Need help asap please!

[Puck508]

I'm at a fork in the road right now with this girl I work with, and need some advice from people that have experienced this before. I'm usually pretty good with women and the whole "Don Juan" approach, but I'm stuck with this particular situation.

This girl started at my work a few weeks ago. I'm the Sales Manager and trained her, as well as take her to customers in-home presentations. I had a crush on her instantly, but didn't let her know it. I continued to act confident...on the brink of ****y...and flirt with her like crazy. She has also been very flirty back. I decided to finally tell her that I had a "tiny little crush on her".

She tells me that she has a "crush" on me too, but come to find out, she has a boyfriend of 3 years...and lives with him. She's told me that, out of respect for him, she can't tell me anything further than she finds me very charming, funny and if she wasn't with him, she'd want to date me and see where things would go. Then, the other day, she tells me that she is considering taking a "break" with him to see where things would go with me. Now I'm not really hip on it being just a break...but I'm not really sure what that means. Some things that I'd heard before was that I should try to exploit her boyfriends weaknesses, so I brought him up and asked a few questions. She has said things like "I'm not sure if he even likes me anymore", "He doesn't take me out ever" and the key one, "I think I'm only with him because it's comfortable". I pushed to find out why she's still with him, and she said because she's comfortable with him, and the big one, because she wouldn't have anywhere to go if they broke up. She could move back in with her parents, but she'd lose everything she has (evidently she wouldn't fight him over the furniture, etc.) and her parents house is a far drive for her to school and work.

So, I'm confused. I'm not sure the next step to take, and the thing is, I think she's really sweet and has a great personality, not to mention she's pretty hot. I've gone through some bad break up's in the past and have been taking a break for quite a while from dating, so I'm honestly really scared to have feelings for her. But, she's the first girl I've met in a while that I've had the "butterflies" for. So I'm torn...do I pursue her, or do I cut my losses and not take the chance to get hurt?

I guess my main hang up with just dropping it is that she's told me she has a big "crush" on me and is considering taking a break. I know her interest level is high with me, but I don't know where to go from here?

Thanks so much for any quick advice you guys can give me!

-D-

 

[Alle_Gory]

If she leaves her BF then fine. If she doesn't then its none of your business. Why are you talking about her boyfriend? Stop it!

Second, you're HER BOSS. Of course she's going to suck up to you. Don't you find it somewhat CONVENIENT that suddenly she has a crush on you too? Chicks don't work like that. They need more time to warm up than you do, unless she's a ho. I doubt it. She's probably doing a little mental judo with you.



So when's she getting that promotion?

 

[Puck508]

If she leaves her BF then fine. If she doesn't then its none of your business. Why are you talking about her boyfriend? Stop it!

Second, you're HER BOSS. Of course she's going to suck up to you. Don't you find it somewhat CONVENIENT that suddenly she has a crush on you too? Chicks don't work like that. They need more time to warm up than you do, unless she's a ho. I doubt it. She's probably doing a little mental judo with you.



So when's she getting that promotion?

Thanks for the reply!

She actually doesn't report to me and has no reason to suck up to me...we all report directly to the owner (it's a very small business). And when I told her that I had a crush on her, she told me immediately that she had one too. The last thing she said to me (on Friday) was that "The ball's in your court"...she basically wants me to pursue her (obviously!) and wants to make sure I don't just want sex from her.

I had read somewhere that you should bring up the boyfriend and "exploit" their weaknesses. I guess that's not the right way to do it?

Also, my main question was, if I continue to pursue her (which is what I'm leaning towards), how do I remedy the live in BF thing...and especially the fact that she's only with him because "it's comfortable"?

 

[Scars]

Keep doing exactly what you are doing right now. Whatever you are doing is working. Do not try and rock the boat, or change anything up. She is now second guessing ending her relationship for you. Next time she brings it up, suggest her that she should. I know she used the word "break" but you have to realize that she is very confused right now. She is running off of emotions and right now you have the upper hand above her boyfriend. She wants to take a chance and see where things lead to you. If you keep that same dominate and confident mindset then it won't be considered a "break", but in Essene, she is testing you. Keep doing what you're doing. Don't even bring up the boyfriend. Act like he doesn't exist and remain flirty and confident. When she brings it up again suggest her she should just "do what feels right", that's pretty much the only advice you should give her. Keep her feeling good and her emotions high and kiss her, whether she has a boyfriend then or not. When the moment comes, you will know it, just do it. After that she is going to get even more confused, end up breaking up with her boyfriend and coming on to you. Just remember that after that not to get too comfortable. Be prepared for a whole slew of sh!t tests to come your way. Like I said, just keep doing what you're doing and don't change it up. Seems like you've got this girl on lock.

Good luck.

-Scars

 

[Puck508]

Keep doing exactly what you are doing right now. Whatever you are doing is working. Do not try and rock the boat, or change anything up. She is now second guessing ending her relationship for you. Next time she brings it up, suggest her that she should. I know she used the word "break" but you have to realize that she is very confused right now. She is running off of emotions and right now you have the upper hand above her boyfriend. She wants to take a chance and see where things lead to you. If you keep that same dominate and confident mindset then it won't be considered a "break", but in Essene, she is testing you. Keep doing what you're doing. Don't even bring up the boyfriend. Act like he doesn't exist and remain flirty and confident. When she brings it up again suggest her she should just "do what feels right", that's pretty much the only advice you should give her. Keep her feeling good and her emotions high and kiss her, whether she has a boyfriend then or not. When the moment comes, you will know it, just do it. After that she is going to get even more confused, end up breaking up with her boyfriend and coming on to you. Just remember that after that not to get too comfortable. Be prepared for a whole slew of sh!t tests to come your way. Like I said, just keep doing what you're doing and don't change it up. Seems like you've got this girl on lock.

Good luck.

-Scars

Thanks Scars...I really appreciate the advice and confidence boost! I've been worried that I'm going to screw it up and have been doubting myself, so I'm glad to hear that I've been going at it right and should keep it up. She literally said to me "the ball's in your court" as far as that she wants me to pursue her/be romantic/make her fall for me kind of thing. So I'm still not sure the best things to do in that situation?

Thanks again!

 

[starplayer]

I'm at a fork in the road right now with this girl I work with, and need some advice from people that have experienced this before. I'm usually pretty good with women and the whole "Don Juan" approach, but I'm stuck with this particular situation.

Be careful with this.

This girl started at my work a few weeks ago. I'm the Sales Manager and trained her, as well as take her to customers in-home presentations. I had a crush on her instantly, but didn't let her know it. I continued to act confident...on the brink of ****y...and flirt with her like crazy. She has also been very flirty back. I decided to finally tell her that I had a "tiny little crush on her".

You should avoid VERBALLY telling women you are interested. Instead let it show in your ACTIONS. Show your feelings, don't tell them.

She tells me that she has a "crush" on me too, but come to find out, she has a boyfriend of 3 years...and lives with him. She's told me that, out of respect for him, she can't tell me anything further than she finds me very charming, funny and if she wasn't with him, she'd want to date me and see where things would go. Then, the other day, she tells me that she is considering taking a "break" with him to see where things would go with me. Now I'm not really hip on it being just a break...but I'm not really sure what that means. Some things that I'd heard before was that I should try to exploit her boyfriends weaknesses, so I brought him up and asked a few questions. She has said things like "I'm not sure if he even likes me anymore", "He doesn't take me out ever" and the key one, "I think I'm only with him because it's comfortable". I pushed to find out why she's still with him, and she said because she's comfortable with him, and the big one, because she wouldn't have anywhere to go if they broke up. She could move back in with her parents, but she'd lose everything she has (evidently she wouldn't fight him over the furniture, etc.) and her parents house is a far drive for her to school and work.

You don't want to appear like you're trying to get rid of the boyfriend. You just want to be the "Bigger Better Deal" she chooses over him.

So, I'm confused. I'm not sure the next step to take, and the thing is, I think she's really sweet and has a great personality, not to mention she's pretty hot. I've gone through some bad break up's in the past and have been taking a break for quite a while from dating, so I'm honestly really scared to have feelings for her. But, she's the first girl I've met in a while that I've had the "butterflies" for. So I'm torn...do I pursue her, or do I cut my losses and not take the chance to get hurt?

I guess my main hang up with just dropping it is that she's told me she has a big "crush" on me and is considering taking a break. I know her interest level is high with me, but I don't know where to go from here?

Thanks so much for any quick advice you guys can give me!

-D-

Always be aware of oneitis. It can creep up on you before you know what happened. Keep your feelings in check.

Always judge her ACTIONS, NOT WORDS. Are her actions consistent with her wanting to be with you?

You have to ask yourself is she worth the risk to you, because if it goes wrong you still gotta work with her.

 

[Scars]

She wants you to make a move already.

Show her that you want to be with her don't TELL her. Let your actions reassure her. She will make the right decision eventually.

Edit: starplayer pretty much beat me to it.

 

[Puck508]

Thanks a lot guys! Man I wish I found this site sooner!!

Her actions definitely mimic her words, so I think she's being honest. Should I be concerned with the fact that she says she wouldn't have any place to go if she breaks up with him, and she would "only have the clothes on her back"? I mean, I assume that I just need to make her realize how much better I am and, if I do that right, she will leave him regardless, seeing that I'm worth it.

I also don't want to fall into this thing of me filling the gaps that he's not...she sleeps with him, and gets the romance stuff from me. I guess I just need to make sure I don't give her much until she decides to leave him?

I've just got a lot going through my head at the moment with it, and I definitely don't want to fall back into the "Beta Male" that I used to be years ago.

Thanks again.

 

[Falcon25]

You will no longer work there. I will guarantee that you will lose your job over this. This has disaster written all over it. Hope you can find another job when things will go wrong.

 

[starplayer]

Thanks a lot guys! Man I wish I found this site sooner!!

Her actions definitely mimic her words, so I think she's being honest. Should I be concerned with the fact that she says she wouldn't have any place to go if she breaks up with him, and she would "only have the clothes on her back"? I mean, I assume that I just need to make her realize how much better I am and, if I do that right, she will leave him regardless, seeing that I'm worth it.

Don't let her move in with you, if that's what she wants.

I also don't want to fall into this thing of me filling the gaps that he's not...she sleeps with him, and gets the romance stuff from me. I guess I just need to make sure I don't give her much until she decides to leave him?

I've just got a lot going through my head at the moment with it, and I definitely don't want to fall back into the "Beta Male" that I used to be years ago.

Thanks again.

Bingo! Don't give her the privileges of your attention until you're getting "privileges" from her.

You seem to know what you're doing.

Remember to spin more plates!

 

[Alle_Gory]

You will no longer work there. I will guarantee that you will lose your job over this. This has disaster written all over it. Hope you can find another job when things will go wrong.

Pretty much. If its not a serious job, then by all means go for it. If its part of your career, then you're pretty much fvcked if things go south.

 

[Kailex]

I know two posters have answered dealing with the the job consequences, but what about the consequences on him as well?

To Puck, when you say you are the Sales Manager, I really hope you mean you are the Sales Manager at a JOB, like Foot Locker or something similar... and NOT a CAREER.

You do NOT want to lose your future over a branch swinger.

I'm at a fork in the road right now with this girl I work with, and need some advice from people that have experienced this before. I'm usually pretty good with women and the whole "Don Juan" approach, but I'm stuck with this particular situation.

This girl started at my work a few weeks ago. I'm the Sales Manager and trained her, as well as take her to customers in-home presentations. I had a crush on her instantly, but didn't let her know it. I continued to act confident...on the brink of ****y...and flirt with her like crazy. She has also been very flirty back. I decided to finally tell her that I had a "tiny little crush on her".

I think you should clarify where you work at. People are giving you advice blindly without even knowing what you do or where you work. The distinction between a job and a career is a very big gap.

I'm probably one of the few to say that you should never get involved with a co-worker unless you work at some stupid lowly minimum wage retail job that you could easily replace.

She tells me that she has a "crush" on me too, but come to find out, she has a boyfriend of 3 years...and lives with him.

Oh boy.
I hope you're ready for the rollercoaster ride of being frustrated of only being able to see her when she's at work... for never being able to call her when you want to... and to be at the mercy of her lying to her boyfriend in order to see you.

She's told me that, out of respect for him, she can't tell me anything further than she finds me very charming, funny and if she wasn't with him, she'd want to date me and see where things would go.

How much further can she go than that? She's basically told you that she'd be DTF if she were single? I don't know Puck, but something about this seems a little too fishy... a little TOO convinient for HER.

Then, the other day, she tells me that she is considering taking a "break" with him to see where things would go with me.

What? Let me see if I read this correctly. She'll take a break from her live-in boyfriend to see where things go with you.

So in other words, if a few weeks go by and she doesn't think you are a good enough branch to swing to, she'll go back to him (where she already lives anyway, remember?) and then you are stuck with the awkward position of having to see her everyday at work again???

Call me a pessimist but I'd hate to be in that position.

Call me a pessimist but I'd have to be in the position where it felt like someone needed to qualify me, instead of the other way around.

Now I'm not really hip on it being just a break...but I'm not really sure what that means.

I just explained it above.

Some things that I'd heard before was that I should try to exploit her boyfriends weaknesses, so I brought him up and asked a few questions. She has said things like "I'm not sure if he even likes me anymore", "He doesn't take me out ever" and the key one, "I think I'm only with him because it's comfortable". I pushed to find out why she's still with him, and she said because she's comfortable with him, and the big one, because she wouldn't have anywhere to go if they broke up. She could move back in with her parents, but she'd lose everything she has (evidently she wouldn't fight him over the furniture, etc.) and her parents house is a far drive for her to school and work.

This is such a bad situation.
Are you sure you are ready to deal with all of this?

So, I'm confused. I'm not sure the next step to take, and the thing is, I think she's really sweet and has a great personality, not to mention she's pretty hot. I've gone through some bad break up's in the past and have been taking a break for quite a while from dating, so I'm honestly really scared to have feelings for her. But, she's the first girl I've met in a while that I've had the "butterflies" for. So I'm torn...do I pursue her, or do I cut my losses and not take the chance to get hurt?

To anyone else, involved in a JOB, and who would have posted here, "I just want to fvck her", I'd say go for it... but you've already brought up so many question marks with her... and then followed it with semi-pedestalism.

If you have "butterflies" for her, then you might be ready to experience the rollercoaster ride of your life.

I guess my main hang up with just dropping it is that she's told me she has a big "crush" on me and is considering taking a break. I know her interest level is high with me, but I don't know where to go from here?

Thanks so much for any quick advice you guys can give me!

I'll go with the mandatory "spin plates" in this case.
I'm just worried you are a little too hooked up on this girl because of the increased exposure to her at work. Sometimes flirting is good, but taking it an extra step with the work girls can cause some danger to one's psyche.

If your game is tight... which I doubt, because you already have brought up the fact of being "possibly hurt"... then I'd say go for it.

But in this case, in YOUR case, I just see more harm coming out of this situation than anything else... and I'm not even taking into consideration HER, because quite frankly, I could care less about a woman who says: I'm going to take a break from Guy #1 to see if you're good enough to become the NEXT Guy #1, but if it doesn't work out... oh well, it was fun for a few weeks.

Good luck.

-D-[/QUOTE]

 

[Puck508]

Thanks Kailex. I know exactly what you mean. My BIGGEST problem is that I'm pretty sure what I need to do (have tight game), but I don't do it half the time. Like I said, I've pretty much taken a break from dating for a while...and have become much happier with my life. I've learned to focus on me and not do this crap of "I need someone else to make me happy". I've been happy and content with myself...and then I stupidly start to open up to this girl and get myself right back into the oneitis frame of mind. I don't know how to fix that, honestly, and don't know why I went back to it.

Just to clarify, this isn't a career. It's a transition (got laid off last year), and a rather sh1tty one at that. So I'm not concerned about it, and honestly, won't be there but for a few more weeks (starting my new career then).

Anyhow, her and I had a convo today, that she brought up. Basically she tells me that she does like me as more than "just friends" or whatever, but that she thinks she may have confused the situation. She says that, if she were to break up with her boyfriend, she'd want to see what would happen with me. She'd be willing to take a break, but not now, because things are going good with him and her (total change from what she said before, but whatever...I think there's guilt there for the things she said). But then tells me that, although she's "curious...very curious" to know what it would be like to be with me, and that she likes me as more than friends, it's not enough to break up with him. She says she's not unhappy with him, so she doesn't want to leave him for "someone she's only known a few weeks". She says that she wants to just get to know each other, be friends and if something happens, great...if not, we're still friends. Basically "Wait in the wings". Eff that.

I do understand though and think it's respectable that she's being faithful. Because, after all, if for some reason something does happen down the road, at least I know she'd be faithful to me. I do, however, feel like a complete panzy for even letting myself have the slightest bit of emotion for her. And honestly, I did have some of that emptiness feeling in my stomach today after that convo, which I hate more than anything and is the reason I've taken a break from dating previously.

So, I guess now the question is...do I give her the friendship/flirty/****y stuff, or do I just go to the ignoring her thing? I hate to even say it too, because I'm a good guy, but I definitely want to still hook up with her, so how do I achieve that?

I know I'm all over the place with this...I have just been out of the game for a while. :S

Thanks again, guys. I really do appreciate the advice.