"I need space" But GF wants to see me for the weekend?

[Slick101]

I understand how you feel, but really, if you're going to ask for advice here why not take it?

The whole situation you described was painful and embarrassing to read. You probably broke every DJ rule in existence, as if you were mocking the site itself. I actually don't think you're fit to be with any woman in your current state. You really need to find a way to respect yourself as a man, as a human being.


I realize this process isn't instantaneous, but this is absolutely not giving you "confidence", it's giving you "hope", which is the complete opposite of what you want with this chick right now. The NC you have going now isn't to get her back, it's to erase her from your mind, period.

Stop giving her this kind of power over you. You have to get rid of anything that reminds you of her and let time heal those wounds, because as long as you discipline yourself to do this you WILL move past this.

I am on DAY 4 without CONTACT... I put my phone away in the closet for some time So just in case she calls me I wont break... Plus it will make her think why I am not picking up,, At first it is HOPE for me that she will call I KNOW I KNOW

At the same time.. I know I cant break.. And I wont... I feel like I am getting better yesterday I wasnt on this forum because I wanted to stop thinking about her or anything that has to do with her... I FELT GREAT!!... MY DAY YESTERDAY WAS AMAZING I FELT ON TOP OF THE WORLD AND I BARELY THOUGHT ABOUT HER.. Today I woke up in the AM its my day off today and I was thinking about her a little bit.. Diff memories from those 2 years of being with her are coming bak to me little by little...But she is still a bvtch and I didnt realize it all along...

I am going to start doing things around the house now and then hit up the gym... For some reason however, I cant look at hot chicks now because I think they are all BVTCHESS!!... But Im coping with it and you guys are helping me alot.. Im thinking about changing my cell-number... transfering to new school...getting new job.. a better car...Im going on vacation In January to Dominican Republic with friends.. On Jan 12

My pschycotherapist said That I will be completely over her When I get back from vacation.....

 

[Slick101]

Listen to them Slick,
I am nearing 5 months NC, I am doing better, but its those times when you are by yourself where it is harder. Definitely get rid of those things that remind you of her. Put it all up in a box or somewhere where you will not access it. If you can't stop the thinking, start praying till the thought goes away or call a friend. But don't call them all the time they will get tired of your tune. If you have pics saved on your cpu, store them somewhere where it will take some effort to find.
The first two months are the roughest. The next ones for me have been more like splashes of thoughts and memories that I have to erase.There is one thing you cannot control though, the dreams. I guess in my case the thing that helped the most is that we don't share mutual contacts. Don't search for her on any social website either, unless you want to torture yourself.
Hang in there, keep busy. Hit the gym, go out and do something you were not approved of doing before in the past. Visit people you haven't in awhile. Just my two cents with your situation. Try to work on yourself and don't try to dig for dirt, you will find it, trust me.

Yesterday I wasnt thinking about her as much.. but when I went to sleepp..

I dreamt that she called me.. and I picked up then phone and started talking to her like nothing happened... THEN it hit me!!.. That I broke the "no-Contact" challenge!

But I woke up and it was all illusionss...

 

[Slick101]

Slick, listen to what Tazman said. After reading your post I thought exactly the same thing as him. You are using this NC situation hoping to get your girl back.

If you're not, then why do you feel better when you think she ll call you? why are you sad because she hasn't called you? wtf slick?

How many times do I have to tell you that NC is for YOU, it s meant to help you reach a certain level of emotional stability during a time of pain and suffering. So when she leaves you a voicemail, erase it instantly. When she sends you a txt/email, erase it without reading it. As far as negative effect on you, it s the same thing w/er you talk to her on the phone for 5 min or spend 5 min reading her email. YOU FAIL.

Slick, from how you ve desribed your situation, there is no chance for you at this time to get your girl back. None. If she does come back to you it's because she wants you as a doormat.

Slick, since the break up, what steps have you taken in order to move on with your life and fulfill your potential as a MAN?

First off.. You helped me including other posters here alot:

Its only been 4 days (today being day #4)

Monday: I spent my time mostly thinking about her devestated and depressed had to have friends, forums, and father to raise my spirit until I went to bed (nothing special)
Tuesday: It got easier.. I thought about her,, But started to think about how I can STOP thinking about her,, Iv'e gone to the gym, played raquetball, went to bed at 11.. And Im sleeping in another room.. Not My own.. I ALSO.. put my phone away in the closet and took my sisters phone instead for the MEAN TIME
Wednesday: By far the best coping day... Started with school in the AM... To Psycotherapist session... eating better ... I had a great intense workout in gym.. Visited my Grand-parents after a very long time and they were happy to see me.. I reconnected with My father.. Rented out public enemies with the best friend and watched part of it.. I spoke to a HB 9.5.. Which I MIGHTT get the number from next time I see her.. (so overall I had a great day)

 

[Slick101]

Wow slick, I read what happened.

I felt really bad for you!

But you know what

IM FUKN HAPPY FOR YOU

you just got rid of the most DISRESPECTFUL HORISH B.IT.CH I EVER heard of holy crap!!!

She doesn't even deserve you, your words, your time, your thoughts!


I'll share you some tips on coping that I did with a gf i broke up with after 2 years, and in 1 week i was smiling, happier, and laughing for no reason. I felt free. It's all to do with how you think mate. and it'll actually set you on the path of becoming a DJ.

First thing is NC for YOU, please It's imperative you do not talk / contact her at all.

Now...

Everytime you DO think of her, think of all the SH!T things about her, how ugly she looks, the moles, blah blah, serious. DO IT. This will turn you off her.

Straight after this you need to tell yourself in your head"WOW she does not deserve me, I'm Sl!CK and im the FUKN ****"

Now i want you to think you are the FUKN **** even if you dont feel you are, just do it. Your the MAN. your free, chicks are everywhere for you to PICK them. You dont need that *****. she did you a favor, cause now your stronger, your the fukn man and you will never go through that bull**** again.

So walk with your head up, i want you to force a smile. i want you to start enjoying life and get busy.

Do random ****! seriously it'll make you feel ALIVE. time to live man!!!!
I do random **** every month, i force myself to do something random and new every month where possible. It'll keep you busy and make u feel interesting and confident!

So go out there, go rock climbing, go mountain biking, go hiking, go for a random jog , go bowling, join a martial art, go hit the arcades, visit a water park, hell pick up a new instrument just do ****, keep busy and you'll feel on top of the world. If you never done it before! MORE REASON TO DO IT! You'll start feeling like a COMPLETE FUKN SL!CK MAN

Once your 100% feeling like the FUKN SL!CK u Are, you will go

"HOLY **** I CANT BELIEVE I EVEN CARED/DATED That *****. I JUST WANT TO SHAKE HER HAND AND SAY THANK YOU FOR BEING SUCH AN ARSEHOLE!!!!"

You seem very energetic LOL!!

I know, I have alot of things in mind that I will be doing..So how long has it been since you broke up with your X? and How do you feel now?

 

[p4rk r4ng3r]

SOMEWHAT HELPFUL!??

YOU MADE ME FEEL ALIVE WITH YOUR POST I COULD TEAR JUST BY READING HOW YOU FREAKING ACED THE PROBLEM AND IT MADE SENSE TO ME!!

I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO THANK YOU FOR THIS!

JUST A QUESTION:

CAN I SAY I WAS DUMPED?.. BECAUSE I INITIATED THE BREAK-UP.. SHE CALLED ME THE NEXT DAY..TELLING ME THAT ITS OFFICIAL...

AND ALSO

WHY WOULD SHE CONTACT ME AGAIN AFTER ALL THAT BS OF HER NOT WANTING TO SEE ME OR TALK TO ME?

BUT I WONT BREAK!

THANKS

lolol. Like they said, it's not what she says.
I wouldn't really believe much of what she says, she has ulterior motives that include getting you to try and engage contact and give her attention.

Remember that girls often say one thing and mean a totally different thing or do exactly what they say they won't do.

It's all a big test to see how you're gonna react, so do the right thing.

 

[KontrollerX]

You need to clear your PM's slick but here's what I was gonna tell ya in PM for the whole class to read. :yes:

Oh I getcha.

Well its cliche as all hell we say it so much but the only way to get over a breakup is the two part solution...

1. Time and 2. Action

1. You need time to heal before you start any new relationships.

2. The action you need to do is hang out with buddies, work out, invest yourself in hobbies and work basically, you can even give yourself a few days or a couple of hours to pine away about the ruined relationship if you want or go for a walk and think about it but then put your mind on better things, as part of your action you could even do the Bible Belt solution to getting over breakups which is going out and fvcking 10 other women. Just work at hooking up with chicks for a while basically, nothing serious, the new experience of these chicks and their bodies should get you passed thinking about the ex.

Good luck brother.

 

[Perfect10]

You should give her the space. I mean how would she otherwise be able to have sex with the other guy?

Just kidding. Man up, take charge! You make the plans and she should be following the adventure. If it doesn't work.... well it's better to call it a day.

 

[Slick101]

You know what I noticed... When I wake up in the morning.. I start to think about her, and I build energy through-out the day which makes me not think about her. Then later at night before bed I think a little bit. But its the hardest in the morning times..

Any ideas to why?

 

[drak_ool]

Slick, for now you're doing good. You can't stop thinking about her overnight. But make a point of disciplining your mind, every time you think about her, chase that thought away. Btw, that includes posting daily updates on how you feel about her.

I understand that now you're at a stage in your life where you need support from your family, friends, and ultimately the community in order to polish your game and start getting laid again.

here's my idea for you: start an approach journal. You could start with that chick from yesterday, tell us how you approached her, how she reacted, etc... A journal would be good for you because of 3 reasons:

1. You're doing something new, that will get your mind off her.
2. it will force you to go out there and interact with chicks. A journal is a good way to push yourself when you either want to pick up your game or take it to the next level.
3. you still continue to benefit from the support and advice of the community, without having to talk about your ex any longer.

Sounds like a good idea?

 

[Slick101]

Slick, for now you're doing good. You can't stop thinking about her overnight. But make a point of disciplining your mind, every time you think about her, chase that thought away. Btw, that includes posting daily updates on how you feel about her.

I understand that now you're at a stage in your life where you need support from your family, friends, and ultimately the community in order to polish your game and start getting laid again.

here's my idea for you: start an approach journal. You could start with that chick from yesterday, tell us how you approached her, how she reacted, etc... A journal would be good for you because of 3 reasons:

1. You're doing something new, that will get your mind off her.
2. it will force you to go out there and interact with chicks. A journal is a good way to push yourself when you either want to pick up your game or take it to the next level.
3. you still continue to benefit from the support and advice of the community, without having to talk about your ex any longer.

Sounds like a good idea?

Well today wasnt a VERY ENERGETIC day like my other 2 days... Still No contact and I dont even have my phone to see if she contacted me.. but Im not even thinking about calling her...

Now It doesnt hurt,, Its more that I "MISS HER" feeling...

She was a great girl when she wanted to be,, and cried over me all the time... always said she loved me and wanted to be together always... she was cute when she wanted to be... THATS THE PERSON I MISS!

TTHEN

She became an un-emotional BVTCH!!.. She always insulted me and my family. put me down all the time,, and ended the relationship in a way you guys know... It would have never worked out...

THATS ALL I FEEl... IM NOT GOING BACK TO HER AND I WONT... BUT I JUST MISS HER I GUESS THATS NORMAL?

I could star a journal based on the girl from yesterday, but now I am thinking... isn't it too soon to jump to sarging again?... I mean.. I still have to get over this girl and fully recover..

What you think?

 

[Slick101]

Yeah.. but I already told you why.

You must overcome your mind son.

Currently slick's mind >>> slick

I am taking everything I can from the book and applying it to my situation... I mean.. I cant fully FORGET about the girl No matter how hard I overcome my mind...

But I could be wrong...

Am I?

 

[drak_ool]

this is what I think Slick: you're overanalyzing this situation, trying to stick to a set of rigids rules of how to get your life together. When in fact NC is quite simple and only has 2 general principles: 1. NEVER communicate with the girl (either by initiating or responding) and 2. improve yourself so you don't fall in the same situation again and move on with your life.

There is no rule saying you have to wait a week, a month or a year before you go for other girls. There is no rule saying you need to get over her before you go for other girls. In fact, going for other girls now will only help you get over this chick. Don't limit your growth by trying to follow somebody else's path, just discover your own.

Here's a real life example from my last break up (i m sure I started a thread about that about 2.5 years ago...): basically the whole thing took a month, it was a terrible ordeal for me as I kept waivering b/w what my heart told me to do and what my pride told me to do. I was in a similar situation with yours in that my ex made it clear that she was ready to move on, but I wasn't and kept telling her that. It wasn't easty for me to make the decision to drop her and never talk to her again. However, once I did, I never looked back. Soon after I got of the phone with my ex, I called up 2 girls at my place and they both ended up sleeping with me that night.

Ya, I didn't technically sarge these girls right then and there, they had been on my nuts for a few weeks and I kept them on the backburner because of my gf situation. Even if you don't have anything lined up as of now, just going out and interacting with girls will be beneficial. A journal will help you, as I said above, because it will push you to action, it will force you to not sit back but to become proactive. And the bolder you get, the better results you'll get and the less you'll worry about your ex.

One last thing: remember that the harder part about No Contact is still to come. It's when the girl tries to get a hold of you that things get hairy. That is the big test that separates AFC's from DJs/budding DJs. As of right now, from your responses, I can almost guarantee that you will talk to her/read her txt/listen to her voicemail if she tried to contact you today. I'm not saying that will not change, and I hope you change your attitude, but that is the gut feeling I get.

I want to help you man, but you gotta be strong and rely on yourself first, then the help of others.

cheers

 

[Slick101]

this is what I think Slick: you're overanalyzing this situation, trying to stick to a set of rigids rules of how to get your life together. When in fact NC is quite simple and only has 2 general principles: 1. NEVER communicate with the girl (either by initiating or responding) and 2. improve yourself so you don't fall in the same situation again and move on with your life.

There is no rule saying you have to wait a week, a month or a year before you go for other girls. There is no rule saying you need to get over her before you go for other girls. In fact, going for other girls now will only help you get over this chick. Don't limit your growth by trying to follow somebody else's path, just discover your own.

Here's a real life example from my last break up (i m sure I started a thread about that about 2.5 years ago...): basically the whole thing took a month, it was a terrible ordeal for me as I kept waivering b/w what my heart told me to do and what my pride told me to do. I was in a similar situation with yours in that my ex made it clear that she was ready to move on, but I wasn't and kept telling her that. It wasn't easty for me to make the decision to drop her and never talk to her again. However, once I did, I never looked back. Soon after I got of the phone with my ex, I called up 2 girls at my place and they both ended up sleeping with me that night.

Ya, I didn't technically sarge these girls right then and there, they had been on my nuts for a few weeks and I kept them on the backburner because of my gf situation. Even if you don't have anything lined up as of now, just going out and interacting with girls will be beneficial. A journal will help you, as I said above, because it will push you to action, it will force you to not sit back but to become proactive. And the bolder you get, the better results you'll get and the less you'll worry about your ex.

One last thing: remember that the harder part about No Contact is still to come. It's when the girl tries to get a hold of you that things get hairy. That is the big test that separates AFC's from DJs/budding DJs. As of right now, from your responses, I can almost guarantee that you will talk to her/read her txt/listen to her voicemail if she tried to contact you today. I'm not saying that will not change, and I hope you change your attitude, but that is the gut feeling I get.

I want to help you man, but you gotta be strong and rely on yourself first, then the help of others.

cheers

Iv'e always admired what you said... Now look wat happened:

Yesterday, My friend calls me up and tells me to go to A fashion school with him in the city cuz he has girls lined up waiting for him in the dorms.. I agreed... Just him driving through the city made me think of my girl, we even passed the places where me and her walked through all the time: THIS BROUGHT BACK MEMORIES

Now I didnt feel devestated, just reminds me of her and I miss her A LITTLE BIT because, I can forget about her if I want to...

FASHION SCHOOL DID NOT HELP!.. MY EX ATTENDS A FASHION SCHOOL AND THATS WHAT SHES PURSUING!

These girls were wack,,, I hooked up with one of them.. kept my mind off of the X, but Still reminds me of her... (you see what im saying)... These wack girls really have nothin on my EX, all coke addicts and dumb personalities... not raised right...

IM ALWAYS COMPARING NOW AND I CANT STAND THAT...

ITS HARD FOR ME IN MORNINGS WHEN I THINK ABOUT HER....OTHER THAN THAT.. I WONT PICK UP HER CALLS...THAT I KNOW...

 

[Tazman]

Making posts about things that remind you of this girl isn't helping. You're making this harder than it needs to be. If something reminds you of her, make an effort to focus on something else, don't post about it.

 

[Slick101]

Has she called you yet?

I dont know.. I havent touched my phone for almost a week,,

 

[Slick101]

You aren't the past man.. you're the present.

Look.. you know how ridiculously concentrated on the present moment you are when you're about the fvck a girl.. you know how you're just soooo wrapped up in what's going on that nothing else fvcking matters. You know how that feels? That's how you should be all the time! That's exactly what I'm talking about. How do you get there? You concentrate on the present moment and learn how to enjoy what's going on around you all the time!

And to answer your Am I wrong question.. I'll pose a question to you. If you were constantly (every second in your life) about the fvck a girl.. would you be thinking in the past? Would you be thinking in the future?

Agree... BUT!.. A person cant always Fvck a girl every second of his life... When you are alone... about to fall asleep... U think...

I dont think thats a great example... I see your point however!

 

[window]

Man ambushed by the parents to boot...the family picked the valley, invited you in, then opened fire. You walked out wounded but alive. Well done.

 

[window]

Slick not picking up your phone to see if she's called suggests you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Master DJ in the making imo...

 

[Slick101]

Slick not picking up your phone to see if she's called suggests you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Master DJ in the making imo...

u really think so? lol

I havent touched my phone in almost a week now.. Im debating if I should not touch it for another week,,,

Or just go for it

 

[pipe007]

pick up that phone dude!!..
lol... just kidding!!!... only when you are ready... and If you do, I hope she called like 10 times,,,, the thought that she is calling you, and you didnt answer can potentially make you feel powerful,,, and tell yourself,,, "i dont need her"

good luck