you didn’t meet her stupid standards, so they move on which is fine, and they use and abuse another poor sap. It’s all in the cycle. Here is a good tip, Girls don’t know what they want, okay we don’t, it’s kinda like when we go shoe shopping, we don’t know WHAT kind of shoes we want, but when we see the pair we do, WE JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT. Hhmmm then again shoes get old huh? I guess that wasn’t a good example…but there have been times where I bought two pair of the same shoes cuz I loved them so much and I wanted them for ever hehehe. My suggestion is, make sure the girl is worthy of all your nice attempts. And don’t be FAKE, gosh how many times have I seen my male friends make fools of them selves uuuughh. Just be your self, because chances are if the girl falls for that fake person, She ain’t going to LIKE YOU! So be your self.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Hmmm, so I'm like a pair of shoes? Interesting. Can you paragraphise next time please btw, easier on the eye.

It's been stated loads of times on this thread and is pretty easy logic.

When she's a Nice Girl and says that she wants a Nice Guy you should:

Be a gentleman
Do NOT be a Nice Guy

cos the silly girl don't know what she wants, ok?

End of topic methinks.
Osc.

 

[gt95ab]

Generally, when women say that they want a "nice guy" that usually means in terms of "friendliness". They want someone who is kind, outgoing and friendly, but not a wimp, more of a social aspect, rather than his character. Women and men's definition of what makes a "nice guy" is always different, making it hard for men to translate the ********. As long as you KNOW that they really don't want "nice (AFC) guys" then your ahead of the game.

The ethical DJ - gt95ab

 

[silverwex]

What women say and what women want are totally different things!

Man i learned this the hard way.

I have/had oneitis for this girl and she said initally that she wanted a nice guy. Shes now kinda seeing a real jerk. WHo i dont like very much!

So judge them by their actions NOT their words!

 

[GeekGirl]

Sorry Oscar Wilde: No your not LIKE a pair of shoes, but basically that is how some girls shop around for guys as well it's a whole shopping technique. And then others know exactly what they want I call those the MAN EATERS because if your not what they want, they will surly try and turn you into what they want! hahahahaha.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Originally posted by GeekGirl
Sorry Oscar Wilde: No your not LIKE a pair of shoes, but basically that is how some girls shop around for guys as well it's a whole shopping technique.

I am a pair of Chelsea boots - neat, shiny, distinguished and no strings attached...

 

[Eyecandie4ya]

I feel that most women will say they want a nice guy with a litlle thug in him (confusion) but they can't really tell you what they mean by it. My philsophy:

From 18-25: women in this age range look for perfection thus someone to excite them. Friends, society, and T.V. has influence these females to go for the "bad guy" and not the nice guy. Plus it's not natural for her to deal with the sick puppy behavior that the "nice guys" bring.


From 25-30: Got a her career going.....Now looking for stability. Some have been tried through the fire and are tired of being burn by dealing with bad boys, thugs, etc. A decent guy is wanted by some of the women in this age group but still a bit picky.


From 30-40: Male vultures(Just kidding) but close to it.......This is when reality sets in. She has been burned, scorned, you name it she been through it. when she says she want a nice guy she really mean a "nice guy" to make up for what she is lacking now compare to her younger days. Back then she had plenty of men trying to get with her so she felt that she can be picky but someone forgot to school her that it not going to always that way so she want that nice fellow to shower her, compliment her to the fullest so that she can feel needed in this world.

Don't you agree Geekgirl!

 

[trajhenkhet]

Women and men. Yin and Yang. To attract, the former, the latter must have qualaties the former dosen't have. In a sense opposites do attract.