RestUnknown
Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2016
- Messages
- 146
- Reaction score
- 21
- Age
- 34
I have posted many threads on this forum, many of them always came down to the same problem. A problem which has been identified and worked on, but never goes away and in fact feels as if it is getting worse.
I've been raised only by my mother since I was 12 due to the passing away of my father. I notice this in every aspect of my life and mainly with the fact of "being a man". A week ago I even found it hard to throw away a simple tissue because my mother bought these a few years back etc...
I currently have a job where I deal with the lives of many people each day and can make a company loose or gain a lot of money based on decisions I make. A huge deal of responsibility which I've always wanted, yet I don't feel happy or get a confidence boost because of this. Don't get me wrong, I love this job, it's what I've always wanted to do.
Something is fundamentally wrong in my self image. No matter what I do it will always be turned upside down in my head so it becomes something I'm ashamed of.
For the time being I have gotten what I want by going rigorously to the gym and doing cardio. I have the beach body I want. You think this would make me even more confident, but no. Like I said in the paragraph above, I'm actually ashamed of it because I probably come over as a show off...
Every single thing is just broken down inside of me and I know this for a long time, it just won't go away. Even a psychiatrist didn't help which leads me to the question that for some people it's just hopeless because of what happened in their life or just how they're wired?
Normally I don't quit, but just look for all my threads over the past years, there just isn't any improvement even though I try. And believe me, I've probably tried everything, but seeing no results after all this is just getting too much to handle.
I've been raised only by my mother since I was 12 due to the passing away of my father. I notice this in every aspect of my life and mainly with the fact of "being a man". A week ago I even found it hard to throw away a simple tissue because my mother bought these a few years back etc...
I currently have a job where I deal with the lives of many people each day and can make a company loose or gain a lot of money based on decisions I make. A huge deal of responsibility which I've always wanted, yet I don't feel happy or get a confidence boost because of this. Don't get me wrong, I love this job, it's what I've always wanted to do.
Something is fundamentally wrong in my self image. No matter what I do it will always be turned upside down in my head so it becomes something I'm ashamed of.
For the time being I have gotten what I want by going rigorously to the gym and doing cardio. I have the beach body I want. You think this would make me even more confident, but no. Like I said in the paragraph above, I'm actually ashamed of it because I probably come over as a show off...
Every single thing is just broken down inside of me and I know this for a long time, it just won't go away. Even a psychiatrist didn't help which leads me to the question that for some people it's just hopeless because of what happened in their life or just how they're wired?
Normally I don't quit, but just look for all my threads over the past years, there just isn't any improvement even though I try. And believe me, I've probably tried everything, but seeing no results after all this is just getting too much to handle.