Negative self-image

[abcd_z]

Please forgive if I ramble a bit, it's 3:00 am where I am.

Here's the deal. I am a recovering AFC. Sad, but true. I found the website a few years back, and am still trying to get my act together. I've improved a lot since I initially found this site, but I'm still a far way from having a true DJ mindset.
The biggest impedance to my success is my own feelings of inferiority. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, except that I only ever focus on my failures, and I always discount any successes as flukes, of just plain ignore them. For instance, I worked up the courage to approach a HB in my drama class, and was shot down. Fair enough. It wasn't an especially brutal rejection (Thankfully, no LJBF), but I'm fighting the temptation to use that failure as an excuse to quit trying. I know things would work the best for me if I focused instead on the fact that I actually had the balls to approach her, and that I've advanced a long way from my pre-sosuave days, but it's not really helping. I feel like I can't do anything without screwing up, and no amount of success will change my mind. Success is a foreign concept to me, and my mind keeps rejecting it. And, of course, you guys know how much of a self-fulfilling prophecy failure can be.

I suppose you guys probably get a bit of "poor me" posts, but I'm not looking for how to get a certain girl interested in me (which seems to be a recurring theme). I'm just wondering if anybody's gone through what I'm going through before, and, if so, how you broke out of the cycle. Even if you haven't been through this particular situation, any suggestions would be appreciated.

 

[HollowHorizon]

I was in the same posititon negitivity always surrounded me man.... Its a hard way to live but somehow i accepted it to my natural every day life... Time went on spending my days of getting wasted everyday and treing to get chicks to **** me with alchol and drugs, but in reality i was only hurting myself.....What im trien to say is : Your mindset has to change. Turn negitives into a positive, When you think about something try to look at the other side...... Belive in yourself.... Put it this way, your the gold man.. If that chicks turns you down its her loss, She lost alot i can tell you this... Your a great guy, and show the world your a great guy... Dont worrie about screwing up simply because in life you must have errors in order to achive success... Don't give yourself anyless than you deserve when it comes to anything. Like you said "failer is almost an exuse to quit trieng" I say just dont try so hard... Work on your personal charicteristics, things that make you wonderful... and last but not least. Do the right thing when noone is looking.... You will feel so much better about yourself.....Selfsteem is closer than you think! Good Luck

Hollow

 

[hb]

"failure is an excuse to quit trying"

Dont worry I think most of us on this site think the same way =(
thats probably why we're here.

But think about it this way - If Michael Jordan thought that way, where would he be? If Bill Gates thought that way, where would he be???

Its what seperates greatness from just being an average joe.

 

[Ahnubiss]

your closer than what you think

Your mindset is everything. The fact that you already know you can change for the better is one of the biggest steps to change. Now, all you have to do is think about it this way: "now that I know I can change, I just need to know HOW to change". After I read your posting, it reminded me of how I was years ago. Im not going to say I'm the DJ of the year or what not... because im not... haha.... im far from that..... but where i've came from was a long way ago. I know im improving everyday and sooner or later things will get better and better. What I first did was I turned all negative situations into positive motivations. I used the pain I was experiencing through the negative situation as a reason to change something else. Take for example, I lost my job a month ago. Instead of running home sad, whining, and crying about how life is not fair, I told myself I would take a 3 week vacation. Then after the 3 week vacation, I would find a BETTER job. My mind imagined it, my perception made it real. When I started looking for a job I found the EXACT job I wanted and scored it within half a day. Anywayz, what Im trying to say is with every failure, or bad situation make the best of it. I made a habit to ask myself delibratley "what did I learn from this?" or "how can I benefit from this?" everytime ive screwed up or just bad luck came around the door. These two questions will bring you so much knowledge and luck its not even funny. If you can't find anything to learn or benefit from it then it musta not been so serious, in which case you can just close your eyes and imagine a stupid cartoon to go with the situation... just imagine something to down play the situation to make you laugh. When you do that just sit back and think about it back and forth until your laughing and you dont feel bad anymore. Its a method called NAP... its called Nuero-Associative-Programming. It has to do with changing the gate ways of how your brain deals with a situation. Read it in some book a couple months back by tony robbins...

And always remember:

Far better it is to dare mighty things to win glorious triumphs even though checkered with failure than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in the grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat. - Theodore Roosevelt

 

[Dirtheart]

"my mind keeps rejecting it"

I know that feeling too, but the first step to overcoming it is accepting it as a personal issue. And by writing this post, you have just achieved your first step.

Many people in this state of mind tend to blame everything else, blame fate, their genes etc and just sit around waiting for their luck to miraculously change.

You have seen what your problem is, now you just need to recondition your mind. All you need is the necessary knowledge, and this board is a great place to start.

Take a look for yourself, there are very few long-term users here with a negative self-image. I've only been using this board for a month and I feel very positive about myself.

Stick around, absorb the advice, learn from other people's mistakes and watch your transformation.

 

[hb]

Ahnubiss

that was ABS0-FVCKEN-LUTELY B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L

 

[ted]

Negative self image

I have had a negative self image for many years. I used to think that I would never be able to connect with women. This in turn effected every area of my life. I had no ambition whatsoever.
After finding this site around two years ago, it has changed my life. I know now that I can find the woman that I want instead of settling.I am going to choose between the countless women that are out there. I enjoy interacting with all women. It was like a veil was lifted and it is now a hole new world for me. So stay around here experiment, learn and eventually you will change into a person that sees oppurtnities with women almost everywhere you go.
I believe it takes a while to get the right mindset. It has been said that once you have the right mindset, you don't have to worry about what to say or do when interacting with women. You will know it when you get it so stick with it and it will happen.