Never been kissed

[Mr.Hash wid da Stash]

Chancer357,
What don't you find attractive about yourself? Are you overweight? Do some cardio(swimming, bike riding, jogging etc etc..) change your diet!

Are you too small and skinny? Join a gym and stack on some muscle! A decent body goes along way with the ladies and it boosts your confidence a helluva lot when you're working out... Once you get fit you'll ooze out confidence without knowing it and the ladies will come...

 

[Panther]

1) Being attractive: Since last year, I have changed my hairstyle, my body language, got contact lenses, changed my dressing style, my walking style etc.
Let me tell you, people who hadn't seen me since then can barely regognise me. I was talking to a guy I just met, and happened to show him an id-card with my photo on, which was taken about 15 months ago. He didn't believe that was me!

So don't say you are unattractive. That can change! Unless you are horribly mutilated...

2) Self esteem: Believe it or not, confidence and self-esteem affect your attractiveness a great deal, since they affect your body language. An average looking guy with crappy body language is going to look like ****...
ALWAYS be conscious of your body language.

3) On being strong: do bodybuilding. It's not as hard as you'd think, once you learn the theoretical stuff (how to optimise your routine, how to split exercises, what to eat etc.) it's all a matter of time. Whether you'll take 2, 3, 5 years to look like the guys in fitness machine ads, it depends, but its all a matter of time...

4) On being socially competent: I have come from being aloof and uncomfortable in social occasions, to being quite popular and comfortable hanging out with people. It's just practice. The only reason you are uncomfortable with ppl is that you probably don't socialise much

ThePanther

 

[shyguy208]

Dude, I am almost 26 and never had a GF. If only I had found this site before I went to college or even before I left! I've had kissing / make out sessions but not really that much of it and definitely not had any kissing in recent months!

As for the friends thing, they come and go unless they are really good friends that happen to still live and work close to you. Many of many college friends have started to disappear from my life - even the ones that are still in the same town. Seems like they just can't be arsed anymore. I am quite busy at the moment and will likely move flats over the next month or so. That is keeping very busy but once I settle down in my new flat I will go and see what clubs/sports are in the local area for me to join (hopefully there will be at least one interesting thing). Finding someting close to home is important for me because if I have to travel miles out of my way to spend an hour doing sport then I probably will not bother (I'm lazy as ****)! Anyway, the point is to go out and do something where you will meet other people and join them for a drink or whatever afterwards if that is what they do.

The other thing is, don't do everything in the hope of getting girls. Do it for yourself. By the way, some girls can be real b1tches (not only the ones you fancy either) and you won't know this until it's too late (i.e. after they've done with you). Don't be under the impression that all girls are nice, they are not. Just a word of warning so you don't get too big a shock when you are unlucky enough to meet a b1itchy ho. If you should encounter such a creature just walk away, in fact run away as fast as you can.

Read the DJ bible it will help.

 

[AMF]

MFDoom youre the sickest MC around

 

[chancer357]

By dressing the same, I'm not saying I'm clone, trying to copy others and immitate thier success. I'm saying that I'm dressed in some crazy unacceptabler style. The type of clothing I wear is not out of place.

I'm a thin person. I've had an eating disorder for a long time, and am recovering from it. There is no way I can just 'bulk up'. I go to the gym and work out a little or do cardio. Gaining a noticable amount of wieght triggers a kind of relapse with the eating disorders. Its very difficult to mamange. Bulking up just is not an option.

What VHT252 said is true for me as well. I'm not able to compete with more outgoing people. Most people tend to gravitate towards people who are very outgoing, who act like the life of the party all the time. That just simply is not me. I have a more introverted personality; I always have. Its not easy for extroverts to understand what this is like.

I don't know what it is thats so awful about my appearnce. Not once, in my entire life has a girl been intersted in me at all. Never in high school, or collage or grad school at work, in a store, anywhere has a girl ever shown any kind of interest.

You guys talk about seeing indications that they might want you to talk to them etc; I've seen them do this to friends. Its not that I would not recognize that kind of body language, I am just never the recpient of it.

The only thing I've heard from girls regarding me has been negative and non-specifc. For example, one the last time it happened that someone tried to fix me up, the girl told her firend she thought I was ugly. You can't do much about that.

You would think just once, in 27 years something would have happened somewhere. But it never has. I don't really expect it will. I know people keep saying to have a posative outlook, be confident. Honestly, what the hell am I supposed to base that on?

There was a time where I had a better outlook, and I didn't have an eating disorder, I wasn't depressed - but things were no different then either.

 

[Vigilante7]

DAMN..... Im sorta in the same situation

Im good looking ect, good build, but somehow never kissed a girl (thats what happens when u go 2 a all boys private school from grade 6-10 BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! - dont ask why, im not gay)

Im so nervous, for my first kiss (it will be soon) that i dont know what to do?? What happens if i fukk up and make it obvious that i have never kissed a girl ???


Depressed

 

[Panther]

Chancer357: You have to realise that you are in a vicious cycle. No success=no confidence, no confidence = no success.

And there are many more vicious cycles we are in...

For example, lack of experience means that we don't feel comfortable near women, so we don't get women, so we don't get experience.

Having no girlfriend means that you are labeled as sexually undesirable by the people that know you, which in itself is a big obstacle to your attempt to get a girlfriend.

and many more...

But I am trying to escape from them. Its HARD! It is!! but not impossible...

For example, on the confidence thing, even though I have had no girlfriend or any intimate contact from women in my entire life (never been kissed either) I do realise the way I have changed. By working out, changing my style I have become MUCH more attractive (have had compliments, plus the way people treat me is considerably different). I give out the persona of a positive, confident and secure individual. I pay attention to my body language. I recently started to get interest signals from women (and unfortunately never had the balls to do something about that, or if I did, messed it up, but you know what, there's billions more women)

On the lack of experience, I compensate by reading all sorts of material about getting women (this forum, Without Embarrassment, AlphaMaleProject, DoubleyourDating etc.). And I now know off the top of my head loads of stuff about how the whole dating game works... It is not the same as experience, but it can help me compensate a great deal until I start getting experience of my own!

About the lack of social proof, I like to let people think that I see lots of women, and of course that I have had lots of experience in the past. When asked if I have a girlfriend, I reply with something like
"Not in this time zone" or
"yeah, got a few of those... Oh you mean an EXCLUSIVE one? Of course not! <grin>"
And always when asked about my life I imply I have a decent love life.

Note that this works on people who aren't really close to you. My close friends know that I have problems with women, but I try not to talk to them about it so as to not show lack of confidence and insecurity...

ThePanther

 

[Player_Supreme]

"I was just wondering if anyone could relate to me. Im 20 years old, gonna be 21 in like 5 months and ive never been kissed. Needless to say ive never had a girlfriend. I feel like such a loser for being the way i am. I also have no friends."


I'm sorry this was about as far as I could bear to read:

1. It is you who does the kissing. You are not a woman who sits and waits for the man to grow some nuts and step over and kiss her. Your wording "ive never been kissed." tells it all.

2. You need to realize that your the man. You have the power to create or destroy. It's all in your hands. You don't say I've never been kissed...You say I've never given an woman the present of my kiss"

3. You need to take a public speaking and interpersonal communications class to help you get out of your shell. I would also recommend drama classes. They have wonderful techniques in their warm ups to help you discover the REAL you. Not the person that you created. Shyness is a learned thing. Loner'ness is also a learned thing. Basically you are so self centered that you withdrawl into your shell. The reason I know this because I too was like that a long long time ago.

4 I too would stutter whenever I had to talk to people. I learned that the reason was just pure VANITY. People who are shy have a form of vainess. It's all about them! You need to open up and experience other people and stop thinking about you..."how do I sound...How do I look...Oh I feel so stupid...ect ect..the words in your head can take many different forms."

5. It is a long process. It will take time. I'm 44 years old. Now I stand in front of groups of people every week. Either performing, teaching or talking/training.

Do it kid.

 

[SDBmania]

Originally posted by VHT252
i totally understand where he is coming from. Im almost 23 and im still a virgin, and never had a GF. But i have social anxiety. Ive tried time and time again to over come it and be social but it just isnt happening. The few times i go out i totally get overshadowed by the more social people. I just cant compete with people that are just naturally loud and talkative. I think its great that you guys are trying to keep us positive by offering advice and stuff but the truth is its way easier said than done to just overcome something like this. For me im not even sure if it is overcomable. I mean ive been this way my entire life, even when i was very young like 2-3. I think i might have been born with social anxiety.

Then start off slow. See if you can find a public place where there are few people and start talking. Do you still go to school? College is a great place to improve your social skills. Or, have a friend take you to a part and just get used to being around a lot of people. Don't think of it as competition. Your there for fun and to be social, not "score" or get a date.

 

[Infinity]

Take it from me....this site helps! Before coming to this site, I had never kissed a girl. I came in January 2003. In October 2003, I gave a random girl a birthday kiss on the cheek because she asked. Last week I kissed a girl on the lips at the club and took her out the next week (first planned "date" ever) and then last night I made out with a horny girl at the club (should have tried to go for sex). I can't really explain it, but it's like everything is coming together and I'm finally getting some action when I used to get none. I'd like to find a meaningful girl to go after, but at least I'm getting some now.

 

[isotope]

to the OP:
do the friggin DJ boot camp!

thts what its here for.

"has anyone else been like this?"
DUH, yes they have, thats why this friggin palce was created.

i was just like you: didnt ahve my first kiss till i was 20 (am 23 now).
so just do the camp, practice talking to people, BE CONFIDENT...

of course you can change, its all a matter of how much you want it.

 

[MFDoom]

MFDoom youre the sickest MC around

You got that **** right.

 

[Zendryn]

Same situation here, cept im 18 and things are starting to fall in place... Joined this forum not long ago, recently approached a few ladies, got a few digits.

However I always screw up calling, txting might be better for me now, but one things for sure. Each time i SCREW UP, I get better

 

[Jon E]

Chancer357,

How do you know that you're ugly? How many times have people told you this? Ten, twenty, a hundred times? Just because a few women dont find you attractive doesnt mean that others dont. Just because a women doesnt drool over you doesnt mean that there is nothing there. Ive had severial girls that wouldnt look me in the eye, ignored me and basically gave me the cold shoulder only to find out later on that they thought I was cute. Go figure.

You also have to remember that about 10-15% (some say less) of a womans attraction for a man is based on his physical appearance, the other 85-90% is based on his personality. So dont worry about what you look like and just foucs on what really matters: your confidence and self esteem.

Jon

 

[StockTrader]

This is what I've done in a year and a half:

No confidence around people, stuttering sometimes, unable to call girls on the phone, never talking about myself or telling any stories, never any contact with women (hugging). Not much eye contact.

Now-Hugs, flirting, going out, confidence in my body language, I don't stutter anymore (I'm convinced stuttering is 99.9% psychological), I joined Toastmasters about a year ago, it's a great organization to help your public speaking skills. I can speak much better in groups now. EC with women and they break it first. Overall...feeling much much better about myself. I'm proud of myself.

What's the difference?

Shyness is a state of mind. It is all consuming. "How do I look, how do I sound. Damn...3 years ago I still sucked. Boy, I hope I don't look nervous tonight. I hope...". You analyze yourself to death.

I wasn't always so nervous around people or around women. In 5th grade I was pretty normal. But over the years, you can drift apart from that reality and where you end up can be a scary and lonely place.

Place your entire focus on other people. You can only be nervous if you're thinking about yourself.

Also, Tony Robbins wrote a great book called, "Awaken the Giant Within". In it, he talked about how peoples identities of themselves can shape what they do in life. If you identify yourself as "I am shy", then that's exactly what you'll be.

Is "social anxiety" who you really are? Really consider that question. Is it the essence of who you are? Or are you something much more?

I can also remember a few years ago, thinking girls didn't really like me. You tend to see what you want to see in life You see what conforms to your beliefs about yourself. I discounted alot of what girls use to do towards me, thinking that they were pretending to like me, that they were just being nice, or some other junk. You forget about anything remotely positive and focus on all the negative.

I guess its easy to dismiss alot of this as positive thinking...or a rah-rah motivational message. But, ultimately, it's your life. I'm forever glad that I did something about my situation and took massive action. It's a world of difference.

 

[golfguy]

Guys,

Save up $300, get some Cocaine, whiskey, cheap hookers, and enjoy a night out on the town.

 

[MightyMate]

Never kissed. Means still virigin. 20.. Dude.. Thats a scikness. Im sure Your mind is ****ed up by now. Poor You. I think You should visit *****s.

 

[golfguy]

Originally posted by Deus ex Pianoforte
The only thing funnier than the fact that you replied to some two year old post that you exhumed is that you had absolutely nothing of value to say.:crackup:

lol. I just realized that.

I thought someone else replied to it because it was on the first page. I didn't go into the archives to pull that one out. hahaha

I was kidding obviously, but seriously..those guys shouldn't worry that much...just have fun with it. I can feel for them. I used to be into the idea of wiating for the "perfect" moment/girl. lol....what a waste. Maybe it was just because I was a nervous/self conscious *****.

I finally relaxed, loosened up, and I've gotten a LOT since.

 

[MightyMate]

LOL

 

[vazeh]

Originally posted by El_Indio
I was just wondering if anyone could relate to me. Im 20 years old, gonna be 21 in like 5 months and ive never been kissed. Needless to say ive never had a girlfriend. I feel like such a loser for being the way i am. I also have no friends. I pretty much just go to school and then to work and then home. I don't go out. Last time I hung out with friends was back in highschool. I guess i was social back then. I mean, I don't think im asocial, I just don't talk to people unless I have to (to get homework, notes in class). When I think of where ill be in like 5 years, i see myself alone in an apt with like 8 cats.. haha j/k. most likely a dog. I'll probably never have a girlfriend, and probably die being a virgin. It's sad and pathetic, I know. Has anyone else been through this?

dont worry buddy. once you get in the situation where you kiss someone you'll know what to do

i was 21 (going onto 22) when i had my first gf and she was the first girl ive ever kissed (not counting spin the bottle sessions in high school). and i was kinda nervious but when it happened it was very natural. and since than every girl ive kissed has told me im a good kisser and im 24 now.

i wouldnt worry to much if i were you