making the girl wait for sex - your thoughts

[ne0phyte]

I wanted to hear your guys' thoughts on making the girl wait for sex.

For instance, i would take a girl out on a first date and when i drop her off at her place, i politely decline coming in if she offers. Idea is it definitely shows high value and that she ain't the only girl in the world.

However, lately I've been experimenting to the point of leaving mid-make out. Boy the look on these chicks faces when i do that. Some even beg me to stay. The next time we meet up its like fireworks, not even a hint of LMR. But here's the thing - there isn't always a next time. I get that nothing is foolproof, but I'm wondering if I'm just passing on free sex.

For instance, just the other night i was hanging out w some friends when one of the girls in the group offered to drive me home in my car. It was infront of everyone too, and i was unprepared for that. I declined since the same group of us were going out the next night, and figured I'd hit it then. But instead, she's all over someone else the next night.

So, thoughts appreciated. Have u guys done anything like this? Is this a good way to qualify girls, or am i stupid for passing up free sex when it's offered? And by doing this, do i risk making the girl think I'm not interested at all, like the other night?

 

[AttackFormation]

I'd say it depends on two things.

Is she horny in general or after you in particular?
If it's you in particular, what would the relationship you have potentially gain and lose from not having sex at that time (has to be guessed in the situation)?

 

[IBreatheSpears]

See if you can notice any patterns which can help you predict whether she'll be up for another date. Absent personal experience I would think that less attractive girls (or those who perceive themselves as less attractive -- I've known 6s and above with the ego of a 4; they usually seem to be foreign girls) would be more likely to flake after being rejected while 8s, 9s and 10s would be overwhelmingly intrigued by a man who is so sexually satisfied that he can turn them down. Of course, some might have such huge egos that they just assume you're asexual, so it's still not going to be foolproof...

 

[Tictac]

It's a risk worth taking.

It's worked both ways for me - I had a woman just about rape me a time or two after some good push-pull.

And I got nexted a time or two.

 

[ne0phyte]

I'd say it depends on two things.

Is she horny in general or after you in particular?
If it's you in particular, what would the relationship you have potentially gain and lose from not having sex at that time (has to be guessed in the situation)?

that's a good point, although I think it's tough for me to figure if they are just horny. being a male w an ego, I would assume that the girls are after me haha.

IBreatheSpears, you make a good point about ego mismatch. makes sense if a hot but low self esteem girl gets put off by a guy doing this. but tough for me to figure that out too, any tips on how to spot this on first dates?

and Tictac, what makes you say that it's a risk worth taking? I agree that when it works, it really works, but I was wondering why bother in the first place? like the last girl I was talking about. literally was offering it to me, only to have lost interest the next night.

 

[Mike32ct]

It's a gamble. It depends on your personality and how important it is to you that you score.

Generally, I agree with the "Strike when the iron is hot" advice that Nismo recommends.

But, if you don't give a flying F whether you score or not, and just want to make her hamster spin, leaving mid-makeout as you mentioned sounds VERY powerful. Actually, that sounds much more powerful than simply not escalating at all and waiting like a gentleman*.

*That usually fails. Overall, I've kicked myself more times for NOT escalating than the other way around.

 

[IBreatheSpears]

... ego mismatch ... any tips on how to spot this on first dates?

It should be readily apparent if you're reasonably intuitive. You'll think she's a 7 or 8, or maybe higher, but you'll notice signs of nervousness and insecurity -- like submissive body language and approval-seeking behaviour -- that you would expect of a much less attractive girl. If you can't get a good read from non-verbal cues you could try asking probing questions but most girls won't get personal enough on a first date for you to learn anything useful unless you're good at opening people up. One way to do it is to expose vulnerabilities of your own (or ones you've made up) because people will usually reciprocate and most won't even think to lie. If you're lucky she might even explicitly tell you she has low self-esteem, I experienced that recently. But basically you want to be looking for signs of insecurity and submissiveness over and above what you'd expect from a girl of her hotness level.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

The secret, my friends, is not necessarily in making her wait. The secret is projecting the idea that you're PATIENT about when you and her have sex. I've had plenty of first/second date sex, and I was able to do so by (a) not bringing up sex during our conversation, (b) downplaying her telling me "We're not having sex" by telling her I wasn't in it for just that and that I could out-wait her (which is true), and (c) not initiating kino, which would cause her to want to touch ME first. And if she's touching me first, in her head it makes her think "hmm, I'm touching him so I must like him... hopefully he'll touch me back..."

The more patient you are, the more they FEEL like THEY are the ones being made to wait for sex. Go figure, lol

 

[GS750]

The secret, my friends, is not necessarily in making her wait. The secret is projecting the idea that you're PATIENT about when you and her have sex. I've had plenty of first/second date sex, and I was able to do so by (a) not bringing up sex during our conversation, (b) downplaying her telling me "We're not having sex" by telling her I wasn't in it for just that and that I could out-wait her (which is true), and (c) not initiating kino, which would cause her to want to touch ME first. And if she's touching me first, in her head it makes her think "hmm, I'm touching him so I must like him... hopefully he'll touch me back..."

The more patient you are, the more they FEEL like THEY are the ones being made to wait for sex. Go figure, lol

That's a good way of putting it.

 

[ne0phyte]

Harry, i totally understand that mindset. and that's the one I have, and one that everyone should have. the thing i was asking about is when a girl wants to have sex on the first date and you make her wait, there are pros and cons to it.

one hand, you could be driving her desire for you through the roof. on the other hand, you might make her think you're not really into her, and she may move on.

i've experienced both sides of this, and i was asking if there are really any more benefits then driving up their interest with the push-pull dynamic. the more i think about it, i'm starting to think that it's not worth it.

if i have a girl that's literally DTF, i can drive up her interest just as easily by making sure she enjoys the sex. At first when i started pulling out mid-make out, i got a real kick out of it. the look on their faces. but truthfully, that feeling doesn't beat sex at the end of the day.

again, interested to hear you guys weigh in on this. is there any benefits i'm overlooking?

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Honestly, I don't even worry about that anymore. If a girl wants to have sex with me the first time we meet up and I turn it down for whatever reason (i.e. my place isn't clean, we're not near either of our places, etc.)... and I hit her up later and she starts acting weird, who cares?? If anything, it's a great test to see what she's about - a woman that's going to be wishy-washy with her feelings/vagina like that is one I'd rather get rid of early on than deal with long-term. And, to be quite honest, I've had enough first and second date hook ups with girls that later turned out to NOT be dating material to realize that it really IS beneficial to take one's time and find out what the girl is all about. Of course, by doing this I find girls trying to do their best to hook up with me faster, and rarely do they go away once they see how detached I am to them leaving... but like you said, there's probably some kind of "con" to not taking advantage of a first date hook up. I just don't know what it would be since, in my head, the worst case scenario is I'd find another girl within a week to hook up with, lol

 

[ne0phyte]

Honestly, I don't even worry about that anymore. If a girl wants to have sex with me the first time we meet up and I turn it down for whatever reason (i.e. my place isn't clean, we're not near either of our places, etc.)... and I hit her up later and she starts acting weird, who cares?? If anything, it's a great test to see what she's about - a woman that's going to be wishy-washy with her feelings/vagina like that is one I'd rather get rid of early on than deal with long-term. And, to be quite honest, I've had enough first and second date hook ups with girls that later turned out to NOT be dating material to realize that it really IS beneficial to take one's time and find out what the girl is all about. Of course, by doing this I find girls trying to do their best to hook up with me faster, and rarely do they go away once they see how detached I am to them leaving... but like you said, there's probably some kind of "con" to not taking advantage of a first date hook up. I just don't know what it would be since, in my head, the worst case scenario is I'd find another girl within a week to hook up with, lol

harry, thanks for that. you just made the light bulb go off in my head. this is really about abundance mentality. i just realized the way i was thinking was still "beta" in a way. i mean everyone values sex, but i guess i was getting hung up on getting a specific lay. i guess it was weird to me because in the cases where it didn't work out, i was like, "did i for real pass on this?"
and coming from someone like me who has come a long way from AFC-land that's something hard to get over.

but in the grand scheme of things, it really is a "who cares?" type of situation. you make great points about how it shows girls' character and if she ends up being wishy washy - just sleep with the next girl.