If you only remember ONE thing about dealing with women....

[STR8UP]

You've probably heard this before, but if you only remember one thing about dealing with women it's that when you are the slightest bit unsure about what action to take with a woman, just WALK AWAY.

She says something stupid....walk away.

She lies to you about something serious....walk away.

She tells you she wants to see other people....walk away.

I started thinking about this because I noticed several posts where guys have admitted that they SHOULD have walked away, but instead they went against their better judgment and went back to "tie up loose ends" or whatever.

And that usually means the difference between retaining a bit of your pride and walking away with some power, or completely handing it all over to her and feeling like sh!t for a prolonged period of time.

Anyway, I made this mistake SOOOOO many times in the past. I always felt the need to get the last word. Sometimes I needed "closure". Lots of times I was trying to protect my ego by getting her to say that she still loved me or whatever.

The thing is, every time I stuck around, every time I initiated contact one last time, every time I yelled at her when I should have just turned around and let her chase me, no matter what the reason, it ALWAYS turned out bad. Bad as in I lost ALL of the power I had had left and usually ended up handing over my pride in the process.

Then I discovered the secret. I learned that I don't have to give up the power and hand over my pride. I learned that all I have to do is get up and WALK AWAY.

It's the simplest concept, but for so many guys it's very difficult to do.

Almost two years ago i broke up with my last LTR. Messy situation. Caught her seeing another dude and lying through her teeth to cover her tracks. I dumped her cold, and stupid me, I let her beg her way back in to a fukk buddy type situation, when I should have cut that sh!t off COMPLETELY and walked away.

So instead of taking my lumps and moving on, I ended up dragging it out to the point where she found someone else and then SHE basically dumped ME. That sucked. And to top it all off all of the sudden I go from being this amazing person who she wanted to spend her life with, to being a worthless piece of trash that she didn't hesitate to throw away once she got her claws into someone else.

At that time a part of me died. The part that felt the need to stick around and justify and clarify and repair my ego. Gone forever.

In the past I have managed to alienate pretty much every woman I have ever had a relationship with simply because I didn't cut my losses, man up, and go my own way when the time was right.

Since I adopted the "When in doubt, walk away" mentality I have yet to drive any woman away. I am proud to say that as much as I felt like saying something to a couple of these chicks, like getting the last word or "setting her straight" when she was out of line, I bit my tongue and went my own direction every time, and as a result I am on good terms with all of the women i have been with since.

It doesn't really matter how bad she screws you over. It's completely counter productive to do ANYTHING but walk away.

What purpose will it serve? Sure, you will be able to blow off a little steam, but do you REALLY think you're gonna make a WOMAN feel guilty and see the error of her ways? NEVER. NOT A FUKKIN CHANCE IN THE WORLD.

All it's gonna do is hand over any shred of power you had left and create an enemy that you will probably hold a grudge against for a long time.

Even if you never even see her again, you can now get on with your life knowing that SHE will always be the one with unresolved issues, not you. She will carry that with her for the rest of her life, and you are free knowing that you walked away from the situation from a position of power.

This chick I was seeing last year, the one who got engaged to this other guy she started seeing when she was seeing me....this is a classic example. It's been almost an entire year since she broke the news to me just to watch me blow it off like it was nothing. And to this very DAY she is STILL bringing it up trying to get a reaction from me. She's getting MARRIED in a few weeks and she's asking me if I'm pissed at her.

I can tell it's bugging the sh!t out of her to not know where she stands with me. And it's a great feeling on my end, because although I don't interact with her regularly, when I DO see her I can feel the pendulum of power swinging back in my direction. She loses, I win. And it would be just the opposite had I done ANYTHING but kept my cool and went about my business as if nothing happened.

So to all of you guys out there thinking about calling her after you broke up, or feeling yourself getting pissed when she flakes on you, just remember, nine times out of ten it is in your best interest long term to suck it up no matter how much it kills you, and WALK AWAY.

 

[Cableguy]

Excellent post bro and this is what I've been working on here lately. I'm the type who likes to get the last word in and TELL a chick exactly why she's getting the boot. But if there's one thing I've learned about women, it's that they LOVE closure. I deny that to them every chance I get. Walking away when they expect drama or want to talk about things leaves them reeling.

 

[STR8UP]

Excellent post bro and this is what I've been working on here lately. I'm the type who likes to get the last word in and TELL a chick exactly why she's getting the boot. But if there's one thing I've learned about women, it's that they LOVE closure. I deny that to them every chance I get. Walking away when they expect drama or want to talk about things leaves them reeling.

I don't think they love closure as much as they can't stand the fact that you are unwilling to give them validation one last time.

Ever have a chick leave sh!t at your place even after SHE broke up with YOU? I have. And even when I tell them that they need to get their sh!t out ASAP they always drag their feet cause they KNOW they will no longer have a thread to hold on to JUST IN CASE.

I think women are VERY aware of the kind of reaction that most men will have in a given situation, and it's usually something that gives the woman satisfaction that she is still wanted or needed. When you deny her of that it throws a switch setting off all sorts of emotional triggers. "What happened? Doesn't he still love me?" "I thought he was such a slave to his d!ck that he wouldn't be able to resist taking one last stab at trying to fukk me!" They are standing there waiting for you to volley the ball back over the net, and you just let them listen to the crickets chirp. Priceless!

 

[joekerr31]

when you no longer need 'closure' you are a man.

i dont need to know if she banged someone else. i dont need to know how she feels. i dont need to know if she cheated. i dont need to if she was telling the truth when she said she loved me.

its over, close the door, move on.

it takes a tough person to do that. i only developed the ability about 5 years ago.

but part of maturing is realizing that sh*t happens in life and you only demean yourself by begging for someone back or by hashing things out with you (99% of the time they will lie their *sses off anyway).

its like getting your foot or hand blown off. sure, it sucks, but so what, thats life. what are you gonna do, sit around wondering why you got your foot blown off. you can, but its a waste of time. its gone. now you move on and start living life with one foot.

maybe ive gotten too damn tough for my own good

 

[edger]

all of the sudden I go from being this amazing person who she wanted to spend her life with, to being a worthless piece of trash that she didn't hesitate to throw away once she got her claws into someone else.

This is why I do not trust women for sh*t..even as a follower of the DJ mentality. This was pretty much exactly what happened to me, except she didn't leave me for someone else. If there's one greater realization that I've ever realized in life, it's realizing that nothing, and I mean NOTHING in life, is guaranteed, especially a woman's love and attraction for you. That is why I don't take relationships and dating seriously anymore, I just ride it out, and as Grinder would say, "proceed accordingly".

 

[STR8UP]

but part of maturing is realizing that sh*t happens in life and you only demean yourself by begging for someone back or by hashing things out with you (99% of the time they will lie their *sses off anyway).

By seeking closure all you are doing is playing a woman's game, a game you can't win no matter how well you know it and no matter how hard you try.

 

[joekerr31]

By seeking closure all you are doing is playing a woman's game, a game you can't win no matter how well you know it and no matter how hard you try.

exactly.

actually i've learned that you can never win at anything if you require someone else to fix how you 'feel' about something.

your feelings are always your problem. never look to others to fix them for you.

 

[STR8UP]

If there's one greater realization that I've ever realized in life, it's realizing that nothing, and I mean NOTHING in life, is guaranteed, especially a woman's love and attraction for you.

Whenever the subject of marriage comes up, INEVITABLY someone (usually more than one) person knows a man who recently got divorced to a woman who absolutely blindsided him asking for a divorce. They had ZERO warning.

Luckily the last one i heard about ended up getting back in the saddle and said "it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now I'm out fukking all kinds of new chicks."

But no matter what you can't take anything for granted.

 

[KontrollerX]

I think you and joekerr are both right str8up.

A chick does something unforgiveably bad to you whatever it is, you should just walk away which would be to follow your advice str8up and then to follow joekerr's advice you simply never think of her again because she is such a lowly piece of trash that to spend one minute of your time thinking of her would be a waste.

I really think joekerr's advice is the mark of a true fully mature man.

When you get to the point you don't even care if she is suffering for her crime or not as you just don't care about her in any way any longer.

 

[blueguy]

when you no longer need 'closure' you are a man.

i dont need to know if she banged someone else. i dont need to know how she feels. i dont need to know if she cheated. i dont need to if she was telling the truth when she said she loved me.

I feel the same way...

When you don't make a woman the first priority in your life and only focus on those things that you can control, you have so much more success -- not only on yourself, but with women too.

I'll leave the girls I date to worrying about all the details of the relationship.

They can let their emotions take hold of them.

That's their life. I have more important things to worry about.

And anytime she tries to play the jealousy card, I take the card and flip it out.

The best part about this entire thing is that when you are the tortoise... slowly but steadily going your own way... doing the best you can... and not looking back (competing, jealousy, putting in the last word, etc.) (like the hare), you win. And that is a very attractive thing.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Brother STR8UP,

Good call. Letting the small sh!t go is a fundamental MAN trait. Women's sh1t tests are just that, small. Too many brothers hold on and internalize
what she thinks,
what she does,
what she wants,
what she expects.

The expectation of what we dare to make of our reality and of ourselves supercedes every and all opinion by women. If she flakes, so what.

Give her this :moon: for me.

 

[Bonhomme]

Good post, bro.

This is what the Zen principle of "non-attachment" means.

 

[MatureDJ]

If a man were to dump a woman just for saying something stupid, the human race would never survive.

I agree with the other 2 reasons. A woman who would lie to you is someone who could cuckold you. A woman who wants to see other men is simply telling you the truth.

 

[azanon]

By seeking closure all you are doing is playing a woman's game,

be that as it may.....

a game you can't win no matter how well you know it and no matter how hard you try.

you can win it, in a manner of sorts...

.................

Ok, Str8up, great post and good point. The advise I always have going through my head as a reminder is a title of a song by Debbie Gibson "Silence Speaks a Thousand Words". Its my version of what you're saying. I believe RT's version is Plate spinning (walk away to all the other women, IOW). In any event, it is always an excellent "play". Kinda like going with a plastic worm for fishing Black Bass; its hard to fault it.

That being said...... its STILL not one size fits all. I have had endings where if i .... "walked away" the understanding in her head would have been "he wants me, and he doesn't have the power to reject me" such that even time wouldn't revise this conclusion in her mind. By me "walking away" in these specific situation, she would have just assumed I gave up though I'm still the one wanting. Now, granted, I probably screwed up earlier to allow that thought to be the pervasive one in her head, but two wrongs don't make a right.

Sometimes, if I can tell my persistence isn't working, or lets just say .... failing, and its a girl I really like, then I'm going to sometimes want to do a bit more than walking away. There are ways of turning the s*** around on her, rejecting her if you will by taking advantage of a small opening, manipulating basically the reality of the situation, getting HER in a reactive mindset because she's being subjected to some sort of convoluted rejection THEN walking away. Yes it pisses them off like Str8up suggested such an approach does, but we have plenty of articles in the bible about what emotions and transfer of power (to you) does for your situation, do we not? Yes, this kind of s*** is normally what they're best at, but if you're an adept man, with a little bit of effort you CAN beat her at her own game. Especially, if she thinks she has you whipped and, thus, won't be expecting it.

OK normally, I wouldn't even go through the little trouble that requires. But if i really like them.... its often worth the effort. The satisfaction alone I can get from turning something around like that on them is payment enough. In other words, I have walked away from a manipulated situation (to my favor) and felt more satisfied by the ending than I would have by just walking away saying nothing. It seems what should matter most is being satisfied with the ending as much as possible.

Bottom line; "we want the girl"; whatever girl we're picking. We also want our manhood. Walking away is an excellent move in most cases. But, sometimes, I just can't accept walking away when the "understanding" will be she won. Not when I can manipulate with the best of them.

 

[kingwilliam]

excellent post

This is so true..............and so hard to do.

 

[jophil28]

If a man were to dump a woman just for saying something stupid, the human race would never survive.

Now that is funny !

 

[blueguy]

If a man were to dump a woman just for saying something stupid, the human race would never survive.

This quote has potential for signature placing!

Bottom line; "we want the girl"; whatever girl we're picking. We also want our manhood. Walking away is an excellent move in most cases. But, sometimes, I just can't accept walking away when the "understanding" will be she won. Not when I can manipulate with the best of them.

Walking is not always going to win the girl over. That's not its main point. By its very nature, it is not playing. Sometimes you can play the game and win over the girl with more effectiveness than walking (as walking can be perceived incorrectly), but oftentimes at the sacrifice of your own manhood. Its main effect is the clarity it causes inside of you.

This is what the Zen principle of "non-attachment" means.

Didn't know that. Now I know there's a name for the principle I've been living the past little while!

This is really the kindest way to live and it is the only way to love: to let each thing really be what it is and then to let it go- to let it be free. To try to hold ourselves or our world or another person in place is impossible. Nothing can be held in place. Life is very pressured, very stressful, very burdensome- and this is why- because we are trying mightily to hold in place what cannot be held in place, we are trying to preserve the unpreservable and fix the unfixable. Actually everything has integrity as it is; everything is surrounded by immense space: each of our thoughts, even our miseries, certainly trees and grasses, the sun and moon and clouds, our human body- everything passes and reappears as it is, all of it operating together in a marvelous harmony of freely passing by, if we will only let it, if we will only let go and allow it to be that way in the course of our living.

 

[squirrels]

Sometimes, if I can tell my persistence isn't working, or lets just say .... failing, and its a girl I really like, then I'm going to sometimes want to do a bit more than walking away. There are ways of turning the s*** around on her, rejecting her if you will by taking advantage of a small opening, manipulating basically the reality of the situation, getting HER in a reactive mindset because she's being subjected to some sort of convoluted rejection THEN walking away.

That's a chick-move. It's also a submissive move, because you're trying to work some thought into HER reality. A MAN controls his OWN reality, and when a woman starts to infect that reality, a man simply excludes her from it and shuts the door.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The major reason why this is such a hard lesson for most guys to learn (AFC or DJ) is because it runs contrary to how men are gender-conditioned over the course of a lifetime. It also reflects the scarcity mentality / fear of rejection schema that all too many men are accustomed to. It seems counterintuitive not to do the "everything in your power to make it work - all for love" dance when push comes to shove. This is the first recourse for a man without options.

One of the reasons I constantly reiterate Plate Theory is just because of this "walk away" principle. A man without options becomes necessitous, and necessitous men are never free. As I stated in Plate Theory, it is far easier to adopt the "I don't give a ƒuck mentality" when you literally have the options to actually not give a ƒuck. It is this very anxiety in women that makes for a good relationship. A woman's imagination is a Man's most powerful tool, yet far too many are unwilling or unskilled enough to have the self-disciplne to use it. Planting the seed of doubt in a woman about her assesment of you after the fact - really her respect of you - eats away at them like cancer. We only chase what runs from us.

The self-discipline needed to walk away conflicts with our desire to stick with what we perceive is our 'sure thing', because we've met with her intimate approval previously. When you go back, out of sentimentality or sexual desire, you place yourself into a position of having to qualify yourself to her. This is never the position a Man wants to be in, a woman should always qualify herself to him - thie is the PRIZE mentality. You lose all power because it's her approval you're striving for, and this is made all the more complex because you were acceptable and then rejected later; she knows enough about you and any mystery or challenge you represented before is stripped away. Add a cheating situation or a sexual rival to the mix and you can see how the qualification becomes more about your own self-respect in her estimation than your sentimentality. If you emphatically prove to her with your overt desire to forgive her, or you get back into her intimacy, the seed that is planted now isn't doubt, but a confirming of your total lack of options. "If this guy is willing to get back with me after all this, he must really be destitute" is her subconscious understanding. Your attention ceases to be a commodity for her because she did nothing (or next to nothing) to earn it. This is true even if she's the one to reconcile.

I'm fond of using this proverb (because I came up with it); Never root through the trash once you've dragged it to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it and you never really find what you were looking for. Guys who yell the loudest about "giving it one more chance" with an ex are often the ones with the least options themselves. Think of it in pragmatic terms; the time and investment you spend on trying to get back to where you were with an ex (which by definition is impossible) will never be equitable with developing and exploring new options. A new potential intimacy will always be time better spent than trying to reheat a previous relationship.

 

[squirrels]

Walking is not always going to win the girl over.

If a girl just f*cked you over by cheating on you, lying, or otherwise trying to snatch your reality out from under you, WHY would you want to win her over?

Who's the so-called "prize" here? If you are trying to win her recognition, even by making a power-play, then who is REALLY in charge of the situation?

THIS IS NOT A WAY TO GET A GIRL TO LIKE, RESPECT, OR OTHERWISE ACKNOWLEDGE YOU. So stop treating it as such. It's not a "DJ tactic".

It's reminding yourself that you don't NEED women to like you to be a great person. This is the thing everyone seems to forget on this forum...women are a f*cking GAME. As long as you remain brainwashed to think that women's opinion of you somehow matters in any way, shape, or form to your existence, NO amount of Don Juan tricks or tactics are going to work.

F*ck your movie ideals of "true love" and "marriage" and "closure" and "moral victory". This isn't some chick-flick...it's your LIFE. Make romance in it the way YOU want it, and if a girl doesn't integrate with that, then LEAVE her on the side of the road and find one who will.

It's that simple, all the time, every time. Any attempt to further complicate it is a result of you letting the world tell you how to love, instead of you believing in yourself and your own divine power of experience. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that any strife you experience in your romantic life today is a RESULT of further complication of the experience of "love".

You've all been sold a lie...a lie so commonly accepted as truth in today's world that it forces people into unnatural commitments, unhappy relationships, and marriages that end in divorce. It's no one's fault that you were infected by it...it's omnipresent. But once you learn to think for yourself, if you continue to follow the thoughts impressed on you by the world around you, then you have no one to blame but yourself.

[/rant]