Issues with a girl . . .

[FindingMyCool]

She was my girlfriend from the first day we met. I was drunk but everything clicked and I was working it in style . . . then the relationship began and I was taking her out, we would drink . . . sometimes I'd buy more than my fair share but we always enjoyed ourselves . . . then I got injured and became depressed, the relationship fell apart as I lost my character, ultimately, I lost my girl.

I lost my confidence too . . . now, out the other end of it all, feeling good, I want her back.

It is hard though, much moreso than it was initially winning her over.

I met with her and some friends, we had a talk and she decided that we should get to know each other better, since she was my girlfriend from day one and we have no real past, this made sense . . .

So I met her again with some friends in a bar today . . . and it was awkward, we never really spoke. I became frustrated, distant and intraverted . . . spent most of my time away from her. All the friends would talk about us, and to us, about where our futures lie and she wasn't exactly giving positive responses.

What bugs me most, is not that fact we might not get back, but the fact she has the upper hand . . . the fact she initially ended the relationship when I was in bad form and is seeing fit to move on . . . I thought she was hitting on a guy at the bar . . .

What do I do . . .

I think I am gonna tell her straight up how we should give it another go and to hell with the past . . . I was ill and depressed, she can't hold that against me, it's not my true character.


I need some inspiration or ideas people.

Advise me.

 

[WC2]

What do I do . . .

I think I am gonna tell her straight up how we should give it another go and to hell with the past . . . I was ill and depressed, she can't hold that against me, it's not my true character.


I need some inspiration or ideas people.

Advise me.

If you put your heart on the table like this to this gal, she's going to slice it into pieces with one simple line "let's just be friends.. or let's be friends for NOW till we get to know each other better, etc"

See when this chick says I want to get to know you better, she's simply saying "hey shmuck, I'm not really attracted to you like I was before, but I wouldn't mind throwing you into my friendzone so I can bang other dudes and still have you as a friend."

Women often run away from men when they are down and hurt. It's just their nature to latch on to whatever the strongest branch is. Once your branch is weak, she will hop to another till (maybe) your branch is strong again.

Right now you're just a weak branch. The fact that you are "wanting" a relationship with this girl again is showing me that you don't have much self-value for yourself right now. A man of self-value knows that he doesn't need a woman in his life to make him whole.

My friend, this woman isn't the answer to your question. The answer to your question is self-improvement and some self-value. Once you get that on track, I promise that things will click naturally. It's amazing how your beliefs change when you have a clear head.

 

[FindingMyCool]

Thanks, sometimes you just need someone else to tell you and reinforce what you know to be true.

I feel like a shmuch for suggesting this but I am going to tell her to come with me on a date Thursday, next week and if it works, it works.

If not, its more experience.

Besides, I know I am capable of better girls, I just wanna give her a fair shot at the top prize, me.

. . . but yeah, I am also slightly attached to this one girl but I am coming to a realisation that I am putting too much emphasis on this one little girl, it's insane . . . I'll move past this. Eventually.

 

[Igetit!]

This is a classic case of emotions overruling logic and common sense.
Everything WC2 said went in one ear and right out the other.

 

[FindingMyCool]

Alright . . . so maybe I'm still a little fragile guys, shiiit. Lol

I feel she has the upper hand though! If anything I wanna get her out with me then dump her ass, so I have the upper hand.

Or I could just find a hotter chick and flaunt her infront of her . . . yeah, I see where this could go . . .

Meeting girls ain't easy from my neck of the woods though.

 

[FindingMyCool]

Well, the advice is sage. I just don't know if I will take it . . . things with this girl, they are not clean cut, the wound is ragged and I think the only way it'll heal is if I hand her my balls, in asking her out again, and hope she gives me them back.

I feel like I need to prove something to her, that the depressed guy was not me, I don't want her to think back in reflection and remember me as the **** boyfriend. I appreciate that I might be giving this girl too much credit . . . and maybe my energies would be better focussed on improving my skills and scoring with other chicks . . . but my resolve here is deep rooted.

It might not be DJ-esque but am curious to see if I can win this one back and get a position of authority back.

 

[KontrollerX]

Agreed with DonS.

Besides bro she left you at a bad point in your life.

She didn't stick by you and believe in you to pull through it.

Even a best friend would do that.

Fvck her.

Go game other women.

She had HER chance and SHE blew it.

 

[FindingMyCool]

Urgh . . . you are so right.

I mean, what would suck more would be if I do my thing and then she knocks me back again . . . then I find myself agreeing with all you guys. Late.

Well, it's almost 6am here . . . I'm gonna try catch some shut eye and get my priorities in check.


Peace brothers.

 

[FindingMyCool]

As it turns out, all the issues were with her. She was trying to get over her ex before me and she wasn't hitting on anyone when I was around her - just an over possessive observation.

Anyways, I have her back now.

I didn't give her an inch really, there was no handing over of my balls. We kept our distance, spoke briefly on MSN. Then one night at about 10pm I felt like going out and told her I would be in her home town and that she should come out for a drink with me. We spoke about her past, I tried to be funny and ****y, using a little kino . . . you know? Standard training.

We had a bit of fun calling around friends at midnight looking for a taxi number so I could get home, had her waiting with me till I got in the taxi and went. That night on MSN she asked me out if I was able to handle her supposed "messed up ways" . . . I told her I wasn't one to pass up a challenge.

Saw her today and all seemed OK . . . but we went to my mates who was with his GF too and they were fooling around, play fighting and stuff and I was more like *looks at watch, smiles at GF, looks at floor, yawns* I tried a little play fighting with her, I ended up throwing her over a chair and injuring her arm.

So I guess what I need now is pointers on how to be a smooth BF, the mind set I should have and the fluidity of execution my actions should take.

So yeah, am open to all advice - let me have it.

 

[nubian-knight]

As it turns out, all the issues were with her. She was trying to get over her ex before me and she wasn't hitting on anyone when I was around her - just an over possessive observation.

Anyways, I have her back now.

I didn't give her an inch really, there was no handing over of my balls. We kept our distance, spoke briefly on MSN. Then one night at about 10pm I felt like going out and told her I would be in her home town and that she should come out for a drink with me. We spoke about her past, I tried to be funny and ****y, using a little kino . . . you know? Standard training.

We had a bit of fun calling around friends at midnight looking for a taxi number so I could get home, had her waiting with me till I got in the taxi and went. That night on MSN she asked me out if I was able to handle her supposed "messed up ways" . . . I told her I wasn't one to pass up a challenge.

Saw her today and all seemed OK . . . but we went to my mates who was with his GF too and they were fooling around, play fighting and stuff and I was more like *looks at watch, smiles at GF, looks at floor, yawns* I tried a little play fighting with her, I ended up throwing her over a chair and injuring her arm.

So I guess what I need now is pointers on how to be a smooth BF, the mind set I should have and the fluidity of execution my actions should take.

So yeah, am open to all advice - let me have it.

This girl still has you by the balls

I don't feel like explaining why. But I'd do what you said you were gonna do before and drop her before she drops you. You defiantly wont though


lol @ how loosely you use the word girlfriend

 

[K2000kidd]

I tried a little play fighting with her, I ended up throwing her over a chair and injuring her arm.

ok were u "play fighting" or teaching her aikido LOL
anyway I can only echo what everyone here has already told you
get rid of her YESTERDAY and recalibrate.
your never gonna heal if you keep reopening an old wound.

I tried to be funny and ****y, using a little kino . . . you know? Standard training.

standard training?
how about not rewarding her bad behavior

 

[FindingMyCool]

Yeah, I was trying to be spontaneous and fun, we laughed about it later though >.>

I don't want to look at this as a negative relationship destine for doom. Fact is, I have a girlfriend now . . . I don't want to dwell in the past, yesterday is over - tomorrows a new day, a chance for new beginning.

She is an attractive, sweet and adorable girl, with a "fantastic" ass.

I cannot just dump her cause she once went off the rails reflecting on her past while I was in a **** way. Nah, I want to make this work . . . she's attracted to me and I like that, this beautiful girl asked me out and I'm a fool cause I want to make it go the distance?

I don't think so.

So, some relationship advice would be invaluable - honestly, to those who have been the BF's in good relationships, what carried the relationship? What did you say? What did you do?

Spread the knowledge.

 

[nubian-knight]

man she went out with you on the rebound, lost interest and broke up with you, ignored you in a public place then SHE decided SHE wanted to have a relationship with you IF you can put up with her "crazy behavior" (initially giving in to her every whim, listen to her b!tch and moan, mood swings on you)

Things wrong:
1. You shouldn't have asked her out after she broke up with you. She didn't ask her out, you did with the whole "going out for a drink" thing. it makes it look like you had/have no other options besides her. I can understand if she was initiating contact and you decided to spend a lil time with her but it seems like you were being persistent after the initial rejection

2. you defiantly shouldn't have immediately agreed to start seeing her again. and what is this "relationship" and "girlfriend" i keep hearing you throw around? don't go exclusive with a girl until shes practically begging to be your girlfriend. and then YOU decide if you want that or not

she now thinks she can throw you away and instantly win you over whenever she feels like it.


what happens when she tosses you aside again? you'll feel even weaker and less in control then you did the first time. Or will you try and ask her out again. as someone said she didn't even stick around when you were ill

how is that girlfriend material?

You have 2 options

1. Dump her and move on. Ignore her from here on after. This is a foolproof way for her not to hurt you.

2. if you want to be with her and have her respect, bang her a few times and dump her then ignore. if she keeps contacting you, then slowly, slowly wean her back into your time.

 

[nubian-knight]

So, some relationship advice would be invaluable - honestly, to those who have been the BF's in good relationships, what carried the relationship? What did you say? What did you do?

I'm in a great relationship now. It's great because it only became a relationship after having regular sex for 2 - 3 months where i dreamed her worthy to be my girlfriend. she had been asking me everyday for the first 2 months "are you my boyfriend" when i decided id say yes she looked like the happiest girl in the world.


i control the frame. thats what makes it successful

 

[FindingMyCool]

I'll tell you. . .

Initially, what happened was we met at a mates party sort of set-up and ended up in the sack together and then went out from there. She didn't ignore me so much so in the public place as appose to me ignoring her, we spoke, just not in the depth I would have liked. She was trying to sell herself short by describing herself in a negative way when she asked if I could handle her. I'm the man, of course I can handle her. I took the deal, it wasn't sucker bait I could have said no but I honestly do not have the time you seem to stake so highly. I could die tomorrow and if I did, I would be unfulfilled - I live for the day.



I didn't so much ask her to come out as tell her to and I knew she wouldn't refuse because I sense the attraction. She's been wanting me to ask her out, hold her etc the past few times we have met and I just haven't shown an interest. I am careful not to come off looking like a stranded puppy in need of petting, that's not something I was conveying . . . I conveyed interest, I will admit but it was not "I want you" rather "I am open".

No. Not open to get walked all over, open to the elements of attraction.


Agreeing to start seeing her again? Might not have been a wise choice but then I am all about the here and now. I wanted it and so I took it, I said yes and I comfortable that I could maintain a level of respect through my actions from here on in. I use buzz words like girlfriend and relationship so you can grasp the basic idea. I said I could handle her, I haven't called her my girlfriend in her presence, nor said to her we are in a relationship . . . I just take that as a given, which I may not be at liberty to do, OK.




I wasn't feeling the bond when I was ill, I was gonna end it myself to be honest . . . when she said she wanted to call it quits I was glad but it did impact slightly. It was not all about me anyways, it was her and her issues.




As for my options? Banging her a few times and then dumping her sounds like a tempting idea, if not to test her attraction then just to see what her reaction would be. Interesting . . . but I will keep them open.






More solid relationship ideas are welcomed btw . . .

 

[nubian-knight]

hey dude im not putting you down or trying to make you sound like a sucker.

advice on this site only goes so far, since actual social interaction needs to be observed physically to make true analysis of the situation.

you seem to be in better shape with her then i thought and have a good mind set about the situation.

however i don\t think you should have taken her back so effortlessly. her mood swings and "crazy behavior" or not ur problem.

i live by the theory that if a girl says she doesnt want you, make her beg and do some tricks before you even consider taking her back

 

[TakenDirectly]

I guess what I'm about to post is a collection of ideas from here, but they make a lot of sense even though I haven't been in your exact situation.

1) It sounds like oneitis and you're allowing yourself to think and feel for this girl ONLY because you're not around any other girls. You have to spin those plates and start hanging out with some friends, get some numbers, hang out with THOSE girls whos numbers you got and stop thinking about just 1 girl

2) You shouldn't be so concerned with what her reactions to your actions, words, thoughts, feeling, etc. will be. You will just get too nervous, lose confidence and it will show in your next action. I'm guessing you start to think of the "bad" times when you're with her? If you CANT HELP but to think about the past then think of the good times. You have to be in a good mood and that won't happen unless you let go of the things that make you feel uncomfortable around her. That **** is in the past, let it go.

Finally, remember to first of all think of YOURSELF. She can't be disrespecting you or making you feel worse/bad. No girl in the world is worth that. No she isn't the only girl in the world for you and NO you don't HAVE to have her. You have to build up this mentality or else you aren't exactly picking her, you're just with her because SHE picked YOU and later on you'll realize "wait what the hell am I doing with this *****?!?!".