Need to make a marriage decision ASAP! or I lose my girl

[Big Pappy]

back to basics!

Here's the thing. You cannot possibly marry this girl. It would be wrong for both of you. You don't love her.

Just having sex with a girl, pretty or not, fat or not, is not anyone's definition of success.

Love is not an emotion. It is an action. When you love someone, the size of their butt or gut may be apparent, but it is not a factor in how you feel about them.

If she's giving you an ultimatum, that's a great thing. Simply tell her all the pros - leave out the cons, and tell her that you do respect her, but you aren't in love with her. To marry her would be insane.

As for her getting heavy, that's your fault, too! We start winning the affections of these women by taking them out on outings - not dates. If she's putting on weight, it's because her activity level is too low - stop feeding her, and take her OUT for activities. Hiking, tubing, horseback riding - anything to get her away from the house and increase her metabolism.

Alternatively - you can set a date two years in the future - see how things play out. You can always call it off. I don't recommend this, because it's deceitful and would hurt her - and a DJ is not about pain. He's about improving himself so that he can attract the women he IS sexually attracted to.

If you are cheating, end the relationship before your dishonesty ruins your reputation. And improve yourself.

 

[Kailex]

This was STILL going on???
We've talked about this for years, Reyaj.

If you need to make a list of Pros and Cons based on an ultimatum that a woman gave you, then it's already a lost cause to marry her.

I can't believe you let it get that far. This has going on since at least 2010. I think it's time for you to move on from this relationship and stop fooling yourself that she has some stablizing effect on you, because she clearly doesn't.

Please tell me you've moved on from her and released her.

 

[Reyaj]

This was STILL going on???
We've talked about this for years, Reyaj.

If you need to make a list of Pros and Cons based on an ultimatum that a woman gave you, then it's already a lost cause to marry her.

I can't believe you let it get that far. This has going on since at least 2010. I think it's time for you to move on from this relationship and stop fooling yourself that she has some stablizing effect on you, because she clearly doesn't.

Please tell me you've moved on from her and released her.

I know it sounds sad to read Kailex....

Tonight all my friends stood me up... I tried making plans to go out.... She is the only person I can depend on...

I am all alone without her.... The feeling of not having anyone in this world that cares about you is paralyzing...

You probably have friends from high school or college or work you can count on. When you make plans with them, they follow through.... I have nobody.... And when my so called "friends" don't even text me back to let me know if we can go out I appreciate my gf even more

What am I supposed to do? Dump her... and then what? At 34 I feel like its hard to start over... I met a girl a few weeks back that lost interested after I told her my age.... What am I supposed to do? I am so lost... so lost.....

 

[Desdinova]

Tonight all my friends stood me up... I tried making plans to go out.... She is the only person I can depend on...

Wrong. YOU are the only person you can depend on. Your gf gave you the ultimatum of "get married or I walk" so how the fvck is she dependable?

I am all alone without her.... The feeling of not having anyone in this world that cares about you is paralyzing...

Someone on this forum once told me "It is worse to die young and on fire than to die old and lonely" and you know what? He's right. Think about that one.

You probably have friends from high school or college or work you can count on. When you make plans with them, they follow through.... I have nobody.... And when my so called "friends" don't even text me back to let me know if we can go out I appreciate my gf even more

Again, you cannot depend on anybody but yourself. I learned that the hard way years ago. You don't need to rely on other people to have a fun, fulfilling life. You need to learn how to create that life for yourself. THEN you can invite others into it. Your world is what you make it to be. If you want to continue setting yourself up for disappointment by relying on others, then your life will consist of nothing but disappointment.

What am I supposed to do? Dump her

Yes

... and then what?

Go out and find a woman who respects your wishes to not get married. There's lots of women out there. Your GF is NOT the definitive woman who will make the perfect mate.

At 34 I feel like its hard to start over

Starting over is difficult at any age. I've done it twice. You've done it what? Zero times? Only babies can't fend for themselves. You're a 34 year old man for chrissake!

I met a girl a few weeks back that lost interested after I told her my age

I'm not buying it. When a woman is truly interested in you, she won't care about your age, how many kids you have, how many times you've been in jail, etc. All she cares about is how you make her feel. If you weren't making her feel anything, then that's why she ditched you.

 

[Boilermaker]

OP cries like a baby and claims he has a secret DJ life.

Dude, just admit it. You are as BETA as it gets.

1) You take ultimatums from a 30-year old,
2) who is not physically attractive anymore,
3) and is becoming more and more belligerent on whether
4) you should spend your whole life (and your life-savings) with a chick
5) that will progressively get fatter and
6) make more and more material demands,
7) while you are admitting you "salivate" over sex with other women.

You have to man up, suck it up and tell her to move on. Or accept a pathetic marriage life.

What a lot of guys don't realize is you marry a girl with a state of extreme happiness,excitement and joy , not through some disgusting pro/con list with an undecided mind. You take the plunge and do not think about it twice.

It is insulting to her as well.

Believe me.

 

[samspade]

Tonight all my friends stood me up... I tried making plans to go out.... She is the only person I can depend on...

Yo. YO. Wrong. YOU are the only person you can depend on.

I am all alone without her.... The feeling of not having anyone in this world that cares about you is paralyzing...

So what if you're all alone? You have to learn to accept solitude and enjoy it. Let's say you marry this woman and she gets hit by a bus and dies the next day. How exactly did marrying her solve your problems?

You probably have friends from high school or college or work you can count on. When you make plans with them, they follow through.... I have nobody.... And when my so called "friends" don't even text me back to let me know if we can go out I appreciate my gf even more

I have friends I can hang out with and have a good time with. Some of them come through and some of them don't. Depend on them? Never. They're good people but I refuse to put myself in a position of dependency on them or anybody.

Besides that, you should evaluate why they are avoiding you. Maybe they think of your wife as a manipulating person and have exhausted themselves trying to help you.

What am I supposed to do? Dump her... and then what? At 34 I feel like its hard to start over... I met a girl a few weeks back that lost interested after I told her my age.... What am I supposed to do? I am so lost... so lost.....

Yes, dump her. Do her and yourself a favor. If you marry her you will be in a suspended state of immaturity. This is something you need to work through before you make any major commitments.

Thirty-four is young. I got married at 34 and you know that my only issue was? Not that I'd be alone if I didn't tie the knot. I was scared I'd miss all the great experiences I'd have with other women! And in spite of your one isolated experience, younger women love older guys. I work at a college and the 18-22 year old co-eds often make their interest in me very obvious. Wake up dude. The worst thing you can do for yourself is not live the life you want to live. Beyond that, if you're truly torn over the decision, it is better to err on the side of staying single and letting this one go. Making a mistake in the other direction condemns you and her to an unhappy life together and possibly a painful divorce or worse.