Need to make a marriage decision ASAP! or I lose my girl

[Reyaj]

Fellow DJs..... if any of you have read any of my prior threads on this subject, it may be getting old.

It is now do or die time for me to get married. My gf told me that if I don't decide by the end of week to proceed with marriage then she will leave me...

We have been together for 4 years... she is the only person I can really depend on.... I finally have just made a list of her Pros and Cons... I will share them with you so I can get your advice.

But first let me preface this by saying, I am not a normal person.... at least I don't think so.... I demand a lot in a partner.. and I get angry easily when I don't get it and I tend to next... Of the past years I have met/gone out with many women. I am spinning a younger one right now actually... The thing is I only want these girls for sex... getting it makes me feel like I succeed. They don't have the LTR qualities I am looking for.... Bottom line is that out of the hundreds of girls I have met, none equal up to my LTR in respect/values...

Pros
Family Oriented
Good with Children
Loyal
Doesn't have her friends run her life.
Good with my family.
Wants to spend a lot of time with me.
Family Cooks good
Attracted to me wants sex all the time
Can spend a chill night in with
Companion, cares about me.
Dependable


Cons
Fat (gained considerable weight)
Mood Swings (starts fights with me, mostly over the marriage proposal)
I am not physically attracted to her when she is heavy
She gets upset when I don't want to have sex
Likes expensive gifts/vacations


Notice I listed the first negative about her being the weight... she was never a skinny girl but when I first dated her she was pretty and had the weight in the right places She has just ballooned since then... so much so that I am often not attracted her to have sex. This leads into fighting... Still is her weight a reason for me to move on? I feel you stick with your partner no matter the circumstances... All the thin girls I have met throughout the years have been stuck up or flakey

When I look at her physically, I feel I can do better.

I feel anxiety anytime I feel I lost her.

When we are alone and we hold each other, I feel warm and comfort.

I don't have a lot of people who genuinely care about me. Once my parents die, I am all alone.

I do love her... despite her flaws when she gets sad I just want to hold and comfort her.

I have sordid thoughts about fornicating with other women... this causes me to cheat... I still have the mindset that I should seduce what I can.

I am scared of the whole life change... I am so used to my own space..

I feel I am old for the dating scene

All the friends I ever had let down... most are married. She is dependable.


Scared I will lose my freedom. But I don't do anything too productive as it is.. maybe starting a family is the ticket.

I don't want to be alone, I'd rather have her than nobody.



I feel my age is also a detriment... don't get me wrong I feel fine... but when a girl in her 20s hear 30s they get apprehensive. This happend to me this weekend... this girl was 25 and she was all into me... I decided to take a chance and tell her I was 30 (which is a lie as I am a few years older)... well her expression totally changed and she no longer interested...

I feel that going out and finding a lifelong partner would be difficult at my age...

Anyway I am just rambling now but I had to express my feelings. Please respond back...

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

I didn't even read your entire post. Never let a girl give you an ultimatum. NEVER. If she is willing to leave you because you won't marry her then whatelse would she be willing to leave you over?

 

[Desdinova]

It is now do or die time for me to get married. My gf told me that if I don't decide by the end of week to proceed with marriage then she will leave me...

The last woman who gave me an ultimatum like that found her ass back on the single's curb.

You need to make that decision when you're damn good and ready. Forcing you to make a major decision such as this is disrespectful and you should be thankful if she leaves. Do you REALLY need a woman forcing you to make decisions like this? Is she going to say 5hit like "if you don't buy me a new car, I'm divorcing you"?

When I look at her physically, I feel I can do better.

You can and if you break up with her, you will.

Mood Swings (starts fights with me, mostly over the marriage proposal)

There ARE women out there with better temperments. Go look for one.

I am not physically attracted to her when she is heavy

Women who take care of themselves physically are diamonds. Women who don't are plentiful.

She gets upset when I don't want to have sex

That's normal. You can't fault her for that.

Likes expensive gifts/vacations

Think about the new car scenario I posted earlier.

I feel anxiety anytime I feel I lost her.

When we are alone and we hold each other, I feel warm and comfort.

You can feel that with any woman you've been with for an extended period of time. That alone is no reason to marry her.

I do love her... despite her flaws when she gets sad I just want to hold and comfort her.

If you find a woman with more qualities that you want, you will love that woman more than this marriage bytch.

I have sordid thoughts about fornicating with other women... this causes me to cheat... I still have the mindset that I should seduce what I can.

Then your love for her isn't that deep.

I feel I am old for the dating scene

No you're not. I'm the same age as you and my gf is 22. Young girls are finding today's men feminine and unattractive, and they're going after older guys. Now is a great time to be an older man!

 

[Tictac]

If you are not convinced that being married is better than being single, why would you ever consider it?

 

[AAAgent]

It just sounds like you've grown accustomed to the comfort that she provides you.

She keeps you from feeling lonely, the fear of being single, basically having her is keeping your fears at bay. To be honest, you sound scared to face reality and are using a meat shield to hide from it.

I hate being scared or afraid, especially when it's within my power to change that. If i succumb to my fear i will feel pathetic, mainly because If I can't face my fears as a man, how can i expect my children to do the same or anyone who believes in me. So although i'm scared to face some of the realities, I do it. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

Is it scary to dump a girlfriend and be alone while having no prospects to fill that void of emptiness. Yes, and sometimes it can be painful but how can you expect anyone to take you seriously as a man when you don't act like one.

If you face these challenges head on, i'd say leave her because you would be becoming a better person therefore deserve better. As of now, if you'd list out your good qualities and your bad qualities.....just judging from this one post, your girlfriend is on Par or above what you deserve.

Here's a quote from the first book of the Song of Ice and Fire Series titled "Game of Thrones" which the HBO series is based off of:

Bran- "Can a man still be brave when he's afraid?"
Eddard - "That's the only time a man can be brave."

 

[samspade]

I didn't even read your entire post. Never let a girl give you an ultimatum. NEVER. If she is willing to leave you because you won't marry her then whatelse would she be willing to leave you over?

I'm with AJ.

 

[Colossus]

I agree with the others. Let her walk. Call her bluff; if she goes, she did you a FAVOR, mate.

She is trying to strong-arm you into getting what SHE wants. I am telling you, do not go through with it under this pretext. You will regret it.

 

[ohnoes]

My brother's ex-wife gave him the same ultimatum. She cheated on him 2 years later and stole over $3000.

Don't marry her. Test her and she what she does. Marry when YOU want to and no sooner. This is YOUR life.

 

[The Duke]

I have been with my ltr for about a year now. She has been pushing the marriage thing for several months now. I told her how I might be ready in 3-4yrs. and just last night she told me that she wanted to be engaged within the next year and married in 2.

If I'm not good enough to wait on, then I'm not good enough to spend a lifetime with either. :wave: Time will tell how great she thinks I am. I'm not about to comply with her time frame.

If women had as much to lose as men when it came to marriage they might think differently.

 

[backbreaker]

a girl that puts you tot he fire is on the marriage fast track. she is not in love. she can walk.

 

[The Duke]

Women not pushing the marriage fast-track button until they are in their early 30's......

Is anyone here surprised? She *knows* her value is declining and it's time to secure the deal.

The question is, do you feel like you are getting a good deal? We all know that almost certainly in their 20's, they thought the better deal was to ride the c0ck carousel. Should we give them the easy way out now that their time has come?

You nailed it Danger. Thats how all of them operate.

 

[Reyaj]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Desi, thanks for breaking it down by my points too. I can't say that I disagree...

Regarding the ultimatum, believe me I am generally in complete agreement. However I do respect her position because I have been with her 4 years and marriage is one of her goals. She needs to know that I am not stringing her along... you are all right that I can dump her at any minute... I am just being objective here and trying to look at both sides of this.

 

[pdx1138]

If you don't like her weight now, it will only get worse after being married.

 

[Desdinova]

I have been with my ltr for about a year now. She has been pushing the marriage thing for several months now. I told her how I might be ready in 3-4yrs. and just last night she told me that she wanted to be engaged within the next year and married in 2.

I was with my last gf for 9 months. At the start of the 9th month, she started pushing the marriage issue. At the end of the 9th month, she found herself single.

 

[DJDamage]

Cons
Fat (gained considerable weight)
Mood Swings (starts fights with me, mostly over the marriage proposal)
I am not physically attracted to her when she is heavy
She gets upset when I don't want to have sex
Likes expensive gifts/vacations

She is fat now? imagine 5 years from now after having two kids.

Mood swings?! live under the same roof for a while and come home tired after work to this?! sounds like fun!!

You are not physically attracted to her now?! but when she will get bigger down the road would you even want to have sex with her anymore?!

Like expensive gifts/vacations?! will you even have money for yourself to spend after she takes it all away?!

Run for the hills son, run and don't look back.

 

[Burroughs]

If you marry THIS girl AS YOU DESCRIBED...it will be the worst mistake you ever made.

 

[i1t4yomindi]

I went through the exact same experience and I decided to get married. It didn't work and we parted ways. You should get married because you want to, not because you're scared of losing her. Think of this as a test for her to see if she's really loyal to you or not. Say no and see what she does.

 

[Reyaj]

Thanks all. I did expect to get these type of responses. Here's the thing though I don't think I made clear regarding her ultimatum or demands... I have basically tested her through 4 years of this relationship and she passed. She is just at her wits end right now...

She is 30 and wants to have children... I do want to have children too as this is one of my goals as well. I can understand her point of view that she doesn't want to waste her time... I have dragged this on for 4 years...

I think I do want to get married... I am just scared of all the repercussions, a lot of what you all mentioned actually. She has been loyal to me... I could see a nice marriage.

Problem is I want to have the marriage to come home to, but I am also attracted to having superficial sex with hot girls I see out everyday....

1 minute I feel 1 way, the next I feel the other. I know superficial sex won't enhance my life like starting a family would. I still crave it......
See how frustrated I am in?

 

[The Duke]

Reyaj- I give the girl props because it sounds like she has wanted this marriage deal for a while and hung in there hoping for a few years now. She didn't just come out and demand it happen. She has a right to see that her needs are met and she has been patient about it.

Now, here's what I see happening. You will get married, then at some point become bored, your girl will get fat, and you will go looking elsewhere. You will get caught and then you'll have this raging psycho soon to be exwife. You will probably have a KID by that point too.

With all of the uncertainty in your postings, it sounds like you aren't ready.

You need to reach the point where you have convinced yourself that having superficial sex with random hot girls is pointless and its not all its cracked up to be. Only then should you consider marriage.

 

[AMDG]

My gf told me that if I don't decide by the end of week to proceed with marriage then she will leave me...

Run away and don't look back. I'm getting married in one month, but I'm allergic to ultimatums :trouble: