Met a woman in my office building. Seek her out or wait to "bump" into her again?

[GtarPlayr73]

For months, i have been arriving at work at the same time as this cute 30-ish brunnette. Great bod, dresses to my style. We arrive at the same general time, but not always at the same exact time, where we could walk in together. Anyway, i had been wanting to introduce myself to her, trying to think of how to do it and then one day, it just happened. I parked, got out, and saw her pull around and park on the other side of the garage. I got my stuff and walked to the garage stairwell. She got out at the same time and started heading to it as well. The timing was absolutely perfect. I was thinking of what to say when she spoke first! She said we seemed to always arrive at the same time. I chuckled in agreement and we started walking up the stairs. I asked her where she worked and she said at a home improvement/renovation firm and pointed out that there were just three people in her office. I told her where i worked. She was friendly and engaging. I introduced myself and so did she. We shook hands. A little more small talk, we got to the intersection of the hall down which she works and i made one last comment which made her laugh in agreement. We then we went our seperate ways. As you can imagine, i was pretty pleased. It went well. She initiated things with me, which i read as a clear IOI. I wasn't even looking at her when she spoke up. I was relaxed. It really couldn't have gone any better. First impression is that she's my style and has a great vibe.

For all our previous arrivals at the same time, I haven't seen her since (three weeks). Today, i arrived back in the parking garage after my lunch break and was smoking a cigarillo and listening to my iPod when i saw her from a distance walking briskly to her car. She was obviously going somewhere and hadn't seen me.

So, my plan is to ask her out the next time we bump into each other. I have thought of finding her office (among many) and maybe popping in, but that would be disruptive (she could be with a client) and put her on the spot in front of her co-workers. I assume she's not waiting for me to "find her". Best to remain nonchalant and wait for that next encounter. I just hope it comes sooner rather than later...

 

[jophil28]

Two strategies - choose one .
1. Wait until you "bump' into her and wait until the "moments" present themselves. And then wait until you find just the right words and wait until you finish that cigarillo and when all the planets are in line and then ...

2. Stride into her office boldly.. Take a piece of paper and a pen and place it down in front of her and say ," Write down your email address and your cell # "
Give her a wry smile. turn on your heels and walk out .
(This exudes CONFIDENCE )

The next step all up to you .

 

[GtarPlayr73]

OK, jophil, you may have found me out. I am all to aware of how passive i have been when it comes to women. I realize that "passive" = "lack of courage". How can you show desire when you are passive?! I have so often waited for the woman to make the move and come to me. Well, i don't have to tell you what that kind of behavior really is...It's not manly. Having said that, i often really am confused. Sometimes taking action could be interpreted as desperate and needy. Other times, it's considered bold and aggressive. I guess it all depends on what's going on inside of you. It is the amount of security and confidence within that makes the difference.

 

[##17]

For months, i have been arriving at work at the same time as this cute 30-ish brunnette. Great bod, dresses to my style. We arrive at the same general time, but not always at the same exact time, where we could walk in together. Anyway, i had been wanting to introduce myself to her, trying to think of how to do it and then one day, it just happened. I parked, got out, and saw her pull around and park on the other side of the garage. I got my stuff and walked to the garage stairwell. She got out at the same time and started heading to it as well. The timing was absolutely perfect. I was thinking of what to say when she spoke first! She said we seemed to always arrive at the same time. I chuckled in agreement and we started walking up the stairs. I asked her where she worked and she said at a home improvement/renovation firm and pointed out that there were just three people in her office. I told her where i worked. She was friendly and engaging. I introduced myself and so did she. We shook hands. A little more small talk, we got to the intersection of the hall down which she works and i made one last comment which made her laugh in agreement. We then we went our seperate ways. As you can imagine, i was pretty pleased. It went well. She initiated things with me, which i read as a clear IOI. I wasn't even looking at her when she spoke up. I was relaxed. It really couldn't have gone any better. First impression is that she's my style and has a great vibe.

For all our previous arrivals at the same time, I haven't seen her since (three weeks). Today, i arrived back in the parking garage after my lunch break and was smoking a cigarillo and listening to my iPod when i saw her from a distance walking briskly to her car. She was obviously going somewhere and hadn't seen me.

So, my plan is to ask her out the next time we bump into each other. I have thought of finding her office (among many) and maybe popping in, but that would be disruptive (she could be with a client) and put her on the spot in front of her co-workers. I assume she's not waiting for me to "find her". Best to remain nonchalant and wait for that next encounter. I just hope it comes sooner rather than later...

Next time you bump into her: "Let's meet for lunch".

 

[MacAvoy]

I would go to work 10-15 mins early some day. Sit in the parking lot and have a cigarillo or 2 or 3, however many it takes till she gets there, then make it look like you were having a quick puff before going in to work, then when you see her casually strike up a conversation, follow her in to the building and ask her out.

Plain and simple, yet effective.

 

[jophil28]

You can play the "wating game" or the "taking action " game. Your choice.
What is lost if you find her at her desk and just ask for her cell/email. It is not intrusive cause you are "on a mission", my man.
If she is with a client get her email from the front desk - do something active and positive before she figures out that you are "passive" because you did nothing..
Women LOVE bold men. Women LOVE men who like them and are confident enough to 'make a move' ..Be one.

 

[grinder]

Lets fast forward a bit and assume you date her and fvck her.

What are the odds this one will work out as an LTR? Hum, 1 in a 100?

So, odds are it will be a temporary thing.

Unless your job is temporary it might not be too fun to “bump into her” after it ends, especially if it ends unpleasantly.

It takes greater skills to end a relationship well (i.e. no hard feelings on either side) than to develop it.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

hmmm...good point, grinder. i was just thinking about the whole dating-a-woman-who-works-where-you-work thing yesterday. I did it before and when it ended, it was awkward, indeed. ALTHOUGH...there is no guarantee i would bump into her often, as the past several weeks have shown. Still, to both arrive, park, and walk that skywalk and that long hall at the same time would be most awkward...

 

[MacAvoy]

Grinder, she doesn't work for the same company as him, she works in the same building. If your going to eliminate prospects because you "might" run into them in the future, then you might as well not date anybody.

Mature men should be able to have civil relationships with their ex's.

 

[grinder]

Grinder, she doesn't work for the same company as him, she works in the same building. If your going to eliminate prospects because you "might" run into them in the future, then you might as well not date anybody.

Mature men should be able to have civil relationships with their ex's.

I assumed it was the same company.

This does change it from a potential embarrassment in the office to a mere potential discomfort in bumping into her.

That is totally subjective to the Don's level of comfort.

But, let me play devil's advocate a bit because the point is, if you are churning through a lot of women you need to be careful where you tread.

I don't approach women in some of my favorite places to go or my club, my neighborhood, or my work; yes, even if they don't work for the same company.

When I go to work I don't want any distractions and I prefer it to be totally separate from my personal/social life. This is just me.

I have learned this from unpleasant personal experience.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

Update: Finally...

Yeah, so i finally bumped into her today THREE WEEKS LATER. I decided to let "fate" decide when we would come across each other again and after my sister, (HB8.5 by male consensu) who said it would be stalker-esque for me to seek her out and barge in, asking for her number, etc. Damn straight. "Fate" sure took its time...I didn't think it would take so long, seeing as we had arrived at the same time fairly frequently....

Anyway, i was walking out of the building at the end of the day and there was this brunette, yep attractive, yep curvy slim body, brown eyes, it's gotta be her. From about 10 feet away, i pointed to her, smiled, and said her name. She smiled, said hi, and then did a double-take, turned around and said "How do you know my name?". Uh-oh. Red flag. She doesn't remember me. I answered "We met several weeks ago". She laughed a brief nervous laugh, asked me what my name was again, and then apologized for not remembering. She then smiled and wished me a great weekend with eye contact as she turned to continue walking inside. She was moving at a very brisk pace. The whole encounter lasted all of 10 seconds.

So her forgetting me really shocked me. I dunno if it was because i was dressed for the gym. Re-read the OP. Our initial get-to-know-each other convo was three weeks ago. That conversation lasted like 3-4 minutes. Eh, she was prob just being friendly the first time around and thought nothing of it. Women can flake, can't they. No big deal in the scheme of things. Other women, etc. But i've never met someone only for her to not remember me three weeks later.

 

[joekerr31]

you pointed at her?

dude, the more posts i read the more i think you need more help than this forum can provide.

 

[Latinoman]

Mature men should be able to have civil relationships with their ex's.

Only with ex's that happen to be the mother of those men children. Other ex's? Eventually stop communication with them.

Nothing inmature about that.

 

[Latinoman]

A professional environment STILL professional environment. I listen to some of the women that take same public transportation than me refer to "x" or "y" men as the "creepy" man. No a good thing, especially if destiny put either man in front of me for business. No way I can trust a man that lacks judgement as to act creepy in his way to his office.

Going to her office is creepy. If she wanted to meet him badly...she would have offered her card. I always carry mine as I don't expect women to offer theirs (although some do and add personal cell too - lol). And I don't expect immediate contact (sometimes it happens). But I tease them few days later if they don't contact me.

3 weeks is more than enough. Might as well try to meet her by "accident" and this time be more proactive.

 

[CGE333]

If you would tell her to write her # down and give to you, something tells me she would remember you next time.

 

[Latinoman]

Wow...just read the update.

Guys...just because a woman smiles or is nice...that does not mean she wants you. It only means she feel comfortable enough to engage you.

 

[grinder]

When I read this and think about the 3 week period that has elapsed I can’t help but feel this overwhelming sense of loss, of time passing you by at your pedantic pace with this woman.

We men are explorers. We do not sit idly by and wait on things to happen. WE MAKE THEM HAPPEN!

We do not “accidentally” do anything, we are direct, we are clear, and we approach the woman. We are completely, utterly, and totally responsible for the interaction with the woman.

As an explorer you should see each woman as a gateway to a different world. Worlds that are fun to explore. Women can and do sense when you are keenly and genuinely interested in their world. They will help you explore it if you care to.

You are like Magellan who has been sitting in the Sargasso Sea for 3 weeks waiting on a breeze. Except, in your case the wind has been blowing all the time but you don’t have your sails up!

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Grinder...you KNOW I love a good analogy, soldier!

 

[Mr.Positive]

When I read this and think about the 3 week period that has elapsed I can’t help but feel this overwhelming sense of loss, of time passing you by at your pedantic pace with this woman.

We men are explorers. We do not sit idly by and wait on things to happen. WE MAKE THEM HAPPEN!

We do not “accidentally” do anything, we are direct, we are clear, and we approach the woman. We are completely, utterly, and totally responsible for the interaction with the woman.

As an explorer you should see each woman as a gateway to a different world. Worlds that are fun to explore. Women can and do sense when you are keenly and genuinely interested in their world. They will help you explore it if you care to.

You are like Magellan who has been sitting in the Sargasso Sea for 3 weeks waiting on a breeze. Except, in your case the wind has been blowing all the time but you don’t have your sails up!

Now THAT is what being a man is about. Great post Grinder.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

Grinder, thank you for the consideration of your post. However, i stand behind my decision not to force things and here is why:

First, whatever first impression i thought i made on her, it didn't turn out to be much of one at all. I mean, she didn't even recognize me three weeks later! If i was a "hot guy" who burned an impression in her mind, she would NOT have forgotten me. So if that impression wasn't made, then it follows that me tracking her down would have been futile. Oh, here's the guy who i have NOT been thinking about since we met. What a chump. Desperate fella. How to get him out of my office?

Second, three weeks ago, we were arriving at work at the same time at least once or twice a week. So, it was no big deal to wait for the next encounter, it would happen within days, as usual. That it didn't is a reminder of how life can change things up on you. But did i get desperate? No. Why act? I would see her tomorrow. I had no idea it would take three weeks. Hindsight is 20/20...

The DJ plays it cool, right? There's a difference between "decisive" and "control freak". This woman is a person, not a target to be conquered. I mean, let's look at the potential stalker factor here. She meets a guy, they exchange names, and they part company when she reaches her hall. The whole encounter was forced on her by syncronicity. So she plays friendly to prevent awkwardness. A day or two later, the same guy opens the door to her office, interupts her and her client while they are discussing business, places a piece of paper on the table and asks for her number. He creates a scene, she apoligizes to her client, and comes up with some excuse to get the guy out and that's that. Or she shows him her wedding ring. Whatever. Or he invades her office while she is alone, but still the same thoughts occur. In her mind, she's thinking, jeez, what a creep. I was just being friendly with him the other day and he actually hunts me down? Finds out where i work? Has he been obsessing over me? What is he, desperate? Yeah, Desperate like an AFC. No, i considered "bumping" into her to be the chilled-out DJ thing to do. Relaxed. Not in any hurry. Doesn't have to force things. Doesn't NEED to find her. Doesn't NEED to "make it happen". The AFC considers eligible women to be scarce. The AFC considers any opportunity with an HB to be a rare event. That's desperaration. That'll move an AFC where a DJ will stay put. Eh, she's just one of many, thinks the DJ. He'll run into her tomorrow or the next day. Whatever. Soon enough. And then, he'll ask her out, like a man.

Let's not overlook the ego boost the HB gets when the control-freak chump invades her office. Yep, another guy falling over me. Couldn't wait, could he? E-Z as pie. I've got this guy in my pocket already. When am i going to meet a REAL MAN who makes ME work for a change?

Oh, and i don't apoligize for pointing at her. It was a very casual, low-key gesture, versus some dramatic, outstretched-arm sorta thing. If she didn't like it, f*ck her and f*ck the goddamned "rules". I wouldn't want such a sensitive, uptight b*tch anyway.