LTR coming up

[game.r]

This year is turning out to be a good one for me. So far I've banged (multiple times) 5 chicks; 4 completely new and one ex. In addition there have been three other chicks (2 would've been easy lays) who were very interested in me, as well as two other ex's that have been contacting me.

Current girl is HB7-8, 26, 5'9, 120lbs, really good in bed but is a single mother with 2yr old. I will say that i'm not in the US and single mothers are pretty common here, so its not an issue. when i started talking to/dating her, i let her know that i was also dating someone else and i also qualified her a lot to make sure she met my standards. She is very much into me.

This is a small place though, so i could not continue dating both girls openly for long. I recently told the other girl (LJBF her) i am dating current girl more seriously and will pursue a relationship. I did not tell current girl this at the time.Last night after her salsa class and my gym work out (both at same center) we stopped for dinner and she asked about the other girl. I told her what i told the other girl a week ago. Told her that now i can focus only on her and see if thats what i really want.

So unless she really does something drastic, she's gonna be my LTR within the next few weeks. Not looking to just screw around here... so if this thing works out for the next year or two, I'm in for all the marbles. She has all the characteristics i want in a women, most importantly her personality and values mesh with my own.

So i'm just looking for any relationship advice... things to avoid, lookout for... how to keep the frame etc etc

thanks.

 

[squirrels]

Current girl is HB7-8, 26, 5'9, 120lbs, really good in bed but is a single mother with 2yr old. I will say that i'm not in the US and single mothers are pretty common here, so its not an issue.

Single mothers are common in the US too, and it is ALWAYS, ALWAYS an issue.

If you've done your footwork, think it's safe to take on the responsibility of helping raise another man's child, and are willing to step into that situation, that's fine.

But to say it's "not an issue"...that's just foolish.

It's not necessarily a deal-breaker for everyone, but don't marginalize the importance of it...it is THE most important issue you will face in this relationship. If you understand this and go into it with your eyes open, it may just work. If you try to pretend it's "not an issue", you are setting yourself up for a WORLD of hurt.

 

[game.r]

Single mothers are common in the US too, and it is ALWAYS, ALWAYS an issue.

If you've done your footwork, think it's safe to take on the responsibility of helping raise another man's child, and are willing to step into that situation, that's fine.

But to say it's "not an issue"...that's just foolish.

It's not necessarily a deal-breaker for everyone, but don't marginalize the importance of it...it is THE most important issue you will face in this relationship. If you understand this and go into it with your eyes open, it may just work. If you try to pretend it's "not an issue", you are setting yourself up for a WORLD of hurt.

You have a point. I should not trivialize it, since it is a major factor. what i should say is i believe it will not be as big an issue as it seems to be in the US. You will have to take my word for it... from what i read and see its just crazy with kids in the US. As for taking care of another man's child... if i were to marry this woman, she and her child would come under my roof... so yes i'd take care of her like she was my own, but not before that time.

but that is way way off... right now I'm looking for relationship advice. Is there any out there?

 

[zekko]

right now I'm looking for relationship advice. Is there any out there?

Just off the top of my head:
Be straight up with her and don't play head games. If she's the right girl it will work out, and if she's the wrong girl she'll try to take advantage. In which case it's good because you found out.

I know on this forum they tell you all to do all this game playing stuff, but you need to be able to be yourself with a LTR. WIth the following caveat: I do believe it's important that she need you more than you need her. That's the only way you will keep the frame. Go in hoping for the best but be ready for the worst. Keep your eyes open, as it were.

I would avoid marrying her and just live with her if you can. I think that's a major factor in the success of my LTR right now, aside from having the right girl. When you put the ring on her finger women start to think they own you. Your girl may not go for this however. But if she wants to be with you bad enough, she might.

 

[game.r]

I've been pretty straight up with her so far and i think its one of the things that distinguished me from alot of other guys in her eyes. I don't play games generally and have always been kinda quiet. lol i've had two girls tell me i'm mysterious recently.

I'm gonna give the marriage thing a shot once, if i feel the right woman is available. Just gotta do it for myself, but again its not as bad here as it is in the US. I'm trying to put in a lot of ground work now in hopes that things go smooth later on if it gets there.

Thanks for the response Zekko. This board is really short on relationship advice...

 

[AMDG]

As for taking care of another man's child

Do you really need all that drama in your life ?

 

[sodbuster]

The big thing that is a problem with another mans kid: when the kid is fuc&ing up YOUR life and you try to discipline hie/her. You'll hear "it's MY kid,not yours, YOU have no right to decide what I will do". You need to make it clear that if YOU are supporting the kid,you have a say in rules.

 

[sodbuster]

Other than that, when you start compromising on little things, she'll move up to bigger things. Soon you will no longer be the boss. SO pick your line in the sand and don't let her cross it.

 

[squirrels]

Other than that, when you start compromising on little things, she'll move up to bigger things. Soon you will no longer be the boss. SO pick your line in the sand and don't let her cross it.

If you have to "draw lines in the sand", it's a good sign that you're probably with the wrong woman.


Game.r, the board is short on "relationship advice" because "relationships" are bullsh!t.

The very statement "going to give a relationship a try" or "pursue a relationship" makes me want to bang my head into a wall. A smart man does not "try a relationship". He dates many women until he finds one that he enjoys dating all the time, then he spends more time with her and less with the other girls until they disappear entirely.

He does not commit to "a relationship"...the very notion says that you are taking yourself off the market, instead of allowing the realm of possibilities before you to naturally converge on your best course/best girl.

Good, healthy "relationships" form as a result of spending time with women and naturally spending more time with the woman/women you enjoy more, not based on some arbitrary statement of commitment.

The idea of a "relationship" is a chick-notion. It's women writing magazines like "Cosmo" trying to turn the relationship into an entity, so they can measure, quantify, and try to give women advice to "manage" it. And they do such a good job that most Western women these days are absolutely INTOLERABLE when it comes to affairs of the heart.

Let's be honest with ourselves here.

This is a small place though, so i could not continue dating both girls openly for long. I recently told the other girl (LJBF her) i am dating current girl more seriously and will pursue a relationship. I did not tell current girl this at the time.Last night after her salsa class and my gym work out (both at same center) we stopped for dinner and she asked about the other girl. I told her what i told the other girl a week ago. Told her that now i can focus only on her and see if thats what i really want.

Pay attention to the parts in BOLD. What I read from that is that you're not naturally being drawn into dating this one girl exclusively because you naturally enjoy spending time with her enough to shrug off the other women. What I'm reading is that you're sole-sourcing this one girl because you're "ashamed of being seen dating multiple women openly". Because the place you live in is so small, you're afraid that if you don't pick ONE, then you're going to lose them ALL.

You're not looking to take this one girl and make a "relationship" with her, you're looking to make a "relationship" because of your social constraints and sense of SHAME and this girl is the best one you've got right now.

You didn't even TELL "salsa-girl" about your proposed relationship...she had to bring it up to you for you to spit it out. Why were you hesitating to tell her? If you REALLY "loved" your main girl here, would you not have told salsa-girl straight-out?? I know I would have. I'd want the world to know.


I'm hoping this girl is right for you, man. But what I'm seeing is a lot of uncertainty and hesitation. If you're THAT worried about "controlling the frame", either you don't really feel good about this "relationship" and are trying to force it to take a route favorable to you when it's not really going there to begin with, or you're not feeling really good about "yourself" and your confidence as a man and a human being, in which case you probably want to ask yourself if YOU are ready for a relationship.

The best way to maintain "control of your frame" is to make sure you know what you're doing and LISTEN to what your heart is telling you.

Whatever you decide, good luck.

 

[AMDG]

now i can focus only on her and see if thats what i really want.

In other words - another forced compromise. Do you need full-time intimacy that much ?

 

[zekko]

I'm gonna give the marriage thing a shot once, if i feel the right woman is available.

That was pretty much my attitude when I got married. I figured you only live once, and I was going to try it once. In the end, we ended up getting divorced, but that was a 10 year relationship, so I don't really see it as a waste of time. I don't regret trying it. It was another learning experience.

Do you need full-time intimacy that much ?

I don't see it as being an intimacy issue so much as it is about having a partner. That's the way I look at it anyway.

 

[sodbuster]

IF you think the "right" woman isn't going to keep pushing to see how far she can go,never get married. ONCE they turn mothers and are ordering kids around-you're next. you'll need to constantly stand your ground-she will out of force of habit,try to make all the decisions for you too.

 

[game.r]

Do you really need all that drama in your life ?

The big thing that is a problem with another mans kid: when the kid is fuc&ing up YOUR life and you try to discipline hie/her. You'll hear "it's MY kid,not yours, YOU have no right to decide what I will do". You need to make it clear that if YOU are supporting the kid,you have a say in rules.

I'll answer both of these together. I honestly don't see it as so much drama or the kid ****ing up my life. I really don't. Like i said i would treat the kid like my own which mean disciplining the kid like my own as well. I know this will be hard for guys to accept, but women here are really different from women in the US. If i live there i would probably now date a single mother or get married either.

But apart from that, one of the things i do very early on is establish my dominance and right as a man in any relationship. The 3 ex's i mentioned above i dumped because they went against that program, now one is basically a fvkbuddy and the other two are buzzing around trying get me back.

 

[game.r]

If you have to "draw lines in the sand", it's a good sign that you're probably with the wrong woman.


Game.r, the board is short on "relationship advice" because "relationships" are bullsh!t.

The very statement "going to give a relationship a try" or "pursue a relationship" makes me want to bang my head into a wall. A smart man does not "try a relationship". He dates many women until he finds one that he enjoys dating all the time, then he spends more time with her and less with the other girls until they disappear entirely.

He does not commit to "a relationship"...the very notion says that you are taking yourself off the market, instead of allowing the realm of possibilities before you to naturally converge on your best course/best girl.

Good, healthy "relationships" form as a result of spending time with women and naturally spending more time with the woman/women you enjoy more, not based on some arbitrary statement of commitment.

The idea of a "relationship" is a chick-notion. It's women writing magazines like "Cosmo" trying to turn the relationship into an entity, so they can measure, quantify, and try to give women advice to "manage" it. And they do such a good job that most Western women these days are absolutely INTOLERABLE when it comes to affairs of the heart.

Let's be honest with ourselves here.



Pay attention to the parts in BOLD. What I read from that is that you're not naturally being drawn into dating this one girl exclusively because you naturally enjoy spending time with her enough to shrug off the other women. What I'm reading is that you're sole-sourcing this one girl because you're "ashamed of being seen dating multiple women openly". Because the place you live in is so small, you're afraid that if you don't pick ONE, then you're going to lose them ALL.

You're not looking to take this one girl and make a "relationship" with her, you're looking to make a "relationship" because of your social constraints and sense of SHAME and this girl is the best one you've got right now.

You didn't even TELL "salsa-girl" about your proposed relationship...she had to bring it up to you for you to spit it out. Why were you hesitating to tell her? If you REALLY "loved" your main girl here, would you not have told salsa-girl straight-out?? I know I would have. I'd want the world to know.


I'm hoping this girl is right for you, man. But what I'm seeing is a lot of uncertainty and hesitation. If you're THAT worried about "controlling the frame", either you don't really feel good about this "relationship" and are trying to force it to take a route favorable to you when it's not really going there to begin with, or you're not feeling really good about "yourself" and your confidence as a man and a human being, in which case you probably want to ask yourself if YOU are ready for a relationship.

The best way to maintain "control of your frame" is to make sure you know what you're doing and LISTEN to what your heart is telling you.

Whatever you decide, good luck.

tl;dr... nah just kidding
I read the entire thing and although its a lot i will respond so you can get a better idea of where I'm coming from. And hopefully that will clear up some stuff for you.

I smiled a little when i read your comment about a smart man not choosing a relationship but letting it play out until the other women just disappear. This is just what happened.

basically i met these two girls within days of each other. Girl A was introduced by friends and "salsa girl" worked at my eye doctor's place. I never paid her no mind but was always nice. Over one weekend we ran into each other at least 4 times... "wtf u stalking me or something? , number exchange, history"

I let them know i was dating other girls and dated/talked with both for a few weeks. Girl A was younger but acted older than her age (20). She kept trying to control the flow of the relationship... too soon to be at my place, to soon to be touchy feely (her words) its like she wanted me to say we're dating before certain things happened. I explained to her i preferred to let things flow and not work on some kinda schedule. Eventually i started spending more time with Salsa girl, until i was hardly calling Girl A. Which led me to tell girl A (she started calling a lot and questioning) that i was going to pursue a relationship with Salsa girl.

Its important to note here that i told Girl A this so that she could know that she was out of the picture... I am not in a committed relationship with Salsa girl. I was not afraid to tell her, i felt it wasn't necessary for her to know until i made up my mind about her. She said she was starting to feel way more for me than she thought she should at this point and wanted to know where she stood, so then i told her i was no longer dating girl A. thats it, not that we're in a relationship or anything.

As for being ashamed of being seen dating both girls openly - this is really not a concern for me. I would basically be seen as a stud, lol. but being a small place its likely that i could run into one girl or her friends, while out with the other. awkward. The longer i dated each girl the more of her circle i get to know and vice versa and the greater the chances of this happening. Hence decision had to be made. So far so good?

Finally, the part about me not feeling confident about myself or being ready for a relationship couldn't be further off. lol, here's why; for perhaps the first time i really believe I'm the prize. I know that women would be more than happy to date me. I'm healthy, I'm accomplishing my goals, My Career is going really well right now. I feel really good about where I'm at and where i'm going. I know where I'm going and what i want.

I asked for relationship advice because lets face it, after all the other girls disappear (like you say should happen) what do you end up with... a relationship! And what happens in relationships? Guys get tested and they fail, they revert to AFC behavior. I'm not arrogant enough to believe that these things can not possibly happen to me... so i ask for advice on what to look out for, what to avoid, etc etc.

fail to plan......

 

[Rounder]

I agree with Squirrels...it WILL become an issue, if it's not now. Don't get caught by the pvssy...you might think she has a great handle on things, but it will unravel somewhere. Time will tell. Don't get overly involved too soon. Be with her exclusively if you want, but keep your head about you, be aware of what's up..this is YOUR life to live. Live it HOW you want it, not just what seems easiest or most convenient. Live it!

Later.

 

[AMDG]

Like i said i would treat the kid like my own which mean disciplining the kid like my own as well.

You will try for sure - but there are other factors at play beyond your control. You can navigate all the pitfalls - the biological father or a strong-minded kid that rejects you as foreign - but in the end there is no reward to speak of. Anyway - if you want to be fooled by a cuckoo there is no one stopping you. Just remember even animals have developed strategies against brood parasites

I know this will be hard for guys to accept, but women here are really different from women in the US. If i live there i would probably now date a single mother or get married either.

I am not in the US either.

 

[Rescue Mission]

game.r, you have a very irresponsible woman there that you are considering having a relationship with!

Any woman who has a BABY with a man that SHE CHOSE, and then that man is not around just 2 years later, means that she irresponsibly fvcked up her life without even a single thought of the consequences!!

I don't care if the man is a druggie or is in jail.......if that's the case, then why in the hell is this MORON of a chick REPRODUCING WITH A DRUGGIE/CRIMINAL????

Do you REALLY think that this woman is responsible enough of a person to trust with YOUR heart? HELL FVCKING NO DUDE!!!!!!

Just wait till the kid is 13 years old and telling you to fvck off when you try to discipline him after noticing his grades falling or seeing him come home at 2am......."you're not my REAL father, you can't tell me what to do!!!"

So, where is the FATHER of this child? Why was this woman having a BABY with some random guy who clearly isn't her life partner? Why is this woman not wonderful enough for the father of the baby to stay with the woman and raise a family? You think maybe he was SMART ENOUGH to realize that this woman is trouble, and decided to take off????

Also, how can you, you pvssy, as a MAN, want to raise a child that is not your own?? You want to raise, spend money on, and commit your fatherhood to another man's sperm?

Jesus Christ, you guys that try to have serious relationships with single moms are TOTAL PVSSIES without a logical alpha thought in your pvssified little brains.

 

[game.r]

You will try for sure - but there are other factors at play beyond your control. You can navigate all the pitfalls - the biological father or a strong-minded kid that rejects you as foreign - but in the end there is no reward to speak of. Anyway - if you want to be fooled by a cuckoo there is no one stopping you. Just remember even animals have developed strategies against brood parasites




I am not in the US either.

I don't understand your comment

But you're not here either...

 

[game.r]

game.r, you have a very irresponsible woman there that you are considering having a relationship with!

Any woman who has a BABY with a man that SHE CHOSE, and then that man is not around just 2 years later, means that she irresponsibly fvcked up her life without even a single thought of the consequences!!

I don't care if the man is a druggie or is in jail.......if that's the case, then why in the hell is this MORON of a chick REPRODUCING WITH A DRUGGIE/CRIMINAL????

Do you REALLY think that this woman is responsible enough of a person to trust with YOUR heart? HELL FVCKING NO DUDE!!!!!!

Just wait till the kid is 13 years old and telling you to fvck off when you try to discipline him after noticing his grades falling or seeing him come home at 2am......."you're not my REAL father, you can't tell me what to do!!!"

So, where is the FATHER of this child? Why was this woman having a BABY with some random guy who clearly isn't her life partner? Why is this woman not wonderful enough for the father of the baby to stay with the woman and raise a family? You think maybe he was SMART ENOUGH to realize that this woman is trouble, and decided to take off????

Also, how can you, you pvssy, as a MAN, want to raise a child that is not your own?? You want to raise, spend money on, and commit your fatherhood to another man's sperm?

Jesus Christ, you guys that try to have serious relationships with single moms are TOTAL PVSSIES without a logical alpha thought in your pvssified little brains.

why so angry? You guys are so stuck in your paradigm that its impossible to believe that someone could be making a decision that does not mesh with what you believe and still somehow have it together. But than I'm just a name on a forum, so i guess its understandable.

I was going to respond to all of your points, but i believe it will be fruitless to do so. I have no desire to go back and forth for 10 pages about who i decide to date or why. You have analyzed everything, come to your conclusion and applied your label, all knowing one

If you have any relationship advice for guys starting relationships in general, please feel free to post.

Thanks for your contribution.

 

[Rescue Mission]

why so angry? You guys are so stuck in your paradigm that its impossible to believe that someone could be making a decision that does not mesh with what you believe and still somehow have it together. But than I'm just a name on a forum, so i guess its understandable.

I was going to respond to all of your points, but i believe it will be fruitless to do so. I have no desire to go back and forth for 10 pages about who i decide to date or why. You have analyzed everything, come to your conclusion and applied your label, all knowing one

If you have any relationship advice for guys starting relationships in general, please feel free to post.

Thanks for your contribution.

Don't start a relationship with an irresponsible mentally ill single mother who was not even good enough of a woman to keep around the guy that knocked her irresponsible azz up!