My situation ( kinda long) please read.

[Blurred Elevens]

Ok this is my observation having just read this whole post.

Let me just recap:

1) You forced the sex issue - and had to have a cold shower (which by the way is just crazy - because she probably felt even worse)
I did'nt force it, just had fun with her a litlle, if I pushed it I would have fvcked her

2) Next night you argued and played poker until 9am leaving her alone
True, but I could'nt communicate with her anymore, and she pissed me off
3) she left
4) you didn't call her to see if she was OK until 3 days later.
I explained to her that I did'nt know she was gone, and my cell phone was dead and she had the charger.....I was pissed anyway to get all AFC and come runnig back to her

5) you called her *67 after leaving a message and her not calling back

6) you gave her an ultimatum
7) when she extends an olive branch you go crazy on her and send her an email about your feelings and game playing etc...
OK. In L.A. we had a talk about having a kid together in 3 years if we both weren't with anyone. This may shed some light on our relationship being a little more serious than the superficial one it looks like


So - you wonder why she has not sent you an email back?

Why ask her if you can trust her when your not even dating/seeing/fvcking her?

Dude - it seems to me you've gone AFC over this chick - AFTER 4 YEARS of not seeing her.

Your already talking about kids?

Clearly your in way to deep and you've lost it a little.
possibly

The last thing you should have done is to email her talking about trust and the very thing you argues about in Vegas.
In L.A., we talked about basing our "relationship" on trust, and I mentioned to you the kid thing.

If anything, you should have emailed her telling her that you wish her a great Xmas and New year - and that you can't wait to hear about what she's got upto over Xmas etc.
she knows how I feel, and I'm tired of the games

She just moving out of a relationship with her ex, and she's already feeling presure from you - that sprobably the last thing she wants to feel right now.
I think you hit the bullseye here

I think you fvcked this up well and good.
you're probably right, I won't contact her again unless I hear from her

Quit while your ahead, and learn for the next time.


NewMan-thank you for the insight, you make some really good points, and I think you are dead right on some of them. The others I probably did'nt provide enough info on. Thank you though, more insight from you would be appreciated. Thanks

 

[NewMan]

Yeah, more insight is definitely needed - but never the less, I think it still remains that you went a little to fast on this one.

She was still with her BF - and broke up with him or told him to move out over the phone.

There was no way she would get home and not have some kind of convo - or resolution with him - and whichever way that went, it's probably very emotional for her.

I think that you just needed to make your email reply very relaxed and cool. You certainly should have probably laid off of her - not matter your feelings or the trust issue.

The thing is, not matter what the ultimatums you lay down, they generally don't work - and even if they do, there is resentment by the other party. On top of that, do you really want to force someone to do something? which what an ultimatum pretty much does.

If she's not ready or doesn't want it (which it seems she does not) there is nothing you can do, except stay in the picture (if you can handle this) and be cool and calm with her. Give her space and time.

If thats not something you want to do - you simply should tell her that you'd like something more, but if thats not what she wants, then you'll move on. Mean it and do it (as you seem to be doing).

I think though this situation has advanced rapidly - so I wouldn't play games (not calling etc.) - you should just lay it down for her to make the decision.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[Blurred Elevens]

Thanks NewMan, I think you're on in touch with my situation and on par pretty well.

Well, I just read the biggest e-mail I've ever read, from her of course. She shot the truth right at me, but what I can't believe is that she did'nt attack me in any way really. The e-mail basically conveyed how she felt like I treated her only as a sex-toy, and that she felt disrespected that I did'nt see her as anything more than that. (I do, I've always respected her, but c'mon, I'm a guy and wanted to have sex with her) She felt that since she did'nt want to have sex, that I did'nt have any other use for her. Like I said, this girl really respects herself, and is hung up on this "I'm just using her for sex" thing. It may be hangover from her eX, I don't know. However I was blown away at the length of the e-mail, shows she put alot of thought, time and effort into it.

I'm pretty blown away right now, Blurred


NewMan and everyone else, your thoughts are appreciated.

 

[NewMan]

I guess you really have to view it from her perspective - she felt you forced the sex issue and then had to take a cold shower....

Do you think you gave her the wrong idea? By your actions - by not talking to her about it that night (your argument) and disapearing until 9a.m.

It's been my experience, that women focus more on the actions of us guy's - rather than what we say. Or rather, our actions have more weight than our words.

Example.

I went to a therapist with an ex a while back. We were working some things out. My ex brought up the fact that when she told me that she didn't want sex one night - my reaction was to move to the other side of the bed... and what I should have done is wrap my arms around her instead of lengthening the gap between us.

This is obviously in an LTR - or in a relationship. But my point is, by leaving her you made the whole thing worse. It may have been your reaction to your trust agrument, but perhaps to her it was about her not wanting sex - or rather not wanting sex because of her current - soon to be ex.

You can sit down and over analyse - but you need to just move on, and put it down to experience if you want to get anywhere with this girl.

It's irrelevant anyways.

I'd email her back, just tell her that the whole night was a mess - and that you'd like to just move on. Tell her that you don't JUST view her as a sex object (but that you can't deny that you want her) but you value her as a person to.

You know the kinda email.

I'd just not be pushy, be cool and don't dwell on any of the old BS.