Losing interest (in women)

[Dali_tx_o]

Hello gentlemen,

I caught myself yet again in a period where I'm losing interest in female companionship, to extent that I find it annoying when girls call me, text me, try to talk to me or generally do anything; Additionally, every single girl I look at seems somehow unattractive and flawed to me, even though month ago I though that very same girls were drop-dead gorgeous. Heck, I pretty much went ghost on my FWB last week for no real reason. I did not contact her for a week beforehand, so she invited me over for a movie on Monday night. As we were watching some scary movie at her place with her cuddling on my side, she started feeling me up, and for some reason, I just sighed, stood up, and said "uhh, yeah, I think I'm gonna go"
After some small talk as I was getting dressed, our last exchange was
FWB "I'll see you next week?"
"Maybe you will, maybe you wont". And I just left. From then I have ignored her messages, as well as messages from few other girls that wanted to find out my plans for the weekend/evenings. Even the thought of me texting/calling one of them makes me sigh in my head, and any memories associated with them seem... annoying. For example, my latest FWB, although not the brightest in the lot by my standards (Bilingual, graduated from average university in media, recently got a job in national TV) and somewhat shallow ("Oh, did I ever show you this fur coat? My last boss bought it to me! I sooo want another one" "Yeah, why don't you call your boss and ask for it?"), suddenly seems plain stupid and shallow to me in a repulsive way where even her looks are a turn-off to me.

I do have a busy schedule, and I am working a mentally demanding job extra hard recently, with quite a few deadlines on the nose, so I assumed this might be stress and general "busy-ness" with my life, however, in retrospect, I have managed to date/meet girls even when I had more on my plate. There's a certain negative episode in my past that happened on this time of the year, however, I always thought I had my inner demons on check, and did not encounter such mood swing last March, so I can't really put a finger on anything to cause this.

Has anyone encountered anything like this? What's your take?

And no, I don't wake up in the middle of the night "craving for some c0ck". I'm not becoming gay, nor I ever was a latent homosexual, if that's what you were about to say.

 

[rhythmic]

Dark times. Is it just women that are getting you down, or do you find yourself cynical towards other things? Are you getting out and hanging around with your friends?

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

Ha ha ha!!

If the experiences of some "top guys" on this forum and/or if the DJ bible is anywhere near accurate, you are about to be a chick magnet... the spiral of many guys dreams...

Not giving a fcuk (for real)? Check
Treat them like crap (for real)? Check
Outcome independence (taken to extremes)? Check
Abundance (in fact, not just mentality)? Check
Willingness to walk away at a moment's notice (true to life)? Check
Have standards and not kiss up (true to life)? Check
Make them chase (put into action)? Check
Aloof, laconic, indifferent (put into action)? Check

Good luck dude.

You could always become a hermit

 

[Dali_tx_o]

I am finding myself somewhat more cynical on other aspects, but I think I know where you're heading - no, I do not think this is depression creeping in;

I actually socialized a lot more in past two weeks compared to the period prior, and although I do feel like actually staying in doing work instead of going out, I think it's more because I know I *need* to do certain things and because I went out slightly too much recently. Did you have a similar situation, rhythmic?

And HalfPUAHalfAFC - I was about to write saying how you're wrong and prove it by an example, and halfway through getting my point across I realized you may be partially right, haha.

It's actually funny how a bouncy happy HB you know comes around for a hug, and moments afterwards she starts acting awkward because I'm unusually quiet, cordial and not talkative. Asks if I'm OK, and then even texts me later trying to make sure I'm alright and there's nothing on my head, or if she did something. Honestly, I'm not into texting much, and we'd exchange few texts throughout the week, and now I got ten or so in an hour just from her.

So I guess, in short term, it might be working, but the fact is, I don't want to meet them, talk to them, or even have sex with them - and not wanting/having a girl in proximity might be somewhat of a hindrance to becoming a real DJ.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

I am finding myself somewhat more cynical on other aspects, but I think I know where you're heading - no, I do not think this is depression creeping in;

I actually socialized a lot more in past two weeks compared to the period prior, and although I do feel like actually staying in doing work instead of going out, I think it's more because I know I *need* to do certain things and because I went out slightly too much recently. Did you have a similar situation, rhythmic?

And HalfPUAHalfAFC - I was about to write saying how you're wrong and prove it by an example, and halfway through getting my point across I realized you may be partially right, haha.

It's actually funny how a bouncy happy HB you know comes around for a hug, and moments afterwards she starts acting awkward because I'm unusually quiet, cordial and not talkative. Asks if I'm OK, and then even texts me later trying to make sure I'm alright and there's nothing on my head, or if she did something. Honestly, I'm not into texting much, and we'd exchange few texts throughout the week, and now I got ten or so in an hour just from her.

So I guess, in short term, it might be working, but the fact is, I don't want to meet them, talk to them, or even have sex with them - and not wanting/having a girl in proximity might be somewhat of a hindrance to becoming a real DJ.

Cruel irony, right?

You actually achieve what guys are told to do in their demeanor with women in order to get women, but you do it because of declining interest in playing the game. What happens? Chicks suddenly dig you....

My only advice is to embrace your apathy toward and weariness of women. Keep on keeping on what you are doing. And perhaps your desire to bang some will change, just don't let that change what you are doing.

That, or do it for an experiment. Start writing down all the woman throwing themselves at you in response to your apathy. It would make for great reading.

The chick texting you: Women HATE (1) that a guy they like might be mad at them and (2) that that same guy ignores them. Damn, now you are a "challenge".... add that to the list too!!!

 

[Mr. Bond]

There's a certain negative episode in my past that happened on this time of the year, however, I always thought I had my inner demons on check, and did not encounter such mood swing last March, so I can't really put a finger on anything to cause this.

This is it. Right here. Somewhere, deep down...perhaps unconsciously, you know this is the problem. There's no need to spill your guts on such a sensitive topic on a public forum, but I'd be willing to bet that this past trauma is affecting you more than you realize.

I had some issues from my childhood haunting me all the way through my twenties. I figured that I must be over them because I was grown up now, and I had a decent life. Little did I know that my childhood issues were unconsciously sabotaging my interactions with women. Once I confronted those issues, I became free from them.

You must resolve these past demons. You must face them. Get professional help, if necessary.

If I had to make a guess, your past trauma has created a fear of intimacy with women...so you find faults in them to drive them away. You are, of course, not aware of this.

Good luck. It's possible to get over this sort of thing.

 

[Dali_tx_o]

Well, I never said I had problems with hooking up with chicks.

I used to be a one-night-stand only guy in last few years (and I'd say I got not that bad at it) and recently started trying to get into some sort of a more long-term arrangement (that's what actually originally bought me here. I met a girl that I thought "hey, she's interesting. I don't want to just have sex with her and never see her again", then crashed an burned, and came to SoSuave, since I've read something off here awhile ago.)

In recent few months, I actually went on to quite a few dates with some random girls, learning quickly as I go. I got (had?) a HB8+ as FWB a bit more than a month ago, and gained a lot of experience through few crash and burns. Also, a part of my game was the "aloofness" and indifference to women that got them attracted to me so much.

And spot on the comment on the fact women can't stand and feel attracted at the same time to a man who they think hates/ignores them. Damn, I remember getting a message from some chubby girl I spoke once in a random pub (by just being nice, and not trying to hit on her) - we attended same party after a week or so, and I didn't even notice her. She wrote to me on Facebook the next day apologizing for leaving early and saying we will catch up later. ..."Uhh, yeah, sure, someday, I'm a bit busy lately"

However, I'm not asking this because of how will this affect my game from perspective of getting women.. I'm not that worried about it, I'm more worried in how this will affect me, and if anyone else goes through a phase like this. I.e., is it psychologically healthy to feel asexual/unattracted to females for periods of time in life, and what causes that?

I'm not sure if I am expressing myself clearly, since I'm not entirely how else to explain this. But, how can I/should I start liking women again, or is it something temporary everyone goes through?

EDIT. Didn't see the new reply.

Hm, maybe you're right, Bond. I thought about it before posting., but after some additional thinking, I'm convinced that I am over my past. I might spend some more time analyzing if it is still affecting me, but so far, it think it might be something muscleman referred to. Thanks though!

 

[muscleman]

Typical post jaded phase, which will have some lingering effects. It's a good thing. Your interest will come back soon enough though...

 

[Dali_tx_o]

All I could find is http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Post-Adolescent Idealistic Phase ;

Is that what you're referring to, muscleman? Or could you clarify what do you mean by "post jaded phase"?

 

[muscleman]

All I could find is http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Post-Adolescent Idealistic Phase ;

Is that what you're referring to, muscleman? Or could you clarify what do you mean by "post jaded phase"?

Hah, no. The terminology may be misleading; I sometimes forget that not everyone is familiar with all the 'community' lingo.

I mean that interest in women (at least for me) can sometimes come in waves. You take a break, focus on something else (almost the point of ignoring them), but then you get that itch to get your d!ck wet again so you're back at it. You're in-between waves probably.

However, having that 'I don't really care' attitude will - as you'll see - bring your MORE women over time. Keep at it.

 

[coochieman]

Christ on crutches! OP!
I wanted to quote you, then I realized I might have to quote every single line of all your posts.

I am experiencing the same sh!t too!
I don't wanna relate to 'em no more. I just wanna be alone.
Lemme give examples:

1. Two weeks ago, I gently explained to my FWB[quasi-gf] that I didn't feel like sharing intimacy with her or any woman anymore. She cried. She told me some nonsense about waiting for me till I need her b'cos she feels weak and sees "strength" whenever she looks in my eye. I heard she's goin' on dates now.

2. Last week, I banged this new girl [that I chased some three months ago] and I broke sex three times 'cos I just hated sharing intimacy with a woman. I didn't even cvm. I wonder why she tried sexting afterwards 'cos I did nothin' to please her before, during and after sex. I didn't want to explain anything so I just went ghost. After a flurry of unanswered calls and unreplied msgs, she finally ceased.

3. Again, last week and upper, I cancelled two overnight meetups with another quasi-gf for no apparent reason. She has stopped calling.

3.5 I have decided to officially sever ties with another quasi-gf when next we see.

I don't call girls anymore.
I hate listening to them especially.
I don't relate with them 'cos I feel they are too much bullcrap and you can never be fulfilled with them, no matter how.

This is the curse of the red pill.

 

[my1ken]

Are threre any guys who

I feel like this some times for the last fews months to a year, like i don't have any interest ''in'' any women. But i feel more this way in regards to p0rn like i don't care to ''wack it'' like i use to.. I still can appreciate an attractive woman but sometimes feels like it's getting redundant with the ''same ole ole'' with women are becoming too generic. Now for the most part i don't care how attractive women are an i just focus on what sexually turns me on about them.

 

[zinc4]

It is really is pathetic how women get off on indifference....every single GF i have ever had is most crazy about me after i naturally grow indifferent after a few months of banging her....and it is ironic.....once you don't want them or care about them or find them to be annoying they are always wet for you....

 

[nroug7]

I went through this a week ago.
Welcome to the club.
You are now a true Don Juan, make the pledge if you want, or don't
it doesn't matter at all does it?

 

[Dali_tx_o]

Oh well, looks like it's all good then! Thanks muscleman, and everyone else, by clearing this up.

It puts my mind to ease knowing that this is somewhat natural process that quite a few people go through; Now I can simply focus on the things that I find more important now without that little voice in the back of my head whispering that there must be something wrong with me.

I might document my experiences if I have time, and keep you posted guys, in case someone else goes through a similar stage and wants to have a little read on it!

 

[coochieman]

You'll never find the unconditional mother's love you're looking for in a romantic partner. I agree that the red pill is a curse. Women seem like little more than a crutch sometimes, a need but not a desire. Being around the amorality of the modern woman can be very draining

True.
And I am sad, brother.

BTW not coming is a huge insult to them, of course she's panicking haha.

She asked me if I came, I lied "yes". The "entitlement" female ego is a lot bigger than the attention it gets; Lemme make you chuckle a bit, pairplus:

Last year June, shortly after I started gettin' better with women generally, I was sharing company this older "paid" woman [paid to entertain me for the whole day], soon as I was penis-deep in her, my senses just flipped 180 degrees [based on the realization it was loser-like and anti-game to bang a woman off cash alone] and I pushed her off, I told this is "bullsh!t" and I wanted to leave.

Guess what she said?

She wore a shell-shocked face instantly, she grabbed the door keys refusing to let me walk out and started lamenting how much of an insult it was, continuously stating how "NO MAN!" had ever turned down sex with her. She said it was hurtful and an insult to her "simply because she is a woman". I told her "It wasn't her" and that she had to leave. In my mind, i'm wondering why the hell this b!tch is causin' a scene. "It's my money hoe!".

I had to basically stoop low to plead for some five minutes before she let me walk out first, then I sent her away. It was my third&last time with a paid woman but my first time rejectin' sex.

Ever since, I have learnt I had the power to reject poosy too and all women I have pushed off afterwards [just a couple,anyways] are surprised when they encounter this. Shows you how much they think poosy controls men. And in all honesty, they aren't wrong.

 

[Zion]

You'll never find the unconditional mother's love you're looking for in a romantic partner. I agree that the red pill is a curse. Women seem like little more than a crutch sometimes, a need but not a desire. Being around the amorality of the modern woman can be very draining

Every kid had moments when he felt like he hated his mother. And every mother was dissapointed in her kid at some point. Even that 'unconditional love' had / has it's ups and downs. The only reason it was so 'unconditional' is because there was no threat of an immediate end. It's not like a kid goes around to find another mother , or a mother trying to find another kid,and dump the current one. It's not at all unconditional , it's just UN-threatning. There is no 'betrayal' involved.Consequently , no insecurities , no mind-****s.



As a general concept , you cannot possibly expect to experience love without disappointment.They go hand in hand. You just have to enjoy it while it lasts.


Sadly however ,I do believe that in the more serious matters in life , you cannot possibly rely on women. Be it your girlfriend , your mother , whoever.

For example , I respect and love both my parents ,who are amazingly awesome people. But when I hit some of the more serious problems and need their aid , their responses differ greatly.

"Oh God , do you want to quit ? Do you want to come home ? Is it too hard ? "


"Don't worry about it kid. We'll get through this. Stay strong and keep your chin up."

I'm quite sure everyone can tell which is which.

As far as your girlfriend goes...I had a pretty amazing girl and a all-around cool 3 year relationship. Probably the best I've ever witnessed ,among my friends and day-to-day acquaintances in my social groups.Suffice to say that my best friend was always #1 on my speed dial. And not for lack of trying.

 

[zinc4]

I have a girl who i have seen off and on for 3 years now...she is great and really does love me pretty unconditionally as well....i have done some really crazy and embarrassing things in front of her peed the bed one night because i was so drunk...and cheated on her...even broke down into afc mode when she was about to leave me for another guy after i had been out of the country for one year and she waited for me for that time but then I told her i was never coming back out of the blue...about a year and a half ago...but she still keeps an open mind about me and says she sees the good person deep down inside me and is still crazy about me...she has only been with 2 guys her entire life and takes care of her family, mom and dad...but i am not physically attracted to her anymore for whatever reason so when we hang out i try and avoid sex.....i am hoping my lust for her somehow magically returns....point is there are some really good dependable women out there....they are not all immoral and sluts...

 

[Dali_tx_o]

Uhh, a little update.

I knew indifference was powerful, but I never knew it was *this* powerful.. I had a run-in with my FWB yesterday night:

My FWB is a bit of an AW, however, quite shy and insecure, and would usually still throw some random resistance to sex, play hard to get, constantly ****-test and so on (nothing I couldn't manage, however, annoying).

I've been working on a project that was already overdue, and was planning to spend whole yesterday night on it; Halfway through it I decided to make a short break and went to meet one of my mates in the local pub I frequent (10 min walk) for half an hour or so. We've had some random stuff to talk to, and I thought it would be nice to clear my head;

And surprise surprise, in the very same pub, on a Tuesday night, my FWB with her female friend was sitting in the corner drinking with 5 large lads, getting showered with attention. FWB did not notice me at first, and I just went on to talk with my mate around the corner so I wouldn't . We went out for a cigarette and as we came back, she noticed me, so I gave a cordial smile and a nod. She jumped out of her booth and came to sit next to our table (pretty much on my lap), with her friend following;

Conversation went as follows (Give or take), FWB was somewhat/fairly intoxicated:
"I didn't know you'll be here"
"I only came for thirty minutes or so, to meet with my friend"
*I turn my attention towards my mate, since I wanted to continue our conversation where we left off before girls came over*
"You didn't write or call me since you left"
"I've been busy"
"Busy with what?"
"Work"
"Well, me and <female friend> been busy today as well, we've been hit on like 4 times today; We were at x when these guys that were around forty started chatting us up, we pretended to be still in high school, and they believed us, until we showed them our ID's, and we arranged to go to swimming pool with them on Thursday!"
"Nice."
"And then as we were walking to this place two different cars stopped and asked if we need a ride!" <and some more details about what cars they were, and interactions they had and yada yada yada>
*just a blank face*
"And just as we came here we found some friends, see *looks at the five guys they were with moments ago*, they're fun and bought me drinks, I feel a bit bad since now I just left them and came to sit here"
"Yeah... maybe you should go back to them"

She then just pretty much pulled me in by my hair, locked her arms around me and rammed her tongue down my throat; I couldn't pry her off for good ten seconds without actually hurting her.

For the next half an hour, she constantly held my hand tightly (if I'd pull it out, she'd just grab me straight away with both hands), trying to either kiss me, drag me somewhere or asking me to do random things. As I grew more and more annoyed, she kept pushing harder and harder. As I tried to leave, both girls left as well, and since it was on my way, I agreed to walk them home.

I ended up dragged and more or less raped by my FWB at her place. Sex was, by itself, awesome, however, I did not want to be there the least and I had my project in mind. I last ridiculously long, so by the time we were finished it was around 2:30AM. I tried to get dressed and leave, but it all ended up in her locked around me like a child, crying and not letting go, asking me to stay. Since I could not be asked to deal with it, I said "Fine, I'll stay for few minutes". She held me in tight grip until 6AM, asking everything she can think of about me, saying "no no no, don't leave", trying to kiss me, until I said "It's morning, I NEED to go to work, NOW", to which she finally complied.

Now, as I am sitting at work, I'm actually well pissed at her / myself (for the fact that I did not sternly push her away in the beginning of the night):
I missed my project deadline, and I'm absolutely knackered due to a sleepless night - I'm not even sure if I will manage to do my overdue project today; I ended writing this this because I can't even concentrate to do my job.

Funny, in a weird way, and just like you guys said. But damn, I'm starting to hate her.

 

[Zarky]

Hey OP, the last month or so I've been totally uninterested in broads too. I go through phases. Doesn't really worry me anymore. It'll come back. Right now I'm just not interested in dating or even really having sex. Will likely change come summer.