Is this a salvgeable situation? Need some insight, fast.

[Nicholas]

I knew this moment will come. I'll get straight to the point.

She is a female, 24. We were friends for some time, then hooked up in late January. It was her idea, she developed feelings for me. She had a boyfriend for 3 years. I knew him also. She couldn't resist her urges and approached me offering something new, something I was craving about for a long time. I tried to back up, resist...and I failed. I thought there was nothing to lose, that all the free experience I was going to get was damn worth it. She was my first EVERYTHING. I gave in gladly, also told her we have no future, but some fun would be great for both of us. Her boyfriend was clueless. She dropped him couple of days after.

She went crazy about me. I was the boss. I was that cool DJ laid back guy she was chasing. I kept her on a leash which made her love me even more. I supposed we have no future, I can't keep a cheating cynt beside me. But sex was amazing. I got used to consistent sex life, instead of being bored everyday of my life with same old same old. We were keeping our relationship a secret from our friends.

Six months forward. We finished the last semester and our social circle disbanded. My friends went home. She went home which is 60 km away. She ain't coming back for faculty. We are stuck on a long distance and problems have arrived.

Seeing that she's leaving and probably never coming back, a fear of losing her gets bigger everyday. Soon enough I'm getting desperate and lonely. She's aware of this change in my behavior. She accused me of treating her badly before, and now when she's gone I want her more than ever.

She is not used to being alone. She is very weak, unstable and unreliable. I trapped myself in her web of bullsh1t, lost a part of my identity all for the sake of keeping us together and putting my d1ck inside of her. Now we are seeing each other for couple of days in a week. Sex is amazing. When we are together we are having a GREAT time. When she goes home, bullsh1t goes on, endless fyckin fights over the phone. She has crisis at 4 am every other night and sends me stupid texts and cries over the phone.

I'm very rational, she's very emotional. We can't reach a solution because of my big ego and her inability to change. I started twisting myself in order to comfort her. She justifies her bullsh1t actions with her corrupted personality and her sh1tty family, and thinks I deserve better than her. Meanwhile for all this time, her 3 year EX couldn't get over her. He calls her, contacts her over FB all the time. Yesterday she admitted she feels bad for him, and doesn't want to hurt his feelings. I told her - (you fyckin b1tch) where does that put ME? WHERE IS THE RESPECT I DESERVE? I fyckin told her to stop contact with him, but she is unable because of the 'history they had together'. What a bunch of bullsh1t.

I'm fyckin clueless guys. I want her. I fyckin love her regardless of how absurd it sounds. I don't want anyone else. What we have when we are together is priceless. But it's getting really bad. Bad things are starting to outweigh the good ones. Her ex is inferior to me. She doesn't want to go back to him. But still cares about him enough to disrespect me. What bothers me is that all my efforts to convert her to a dignified woman who deserves me are nullified because of her mental instability and her incapability to decide what she wants. It's not about her past, but her future with me...which is non-existent if she doesn't change.

I opened my home for her, told her we can live together. I know she cares about me a lot. She loves me. She just lost the fear of losing me and now has an upper hand. I can't do anything since she's away. I'm no longer in control. I've decided to pull back, give her space and in the meantime get my sh1t together if I can. If she wants me she'll come back. If she doesn't, nothing else could have I done, since things would end up the same way.

Many red flags, I know and I'm aware. If I had an alternative it wouldn't be this hard. It's a first time I'm feeling like this, and I've never expected that it would hit me this hard.

One thing is sure, I can't put up with bullsh1t. When I drop her ass, she'll go fyckin mad about me after she realizes what she had lost.

And imma go back to jerking. Fyck.

Help me.

 

[Nicholas]

I would say she doesn't fyck behind my back. But I would also say it's inevitable that she will at some point when I'm not available. She knows about her corrupted personality and she wants to save me from future trouble because she is unable to make an effort to change. Regardless of her feelings for me. She is also self-destructive.

she will be the one to force you into no contact

I'm struggling with desperation and it really messes with my head. I know what I have to do for my wellbeing. But I'm so fyckin sad man, that you're right about everything. That my gut feelings are right.

Could've I done anything differently? I mean is a large portion of females like this, where when you give in and acknowledge comfort and stability they lose a part of lust for you?

It really amazes me man, that things are really so brutal as this community preaches. Even when you know about it doesn't matter up until it happens to you and you feel it on your skin.

The thing is I didn't get to chose, and I had to accept this red flagged woman as she is for the sake of experience. The fact that I developed feelings for her is entirely my fault. Nothing I can do, except thank her, forgive myself and move on.


Thank you.

 

[gravityeyelids]

If She Did It To Him, She Will Do It To You.

Repeat this over and over and remind yourself that she cheated on him in front of you. The fact that YOU were the one she cheated WITH is irrelevant and only serves to blind you with emotion to the truth.

 

[GS750]

If She Did It To Him, She Will Do It To You.

Repeat this over and over and remind yourself that she cheated on him in front of you. The fact that YOU were the one she cheated WITH is irrelevant and only serves to blind you with emotion to the truth.

She will. Only a matter of time, possibly with the ex. Eject.

 

[Fireballs]

Holy fvck abort now, you KNOW you have to.

 

[hudpes]

There are chemical mechanisms in our brain that create emotional pull that draws you towards the light like a mosquito and if you don't stop it will fry you. You know this, you are aware but you cannot help it. You need to get free of the pull, and there is no easy way out. What you wrote is a very typical thinking of a person that is like a grown man with a secret teddy bear by his bed. "I know she's tearing me apart, but she really is special, so this is an exception and it's worth to try, because it might work." This is the sand you're throwing in your own eyes to blind yourself from the reality of the situation. The way out is that you need to realize she is neither special nor extraordinary, furthermore, she's toxic to your being. There are huge ups and downs, sex is amazing, but she's unstable and making you unhappy when she's not there and when she's not there, you crave for her like a junkie craves the next shot, you are in tremors and it is exhausting you.

Let me give you the best advice that you can get: changing a person is impossible. They only change themselves and that only if two conditions are met 1. they must want it and 2. what they want to change to has to be within their personality and not something completely new. If she has been like she was all her life, there is no way a noticeable change can be made permanently. It would take a lot of will and psychic strength in her to follow through with it and never turn back. This could only happen if she experienced personal disaster of epic proportions that would cause her to experience a powerful paradigm shift so she could open her eyes and see herself and her life as it truly is. It might happen at some point in her life but it won't happen for you.

It is quite clear what karma wants you to understand - stop clinging on things, let go, you have to be able to let go of things that bind you and pull you towards them with seemingly irresistable force(I want her. I fyckin love her regardless of how absurd it sounds. I don't want anyone else.). Insisting in this relationship, sweating blood and p!ssing nails to fix it is swimming against the current of karma and karma always comes back with vengeance. This is not what "working on a relationship" means. Your Mohammed doesn't want to come to the mountain so you think you can move the mountain to Mohammed.

Now, there is another way, a half-a$$ed way of doing this - you simply cut the ties, erase the memory, no contact, spin some plates, get busy. But this way you're suppressing the momentum that's left from her and it will come out eventually and fyck you up again but until then it will influence your every step in a negative way. First you must come clean with yourself, realize the truth.

 

[zinc4]

Hahaha... what did u expect??? You stole a ***** who cheated on her boyfriend to be with u...never get into a relationship with a woman who cheated to be with u ...you should have bagged abd tagged because now you are the bf who she will cheat on....No, it's not salvageable.... it never was....stop mess ing with her go cold turkey/ghost...next time if you want something remotely serious, do it with a single girl who is of high quality....