just about had it

[disgustipated]

I'm taking a lot of this advice to heart, I am. Am an deserving of criticsm, but I've been forthright. It never ceases to amaze me what people will read into situations though. Im 38 and have been through something like this, it helped me dodge this type of thing for 10 years. If I get burned ill consider it a refresher course. But someone reads that I'm desperate and can't get ***** from this? It's not the case at all. Positive I can be laid in a weeks time if I wanted, 2 tops. And somehow I melted from doggystyle sex? First off, what man over 30 hasn't hit that position a billion times by now? I took her back because I want her to have learned and the first 3 months she was amazing...the girl she was then is what I'd consider someone to spend a long time with. If she turns back to a nagging unappreciative person ill tell her I gave her a chance and she didn't keep her word. Yes I know the odds are against me but the person she represented herself to be at first I need to see if she can be that.

Ive read every single comment here and keep those things in my mind to protect myself, I've thought them myself. Some of you are outrageous in your words though. Listening here, partially led me to break up with her in the first place...I just wasn't prepared for the accountability.

 

[Burroughs]

He does it for the LULZ

 

[disgustipated]

Ahh **** I dun woke up Burroughs.

There is absolutely no comradarie here. Like no rationale minds or its rare. It's either hey you're a fag, Afc, oneitis, desperate, no.ball having chump or you don't listen. Where are the mature fellas who might relate with the mistake I might be about to make and say , without insulting, hey disgustipated look....I've been in this exact situation, look out for x y z because this happened to me. I've read 1 or two replies like in this thread and not many in other threads lately.

 

[vatoloco]

I took her back because I want her to have learned and the first 3 months she was amazing...

Bullshit.

You took her back because you wanna keep bangin' her.

Downrep if you need to but, I just call 'em like I see 'em.

the girl she was then is what I'd consider someone to spend a long time with.

But the thing is that this woman is not a good woman. She is a Wrong Woman™ but you are unwilling [unable?] to see/admit it.

If she turns back to a nagging unappreciative person ill tell her I gave her a chance and she didn't keep her word.

But she knows you'll take her back.

Some of you are outrageous in your words though.

Dude, if you thought what we wrote was "outrageous", the world is gonna eat you alive. You need to develop a tougher skin. "Life's tough, I tell ya!"

Anything we write is gonna pale in comparison to the potential damage this woman can do to you if you let her. Not only your time and money but a potential STD if you're hitting it bareback (see my last sentence in this post).

I'm actually gonna go back and comment on your OP. You're a lucky guy!

...he doesn't listen well.

This I'm curious about. Could you expand on this?

Our reoccurring issue is that my energy is either not high enough or too.negative when we do stuff that I don't necessarily want to do. The first time being a vacation where I pulled it together and try to give her the best time despite a rocky start....

If you're already having such a hard time with her in 6 months of dating, IT IS ONLY GONNA GET WORSE! You know, love is supposed to be "loving and fun", right?

the last day I didn't give her one thing she asked for and she threw a fit. Mini breakup.

I would expect this from the 8-year old himself, not his mom. Do you, at our tender age of 38, wanna be dealing with this kind of bullshit?

...She gets all pissy saying I'm a sore loser...kind of an odd reaction. But her demeanor changes at start of next game. No more high fives, eye contact etc.

Gee, more of the same immature behavior, huh? What a shock!

I calmly take my shoes off and return them. Sheasks wtf I'm doing, I say I'm not supporting this type of behavior from her by indulging her with my participation. We make.up later that night.

And this is what the problem is. You are incongruent. You say one thing but do another. You are "not supporting this type of behavior from her" but yet you "make up later that night" [so that you can fuck her].

The truth is: you can't leave her. That would cut off your access to sweet, moist, warm pussy and you are unwilling (or unable) to forgo sticking your pecker in her.

I almost texted her back, take your ass home then.

But you didn't.

You need access to that pussy, remember?

[insert more immature/incongruent behavior here]

She actually suggested we "break" this weekend, which is absolutely fine with me EXCEPT I know what this usually.means.

Yes. That as soon as she apologizes and gives you a BJ, it's gonna be all honky-dory.

For the next week or so.

And then it will be back to immature behavior.

she definitely wanted to make clear it was just for the weekend and no longer, and she said something odd in that don't worry I'm not going to go wild by going clubbin'.

wait... WHAT!?

She also texted me you know I love you right?

Ha! She's ready to branch-swing!

"Baby, you know I love you right? Any guy I might fuck this weekend doesn't mean anything to me. You know that, right?"​

"Breaking up" for the "weekend" + "yeast infection" = She's already getting railed by another dude.

Prolly raw.

 

[disgustipated]

That's what I mean. Your post is actually constructive on some.points so kudos, btw not one single point you've made have I not thought on my own. But then you go on to state with confidence something like she's probably getting railed by some.dude raw...Cmon man. Isn't that the risk were all taking when we get with any woman. They've all been with other people. That was an attempt to get at me. Lame. And no I don't think I'm sensitive, **** just gets annoying when grown dudes take the easy lazy way out with insults. It's not how I roll. Fyi, I insisted we both get full std panels done with paperwork and we both were clean across the board.

I get one thing you're saying, and agree I've might have painted myself into a corner. I've broken up twice now and after talking it out twice, not because of sex, gotten back with her. The threat of leaving might not be there for her now, I get that. Only I know how close I.was to leaving I guess...and next time, if there is one, there is no bouncing backbfrom that...that card is played out. But look, the sex is good but honestly at my age I've had plenty of good, great and horrible sex...what I haven't had is a ltr that's went the distance and if anything its the wanting of a meaningful, loving ltr that has me giving more chances.

I'm probably wrong, I know. Am I a fag, Afc, wuss, whipped, desperate dude because I may he a bad judge of character? I beg to digger.

 

[typical]

Why are you being a "White Knight" ?

First of all this woman is way passed her prime and by all means damaged goods, she has a bastard child to some badboy lover that knocked her up and left the scene. Reminds me of the phrase Alpha fu(ks and Beta bucks, the Alpha planted his seed realized the woman was not worth it and left while the next beta is being lined up to fulfill the daddy role.

Look at all the bad behaviour that you have had to put up with, just cause she gives you some nookie does not make up for all the garbage. If she is indeed that good looking and a good lay keep her as a distant rotating plate nothing more this woman is not worth relationship material.

Honestly I wouldn't even keep her as a plate, she's trying to wear the pants much too often as is actually pushing you to the point of creating an abusive relationship. I think she gets off on being used and abused and treated like trash hence her treating you like trash. Remember women project their feelings onto others so if they are trashy to you they in turn like to be treated like trash which normally means bit(h has bipolar tendencies.

Seeing as how you have anything to loose try being more of a prick to her and give her a hard emotional ride, a taste of her own medicine, see how it goes. As far as I can see you're the one trying to "make it work" when in reality this never works, its the woman's job to make the relationship work you as a man just need to give her the emotional ride she wants and fu(k her good whenever you get the chance.

 

[disgustipated]

Something occurred me reading that post. Related to something RT has wrote. About making neccessities a virtue, if I'm remembering it right. Like when a fat chick can only attract certain dudes so all of a sudden she says I like x guy cuz of z feature...when in reality, she can ONLY attract that kind if man...an ego preserving thing.

What if guys that have been burnt time and time again, and either swear off women, get too scared of the rejection, and are forever single through fault of their own do the same thing?

The beta bucks thing, not so sure bout that since I make a **** wage. She pays for more **** then I do. I will entertain the idea of me being beta...I know I was when I was younger. Id like to think I've made progress. I have no problem getting laid anymore. They aren't dimes like everyone here bangs but someone gotta keep the 6s busy.

 

[Warrior74]

Hey man. You know how you've seen the same type of movie over and over...say a cheesy action movie. And then you and your friends joke about how cheesy and predicable it is? YOU ARE THE CHEESY ACTION MOVIE.

This is why you get harsh, mean, uncaring responses that hurt your feelings. You are on the program. Every couple of weeks, some guy wanders in, says how he screwed up, gets butthurt over the comments from the guys, starts defending and justifying his relationship, goes back to her. Then 2 months or so later comes back saying, damn, you guys were right.

Sorry man. Honestly, I hope you figure a way out and make it work. But I doubt that you will without sacrificing your dignity and self worth. You've went back to this woman twice? How would you feel if your best friend let a 90lb man slap him in the face twice? You'd be all "dude, kick his ass!" You coming back is the slap, kicking ass would be leaving for good and having some self respect. Let her come back to you or leave it. But...you're on the program in paragraph 2. I just wanted to say this to say I told you so later.

 

[Sik]

Hey Disgustipated,

I've read your OP and all of your subsequent comments. The harsh words from your fellow Mature Men are reality, my friend. Don't take it personally, we all want you to be successful and happy. Some are just passionate about this due to their own experiences and are trying to save you from avoidable pain.

That being said, keep things in perspective from our side.

First of all, from what I see, you're a good hearted, reasonable and logical guy. Not only that, you've put a lot of time, effort and emotional investment into this relationship. I've been there and done that, too.

Now, from what I've determined, this girl of yours is older than you (strike 1), has child with another man (strike 2), and is very dramatic about small things (strike 3). These are negative qualities.

Based upon her negatives, she had better have an amazing body, a gourmet chef's cooking ability and suck dong so good she could be a Hoover vacuum. These are positive qualities.

If her negatives outweigh her positives, there is no hope. Let her go, as so many before me have already suggested. However, there is one other option. From what you have said of her, it sounds like you have to be Alpha ALL THE TIME. I think that if you put her in her place without a second of hesitation, she will be easy to get along with.

But, there's the rub. Are you prepared to always be on your guard, ready to slap this broad at the slightest insult? (metaphorically speaking)

If you are, then you may as well slam it out as long as you can. Use birth control for God's sake, she has a proven ability to get knocked up. I can only imagine how she would treat you as an ex-boyfriend. Christ Almighty.

From my experience - I had a girl that was similar. She was always sensitive and every week there was some drama over spilled milk. Eventually I would get fed up and tell her to kick rocks. Each time she profusely apologized and did whatever I wanted for a few weeks. But, it always went back to the usual drama. I wasted a long time with her and the longer I went, the harder it was to dump her. I deeply regret wasting time that I will never get back.

Lastly, this woman is older than you and has a kid. She should be thanking her lucky stars to have you! Keep who you are (a studly prize) in mind, too!

Godspeed, man!

 

[EastWind]

Alright, let me expand.

You certainly have more experience than I do, and I'll instantly believe that you have been through a similar situation before.

However.

Even being "only" 25 I know that whatever we tell ourselves when we're not involved with a woman, the hormones we're flooded with when in a relationship make it harder to think straight. Who of us here hasn't woken up, weeks after a relationship (whatever its nature) ended, to a clear head and a deeply bothering feeling of "what the hell was I thinking?" even though after the relationship before that one, we swore never to commit certain errors again?

Yeah, exactly.

You're always going to make some mistakes in a relationship and, most importantly, act in ways you wouldn't have thought you'd act, or think things you wouldn't have thought you'd think again. It's called being human.

So, just because you're more experienced and "have been though this before" doesn't mean you're exempt from the pink glasses tax. On the contrary, the feeling that you "are totally" in control might leave you blindsided.

As for the whole thing about your energy being negative, you being negative: my ex was like that. Actually, two of my exes were like that, but the way they went about it was very different. My first girlfriend would notice it and actively seek to improve my mood by whatever means necessary, while calmly suggesting I try to see the lighter side of things. My last ex would ***** that I didn't do this and that and was dragging her down, and I never heard the last of it. She is NOT HELPING you in any way. She's making you even more miserable at times where you could use some cheering up. Is this really the woman you want by your side?

 

[disgustipated]

Good post. Thank you for that. The most frustrating thing in those moments isn't the fact that's she's being *****y about me not enjoying myself, its that I'm completely content or having a decent time. She reads me all wrong. But everyone does. I've been dealing with this my whole life. I have one of those faces that always makes me looked pissed, and I get tons of comments. Too avoid it I have to actively be aware to have a befits open expression....that takes a pot of energy. And explaining, and frustration.

I didn't mean it to sound like my feelings were hurt by certain comments. They're not. It's annoyance because of experience with the same type of guys that are too lazy to not project their own insecurities when advising someone.

 

[Warrior74]

Good post. Thank you for that. The most frustrating thing in those moments isn't the fact that's she's being *****y about me not enjoying myself, its that I'm completely content or having a decent time. She reads me all wrong. But everyone does. I've been dealing with this my whole life. I have one of those faces that always makes me looked pissed, and I get tons of comments. Too avoid it I have to actively be aware to have a befits open expression....that takes a pot of energy. And explaining, and frustration.

I didn't mean it to sound like my feelings were hurt by certain comments. They're not. It's annoyance because of experience with the same type of guys that are too lazy to not project their own insecurities when advising someone.

I too suffer from "angry face". My natural expression looks like I'm pissed, my pissed looks murderous. It is tiring keeping an open expression, but your woman should be able to understand that. Hell as a youth being shy with an angry face made me seem like an aloof badboy. I wish I would have capitalized on that more.

I do enjoy using my neutral expression with silence to denote disapproval or to cause worry. Tis fun.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Ok disgustipated so you don't like some of the advice and comments here from your fellow men. Instead of telling you how big a faggot you are, I'm going to ask some questions instead. These questions are less for me and more for YOU to answer for YOURSELF:

1. Why can't you leave this woman?

2. What makes this woman worth so much trouble (a 2 page thread)

3. Do you believe this woman is the best you can do?

4. Why aren't you spinning plates?

5. If this woman's vagina fell off today.. would you still associate with her?

6. Have you been with a woman who treated you better than this?

7. Do you believe she is a quality woman and if so.. what makes her a quality woman?

Answer those questions right here.. lets get to the bottom of this.

 

[GotED?]

A woman in her 30's (now 40's) have a very tiny small chance of improving her existing, solidly engrained adult behavior, emotional maturity, and personality.

You must take a woman (not a girl) beyond 30 as she is. There is no changing her - you will always lose.

With respect,

Exodus

 

[Colossus]

Disgustipated,

I think you can do better, and I don't even know you. I just know in my gut that I have been with women like her and they will always be a struggle. She's p!ssed, she's not; She's p!ssed, she's not; She's p!ssed, she's not. The fun and peaceful moments you have with her will never be worth the strife.

We go through this [ir]rationalization process when we break up with a girl who is no good for us, because she's the one we have. We tend to perseverate on her GOOD qualities--which every gf has at least a few--and rationalize away her bad behavior through various channels. We say "this is part of love", or " she's been really contrite about it, or "the majority of the time she is cool", etc. This is all part of the letting go process of the one person we are intimate with.

That's the main reason why spinning plates is preached so heavily here--because it keeps you from making desperate choices or staying with bad women. Spinning plates has it's limitations however; for most of us we want to be in some form of positive monogamous relationship eventually. So it serves a purpose while dating, but (for most of us) it becomes impractical after a certain point if you want any fulfillment beyond just bagging new as$ every few weeks or months.

So all that said, I think you really need a proper frame of reference to know what a GOOD woman/relationship looks like. This one you are with now, isn't, and here are specific reasons why:

-She is well past her prime (which isnt bad if you got her before her prime, but you didnt).
-She has a bastard son who is not yours (not that there is anything wrong with the kid, but he isnt your kid)
-She is constantly trying to wear the pants
-She is contentious and passive/aggressive
-She doesnt respect you as an individual. Only if you arent ruffling her feathers in some trivial way
-This is a pattern of behavior, not an isolated incident. That means it has become part of her persona, probably from a string of ****ty past relationships.

...and probably the most telling thing: You were compelled to write a thread out of your exasperation.


Sorry if this is redundant, but I hope you can learn a permanent lesson and not just repeat the same mistakes in a year or two. There is this weird phenomenon going on in America where men tolerate the most cvnty behavior from women because they feel like that's "just the way they are" and that's the best they can get. I guess if that's all you've been exposed to, you will think that's the best you can get.

Anyways good luck, dont be afraid to suffer some temporary pain for the greater good.

 

[Down Low]

Dude, there's a hole in your screen and it's letting in what you really ought to keep out. Shoo away the pests and fix the screen.

 

[Boilermaker]

That's what I mean. Your post is actually constructive on some.points so kudos, btw not one single point you've made have I not thought on my own. But then you go on to state with confidence something like she's probably getting railed by some.dude raw...Cmon man. Isn't that the risk were all taking when we get with any woman. They've all been with other people. That was an attempt to get at me. Lame. And no I don't think I'm sensitive, **** just gets annoying when grown dudes take the easy lazy way out with insults. It's not how I roll. Fyi, I insisted we both get full std panels done with paperwork and we both were clean across the board.

I get one thing you're saying, and agree I've might have painted myself into a corner. I've broken up twice now and after talking it out twice, not because of sex, gotten back with her. The threat of leaving might not be there for her now, I get that. Only I know how close I.was to leaving I guess...and next time, if there is one, there is no bouncing backbfrom that...that card is played out. But look, the sex is good but honestly at my age I've had plenty of good, great and horrible sex...what I haven't had is a ltr that's went the distance and if anything its the wanting of a meaningful, loving ltr that has me giving more chances.

I'm probably wrong, I know. Am I a fag, Afc, wuss, whipped, desperate dude because I may he a bad judge of character? I beg to digger.

ignore morons like Play Her Man.

He's actually 18.

There's actually a lot of camaraderie here, but we are not going to hold your

hand when you are blatantly putting yourself in a bad situation.

It's Tough Love, but make no mistake, it is LOVE after all.

 

[disgustipated]

I'd like to thank warrior, slk, eastwind, goted, collosus and boulermaker for putting some thought into their posts. That kind of advice and shared experiences is what I needed. I appreciate it.

Guys I'm most likely gonna ride this out. I know I probably made a mistake and ill be breaking up with her down the road. I know. In that time, I will be investing as little as possible until or if I'm ever certain she's changed. And at that time I will post here to update for all the I told you so guys. Even though I've never understood that need to do that either. Nevertheless, ill post.

You guys I mentioned came through in a big way so thanks again. I just wish more guys could be that constructive when giving advice or criticism.

For Warrior. Man I had the whole aloof thing in spades in school too. Even though it was actually me being paainfully shy. I looked pissed or indifferent all the time. Had ab ol flame contact me on Fb saying how infatuated she was with me ...saying she never knew wtf I was thinking or that maybe I hated her. All this after 17 years!!! I was still heavy on her mind. The truth was I was so head over heels for her I was tongue tied in her presence. Couple that with my natural mean mug and she had all these crazy ideas running through her head. Perception is a mother!

 

[Die Hard]

You're emotionally dependant on this woman. You already know she's no good for you, but your emotional dependance on her is interfering with this thought.

So you will ride it out until she hurts you bad enough for your survival instinct to kick in and then you will save yourself by walking away.

After you walk, you will spend time healing yourself, coz the breakup will hurt you.

THE END.

Guys on here are trying to make you run away from her RIGHT NOW, coz the sooner you walk away, the easier your recovery will be.

But you can't break away from her, you're emotionally dependant of her.

And I'm sorry to say so, but this inability to walk away from her, DOES merit other members to call you a moron. A moron is someone who does stupid things, and you are doing a stupid thing by allowing your emotions to rule your actions, meaning you stay with her even though you know she is bad medicine.

Yeah, it sucks when people point out your mistakes and weaknesses. Get over it, we are trying to help you but you can't deal with it and then try to shame us, saying we're "out to get you" and we are projecting our insecurities on you blah blah blah. Fvck you man, these guys deserve better than that. Most of the reactions in this thread are by core members, guys who have proven over time that they really are here to help each other and have the best intentions with their fellow brothers. You should be slapped in the face for implying that they have bad intentions with you.

You're gonna burn, man. This bytch got to you emotionally and you are gonna get burned because of it. Been there, done that. WE ALL HAVE BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT! And we all acted just as stupid as you are doing right now. So yes, it is painful for us to see you being this MORON, coz it reminds us of the MORONS we were OURSELVES when we were in the same position as you are in. That's why we get emotional in our responses and are kicking you in the ass. We want to help you handle things better than we did in the same situation and it's fvcking painful to see that you are not able to follow our advice and instead get all defensive about everything.

But whatever man, you're gonna do what you're gonna do. You'll get hurt, then you'll recover and then you'll be seeing things clearly again. Good luck with all that and see you on the other side...


To the rest of youse: let it go, this guy must follow his own path and sit the ride out. You can't unplug him from his situation, he has to get burned hard enough by this CVNT and only then will he be able to take the right actions. All the advice in the world is not gonna make him do that, only GETTING BURNED is gonna make him do that.

 

[backbreaker]

with all due respect, at the end of the day the OP knows exactly how ****ty his girl is if he really asked himself. I seriously doubt his gut can't see the red flags.

The problem that he doesn't' see the red flags. The problem, the real one, is that he thinks that this is the best he can do.

If he thought he could do better than a 40 year old with an 8YO who acts like a spoiled child, he doesn't need this site to tell him that the grass probably is greener on the other side.

The problem, the real one is that the OP has co dependancy issues. he needs her to validate himself. and he's looking around and in the back of his mind he knows if he breaks up with her there is nothing else on the horizon and beucase he has codependency issues, that scares him ****less.

for guys like the OP, being in a ****ty relationship is better than being alone. Being alone is the death of the OP.

You can tell this guy all day long how bad she is, it's like telling a guy who has a 450 credit score that his car is a piece of **** and he needs a new one. he knows his car is a piece of **** but he also knows he has a 450 credit score and he's broke he can't go get a new one so he rationalizes how he doesn't like new cars or how he doesn't like debt or how he's not interested. lol there isn't anyone who is interested in dating ****ty bat **** crazy women over sane non bat **** crazy women if given the chance to do so.

beucase of that, i really don't have any love or lose any sleep over guys like the OP they dig their own grave; i'm too busy to give a **** about guys who refuse to get out of their own way or to put any work in to better their circumstances. utnil you tackle your co dependency issues you will keep trying to shine **** and call it gold because sane women who are worth a **** spot your **** a mile a way and you are like blood in the water for leeches