If you only remember ONE thing about dealing with women....

[STR8UP]

I just started thinking about this.

Basically, women throw out all kinds of sh!t tests to us guys designed to weed out the weak from the strong.

Us guys need to throw out sh!t tests to women that are designed to weed out the ones who don't respect you.

This is the perfect sh!t test for women. Withdraw your attention and affection. If she's TRULY into you and isn't the type to jump to the next AFC puppy dog when the going gets tough, she WILL straighten up, and likely she WILL apologize for her poor behavior.

Ever had a woman crawl on the hood of your car to prevent you from leaving her? I have. Right after I told her that I was leaving and that I never want to see her again.

It's something else to see a woman try to get away with something, lying through her teeth, just to be turned into a groveling mess begging at your feet as you are headed out the door.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Law 9: Win Through Your Actions, Never through Argument
Any momentary triumph you think you have gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.

This is exactly why you will never change a woman's behavior, opinions or peception of you with words.

 

[azanon]

Ah, but the real question, AZANON; is her desire genuine or motivated by establishing a reward structure for you? I would assume at one time in your past you had sex with her equally as passionate when you were dating or perhaps right after you were married that had nothing to do with you doing domestic chores? You were hot enough in your own respect to prompt this desire in her then, so what has changed that would make your gender role reversal become a prompt for her to be genuinely aroused?

Only 2 possiblities exist; one, she's "discovered" she genuinely gets off on seeing you in a (perceived) effeminate role while she enjoys being dominant, or two, she's reinforcing that behavior by racheting up the intensity of her desire in bed - or a combination of both.

Re: her "Reward Structure" for me; It genuinely seems like its not something she's actually contrived. From studying her behavior, she seems to be genuinely turned on by that, lol. If not, she is very cleaverly pulling off a reward structure scam on me.

Regarding the passion levels though, yeah its pretty intense in the "catching me cleaning" scenario, but there are other various situations that can spawn an equally (ok... near equally) matching intensity. Granted, there are other times that it just amounts to "checking it off" her to-do list though she normally puts on a positive, engaging attitude in these situations. If she overtly isn't interested and is just obviously doing it for my sake, I'll just politely say "lets do this another time", smile, and leave the room. Truth is - generally speaking - I just "want it" more often than she does. Its nothing wrong with my ability to generate attraction I don't think, rather just that I prefer more frequency than her. I've tested that theory many times by intentionally "holding out", and she resultingly will eventually come to me and initiate it in some way.

We will never match the initial intensity of the first time if, for no other reason, I'm not even sure I could do it 7 times back to back anymore.

 

[jophil28]

StaitUP makes so many great points - high quality advice.

I have authored a "Parting statement" for my own future use in the event that a woman has blundered BUT her actions (to me) are not a dealbreaker..a misdemeanor not a felony ..In other words I want to stay in the relationship more that I want to leave. THis statement IS a tactic to either, hopefully, bring her in line or push her over the cliff.
THese words were inspired by either VU or Vulpine who suggested talking "down to her like a stupid kid who just screwed up."

Just before I walk away, I say to her ," I have clear expectations of the woman in my life, I also have high standards and they are not negotiable.
Your behavior does not measure up."

Or possibly "YOU do not measure up ."

THEN i just walk -


THoughts?

 

[KontrollerX]

I think your words could be most effective if the chick screws up, knows you are going to leave her and is crying profusely over it jophil.

If thats not the case its probably just better to let the silence of walking away do your talking for you.

 

[jophil28]

"Chicks" in their 40s and older rarely "cry profusely" ..In front of men, anyway.' They have become battle hardened, skilled at power games and cleverly manipulative AND resilient .Maybe the decriptor "Cougars" acknowledged and reflects these acquired characteristics ... These women know that they will survive a breakup ( God knows, they have contibuted to several bustups by their age ) and they also know HOW to survive.
They become steely in their resolve to contol men and they cannot comprehend that a man would dump them for bad behavior. Thanks to decades of AFC grovelling..
THat ,in a sense, makes "the Takeaway " all the more powerful in its impact.

I do recall a long time ago, younger women crying profusely, but in older women it is rare. They get a little glassy-eyed but no water fall.

 

[WestCoaster]

"Chicks" in their 40s and older rarely "cry profusely" ..In front of men, anyway.' They have become battle hardened, skilled at power games and cleverly manipulative AND resilient .Maybe the decriptor "Cougars" acknowledged and reflects these acquired characteristics ... These women know that they will survive a breakup ( God knows, they have contibuted to several bustups by their age ) and they also know HOW to survive.
They become steely in their resolve to contol men and they cannot comprehend that a man would dump them for bad behavior. Thanks to decades of AFC grovelling..
THat ,in a sense, makes "the Takeaway " all the more powerful in its impact.

I do recall a long time ago, younger women crying profusely, but in older women it is rare. They get a little glassy-eyed but no water fall.

Oh, sooooo true, great post joe. Include mid- to late-30's in this bracket, too. Like I've said on this board (though the young AFCs who want to date older women disagree with me), I've been played much worse by older women than by women in their 20's. Younger women haven't mastered the art of game-playing either.

Women in their 30's and 40's still:

1. Like bad boys and jerks -- it just looks more pathetic on them now.

2. Do things important to THEM first, everyone else is second or beyond that -- often including their own kids. Usually the order of importance in their life is: themselves, their job, their kids, their pet, their vibrator ... then you make the list after that.

3. Are bitter because bad hubby or bad boy boyfriend divorced/dumped/quit living with them. Therefore by illogical women reasoning: all men are bad.

... If possible date younger. If not, be very careful whom you date in the late 30's and 40's bracket.

 

[STR8UP]

I think your words could be most effective if the chick screws up, knows you are going to leave her and is crying profusely over it jophil.

If thats not the case its probably just better to let the silence of walking away do your talking for you.

That's what i say. Using words is futile with women. You say so much more without a single word.

 

[edger]

Women in their 30's and 40's still:

1. Like bad boys and jerks -- it just looks more pathetic on them now.

Yep, women are women no matter what age they are. My mom of 48 yrs is a perfect example. Her boyfriend is quite a piece of sh*t, while my dad whom she left after 15 yrs is the epitome of the "nice guy".

Women in their 30's and 40's still:

2. Do things important to THEM first, everyone else is second or beyond that -- often including their own kids.

I can tell you for sure that my mom values her boyfriend more and puts him first before me and my sister. How do I know this? Because she's proved it many times. I won't get into details.

 

[edger]

"Chicks" in their 40s and older rarely "cry profusely" ..In front of men, anyway.' They have become battle hardened, skilled at power games and cleverly manipulative AND resilient .Maybe the decriptor "Cougars" acknowledged and reflects these acquired characteristics ... These women know that they will survive a breakup ( God knows, they have contibuted to several bustups by their age ) and they also know HOW to survive.
They become steely in their resolve to contol men and they cannot comprehend that a man would dump them for bad behavior. Thanks to decades of AFC grovelling..
THat ,in a sense, makes "the Takeaway " all the more powerful in its impact.

I do recall a long time ago, younger women crying profusely, but in older women it is rare. They get a little glassy-eyed but no water fall.

By the way Jophil, I've been seeing you're aware through a couple of your posts in the past weeks, that even women of your age(Cougars) are no different than the young women. I've been meaning to validate your observation and tell you I agree with you. Women are women no matter what age they are, I've always said that. They behave the same exact ways.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Just before I walk away, I say to her ," I have clear expectations of the woman in my life, I also have high standards and they are not negotiable.
Your behavior does not measure up."

Or possibly "YOU do not measure up ."

THEN i just walk -

Read this again.

Law 9: Win Through Your Actions, Never through Argument
Any momentary triumph you think you have gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.

This is exactly why you will never change a woman's behavior, opinions or peception of you with words.

WHile I think it's time well spent to have the introspect to understand and recognize what qualities and character a woman should have to meet your expectations, OVERTLY telling her this really serves no purpose. It's far better to let her imagination work for you and speak COVERTLY to her with your own actions.

My mom of 48 yrs is a perfect example. Her boyfriend is quite a piece of sh*t, while my dad whom she left after 15 yrs is the epitome of the "nice guy".

Heheh,..same with my mother. She was a virtuous, good Nazarine schooled young lady in the 50s who married my stable, dependable, good provider, educated, terminal AFC Nice Guy father. After 12 years of that the first guy she meets & moves in with for another 10 years is a suave, tan, disco king who managed a car wash and put most of his (and my mother's) money up his nose on a Saturday night in the 70s.

 

[Bonhomme]

This has to be the most inspirational thread in quite a while.

It should be stickied.

 

[STR8UP]

Showing that I cared too much made the breakup final. She had more reasons than before to feel validated in her decision when I was so angry and upset about the breakup.

Isn't it amazing how you come to the end of a relationship that you have invested so much of yourself into, that giving that last little bit of yourself in an effort to try to salvage things is what actually puts the final nail in the coffin?

I would have to say that this is the single most important realization that I have made when it comes to women.

How could I could I have spent so many years without the ability to grasp this concept?

I really hate to say it but my ignorance to this has caused me MISERY in the past.

It's truly a revelation to become acutely aware of your emotions in situations where you would have in the past been completely OUT of control of those emotions.

 

[edger]

Isn't it amazing how you come to the end of a relationship that you have invested so much of yourself into, that giving that last little bit of yourself in an effort to try to salvage things is what actually puts the final nail in the coffin?

And what I can't understand is, it's not like it's AFC trying to salvage it and make it work, if either you soley or partially contributed to f*cking it up. If it was her who caused the break-up, then yeah, trying to salvage the relationship you would come off as AFC to her, and you would think she would think this too, but if that's not the case, then I can't for the life of me see why she would cast you out for good.

What it's gotta come down to is, she was never truly into you from the start or she at some point began to loose interest.

 

[STR8UP]

And what I can't understand is, it's not like it's AFC trying to salvage it and make it work, if either you soley or partially contributed to f*cking it up.

It's not AFC to try to salvage a relationship, but you gotta remember that women NEVER own up to their own mistakes unless they are PUNISHED for them, so it's almost ALWAYS your fault. Top it off with the fickle nature of the female attraction mechanism and PRESTO....you're the one getting screwed if you try to put the pieces back together.