I'm done with dating

[Steady Eddie]

I wanted to explain my reasoning to anyone who thinks that this is a meltdown post or that I am depressed.

I went to a party on Christmas. I met this really beautiful Korean woman. She was nice and a bit cheeky. She seemed to like me and when and got me cookies when she got up to go get some. When a guy stopped her to speak her she left him to come back to me.

I spoke to her for a bit and did my usual game thing. I could have pretty easily gotten her number and she was pretty into me.

But I remembered what @daddymonsterpoodle told me: don't date maybes.

While I found this chick very physically appealing and nice, I wasn't 100% into her. Also Asian women are little annoying to deal with. But that's another thread for another day. I didn't feel an overwhelming need to see her again. Sure I would have liked to **** her. I try not to get into ranking women by numbers, but she was an 8 on looks alone and her purity made her a nine.

But I didn't feel that she was worth me going through all the trouble of getting her number, arranging the date and etc. I thought of this line from a mid summer night's dream: "LOVE LOOKS NOT WITH THE EYES, BUT WITH THE MIND, AND THEREFORE IS WING’D CUPID PAINTED BLIND."

Oddly enough a woman did say this. But what Helena is saying here is that she is hooked to Demetrius despite all of his faults.

I don't think that I've felt that way about any woman that I've been with. Nor has any woman felt that way about me.

I saw that I was just basically trying to be a womanizer and if any woman who I thought was attractive gave me attention I'd take it. Be it a hug, a kiss, a ****, or a date. I wasn't really asking myself how I felt about the women that I would put myself out there too. I understood that I didn't really care about finding a woman who cared about me. That I wasn't truly interested in dating no matter how much that I told myself. I just wanted to ****. I wanted to feed a black hole inside of me that would never be full.

Truth be told, I never liked dating. I just saw it as a means to and end. Also as a way to feel "normal".

Then I wondered what I was doing. Why was all of this important? At the end of the day sex is not that big of deal. Having a cool girlfriend is not that big of a deal. And they won't bring you happiness or fulfillment. Happiness comes from within and fulfillment comes from achieving your goals.

I would say this insight into your desires and those of a potential\actual partner are informed by a realisation of the circumstances and the motivations that bring two people together.
Questioning your biology always comes at a price. You did the right thing, but a part of you will always regret, not following through.
That is until you pin down precisely what it was that negated your attraction to her. Not wanting to go through the dating ordeal is one thing, but something else caused you to lose interest.
Was it your past experience with asian women? Something she said or implied? Did you question her motivation in wanting you in a manner you hadn't merited or solicited through word or deed?

In response to your Shakespeare quote, I'm reminded of a lyric by the band Elastica.

"Another heart has made the trade...
forget it
forget it
forget it

I don't understand how the last card is played, but somehow the vital connection is made."

Which is to say, despite all our protests and rationalisations, love should be unknown to us, til we're smitten by it.

It not something to be negotiated by either party.
And from all accounts, we should have no choice in the matter.

 

[Steady Eddie]

- I didn't say it isn't OK for him to quit dating, he's a grown a.ss man, he can do what he wants to do.

- Yes, I was considering opting out of dating women altogether, but I didn't actually do so. As a result, that's why I stuck around here to continue to discuss (and bytch) about my dating situation with women.

- The OP said he has OPTED OUT of dating women, so with that being said, what is the point of STILL being on a website where guys sit around discussing how to date women......when you no longer are dating women?

You must be a ground worker, Tenacity, because you love digging holes.

 

[TheFixer14]

I would say this insight into your desires and those of a potential\actual partner are informed by a realisation of the circumstances and the motivations that bring two people together.
Questioning your biology always comes at a price. You did the right thing, but a part of you will always regret, not following through.
That is until you pin down precisely what it was that negated your attraction to her. Not wanting to go through the dating ordeal is one thing, but something else caused you to lose interest.
Was it your past experience with asian women? Something she said or implied? Did you question her motivation in wanting you in a manner you hadn't merited or solicited through word or deed?

In response to your Shakespeare quote, I'm reminded of a lyric by the band Elastica.

"Another heart has made the trade...
forget it
forget it
forget it

I don't understand how the last card is played, but somehow the vital connection is made."

Which is to say, despite all our protests and rationalisations, love should be unknown to us, til we're smitten by it.

It not something to be negotiated by either party.
And from all accounts, we should have no choice in the matter.

Truth. There's always going to be that somewhat dreaded what if. Though it's not so bad as it felt more clear

My past experiences with Asian women for sure played into this. One of those women that I dated recently was Asian (though she was born in the U.S) and I was dealing with a Japanese woman recently. Got her number and things appeared going towards the right direction. Then I asked her out, she didn't respond for two days and said that she had to watch a hockey game that day. I called her out on it taking her to two days to say no. And she came up with the excuse that she thought that she sent her response, but it didn't go and put a bunch of similes in it.

Asian women are attracted, but they are by far the hardest women to predict. What's attractive about them is also what's annoying about them: their purity.

I dig that lyric. It reminds of what Robert Greene said in the art of seduction of love not being a choice. I want to be head over heels for some in a legit way. I've been infatuated with some women. But never "wow she's amazing!" I want that.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

so this is what grown ups talk about