Is it for some hopeless?

[RestUnknown]

I have posted many threads on this forum, many of them always came down to the same problem. A problem which has been identified and worked on, but never goes away and in fact feels as if it is getting worse.

I've been raised only by my mother since I was 12 due to the passing away of my father. I notice this in every aspect of my life and mainly with the fact of "being a man". A week ago I even found it hard to throw away a simple tissue because my mother bought these a few years back etc...

I currently have a job where I deal with the lives of many people each day and can make a company loose or gain a lot of money based on decisions I make. A huge deal of responsibility which I've always wanted, yet I don't feel happy or get a confidence boost because of this. Don't get me wrong, I love this job, it's what I've always wanted to do.

Something is fundamentally wrong in my self image. No matter what I do it will always be turned upside down in my head so it becomes something I'm ashamed of.

For the time being I have gotten what I want by going rigorously to the gym and doing cardio. I have the beach body I want. You think this would make me even more confident, but no. Like I said in the paragraph above, I'm actually ashamed of it because I probably come over as a show off...

Every single thing is just broken down inside of me and I know this for a long time, it just won't go away. Even a psychiatrist didn't help which leads me to the question that for some people it's just hopeless because of what happened in their life or just how they're wired?

Normally I don't quit, but just look for all my threads over the past years, there just isn't any improvement even though I try. And believe me, I've probably tried everything, but seeing no results after all this is just getting too much to handle.

 

[resilient]

RestUnknown, what was that problem that you identified and worked on that didn't go away?

You say you're happy with your job, have the beach body you want and that your psychiatrist didn't help. You also say that there's something fundamentally wrong with your self image, examine what and why that is. Try to determine the source. Childhood trauma or self-esteem issues?

I can't really say more than what I'm going off of what I read above. What triggers your sense of "hopelessness"? Brainstorm to determine if there's a link in the issues you stated and work on eliminating those weaknesses. I grew up with my parents in tact. They didn't and still don't have the happiest marriage and are pretty distant to each other, yet they're still married... so I can't relate as well with your experience.

Perhaps what you need is a series of "successes" to jump start your self image. Maybe that's winning a promotion, contest, getting numbers, going out on dates, hooking up, whatever it is that you find joy in, yet aren't completely reliant on for self validation, but various skills to obtain mastery in that fuel and eliminate this sense of hopeless that is internalizing within you.

 

[RestUnknown]

I just realized I posted this with another account, I once made this because of fear that someone I know would find me on this forum and deduct who I am based on things I say. Even everything I say is true besides very minor details which don't affect the questions I have because of this fear... My other account is "SayWhat", there you can look for those many threads I was talking about.

The childhood trauma I had is the passing away of my father.

My sense of hopelessness is because nothing improves after trying so much. You can keep on trying and trying, but when you go to bed and look back on your day and see that even though you gave it your best shot, nothing changed and that this happens every day, you just give up.

I want to believe in myself, but as said, I tried too. I've put myself out there, tried on different hobbies and found one I really liked. It's easier said as done, it feels impossible to me.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Saywhat, I've answered many of your posts before, and I'll reiterate the same things....

Three points,w which is not TMKs usual way, but I digress...

-Respect and love comes from within in the first instance. I know from previous conversations that you have mixed with the wrong crowds who have not reciprocated your own efforts. As we get older, we learn to appreciate those who are more like us, who give back what we give to them. Learn to differentiate between takers and givers. You are a giver by nature, so seek out those kinds of people and keep them close. Care less about insignificant people and care more about yourself and those who bring benefit to your life.

-No doubt losing your father has had a profound effect. More so than you or anyone else is aware of right now. The tragic thing about the past is that, though it is our greatest learning experience, there's nothing we're gonna do to change it. What we're doing now and planning to do is what's most important.

-For me, with limited knowledge of you or your situation, you have been placing far too much value on being appreciated by others. People come, people go. That's the way it is. You have a subconscious hang up on losing people (as results your Father's death). In order to move forward, you need to let go of that, at least in your personal life and be more selfish. Give your affection away for free, not with the expectation that they'll stick around or necessarily reciprocate.

 

[resilient]

Another aspect to bring up is to practice gratitude. Try not to ruminate over losses before turning into bed for another night. I'm sure it was hard lose your father, yet you're still alive and breathing. TMK is correct in that people come and go. Life is in flux, our environment doesn't stay static. It's like the old adage life is 10% of what happens and 90% of how we react to it. For some reason, I thought of this Bruce Lee quote when thinking about your situation:

Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way round or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend. ~ Bruce Lee.​

 

[Trump]

The childhood trauma I had is the passing away of my father.

My sense of hopelessness is because nothing improves after trying so much. You can keep on trying and trying, but when you go to bed and look back on your day and see that even though you gave it your best shot, nothing changed and that this happens every day, you just give up.

I want to believe in myself, but as said, I tried too. I've put myself out there, tried on different hobbies and found one I really liked. It's easier said as done, it feels impossible to me.

Yeah it's pretty tough growing up without a father. But you sound like you have done well for yourself.

What are you trying to do so badly? Get married? Get a girlfriend? Have sex with a good looking girl? You have to get specific in your posts. You have already posted twice in this thread and haven't specified what the problem is, only that society won't give you what you want.

 

[grayclif]

Make as much money as you can. Save/ invest it and watch it grow. Approach often and spin plates. Solo vacation to far off places you've longed to go. Read books on topics that you have great interest in. Put your phone down.

I'd stop looking for "help" and seek things/activities that interest you greatly. The goal is to have fun and be absorbed in the moment.

 

[RestUnknown]

The thing I truly want right now is to be able to have the ability to seduce every woman I encounter. Or at least the ones I truly want.

And in the end I want to find that one girl who is the same as me, who just wants to get up and drive to the middle of nowhere to just sit there, have a drink and enjoy the moment.

I also want to be able to talk to anyone. Yes I can talk to anyone but conversations die within 30 seconds or faster...

 

[MrWood]

I lost my father at 12 to suicide, I choose to remember the good in him and not the possible negatives.
Keep your head up Sir.

 

[RangerMIke]

Go find a good life coach... I know it sounds silly, but I've seen a number of people who were unhappy in their lives that found a good life coach that really helped them. The key is finding a good one. No one here is going to help you because you have to spend actual time with someone that been doing stuff like this for years.

As far as women... really that's the easy part, I know that if you haven't had the kind of success you want in the past that statement sounds silly, but women are easy. You just have to be willing to approach and let women know what you want and not take anything personal if the reject you.

 

[grayclif]

The thing I truly want right now is to be able to have the ability to seduce every woman I encounter. Or at least the ones I truly want.

This is unrealistic

And in the end I want to find that one girl who is the same as me, who just wants to get up and drive to the middle of nowhere to just sit there, have a drink and enjoy the moment.

This just sounds gay.

Look when you gain enough confidence a girl will go anywhere with you.

I also want to be able to talk to anyone. Yes I can talk to anyone but conversations die within 30 seconds or faster...

You can get better at this you just have to try. Push the envelope. Speak of current events. A news report, sports team or politician... anything. The key here is to not give a fvck. You will improve on your delivery over time. Speak to people in the checkout lines. Talk about stuff in their cart. Tell them you've never seen a watch like that before.
Anything. Just try. When you analyze yourself after an exchange you'll know where it may have gone wrong and you'll improve on it next time. The point here is to try and to realize you are learning.

I was serious about the money thing. The more money you have the more confidence you will gain to take risks when approaching women. Push yourself in all other parts of your life like you push yourself in the gym.

 

[RestUnknown]

Today was a horrible day. I tried talking to strangers or people I barely know and it just came across akward. I came home, sat down and just sat there for an hour and got into bed before my normal bedtime.

I feel as it is truly hopeless, that this life is just not meant for me because of everything I encountered. I will not kill myself but this issue is too deep, I don't enjoy life anymore.