Marriage and sex

[exhausted]

The one thing I could think of was she feared losing control over me if I bulked up and transformed from BB to AF. Abandonment triggers, I could cheat more easily (increased attraction = increased options)... Less desire for things to work out in the relationship.

Remember, women control us with their emotions because they can't control us, men, physically. The weaker we are from a physical standpoint, the more power they feel they have over us psychologically. At least... this has been my experience with intimate relationships throughout my life.

Have you noticed the more ripped and cut a guy gets, the fewer fvcks he gives?

The answer is that he has increased t-levels and leads from a place of quiet confidence. That's the route I'm on now...

Bingo.
My ex would become extremely jealous and insecure when i stepped up my fitness.
She tried to control me from the gym by shaming and then accusing me.
She even said she was afraid I'd leave her because im inbetter shape than her.
When she couldn't control me she would rage shame blame punish.

A npd pattern is shame blame punish. And they are cruel.

 

[exhausted]

My ex-wife used reverse psychology for "attraction". She got insecure that if I got too ripped, she would lose attraction toward me. "I don't like big muscles on a guy". When I looked at a photo album of an ex that was ripped she had oneitis over the guy after he pumped and dumped her a few times. She went back to him every single time hoping he would be exclusive with her. Lol.

Funny, I was more motivated to exercise hard whenever she traveled for work (typically 2-4 weeks). I worked out like a disciplined ninja. It was funny to watch her reaction when she got back and I was in a little better shape. Meanwhile, she let herself go.

She actually tried to scoop off food from her plate onto mine often because I portion controlled to maintain weight. Oh, and not to mention baking sweets often and inviting friends over often for parties with drinks, big BBQ, and desserts.

She baked and cooked?!???

Wow how lucky mine was a lazy pos that did that 6x in 3 years

 

[mrgoodstuff]

She baked and cooked?!???

Wow how lucky mine was a lazy pos that did that 6x in 3 years

You allowed it. That selfishness likely came out in many other ways that you could've discern in a few months.

 

[exhausted]

You allowed it. That selfishness likely came out in many other ways that you could've discern in a few months.

She did some things the first year after that it was like she could not pull it off anymore.
I allowed it by remaining in yes, but there was always fighting from her end because i refused to be controlled from the gym or boxing or my friends.
But yes ultimately u are right

 

[hockeyfreak79]

For my 7yr ltr/marriage I made it very clear that if sex died then the relationship would eventually die as well. I think that came up around the 1yr mark and I didn't say that because it was slowing down. Not the case at all. I've always been a straight foward "blunt" person

I was 23/24, now that I'm older I don't believe in ultimatums but it worked for me back then. She also had a high libido, slightly higher than mine. For me, sex life was never really lacking, if anything I was lucky compared to some horror stories I've heard/read. I'd say between the 2 of us we might have turned it down less than 5x in the 7yrs. I never really thought about until after the fact.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

She did some things the first year after that it was like she could not pull it off anymore.
I allowed it by remaining in yes, but there was always fighting from her end because i refused to be controlled from the gym or boxing or my friends.
But yes ultimately u are right

I did it too. For a bit I compomised on the cooking. But it taught me that traditional feminine roles is important. They should do it because they value their man.

 

[exhausted]

I did it too. For a bit I compomised on the cooking. But it taught me that traditional feminine roles is important. They should do it because they value their man.

I have no problem grilling all the time or cooking if im home early and She's late, but it came to the point where all she wanted wss to be taken out to dinner constantly and never give in return.

I was raised that going out to dinner is a privelage not an entitlement.

Once every week or two i am good with, its a waste of money to eat out 2x a week for 40- 50 bucks each time.

That's a fucchn car payment.

The girl would spend 12$ a day on fast food/bfast lunch for the work week, eat out all weekend. Lives w her parents for free makes 27$ an hour and has 100$ to her name. Like wtf?

Then complain she wants me to sell my house and buy one w her! With what money can she add monthly??

Yet mad at me not herself. Mad at me saying i dont offer her a future. Why causei wont sell.my house for a bigger one and kill all my money.

Unreal

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I have no problem grilling all the time or cooking if im home early and She's late, but it came to the point where all she wanted wss to be taken out to dinner constantly and never give in return.

I was raised that going out to dinner is a privelage not an entitlement.

Once every week or two i am good with, its a waste of money to eat out 2x a week for 40- 50 bucks each time.

That's a fucchn car payment.

The girl would spend 12$ a day on fast food/bfast lunch for the work week, eat out all weekend. Lives w her parents for free makes 27$ an hour and has 100$ to her name. Like wtf?

Then complain she wants me to sell my house and buy one w her! With what money can she add monthly??

Yet mad at me not herself. Mad at me saying i dont offer her a future. Why causei wont sell.my house for a bigger one and kill all my money.

Unreal

I don't mind cooking some too. But some of em are so lazy they'll never cook for you. It's not acceptable.

 

[resilient]

Bingo.
My ex would become extremely jealous and insecure when I stepped up my fitness.

Makes sense right? It's the gender equivalent of her losing a sh!t ton of weight, toned to the 9s, yoga master, pilates ninja, and Zumba queen. Although on a woman's body, her looks are magnified 100x as thirsty guys will come out of the woodwork and hit on her left and right.

She baked and cooked?!???

Yeah.. if it's one thing I miss about the marriage were those active years she cooked and baked spontaneous recipes. I had five top recipes that she would make frequently because she knew I liked them.

Toward the last year, I was transformed into a catering beta. Always picking up takeout and cooking more often. I don't miss those days, hah.

 

[exhausted]

Makes sense right? It's the gender equivalent of her losing a sh!t ton of weight, toned to the 9s, yoga master, pilates ninja, and Zumba queen. Although on a woman's body, her looks are magnified 100x as thirsty guys will come out of the woodwork and hit on her left and right.
Yeah.. if it's one thing I miss about the marriage were those active years she cooked and baked spontaneous recipes. I had five top recipes that she would make frequently because she knew I liked them. Toward the last year, I was transformed into a catering beta. Always picking up takeout and cooking more often. I don't miss those days, hah.

Why did she stop all that?

 

[resilient]

Why did she stop all that?

She was never fitness-minded, though, she did train for half-marathons for a year or two while we were married.

I suppose, the reason she stopped cooking and baking was for similar reasons many guys would extol on this forum: she got lazy.

Lower interest-level, more stress and responsibilities at work with promotions = increased pressure to maintain alpha female status at her company.

She got fatigued and wanted to put forth less effort in other areas of her life (including our marriage). Opting for DVR shows, and video games.

 

[exhausted]

She was never fitness-minded, though, she did train for half-marathons for a year or two while we were married.

I suppose, the reason she stopped cooking and baking was for similar reasons many guys would extol on this forum: she got lazy.

Lower interest-level, more stress and responsibilities at work with promotions = increased pressure to maintain alpha female status at her company.

She got fatigued and wanted to put forth less effort in other areas of her life (including our marriage). Opting for DVR shows, and video games.

When are these girls ever going to figure out that in tough times you come together and lean on each other and not beat the s*** out of your husband or companion like a punching bag?

 

[highSpeed]

When are these girls ever going to figure out that in tough times you come together and lean on each other and not beat the s*** out of your husband or companion like a punching bag?

Because they don't have to learn. Look, it's a reality, guys will always have to try harder to get a female than a female has to try to find a guy. You want to get laid tonight? Dress up, pull some game, show up in a great vehicle, maybe buy some drinks, be charming, look good having worked out like a fiend for months, essentially do all of the right stuff if you hope to go home with a reasonably hot chick. She wants to get laid tonight? Show up in a slutty dress, smile at anyone she's interested in, the rest of the night takes care of itself. Free drinks, free meals, rides to anywhere in the town she wants and if at some point when you're finally ready to do the plowing, she decides she wants to call it off? Well, tough sh*t for you, it's her prerogative.
Your only shot is to to keep away from a serious relationship or to at least manage it in the best way, you know, giving away the least amount of resources for the maximum amount of pleasure for you. She's not going to look out for your pleasure, you have to do that. It is truly sad for me to say these things, as I had way more noble intentions when I was younger but I will tell you, after a couple of marriages now, women are just not that way, they're not.

 

[marmel75]

So I was out playing golf with a buddy of mine and he randomly mentioned he wasn't on the best of terms with his wife at the moment - they've been married for ~10 years or so. Apparently since the kids were out of the house for the weekend the wife had promised him sex during that time. The moment I heard this I knew he was going to say he didn't get any, because you can't schedule passion - that just doesn't work.

Anyway it turns out after they got back from their evening out she said she was too tired and he was pretty pissed off with her. It got me thinking, how the hell can you manage this situation as a guy?

Even the other day I was back visiting the parents and my dad apparently wasn't talking to my mum. I asked her why and she very candidly said it was because he wanted sex one evening and she was too tired so turned him down. His way of dealing with it is just to withdraw attention from her (which I've seen mentioned here before - I was actually quite impressed with my dad) but it still seems slightly childish.

Since I'm not married and have never been in a significantly long relationship I don't know how I would deal with this situation. I've always figured the benefit of not being married is that there's always the threat that the guy can walk. The second you get married and the handcuffs are on, you no longer have that card to play.. which is one of the big problems I see with marriage; the woman can effectively hold the man ransom with no negative consequence, because ultimately she knows she can divorce him and he'll be the loser.

So what options does a guy have here? I should mention that my friend isn't a guy who takes care of himself. He's really let himself go physically and I can certainly understand her point of view if there's a lack of physical attraction. I don't know how much difference it'd make if he was in good shape though, as the position of power for the woman still exists.

The only way I can see of dealing with the situation is always strive to be the best and keep flirting with other women. As long as the wife sees the guy is still capable of drawing the interest of other women, she should still be fighting for her man, but I don't know how that plays out in reality.

To the married guys: How do you manage it? Or are all married men suffering from a lack of sex?

It's times like this that I'm glad I'm single...

Not me, I get it pretty much whenever I want it...my wife knows better, a few years ago she found a multitude of text messages in my phone from other women and knows I can get it...

 

[highSpeed]

Not me, I get it pretty much whenever I want it...my wife knows better, a few years ago she found a multitude of text messages in my phone from other women and knows I can get it...

What are you, 15? Guess what, she can go and get it too, so what's your point? and if you didn't sign a pre-nup, she's entitled to half of your sh*t dummy.

 

[Teddy_Beer]

i've been married for 4 years now. **** lol. anyway. one thing i have learned that depsite what everyone will say, it's never a good idea to not remind your spouse that other women want to **** you. not verbally. and i'm not saying cheat. but some
thot wants to grind on your **** at a party, let her lol. some woman comes up to you and wants to talk to you don't brush her off as oh you can't tlak to me at all be friendly.


i've never technically cheated on my wife and never will but i don't turn awjay attention from the opposite sex either.

i'm not saying i do it everyday. but remind your spouse that you're wanted by others. if you ain't wanted by others than we got another problem to deal with

Living proof that the game NEVER ends...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Bingo.
My ex would become extremely jealous and insecure when i stepped up my fitness.
She tried to control me from the gym by shaming and then accusing me.
She even said she was afraid I'd leave her because im inbetter shape than her.
When she couldn't control me she would rage shame blame punish.

A npd pattern is shame blame punish. And they are cruel.

And decreased estrogen. Body fat is like an ORGAN that converts testosterone to estrogen. Body fat is estrogenic.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

There needs to be a manuscript similar to the book of pook design for guys in long term relationship and marriage. A way of being that holds or grows masculine behaviors in those situations and Maximize desire lust and a awesome sex life with your lady.

 

[Fruitbat]

Pre nups don't work in my legal system, but marriage is NOT 50/50. It's based on what the court thinks is fair, which for my ex wife was about 10% of my assets.

If you have kids, you are screwed, married or not. She gets the house usually. However, not as many women want to lose the father of their kids as do women who want to lose a husband.

 

[highSpeed]

There needs to be a manuscript similar to the book of pook design for guys in long term relationship and marriage. A way of being that holds or grows masculine behaviors in those situations and Maximize desire lust and a awesome sex life with your lady.

It's a good idea mrgoodstuff but it's not reality simply. Women are programmed to get ahold of your resources but once they've gotten that, you're done. And with the legal system acting as the enforcer now, you've got no choice. Fruitbat, not the brightest guy in the world is right, here in the good old US, the judge can more or less do what they want. They don't like the pre-nup she signed, they don't think it's fair? Well they will throw it out. I would hope most of the time they don't but again, here in the good old US, you don't have the same rights as a criminal defendant in the family courts.

Honestly, the best that you can hope to do in most situations is to have a stalemate if you will. Telling someone to lead is great but you can't lead when you don't have the power. It's like telling a project manager to lead when they can't make any decisions about timelines, personnel, equipment or budget. If they don't have any decision making authority in that regard, they are simply a cheerleader. Once you get married, you give up a good bit of the authority to lead. I used to think marriage is a great idea but it's not. Society has changed in the blink of an eye and the man has been depowered. She doesn't like your face anymore? She can leave. She meets another guy/girl who gives them the tingles? You're gone. Before, she used to have to really weigh out whether or not it was prudent to leave you. She wasn't leaving you for the guy on the street simply because he gave her the tingles. He had to have the juice, the resources to get her to leave in addition. Now, she files for divorce, get alimony, gets child support and gets the tingles. Good luck leading in that environment.