just about had it

[Boilermaker]

+1

BB has nailed it.

No questions.

OP, please read that a couple of times and argue otherwise if you think what

is said above isn't the root cause of all of your problems.

If so, you know what the next action is:

i) Start building yourself up and get better! Part of that process is kicking this one to the curb.

First, diagnosis,

and only then treatment.

Looks like we have the former here.

 

[disgustipated]

Wait a minute. Now I.can take all the retarded insults you can hurl...but at least be factual. How can you state an opinion, an opinion, with such certainty as if its fact? Stating, as if its fact, that I'm afraid to be alone versus being in a ****ty relationship? From 22 to around 28ish I was just that, alone. Self imposed at first. I learned you can be alone without being lonely. I had a ton of time for hobbies. I broke all my Hs running records in that time and enjoyed other interests too. I still have those same interests and guys friends to boot. In fact I'd argue its my knowledge that absolutely fine without a woman that has lead me to next females hastily ...maybe too much so. And for the second or third time, I'm positive I could hookup quickly in short notice. Do I got to take a pic of s girl slobbin me to prove it? Damm. It's like some of you want me to hurt or for me to be this guy with no options so its easier to say told u so...or you won't follow my advice so you must be a chump...only a optionless, fag, would not follow MY advice. Some are very ego invested.

If ingave a guy sage advice and he chose to.acknowledge that I.was probably right and told me so, but then expalined why he would be going another route...politely at that. My instinct would not be derogatory OR savor the day when he came back to say I was right. That would mean I secretly wanted him to fail for the sole reason of me being right. How egocentric is that, holy ****!!

I've already admitted i think I'm probably making a mistake. I'm not that invested. I didn't feel that knot in my stomach when you miss a girl when you break up or ate about to. In fact I feel that less and less the more women I've been with and with age. Will it hurt? Some, I'm sure. Will I be a quivering mess who can't function? Sorry to say but I won't...I'm sure to the dismay of some guys...for some odd , dare I say, womanly reason.

 

[EastWind]

Understand that the advice we are giving you is how we'd want ourselves to act in your situation but have, in the past, often failed to, and probably will at some point in the future again.

That doesn't mean we can't see clearly when it happens to someone else because it's not us that are invested.

I don't think you're a moron or retarded, I think you're acting in a very human way. It's just my opinion that you could save yourself... LIFE ENERGY, you know? Every time we go through **** like you're going through with a woman, it sucks some life energy out of us (yeah yeah esoteric BS, it's a metaphor.)

You're afraid to be alone and afraid to make a mistake by letting her go when she might just "work out". But... you're getting your soul sucked out, my friend. You could take the high road, dump her, recover and walk high with the knowledge that you did the RIGHT thing. You could carry that knowledge around like a warm, bright fire inside you. And here I know what I'm talking about. There's no better feeling than being the one who broke up with a girl and KNOWING you did the right thing.

My father found new love at age 58 and it provided him with two children, something he'd never thought he'd have in this life. One of them is writing this post. There will always be women.

 

[Boilermaker]

Wait a minute. Now I.can take all the retarded insults you can hurl...but at least be factual. How can you state an opinion, an opinion, with such certainty as if its fact? Stating, as if its fact, that I'm afraid to be alone versus being in a ****ty relationship? From 22 to around 28ish I was just that, alone. Self imposed at first. I learned you can be alone without being lonely. I had a ton of time for hobbies. I broke all my Hs running records in that time and enjoyed other interests too. I still have those same interests and guys friends to boot. In fact I'd argue its my knowledge that absolutely fine without a woman that has lead me to next females hastily ...maybe too much so. And for the second or third time, I'm positive I could hookup quickly in short notice. Do I got to take a pic of s girl slobbin me to prove it? Damm. It's like some of you want me to hurt or for me to be this guy with no options so its easier to say told u so...or you won't follow my advice so you must be a chump...only a optionless, fag, would not follow MY advice. Some are very ego invested.

If ingave a guy sage advice and he chose to.acknowledge that I.was probably right and told me so, but then expalined why he would be going another route...politely at that. My instinct would not be derogatory OR savor the day when he came back to say I was right. That would mean I secretly wanted him to fail for the sole reason of me being right. How egocentric is that, holy ****!!

I've already admitted i think I'm probably making a mistake. I'm not that invested. I didn't feel that knot in my stomach when you miss a girl when you break up or ate about to. In fact I feel that less and less the more women I've been with and with age. Will it hurt? Some, I'm sure. Will I be a quivering mess who can't function? Sorry to say but I won't...I'm sure to the dismay of some guys...for some odd , dare I say, womanly reason.

Hmmm... If you are confident that you can hookup in short notice, and you're still not seeing that one could find much better prospects, .... what's there to argue?

Are you not telling us something about this particular girl that makes you think twice? I am not going to throw her away because she has past her prime, but the behavior you described was very appalling.

Plus, why are you so focused on us, rather than your own situation? The nature of this forum is that men will be men and they'll be harsh.

Take it lightly. Keep in mind that every one in this forum would buy you a beer and pat you on the back if we hung out in person.

Our freedom in the choice of our thoughts comes from that understanding, that you are our brother, and we hate to see you like this.

 

[JulieWatson31]

Personally this thread is so helpful and not just to the OP.

Some fantastic comments and observations from really caring and experienced guys.

To the OP - this women is losing value all the time and obviously needs an Alpha to basically own her and pull in the reins hard each and every time she starts her BS nonsense.

Do you really want this job?

Personally it's just too much grief for me to always be on my guard and be ready to dominate and beat down a girl all the time.

 

[vatoloco]

btw not one single point you've made have I not thought on my own.

Yet you do not act, my friend.

Action talks. Bullshit walks.

But then you go on to state with confidence something like she's probably getting railed by some.dude raw...Cmon man. Isn't that the risk were all taking when we get with any woman. They've all been with other people. That was an attempt to get at me. Lame.

That's just what my spider sense is telling me. No [sane] woman [in love] wants to "break for the weekend" and says "you know I love you, right?" out of the blue. There is something fishy going on...

But look, the sex is good but honestly at my age I've had plenty of good, great and horrible sex...what I haven't had is a ltr that's went the distance and if anything its the wanting of a meaningful, loving ltr that has me giving more chances.

And that's what the main problem here is: you want a "meaningful, loving" LTR so bad that you're willing to put up with a lot. And I mean: "A LOT". A man with options will not.

Which brings me to my next point: what is your value (SMV) in the Sexual Marketplace (SMP)? Not trying to be a dick but, if you're not up there I can see why you have to put up with this shrew...

I'm probably wrong, I know. Am I a fag, Afc, wuss, whipped, desperate dude because I may he a bad judge of character? I beg to digger.

Dude, I don't know if you are or not. To tell you the truth, I don't really care. You're gonna do whatever you want to do. We can't change that. "You're the master of your own destiny." Mostly, I am typing my advice for other brothers who might be in your same situation and could benefit from my [wise] advice.


Edit: I see that you're gonna "ride it out". Well, good luck to you, my friend.

For the kids watching at home, here are some good posts by moi about similar situations:

"The mistake that many men make (my past self included) is that they become enslaved to the pussy to the point that their relationship/marriage defines them."
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1810248&postcount=73

"The problem is that people don't have self-control and vision. Their need for immediate gratification clouds their [good?] judgement and they lose sight of the big picture: their future well-being."
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1816118&postcount=4

"Either by ignorance, neediness, being insecure, (or just plain stupidity!), guys stay with women who are obviously wrong for their long-term well-being."
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1834720&postcount=95

"We all had to re-start (some of us from rock-bottom). You have been given the chance to take the Red Pill. By luck [divine intervention?] you have landed here at SS. You have been given a wonderful opportunity to see and embrace the Truth."
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1894163&postcount=138

"Chumps will be chumps until they realize what they are and want to change. No one can help you but yourself. I became frustrated enough that I looked for a better way. And that's what intelligent men eventually do."
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1885875&postcount=12

"Ultimately YOU have to make the choice. Do you want to finally wanna wake up and see the truth? Are you ready to take the Red Pill? Are you thirsty enough for the sweet water of freedom? Or do you wanna keep going through Life like a chump, being used and abused for the rest of your days?"
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1891163&postcount=136

"But it is when you're complete by yourself that you can have the best relationship with a woman... by not needing her: The Great Irony of Life."
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1884767&postcount=126

 

[MatureDJ]

She is 40 with a kid? Don't you know that they are a dime a dozen? A friend of mine (age 50) dates women like this, and he just doesn't put up with any BS - neither should you.

 

[plate's_empty]

OP, walking away is easier said than done. Your post is pretty much my ex girlfriend in a nutshell. It is the reason I joined this site. Getting away is easier said than done. It's emotional abuse. It's the same reason women can't get away from an abusive boyfriend or a girl can't get away from her boyfriend who's already married to someone else. When things are great they're great. When they're not it's like a total mind ****. I'm still dealing with this ****. As soon as I'm pulling away or distant she pulls some **** to real me back in: "we're friends right? Let's just get some coffee and catch up." or "Let me show you my new car, take you for a ride." As soon as you show you're interested she's back to stringing you along. It's a power game, you have a girl that's a control freak. If I were to guess she's had someone very close to her walk out of her life and leave her behind. Too bad for her but it's something that may or may not be able to be fixed. That's the other thing, you may be aware of this issue so you make excuses for her behavior, as I did. She may also bring you into her emotional mess and explain to you that she needs you to be able to deal with her, to be the strong the one.

It's a ****ed up situation. You want her to change, and you want to give her chances to change. You remember the good times. You still care for her, it's impossible not to. I haven't read all of the posts but a few of them are saying: "I've figured out the answer....walk away" Telling someone to walk away is logical but: ATTRACTION IS NOT BASED ON LOGIC, "ATTRACTION IS NOT A CHOICE" -DD, GUYS ARE NOT IMMUNE.

As for advice, I'd be a hypocryte if I gave any on this matter. So I'll continue reading and hope to get some advice for myself.

 

[Threepersons]

Why you let an old single mother treat you like this? Are you this desperate to keep some old loose 40 yr old pvssy? Where is your dignity? Tell her off and dump her.

 

[PeakIV]

I forgot how good Diehard and Backbreaker are.....

If you don't listen to anyone else's wisdom and advice here at least listen to these guys........... they know......and how do I know they know?

because I have been through the same situations they describe word for word and it always turns out the same............

 

[the_untold_history]

this woman is probably going to end up dumping you as soon as she finds a replacement for you. and when she does you should be thankful. I frankly don't know why you put up with this emotional abuse from somebody who is 2 years older than you. She figured out that you are now "on to her". It's only a matter of time. She wants to be the dumper. Her ego could not take being the dumpee. She is a nightmare. She should be somebody else's nightmare. Also you sound like a "nice guy". should read up on that.

 

[Valentino14]

Stuff like this is sad to hear. Get away before this woman destroys you.

 

[disgustipated]

Small update: For anyone that cares.

We have only ever saw each other on weekends since the beginning. When she acts out I punish by taking away my time...I won't see her for two weeks. That, and calling her out on her behavior. Did the same after this. Next weekend...much, much better. In fact the last month has been great for the most part.

I went with her to her sis's...met her Dad. She catered to me the whole weekend. Couldn't have asked for anything more in a situation where I was an outsider.

I still see the warning signs though. And I try to get across to her with no uncertainty that I can and will walk away if I need to. I don't actually verbalize this anymore since I have twice. that card is played out like I said.

Rereading this I've realized that yes, I think I do get a subconscious kick out of having to "alpha it up" with her from time to time. Whenever she gets ****ty like this. It keeps me on my toes for sure. I'm careful not to make that a virtue though....meaning that I make this excuse for her bad behavior to protect my ego. I know it can't keep happening.

Something else I'm willing to admit. I've never really dated anyone with a child for an extended period of time. So, I never really got what the big fuss was all about...there just kids....kids are easy. How's that reflect on me. I'm starting to get it now. The kid is generally a good kid. He hangs on me most the time. But damn it if he aint soft. I think she's made him that way. He back talks like crazy, tries to run the show half the time...lies, tries to manipulate things. The manipulation thing is a personal pet peeve of mine...I've always viewed it as particularly distasteful because the manipulator assumes they have a higher level of intelilgence. I'll be damned if a child is going to manipulate me. So where does the leave me? It's rough disciplining another person's child. Part of me wants to get into that ass ya know? Or at least scare the **** out of him. He don't fear her. A little bit of fear is healthy, it's respect. But spanking a child not of my own is probably not my place. I don't know what to do here. I try to punish him the same way I do her, by taking away my time with him that he loves. I'm starting to feel very frustrated by limitations. Besides, not even sure my state's law on financial responsibility if you've been with someone so long....since the dad is really not in the picture too much. Paranoid about that too.

But in the last month, she's been great.

 

[disgustipated]

Ok disgustipated so you don't like some of the advice and comments here from your fellow men. Instead of telling you how big a faggot you are, I'm going to ask some questions instead. These questions are less for me and more for YOU to answer for YOURSELF:

1. Why can't you leave this woman?

2. What makes this woman worth so much trouble (a 2 page thread)

3. Do you believe this woman is the best you can do?

4. Why aren't you spinning plates?

5. If this woman's vagina fell off today.. would you still associate with her?

6. Have you been with a woman who treated you better than this?

7. Do you believe she is a quality woman and if so.. what makes her a quality woman?

Answer those questions right here.. lets get to the bottom of this.

1. I feel I can. I've dated other women that I gave a second chance to, I ended those for good too. I've also dated women that I've nexted super quick fyi.

2. I have no idea the relevance of this thread or it's length against her worthiness for anything. HUH?

3. No, but I'm an optimist too. How many man here, or in general, have te absolute best mate for them RIGHT now? I could do better, sure. But I could do worse too....I've been there. This is where I'm at right now. Whether it works out or not, I'm going to progress and learn things and evolve as a man. I'm not afraid of that.

4. I'll be honest. I never quite got the knack of that. I would usually date...next, or continue to date the girl until it either fizzled out(3-4 dates) or we started to see each other mutually which lead to a relationship.....maybe next time around I give spinning a more serious shot.

5. No. But I don't associate with females in general either. Besides my mom.

6. Overall, no. Overall this girl treats me great. Cooks amazing meals for me every night that we are not out to eat...quite a bit. Serves me, like on my lap serves me. Sexually submissive. Great in bed. Respectful around my family and friends. Does nice things for me. Knows I may never be open to marriage. BUT...this one point...and it's a big red flag I know.

7. Quality...hmm. How do YOU define quality? Too vague of a word. For this time in my life. She's good for me right now. If the problem persists, she'll no longer be good for me.

 

[XR 600]

Start seeing her during the week.Take another vacation with her this summer..than reasess and see what cha have.

 

[the_untold_history]

you don't have a full relationship with her and you still struggle to keep her in check just from seeing her on the weekends. And that tells me that you are dealing with two children. If you were dealing with a mature partner you wouldn't have to alpha up to keep her in line. When she acts out you have to "punish" her. But there are lots of great girls you don't have to punish because they are adults. But you may not get the great sex from these girls.

So this relationship only exists in it's present form because it's not a complete one. It works with an awkward balance because it's so limited in scope, and neither one of you are facing the complete personality of the other person. It won't stay this way. it will either end or you will get closer. And that will be the true test.

 

[disgustipated]

Update!

I hope some young guys can learn from this. Some of you were right, in that I should've ended this at the first sign of disrespect. But some of those guys were wrong for why I was putting up with it. So, there's only a few who can say I told you so.

After the initial make up, she was damned near perfect for months!!! I mean throwing down in the kitchen, bedroom, being sweet as can be too!!! Then....dun dun dun...we take a weekend trip to Chatanooga. My mistake was letting her plan most everything I thought...but honestly what she planned sounded decent to me. The trip there I let her drive, mistake, she's a ****ijg nut driving. We hit a bad traffic jam, she's all hysterical. Beyond annoying. I don't say anything because I'm trying to make the most of it. Anyway, to make it short....I had a good time the entire weekend...apparently I didn't smile enough in the pictures we took. I'm not a smiley dude. That was her beef when we got home. I told her I couldn't make her happy in the longtime...we should split. I had one foot in my truck and she was able to pull me back in....with the tears...it was a deep deep cry though. I felt bad.

So we start doing good again. I'm still making concessions to try to make it work. At this point I'm trying to be more outgoing...posing for pictures lol, but I did suggest we limit out getaways together as that seems to be a major sticking point for us. She agrees. But...there is a concert that I had agreed to go with her months earlier coming up, I say look...its not a good.idea why don't u get a gf to.go instead. She agrees, except the gf falls through. So me being the nice guy I am, agree to go....this time I say I'm driving both ways so as to eliminate her bitxhiness when she drives. Should be golden right? WRONG!!! This ***** fellas....this ****inggg 40 yo cocck caroselled single fuucking mother who is past her prime with limited options had the fuucking audacity to almost get me in a fight in the middle of a traffic jam going to a matchbox fuucking 20/effin goo goo dolls concert FOR HER in the middle of ATLANTA!!! Unreal. I wanted to.check her so hard with the firmest backhand so bad. But I was far from home with no way back. Coincidentally she always showed her asss in these situations....never at my.place. so I play it cool at the concert, get toasty...even spend the next day with her and **** her one last time unbeknowst to her. Broke it off today. Feel like 100 lbs been lifted off me.

Still , kinda at a loss. This has been kinda a reoccurring thing with exes. They disrespect me, and I'm not having that. This is the first one I haven't nexted immidiately. I have to.do some self evaluating here soon to break this pattern. I MUST learn from this in order to grow.

Thanks for the help. Cheers!

 

[ludis]

Thumbs up disgustipated. :box:

Let some other chump deal with that unapreciative toddler of a 40yr olds crap.

 

[Zunder]

TAKE ME TO THE LAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0xR58HS3-A

 

[WoodB]

She is high maintenance and very self centered. I have been through this before. They have a way, actually MANY ways of making you feel short changed. You are never quite good enough. When I went ultra alpha she cries and faults me. When I went a little beta to smooth out the bs, she eats it up and goes right back to being difficult. You CAN'T win. After a while, you find yourself "adjusting" to accomodate her moods and needs. Why? For me, it was because her vag was sweet.

They will ruin you in the end. Run, my friend. What you see is what you get plus a whole lot more down the line.