Money issues with parents in law

[Guoy Darko]

YOU are a grown up and CHOSE to live with her. She's YOUR problem. My kids will have to make it on their own.

"the irony of the times is parents don't let their kids have the same problems that made men of their fathers" ...Charles Bronson [pretty profound for an actor]

Yes but HER parents are more grown ups than I am and THEY chose to invest her future inheritance in stocks/shares that are now worth ****. How is that responsible?

And I do not want them to buy everything for her. Just support.

 

[Guoy Darko]

Sorry Guoy Darko, at this point, you're on your own. Her parents owe you nothing. Period.

I don't believe they owe me anything. I believe they owe her.

 

[Guoy Darko]

I just never understood that philosophy. I had friends at that age whose parents felt the same way. Usually, they ended up living in their car, trying to finish high school so they could enlist in the military. I left on my own for college the fall after high school, but if my parents had thrown me out at 18 (or any time, ever), I would most certainly never speak to them again. Disowning works both ways.

It's not that hardcore in our case.

 

[Guoy Darko]

Thanks guys, for all the responses. Just too much to react to everything.

 

[Guoy Darko]

as for the OP. you are being mugged

Sometimes it feels like it.

 

[betheman]

Sometimes it feels like it.

Youre parents left you money, they made provision for you, like good parents do, she hasnt got goodparents, she needs to pay her way. one day YOU may need that money, there is zero guarantee she will look out for you, she may learn from ehr parents and be a cold hard faced c unt when psuh comes to shove, dont rely on her and dont elt her become dependant on you. you owe her nothing

 

[Aristippus]

"She's presumably over 18, she's out of the house, and you guys are making your own way. You as a couple are not entitled to her parents' money. She has left the nest."

I have to agree with this statement 100%. A parent spends a ton of $$ and YEARS raising a child from the time it is born until it is an adult. The whole point of being a parent is to raise an adult that can take care of and support herself. Do the parents owe her anything? He!! no! It's time to cut the f*cking cord buddy.

The problem I have with today's society is that childhood is artificially extended and grown adults have this "I'm still your kid." mentality. F*ck that. Now, if her parents volunteered, that's a different story. But OWE? H*ll no.

You have basically volunteered to become her parent. If she isn't contributing enough to the household, you either tell her to get out or you suck it up and deal with it. Give the parents a break. They spent 20 years raising her. Their lives do not revolve around busting their a$$es so that they can shield their adult daughter and her live-in boyfriend from the responsibilities of taking care of themselves.

Hard times suck and I can sympathize, but guess what? If her parents were experiencing hard times, who would help them? They'd be on their own, right? So there you go. There's your answer.

 

[Aristippus]

p.s. The funny thing is, it all comes full circle. One of these days she'll have to change THEIR diapers.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Personally I believe that her parents shouldn't have to pay her for anything. When she moved in with you; you are responsible for her.

This is not how the human species have traditionally organized their living arrangements. Up until quite recently, the husband was expected to receive a dowry from the wife's parents. Dowries were meant to compensate men for the great burden/responsibility they were expected to take on upon marriage.

The idea of pvssy being an inherent liability is a very recent development.

 

[MikeOck]

Youre parents left you money, they made provision for you, like good parents do, she hasnt got goodparents, she needs to pay her way. one day YOU may need that money, there is zero guarantee she will look out for you, she may learn from ehr parents and be a cold hard faced c unt when psuh comes to shove, dont rely on her and dont elt her become dependant on you. you owe her nothing

Yes, don't ever think that because you are supporting her now that she will feel that she owes you ANYTHING in the future. Make sure you are being compensated for your support NOW (be it from freaky sex, cooking, cleaning, whatever). The concept of loyalty for past service is absolutely foreign to the female mind.

 

[Aristippus]

Yes, don't ever think that because you are supporting her now that she will feel that she owes you ANYTHING in the future. Make sure you are being compensated for your support NOW (be it from freaky sex, cooking, cleaning, whatever). The concept of loyalty for past service is absolutely foreign to the female mind.

Unfortunately, MikeOck has hit the nail on the head. If anything the logic works in reverse for most women. Most women have a sense of entitlement or feel as if you OWE it to them. The more you do, the more many of them expect from you. Instead of being thankful and appreciative, many times, the more you do for them, the more entitled they feel.

Think of it like this. Are spoiled brats known for their gratitude? For having a gracious sense of courtesy for the person who is giving to them? Are they known for having empathy for the person who gives to them? Do spoiled brats understand or even care that you've made sacrifices or about the pain you've had to endure or the hard work you've done to give to them?

Do they try to put themselves in your shoes or do they just selfishly demand more? They just want what they want and they don't CARE what hardships you have to go through in order to give them what they want. I guarantee you, if she is like the majority of women out there, if circumstances were reversed, she would not feel sympathy for you but instead she would RESENT you.

I hate to break it to you pal, but this is the case for the majority. This is the rule rather than the exception. The exception is the woman who has sympathy for you and if the roles were reversed by necessity and she were expected to bear the brunt of financial responsibility, she would do it because she loves you and without resentment. I would suggest a test, if you want to see whether or not she'll be there for you. Tell her you lost everything. Tell her you're broke. That you invested your inheritance money in stocks that went belly-up. Make it believable. Have a little talk with your mom and dad. Let them know what you're doing. Maybe one of them or someone they know is very knowledgable about stocks. Find the name of a stock that has dramatically dropped.

If necessary, you can even withdraw every cent you have from your account and have mom and dad put it in another account. See if she will stick with you through hard times. So far she's had it easy. She needs to feel the hard times as much as you do. Now, if she is supportive and sticks with you through the hard times, she might be worth keeping. If she doesn't, then dump her. But you have to be convincing. You have to stick to this for at least 6 months. Preferably for a year. See how she treats you. Do not let up. Do not be soft. Stick with this no matter how many tears she sheds or no matter how badly she talks about you and also, stick with this no matter how much sympathy she shows. Let the time pass with her thoroughly believing you lost everything and can't support her. Then you will know for sure what kind of woman she is.

 

[Burroughs]

I would suggest a test, if you want to see whether or not she'll be there for you. Tell her you lost everything. Tell her you're broke. That you invested your inheritance money in stocks that went belly-up. Make it believable. Have a little talk with your mom and dad. Let them know what you're doing. Maybe one of them or someone they know is very knowledgable about stocks. Find the name of a stock that has dramatically dropped.

If necessary, you can even withdraw every cent you have from your account and have mom and dad put it in another account. See if she will stick with you through hard times. So far she's had it easy. She needs to feel the hard times as much as you do. Now, if she is supportive and sticks with you through the hard times, she might be worth keeping. If she doesn't, then dump her. Then you will know for sure what kind of woman she is.

This is fvcking golden.....GOLDEN advice!

follow this guoy and report back....seriously do it.



BRIFFAULT’S LAW:

The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.

Past benefit provided by the male does not provide for continued or future association.

Any agreement where the male provides a current benefit in return for a promise of future association is null and void as soon as the male has provided the benefit

A promise of future benefit has limited influence on current/future association, with the influence inversely proportionate to the length of time until the benefit will be given and directly proportionate to the degree to which the female trusts the male

 

[zekko]

one day YOU may need that money, there is zero guarantee she will look out for you, she may learn from ehr parents and be a cold hard faced c unt when psuh comes to shove, dont rely on her and dont elt her become dependant on you. you owe her nothing.

I agree with the last several posts.

You should never put yourself in a position where you have to rely on a woman. More likely than not, if hard times come upon you, she will branch swing to another man, or even go live at home if it's a better life. Or even live alone so she won't have to share resources. In either case, since her association with you no longer benefits her, you will no longer be in the picture.

I think Rollo and Backbreaker have both said that if they were no longer in a position to support their wives, they would not even expect them to stick around. That's partly male pride talking (the male role is to provide), but it's also an understanding of women.

 

[backbreaker]

I agree with the last several posts.

You should never put yourself in a position where you have to rely on a woman. More likely than not, if hard times come upon you, she will branch swing to another man, or even go live at home if it's a better life. Or even live alone so she won't have to share resources. In either case, since her association with you no longer benefits her, you will no longer be in the picture.

I think Rollo and Backbreaker have both said that if they were no longer in a position to support their wives, they would not even expect them to stick around. That's partly male pride talking (the male role is to provide), but it's also an understanding of women.

i just think it's silly to suggest that what i do for a living and the amount of money i make are not apart of who i am. It's naive to think that at no level that's not why my wife is attracted to me and as attentive as she is.

let me expand on that beucase it's not as accurate. I honestly think if i kept doing exactly everything I was doing right at this moment and my luck just went Job in the bible like and i really felt on hard times, I don't think she would leave. I would not think bad of her if she did, but i don't think she would. I think she knows enough about me and my work ethic and how i operate to know that it's a matter of time before my luck changes, and she really does like me a lot. We don't spend a lot of money. she has her own money.. for the most part we could both live off her 3000 a month she gets from her trust fund , my house is paid off i dont' have a house note. we travel alot but other than that i'm pretty frugal.


on the other ahnd, If i do what i did when i first cam einto some money and sit on my ass and get lazy and just try to stretch the money i have out so i can be a fat **** and not work lol, or if me being broke was beucase i got lazy and changed, she'd be gone in a heartbeat. that she would not put up with. that's not the man she fell in love with.


but keep in mind, i don't tick like most people. she is attracted not to the amount of money I make as much as she is the drive to be successful. She'll put up with a setback financially. she won't put up with a change of attitude. she likes being the wife of a very ambitious / driven person.

i'm not some regular dude that went to college and got a degree and got a good engineering job making 100k a year. that's very very good but if that guy lost his job, that's what she identifies him with. I'm an entrepreneur. If I lost my job i'd just start another.

 

[Boilermaker]

I just never understood that philosophy. I had friends at that age whose parents felt the same way. Usually, they ended up living in their car, trying to finish high school so they could enlist in the military. I left on my own for college the fall after high school, but if my parents had thrown me out at 18 (or any time, ever), I would most certainly never speak to them again. Disowning works both ways.

I completely agree.

Times and the job market has changed in the past 50 years. Now, you aren't worth a damn with a nice college degree at 22, even. If you want, what Thomas Friedmann calls, 'a good job'. Of course being an entrepreneur at 18 is also an option, but how many people can handle that by starting out as a cashier in McDonalds?

 

[Boilermaker]

OP: Nobody seems to care, but they're not exactly your "in-laws" until you marry her.

Until then, you are just a free ticket for this girl and they feel that you are going to take care of her anyway ...

And yes, you chose to provide everything so there's nothing to be done here, brother.