I knew this moment will come. I'll get straight to the point.
She is a female, 24. We were friends for some time, then hooked up in late January. It was her idea, she developed feelings for me. She had a boyfriend for 3 years. I knew him also. She couldn't resist her urges and approached me offering something new, something I was craving about for a long time. I tried to back up, resist...and I failed. I thought there was nothing to lose, that all the free experience I was going to get was damn worth it. She was my first EVERYTHING. I gave in gladly, also told her we have no future, but some fun would be great for both of us. Her boyfriend was clueless. She dropped him couple of days after.
She went crazy about me. I was the boss. I was that cool DJ laid back guy she was chasing. I kept her on a leash which made her love me even more. I supposed we have no future, I can't keep a cheating cynt beside me. But sex was amazing. I got used to consistent sex life, instead of being bored everyday of my life with same old same old. We were keeping our relationship a secret from our friends.
Six months forward. We finished the last semester and our social circle disbanded. My friends went home. She went home which is 60 km away. She ain't coming back for faculty. We are stuck on a long distance and problems have arrived.
Seeing that she's leaving and probably never coming back, a fear of losing her gets bigger everyday. Soon enough I'm getting desperate and lonely. She's aware of this change in my behavior. She accused me of treating her badly before, and now when she's gone I want her more than ever.
She is not used to being alone. She is very weak, unstable and unreliable. I trapped myself in her web of bullsh1t, lost a part of my identity all for the sake of keeping us together and putting my d1ck inside of her. Now we are seeing each other for couple of days in a week. Sex is amazing. When we are together we are having a GREAT time. When she goes home, bullsh1t goes on, endless fyckin fights over the phone. She has crisis at 4 am every other night and sends me stupid texts and cries over the phone.
I'm very rational, she's very emotional. We can't reach a solution because of my big ego and her inability to change. I started twisting myself in order to comfort her. She justifies her bullsh1t actions with her corrupted personality and her sh1tty family, and thinks I deserve better than her. Meanwhile for all this time, her 3 year EX couldn't get over her. He calls her, contacts her over FB all the time. Yesterday she admitted she feels bad for him, and doesn't want to hurt his feelings. I told her - (you fyckin b1tch) where does that put ME? WHERE IS THE RESPECT I DESERVE? I fyckin told her to stop contact with him, but she is unable because of the 'history they had together'. What a bunch of bullsh1t.
I'm fyckin clueless guys. I want her. I fyckin love her regardless of how absurd it sounds. I don't want anyone else. What we have when we are together is priceless. But it's getting really bad. Bad things are starting to outweigh the good ones. Her ex is inferior to me. She doesn't want to go back to him. But still cares about him enough to disrespect me. What bothers me is that all my efforts to convert her to a dignified woman who deserves me are nullified because of her mental instability and her incapability to decide what she wants. It's not about her past, but her future with me...which is non-existent if she doesn't change.
I opened my home for her, told her we can live together. I know she cares about me a lot. She loves me. She just lost the fear of losing me and now has an upper hand. I can't do anything since she's away. I'm no longer in control. I've decided to pull back, give her space and in the meantime get my sh1t together if I can. If she wants me she'll come back. If she doesn't, nothing else could have I done, since things would end up the same way.
Many red flags, I know and I'm aware. If I had an alternative it wouldn't be this hard. It's a first time I'm feeling like this, and I've never expected that it would hit me this hard.
One thing is sure, I can't put up with bullsh1t. When I drop her ass, she'll go fyckin mad about me after she realizes what she had lost.
And imma go back to jerking. Fyck.
Help me.
She is a female, 24. We were friends for some time, then hooked up in late January. It was her idea, she developed feelings for me. She had a boyfriend for 3 years. I knew him also. She couldn't resist her urges and approached me offering something new, something I was craving about for a long time. I tried to back up, resist...and I failed. I thought there was nothing to lose, that all the free experience I was going to get was damn worth it. She was my first EVERYTHING. I gave in gladly, also told her we have no future, but some fun would be great for both of us. Her boyfriend was clueless. She dropped him couple of days after.
She went crazy about me. I was the boss. I was that cool DJ laid back guy she was chasing. I kept her on a leash which made her love me even more. I supposed we have no future, I can't keep a cheating cynt beside me. But sex was amazing. I got used to consistent sex life, instead of being bored everyday of my life with same old same old. We were keeping our relationship a secret from our friends.
Six months forward. We finished the last semester and our social circle disbanded. My friends went home. She went home which is 60 km away. She ain't coming back for faculty. We are stuck on a long distance and problems have arrived.
Seeing that she's leaving and probably never coming back, a fear of losing her gets bigger everyday. Soon enough I'm getting desperate and lonely. She's aware of this change in my behavior. She accused me of treating her badly before, and now when she's gone I want her more than ever.
She is not used to being alone. She is very weak, unstable and unreliable. I trapped myself in her web of bullsh1t, lost a part of my identity all for the sake of keeping us together and putting my d1ck inside of her. Now we are seeing each other for couple of days in a week. Sex is amazing. When we are together we are having a GREAT time. When she goes home, bullsh1t goes on, endless fyckin fights over the phone. She has crisis at 4 am every other night and sends me stupid texts and cries over the phone.
I'm very rational, she's very emotional. We can't reach a solution because of my big ego and her inability to change. I started twisting myself in order to comfort her. She justifies her bullsh1t actions with her corrupted personality and her sh1tty family, and thinks I deserve better than her. Meanwhile for all this time, her 3 year EX couldn't get over her. He calls her, contacts her over FB all the time. Yesterday she admitted she feels bad for him, and doesn't want to hurt his feelings. I told her - (you fyckin b1tch) where does that put ME? WHERE IS THE RESPECT I DESERVE? I fyckin told her to stop contact with him, but she is unable because of the 'history they had together'. What a bunch of bullsh1t.
I'm fyckin clueless guys. I want her. I fyckin love her regardless of how absurd it sounds. I don't want anyone else. What we have when we are together is priceless. But it's getting really bad. Bad things are starting to outweigh the good ones. Her ex is inferior to me. She doesn't want to go back to him. But still cares about him enough to disrespect me. What bothers me is that all my efforts to convert her to a dignified woman who deserves me are nullified because of her mental instability and her incapability to decide what she wants. It's not about her past, but her future with me...which is non-existent if she doesn't change.
I opened my home for her, told her we can live together. I know she cares about me a lot. She loves me. She just lost the fear of losing me and now has an upper hand. I can't do anything since she's away. I'm no longer in control. I've decided to pull back, give her space and in the meantime get my sh1t together if I can. If she wants me she'll come back. If she doesn't, nothing else could have I done, since things would end up the same way.
Many red flags, I know and I'm aware. If I had an alternative it wouldn't be this hard. It's a first time I'm feeling like this, and I've never expected that it would hit me this hard.
One thing is sure, I can't put up with bullsh1t. When I drop her ass, she'll go fyckin mad about me after she realizes what she had lost.
And imma go back to jerking. Fyck.
Help me.