"I need space" But GF wants to see me for the weekend?
- Thread starter Slick101
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DJ_Tekinkel
Don Juan
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Ok Slick! Keep us posted mate! Sounds like your doing good (least your out of the AFC mindset)
Space and breaks I believe was all BS and you guys were right
Thanks alot for those who helped me on my journey... if you can read this and comment I would love your support.. thanks
The vacation was taken place in my city.. NYC Just when I thought we were actually going somewhere the surprise was that we werent going anywhere but actually staying here.. We made our way to the Double Tree hotel in times square where I colided with her parents that planned this whole event.. It was Friday night, I wanted to end the relationship myself but couldnt because her parents took me to a surprise dinner (I gave them a giftcard to that restaurant last christmas and they used it).. Then we went to madison Square garden where we saw a show... About 10 oclock we headed back to the hotel where we laid in bed talking..She didnt want to talk about the relationship and said Why do we always have to talk about this relationship why cant we just have fun without acting like BF GF for once
We slept.. No sex.. no kissing.. No hugging..no cuddling...
We woke up in the AM went for breakfast.. she was b!tching how it takes me long to get dressed and other things that put me down in front of her parents UNBELIEVABLE.. NO RESPECT
We made our way to Macys after breakfast.. where she was complaining about why I dont have money to spend for shopping!... I paid many bills and for my car and for everything.. I told her I dont have money like that now.. I can spend later.. Since I live 30 away from Manhattan She kept telling me of how I can go home then.. Since I dont want to be in Macy's and then come back later at night for dinner
I was down the whole time.. we werent like we used to be, no fun at all, she sensed that I believe.. She told me how I owe her 200 Dollars because of the Coat I was supposed to get her for christmas with the Show at madison square garden combined.. I was in shock how she asked me for the money in a very rude manner... But I said ill give it to her...(she mentioned however, how she thought that I would rather have her break up with me then to pay that 200 dollars
We went back to the hotel.. I sat down on the bed after packing all my stuff and told her I cant be with her anymore.. Its over Im breaking up ... How she puts me down all the time and how I dont appreciate that at all... How ill give her the 200 dollars and leave from her life at that moments...
HER RESPONSE!
Was laugher.. she had no emotion no feeling.. she said she didnt care.. and agreed with me and said Before I leave that I needa give her the 200 dollars and get the hell away from her life after... I questioned her reaction and if there was another man .. she completely disagreed and said that this was gunna happen sooner and later and how shes glad I did it first..
We left the hotel.. I went to the bank withdrew 100 and said Ill give her 100 later.. I barely had money to spare.. She didnt care she wanted it all.. I went home.. then it hit me that I left my blazer at the hotel.. I called her met up with her.. She asked if I bought the 100 I said no.. She told me to leave the city...I had to go back to the hotel with her and her parents.. where we went to BANK I withrew that last 100 bucks and handed it to her.. She got my blazer for me.. gave me a hug and asked me if I would talk to her after she got out of school.. her words were You wanna break up or no?
I kinda broke and said maybe... and I left the city...
AFTERMATH
Early sunday morning I received 3 missed calls from her.. I called her back and she said "I dont know which way ull take this.. but I dont want to be together anymore.. We are better off as friends but I dont even want to be friends with you..I love you but Im not IN-LOVE with you.. I cant think with my heart I needa think with my head.. I dont want to change for you... Why cant you change for me? if I run into you in the city and let it be other than that.. I never want to hear from you or speak to you again.. dont call me goodbye..
This was yesterday... I feel pretty lonely.. a sense of SHOCK that shes gone and LOSS.. I get upset and it hurts when I think about the memories.. But then I feel good when I know its for the right thing..I wish I was stronger... I want to learn how to cope.. and let go of this girl..
people are telling me dont contact her and that its not over yet,,, And that SHE will contact me after a week,,, But I wish that was true and she would... But IDK.. Im confused... and I needa forget about her somehow...
I appreciate your thoughts and comments on this of helping me outt
Thanks alott
Thanks alot for those who helped me on my journey... if you can read this and comment I would love your support.. thanks
The vacation was taken place in my city.. NYC Just when I thought we were actually going somewhere the surprise was that we werent going anywhere but actually staying here.. We made our way to the Double Tree hotel in times square where I colided with her parents that planned this whole event.. It was Friday night, I wanted to end the relationship myself but couldnt because her parents took me to a surprise dinner (I gave them a giftcard to that restaurant last christmas and they used it).. Then we went to madison Square garden where we saw a show... About 10 oclock we headed back to the hotel where we laid in bed talking..She didnt want to talk about the relationship and said Why do we always have to talk about this relationship why cant we just have fun without acting like BF GF for once
We slept.. No sex.. no kissing.. No hugging..no cuddling...
We woke up in the AM went for breakfast.. she was b!tching how it takes me long to get dressed and other things that put me down in front of her parents UNBELIEVABLE.. NO RESPECT
We made our way to Macys after breakfast.. where she was complaining about why I dont have money to spend for shopping!... I paid many bills and for my car and for everything.. I told her I dont have money like that now.. I can spend later.. Since I live 30 away from Manhattan She kept telling me of how I can go home then.. Since I dont want to be in Macy's and then come back later at night for dinner
I was down the whole time.. we werent like we used to be, no fun at all, she sensed that I believe.. She told me how I owe her 200 Dollars because of the Coat I was supposed to get her for christmas with the Show at madison square garden combined.. I was in shock how she asked me for the money in a very rude manner... But I said ill give it to her...(she mentioned however, how she thought that I would rather have her break up with me then to pay that 200 dollars
We went back to the hotel.. I sat down on the bed after packing all my stuff and told her I cant be with her anymore.. Its over Im breaking up ... How she puts me down all the time and how I dont appreciate that at all... How ill give her the 200 dollars and leave from her life at that moments...
HER RESPONSE!
Was laugher.. she had no emotion no feeling.. she said she didnt care.. and agreed with me and said Before I leave that I needa give her the 200 dollars and get the hell away from her life after... I questioned her reaction and if there was another man .. she completely disagreed and said that this was gunna happen sooner and later and how shes glad I did it first..
We left the hotel.. I went to the bank withdrew 100 and said Ill give her 100 later.. I barely had money to spare.. She didnt care she wanted it all.. I went home.. then it hit me that I left my blazer at the hotel.. I called her met up with her.. She asked if I bought the 100 I said no.. She told me to leave the city...I had to go back to the hotel with her and her parents.. where we went to BANK I withrew that last 100 bucks and handed it to her.. She got my blazer for me.. gave me a hug and asked me if I would talk to her after she got out of school.. her words were You wanna break up or no?
I kinda broke and said maybe... and I left the city...
AFTERMATH
Early sunday morning I received 3 missed calls from her.. I called her back and she said "I dont know which way ull take this.. but I dont want to be together anymore.. We are better off as friends but I dont even want to be friends with you..I love you but Im not IN-LOVE with you.. I cant think with my heart I needa think with my head.. I dont want to change for you... Why cant you change for me? if I run into you in the city and let it be other than that.. I never want to hear from you or speak to you again.. dont call me goodbye..
This was yesterday... I feel pretty lonely.. a sense of SHOCK that shes gone and LOSS.. I get upset and it hurts when I think about the memories.. But then I feel good when I know its for the right thing..I wish I was stronger... I want to learn how to cope.. and let go of this girl..
people are telling me dont contact her and that its not over yet,,, And that SHE will contact me after a week,,, But I wish that was true and she would... But IDK.. Im confused... and I needa forget about her somehow...
I appreciate your thoughts and comments on this of helping me outt
Thanks alott
Nutz
Master Don Juan
- Joined
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A) why did you give her the $200?
B) this could have been handled a lot better.
C) at least you're free from the harpy and can get on with your life. you may not see it right now, but she wasn't a good person. you saw her true colors when she laughed at you when you tried to break up with her at the hotel.
B) this could have been handled a lot better.
C) at least you're free from the harpy and can get on with your life. you may not see it right now, but she wasn't a good person. you saw her true colors when she laughed at you when you tried to break up with her at the hotel.
I had a feeling you were on the verge of this situation. Something similiar happened to me. Best thing for you now is to lay low and keep yourself busy. Something like a few days away in a shaky time brings out the worse in some people or sours something that is supposed to be fun. Could be bad timing, maybe there needs to be space in between at those times. Who knows?
I know in my case I took off to a vacation, then it was the pre cursor to a break up which ended two weeks later. During the vacation we had one good day, then it fell apart. In my opinion, I should not have planned that vacation or went on it.
Check out the "No Contact Challenge" thread now. It may be the time to start NC. If there is no respect, think about it, we don't need to be with people who disrespect us.
I know in my case I took off to a vacation, then it was the pre cursor to a break up which ended two weeks later. During the vacation we had one good day, then it fell apart. In my opinion, I should not have planned that vacation or went on it.
Check out the "No Contact Challenge" thread now. It may be the time to start NC. If there is no respect, think about it, we don't need to be with people who disrespect us.
Slick, let me say I was a bit shocked after reading your last post. I know of countless breakups, but when the guy has done nothing blatantly wrong (i.e. cheating), I've rarely seen a girl break up with him in such a bad, disrespectful way.
Slick, I need to get this off my chest right off the bat: this girl is a B I T C H! This breakup is the best thing that ever happened to you. Once you are able to move on, you will look back on this and realize how silly you were to try to cling on to this chick.
Back to the present for now. You could not have handled the breakup worse. Below is a breakdown of your major mistakes from your last post. I'm not writing this to put you down or make you feel like s.hit. What's done is done, and the important thing is that you are no longer dating this wh.ore. However, go through the list and learn from your mistakes, so you won't repeat them in the future.
1. Why did you give her money? for the show? she invited you to the damn thing! For the coat you promised you would buy her? wtf? you gonna keep your promises after she does this to you?
2. You basically realized it was over the night you spend in the hotel with her with no sex/hugging. I would have left that very same night (hey the subway runs 24/7 in nyc for a reason) or early the next morning before she woke up. HOWEVER, in the past I have been in a similar situation, spending one last night with my ex as our relationship unraveled, telling myself it would be fine if we just take it one day at a time, so I can understand why you stuck with it at first.
3. Bitc.hing you out in front of her parents: you should have snapped right there, never let a girl disrespect you, especially in public
4. the whole Macy's/"you can go home now" talk: that was your clue that it was OVER. At that point you should have walked away without even glancing back at her.
5. Instead you go back to the hotel and try to reason with her. You cannot reason with a woman when she is in an emotional state. It's never happened before, and it will never happen. You are using logic, she is using sentiments... It's like you're speaking different languages
6. After she LAUGHS in your face when you mention leaving her, you tell her you "maybe" still want to be with her. wtf (again)?
Slick, I don't know if she has another man. But that is irrelevant at this point. The main reason I see why she broke up with you is because she lost respect in you. Everything she's said or done (that you posted about) is a sh.it test, w/er she did it consciously or not. My guess is she started to notice some incongruities about you a WHILE ago. Women are like sharks: once they sense a little blood in the water, they want more. She probably started throwing a bunch of benign sh.it test at you way before you even noticed anything. Things just escalated, you kept failing her tests, and she kept losing respect for you little by little. When there was none left, she tried to hold it in for some time, but then it all came exploding in your face in the past week or so.
A trivial point: you seemed so puzzled why she wanted you on this vacation so bad, yet at the same time wanted you out of her life: her parents organized the whole thing, she felt bad canceling the whole thing because of them.
No Contact
Slick, from reading one of your earlier posts, it seems to me that you have the wrong notion of what No Contact is. No Contact is a defense mechanism that seals off the source of your pain (you ex) until you recover emotionally from the breakup. Yes, No Contact sometimes works to rekindle attraction. Sure, some guys have got their girl back. But the relationship is never the same. You cannot go back and erase everything that happened. You cannot change the fact that she treated you worse than trash.
Given your present emotional state, the first week or two will be the hardest. You should simply erase all her messages/voicemails without even looking at them. Of course, no picking up the phone or calling her back. It might only take you a few days, or a few weeks, but you will start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. At that point you start sarging again, hopefully you know a competent wingman, and start bagging chicks again. You still want to maintain no contact, but since you two live in the same city a chance encounter is possible. Be polite with her, acting indiferent but don't go overboard to show her that you don't care about her. Do not engage, especially if she's pushing you. Instead, keep the convo short and eject, telling her that you have to be somewhere. The look on her face will be priceless.
Finally, no contact will NOT work, unless you are convinced that your life is better off without this girl. As long as you are still clinging on to the hope that she will take you back, you will not be able to pull the No Contact thing, you will crack at one point, you will talk to her, she will sound all sweet, and you will be back here starting a thread "Ex giving me positive signals... How to get her back?"
My last relationship, the break up was bad, with a lot of fighting and a lot of heavy words being exchanged. I endured quite some disrespect, in retrospect, sometimes standing up to it, sometimes just letting it slide. I was feeling miserable, hoping to salvage the relationship even though I knew deep down that it would not be possible. However, after I worked out my own issues and dilemmas and decided I would be better off without her in my life, I never looked back. 2 1/2 years later my ex still calls/txt me! The other day I picked up a "blocked ID" call and guess who it was? When I realized that I hung up, only for her to blow my cell for the next couple hours.
My last pitch for no contact: it is the only way to get back to her, at least in the short term. I am sure that one part of you wants to get some sort of revenge on this chick. Well, silence is a woman's number 1 ennemy. Sure, if she would see you strolling down the Village in a Maserati, or eating at a posh place with an uber-hottie she would be even more jealous/remorseful/ hurt. But you won't be doing any of those things in the next few days/weeks, as you try to get your life back together. So the next best choice is to make her guess what you're doing. A woman's imagination is also one of her ennemies in a situation like this. She expects you to be crying, waiting by the phone for her call. She waits a few days, then she does call you. She's curious to see if she was right, she wants to keep exercising her power over you, she wants to stir you up, etc... : at this point she sees you as nothing more than a toy. However, against her expectations, you don't pick up her call! You don't call her back! You don't answer her txts! Right away, the image she made of you in her mind is unraveling.
She will start thinking "maybe he s got somebody else" or "maybe he really doesn't care about me anymore" or something llike that. That's when she ll blow up your phone. Don't make the mistake to think she is actually in love with you again. You simply intrigued her enough that her IL is rising again. The trick is though: if you do take her back, you are conceding to her tactics. Very soon her IL will be down again and the whole sh.it test/disrespect story will play out again. Again, some pple advocate taking her back at this point as a FB, just sex no strings attached. But how realistic is that scenario?
Anyways, I realize this is a huge post, but I hope it was somewhat helpful.
Good luck!
Slick, I need to get this off my chest right off the bat: this girl is a B I T C H! This breakup is the best thing that ever happened to you. Once you are able to move on, you will look back on this and realize how silly you were to try to cling on to this chick.
Back to the present for now. You could not have handled the breakup worse. Below is a breakdown of your major mistakes from your last post. I'm not writing this to put you down or make you feel like s.hit. What's done is done, and the important thing is that you are no longer dating this wh.ore. However, go through the list and learn from your mistakes, so you won't repeat them in the future.
1. Why did you give her money? for the show? she invited you to the damn thing! For the coat you promised you would buy her? wtf? you gonna keep your promises after she does this to you?
2. You basically realized it was over the night you spend in the hotel with her with no sex/hugging. I would have left that very same night (hey the subway runs 24/7 in nyc for a reason) or early the next morning before she woke up. HOWEVER, in the past I have been in a similar situation, spending one last night with my ex as our relationship unraveled, telling myself it would be fine if we just take it one day at a time, so I can understand why you stuck with it at first.
3. Bitc.hing you out in front of her parents: you should have snapped right there, never let a girl disrespect you, especially in public
4. the whole Macy's/"you can go home now" talk: that was your clue that it was OVER. At that point you should have walked away without even glancing back at her.
5. Instead you go back to the hotel and try to reason with her. You cannot reason with a woman when she is in an emotional state. It's never happened before, and it will never happen. You are using logic, she is using sentiments... It's like you're speaking different languages
6. After she LAUGHS in your face when you mention leaving her, you tell her you "maybe" still want to be with her. wtf (again)?
Slick, I don't know if she has another man. But that is irrelevant at this point. The main reason I see why she broke up with you is because she lost respect in you. Everything she's said or done (that you posted about) is a sh.it test, w/er she did it consciously or not. My guess is she started to notice some incongruities about you a WHILE ago. Women are like sharks: once they sense a little blood in the water, they want more. She probably started throwing a bunch of benign sh.it test at you way before you even noticed anything. Things just escalated, you kept failing her tests, and she kept losing respect for you little by little. When there was none left, she tried to hold it in for some time, but then it all came exploding in your face in the past week or so.
A trivial point: you seemed so puzzled why she wanted you on this vacation so bad, yet at the same time wanted you out of her life: her parents organized the whole thing, she felt bad canceling the whole thing because of them.
No Contact
Slick, from reading one of your earlier posts, it seems to me that you have the wrong notion of what No Contact is. No Contact is a defense mechanism that seals off the source of your pain (you ex) until you recover emotionally from the breakup. Yes, No Contact sometimes works to rekindle attraction. Sure, some guys have got their girl back. But the relationship is never the same. You cannot go back and erase everything that happened. You cannot change the fact that she treated you worse than trash.
Given your present emotional state, the first week or two will be the hardest. You should simply erase all her messages/voicemails without even looking at them. Of course, no picking up the phone or calling her back. It might only take you a few days, or a few weeks, but you will start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. At that point you start sarging again, hopefully you know a competent wingman, and start bagging chicks again. You still want to maintain no contact, but since you two live in the same city a chance encounter is possible. Be polite with her, acting indiferent but don't go overboard to show her that you don't care about her. Do not engage, especially if she's pushing you. Instead, keep the convo short and eject, telling her that you have to be somewhere. The look on her face will be priceless.
Finally, no contact will NOT work, unless you are convinced that your life is better off without this girl. As long as you are still clinging on to the hope that she will take you back, you will not be able to pull the No Contact thing, you will crack at one point, you will talk to her, she will sound all sweet, and you will be back here starting a thread "Ex giving me positive signals... How to get her back?"
My last relationship, the break up was bad, with a lot of fighting and a lot of heavy words being exchanged. I endured quite some disrespect, in retrospect, sometimes standing up to it, sometimes just letting it slide. I was feeling miserable, hoping to salvage the relationship even though I knew deep down that it would not be possible. However, after I worked out my own issues and dilemmas and decided I would be better off without her in my life, I never looked back. 2 1/2 years later my ex still calls/txt me! The other day I picked up a "blocked ID" call and guess who it was? When I realized that I hung up, only for her to blow my cell for the next couple hours.
My last pitch for no contact: it is the only way to get back to her, at least in the short term. I am sure that one part of you wants to get some sort of revenge on this chick. Well, silence is a woman's number 1 ennemy. Sure, if she would see you strolling down the Village in a Maserati, or eating at a posh place with an uber-hottie she would be even more jealous/remorseful/ hurt. But you won't be doing any of those things in the next few days/weeks, as you try to get your life back together. So the next best choice is to make her guess what you're doing. A woman's imagination is also one of her ennemies in a situation like this. She expects you to be crying, waiting by the phone for her call. She waits a few days, then she does call you. She's curious to see if she was right, she wants to keep exercising her power over you, she wants to stir you up, etc... : at this point she sees you as nothing more than a toy. However, against her expectations, you don't pick up her call! You don't call her back! You don't answer her txts! Right away, the image she made of you in her mind is unraveling.
She will start thinking "maybe he s got somebody else" or "maybe he really doesn't care about me anymore" or something llike that. That's when she ll blow up your phone. Don't make the mistake to think she is actually in love with you again. You simply intrigued her enough that her IL is rising again. The trick is though: if you do take her back, you are conceding to her tactics. Very soon her IL will be down again and the whole sh.it test/disrespect story will play out again. Again, some pple advocate taking her back at this point as a FB, just sex no strings attached. But how realistic is that scenario?
Anyways, I realize this is a huge post, but I hope it was somewhat helpful.
Good luck!
SOMEWHAT HELPFUL!??drak_ool said:
YOU MADE ME FEEL ALIVE WITH YOUR POST I COULD TEAR JUST BY READING HOW YOU FREAKING ACED THE PROBLEM AND IT MADE SENSE TO ME!!
I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO THANK YOU FOR THIS!
JUST A QUESTION:
CAN I SAY I WAS DUMPED?.. BECAUSE I INITIATED THE BREAK-UP.. SHE CALLED ME THE NEXT DAY..TELLING ME THAT ITS OFFICIAL...
AND ALSO
WHY WOULD SHE CONTACT ME AGAIN AFTER ALL THAT BS OF HER NOT WANTING TO SEE ME OR TALK TO ME?
BUT I WONT BREAK!
THANKS
You and your gf broke up. No need to play mind games, just be happy it's over. Technically you dumped her, but only after she showed so much disrespect to you, basically showing that she does not care about you the least... It s in the past now, focus on moving forwards, not backwards
Why would she contact you? First of all, don t ever listen to what a woman says, instead look at her actions. After you told her it's over and you will be out of her life (which is what she wanted/had asked you to do), she contacts you the very next day. So don t give too much weight to her words.
back to the question: she will contact you because she is bored, she will contact you because she is curious of how you're coping, etc... Bascially all the reasons I listed towards the end of my post.
SLICK, answer this question 100% honestly: is there anything in your mind that this girl could do that would make you take her back?
Until your answer is a resounding NO, you need to to some serious self-analysis and try to understand why you are still attracted to this girl. Really think about what she did to you, really think about what kind of a person she is deep down. Even if she comes back to you all smiles/all apologies/etc..., now you know what kind of a heartless hor she is. Always keep that in mind when you're thinking about her, it will help you cope.
For the sake of learning, however, don't blame all the failures in your relationship on her. Don't make her your scapegoat. Again, you need to take some time and anylyze all the situations where, in retrospect, you fvcked up. Run through those scenarios again and assess what you would change with hindsight.
What I'm saying is don't let the blame game blind you to your past shortcomings, instead learn from your mistakes in order to build stronger relationships in the future.
Why would she contact you? First of all, don t ever listen to what a woman says, instead look at her actions. After you told her it's over and you will be out of her life (which is what she wanted/had asked you to do), she contacts you the very next day. So don t give too much weight to her words.
back to the question: she will contact you because she is bored, she will contact you because she is curious of how you're coping, etc... Bascially all the reasons I listed towards the end of my post.
SLICK, answer this question 100% honestly: is there anything in your mind that this girl could do that would make you take her back?
Until your answer is a resounding NO, you need to to some serious self-analysis and try to understand why you are still attracted to this girl. Really think about what she did to you, really think about what kind of a person she is deep down. Even if she comes back to you all smiles/all apologies/etc..., now you know what kind of a heartless hor she is. Always keep that in mind when you're thinking about her, it will help you cope.
For the sake of learning, however, don't blame all the failures in your relationship on her. Don't make her your scapegoat. Again, you need to take some time and anylyze all the situations where, in retrospect, you fvcked up. Run through those scenarios again and assess what you would change with hindsight.
What I'm saying is don't let the blame game blind you to your past shortcomings, instead learn from your mistakes in order to build stronger relationships in the future.
Slick, that was brutal to hear about man. Cudos for posting. I can definitely say that you most likely have hit rock bottom, but with that in mind you can only go up from there.
That chick was supremely disrespectful, manipulative, kniving, and basically an all around b i t c h. And that fact right there will make getting over her easy. She played you like a fiddle mate, but you are gonna have some good come from that mess.
Like was suggested above, don't completely let her b*tchyness absolve you of any responsibilty (it takes two remember). Make sure you use this as a learning experience about how you will NEVER let a girl lead you around like this again. I hate seeing good guys get played.
I've been in your shoes, and honestly it was the best thing that happened to me. Soon after that disaster I went on a mission to find out what the **** was wrong with myself and women, and it's been an eye opener ever since. And I still learn new things every day. It never ends really. For me, the trickiest thing is the self-control a guy needs to detatch from situations (strangely enough it's easier to detatch from business situations than it is she-devil women). Once you have it though, life becomes amazing.
That chick was supremely disrespectful, manipulative, kniving, and basically an all around b i t c h. And that fact right there will make getting over her easy. She played you like a fiddle mate, but you are gonna have some good come from that mess.
Like was suggested above, don't completely let her b*tchyness absolve you of any responsibilty (it takes two remember). Make sure you use this as a learning experience about how you will NEVER let a girl lead you around like this again. I hate seeing good guys get played.
I've been in your shoes, and honestly it was the best thing that happened to me. Soon after that disaster I went on a mission to find out what the **** was wrong with myself and women, and it's been an eye opener ever since. And I still learn new things every day. It never ends really. For me, the trickiest thing is the self-control a guy needs to detatch from situations (strangely enough it's easier to detatch from business situations than it is she-devil women). Once you have it though, life becomes amazing.
Telling the truth even if it hurts, is probably the best thing I learned from being in this abusive relationship.. So here is my 100% honesty..drak_ool said:
Deep down inside.. I want her to contact me.. (I guess thats a normal feeling)... But the way she disrespected me without feeling at the end of our breakup makes me think.. she doesnt giva fvck and she wont contact me)... In realty.. Im already getting over her and its been 2 days... I feel it getting easier (without jinxing myself)...
I started off with this girl on great terms.. She used to be in love with me and cry over me ALL THE TIME!!.. Things started changin about a year ago up until this halt.. I honestly dont even want to talk about how good it was.. cuz the more I think positive about her.. the more sad I prob could get...
But WHEN I DO THINK ABOUT HER NOW!!.. HER LAST RESPONSE TOWARD ME!!..I FEEL ANGRY!!.. SHE CONTROLLED ME AND USED ME FOR 200 BUX AND LEFT...
I will never forget that and I cant wait to look back at this and laugh at how stupid I was but that I learned alot from her...
But tommorow is DAY 3.. Without contact...
Of course it's getting easier Slick, that's the whole point of NC! It's scientific: your mind cannot consistantly obsess over a person who you refuse to think of AND who you never talk to. It's just natural that she will fade from your mind little by little, every day.
I understand that as far as the pain, this is the worst time for you. But as far as the NC challenge, right now is a piece of cake. She never tried to contact you! That's the hardest part as far as NC, when she is blowing up your phone and you have that one moment of weakness and you pick up. That's when everything you did, everything we told you just goes to waste.
You say deep inside you want her to call you. I can understand that feeling, it can give you some validation to see that even though she said certain things and she was such a bytch, she's now backtracking and calling you.
But how are you gonna respond to her contacting you? That's the point where you will crack if you're not completely over her. You start to focus on the positives, put behind what happend in the last weeks as a "mistake", you take the hor back in your life and you re back on sosuave in about 6 months, with a shattered heart.
Be careful!
I understand that as far as the pain, this is the worst time for you. But as far as the NC challenge, right now is a piece of cake. She never tried to contact you! That's the hardest part as far as NC, when she is blowing up your phone and you have that one moment of weakness and you pick up. That's when everything you did, everything we told you just goes to waste.
You say deep inside you want her to call you. I can understand that feeling, it can give you some validation to see that even though she said certain things and she was such a bytch, she's now backtracking and calling you.
But how are you gonna respond to her contacting you? That's the point where you will crack if you're not completely over her. You start to focus on the positives, put behind what happend in the last weeks as a "mistake", you take the hor back in your life and you re back on sosuave in about 6 months, with a shattered heart.
Be careful!
You really make me feel better when you are sooo confident that she will call me LOL..drak_ool said:
I feel better when I think she will... BUT>> At the same time.. I more believe that she WONT call me..(that makes me feel sad)
You think that feeling will go away?
Also... If and when she does try to contact me... I know for a fact it will either me by email.. WITH A LONG MESSAGE.. Or by phone... Which will be followed by a VOICEMAIL!
If that happens.. should I read the email? Or listen to the voicemail?
I understand how you feel, but really, if you're going to ask for advice here why not take it?
The whole situation you described was painful and embarrassing to read. You probably broke every DJ rule in existence, as if you were mocking the site itself. I actually don't think you're fit to be with any woman in your current state. You really need to find a way to respect yourself as a man, as a human being.
Stop giving her this kind of power over you. You have to get rid of anything that reminds you of her and let time heal those wounds, because as long as you discipline yourself to do this you WILL move past this.
The whole situation you described was painful and embarrassing to read. You probably broke every DJ rule in existence, as if you were mocking the site itself. I actually don't think you're fit to be with any woman in your current state. You really need to find a way to respect yourself as a man, as a human being.
I realize this process isn't instantaneous, but this is absolutely not giving you "confidence", it's giving you "hope", which is the complete opposite of what you want with this chick right now. The NC you have going now isn't to get her back, it's to erase her from your mind, period.Slick101 said:
Stop giving her this kind of power over you. You have to get rid of anything that reminds you of her and let time heal those wounds, because as long as you discipline yourself to do this you WILL move past this.
Listen to them Slick,
I am nearing 5 months NC, I am doing better, but its those times when you are by yourself where it is harder. Definitely get rid of those things that remind you of her. Put it all up in a box or somewhere where you will not access it. If you can't stop the thinking, start praying till the thought goes away or call a friend. But don't call them all the time they will get tired of your tune. If you have pics saved on your cpu, store them somewhere where it will take some effort to find.
The first two months are the roughest. The next ones for me have been more like splashes of thoughts and memories that I have to erase.There is one thing you cannot control though, the dreams. I guess in my case the thing that helped the most is that we don't share mutual contacts. Don't search for her on any social website either, unless you want to torture yourself.
Hang in there, keep busy. Hit the gym, go out and do something you were not approved of doing before in the past. Visit people you haven't in awhile. Just my two cents with your situation. Try to work on yourself and don't try to dig for dirt, you will find it, trust me.
I am nearing 5 months NC, I am doing better, but its those times when you are by yourself where it is harder. Definitely get rid of those things that remind you of her. Put it all up in a box or somewhere where you will not access it. If you can't stop the thinking, start praying till the thought goes away or call a friend. But don't call them all the time they will get tired of your tune. If you have pics saved on your cpu, store them somewhere where it will take some effort to find.
The first two months are the roughest. The next ones for me have been more like splashes of thoughts and memories that I have to erase.There is one thing you cannot control though, the dreams. I guess in my case the thing that helped the most is that we don't share mutual contacts. Don't search for her on any social website either, unless you want to torture yourself.
Hang in there, keep busy. Hit the gym, go out and do something you were not approved of doing before in the past. Visit people you haven't in awhile. Just my two cents with your situation. Try to work on yourself and don't try to dig for dirt, you will find it, trust me.
Slick, listen to what Tazman said. After reading your post I thought exactly the same thing as him. You are using this NC situation hoping to get your girl back.
If you're not, then why do you feel better when you think she ll call you? why are you sad because she hasn't called you? wtf slick?
How many times do I have to tell you that NC is for YOU, it s meant to help you reach a certain level of emotional stability during a time of pain and suffering. So when she leaves you a voicemail, erase it instantly. When she sends you a txt/email, erase it without reading it. As far as negative effect on you, it s the same thing w/er you talk to her on the phone for 5 min or spend 5 min reading her email. YOU FAIL.
Slick, from how you ve desribed your situation, there is no chance for you at this time to get your girl back. None. If she does come back to you it's because she wants you as a doormat.
Slick, since the break up, what steps have you taken in order to move on with your life and fulfill your potential as a MAN?
If you're not, then why do you feel better when you think she ll call you? why are you sad because she hasn't called you? wtf slick?
How many times do I have to tell you that NC is for YOU, it s meant to help you reach a certain level of emotional stability during a time of pain and suffering. So when she leaves you a voicemail, erase it instantly. When she sends you a txt/email, erase it without reading it. As far as negative effect on you, it s the same thing w/er you talk to her on the phone for 5 min or spend 5 min reading her email. YOU FAIL.
Slick, from how you ve desribed your situation, there is no chance for you at this time to get your girl back. None. If she does come back to you it's because she wants you as a doormat.
Slick, since the break up, what steps have you taken in order to move on with your life and fulfill your potential as a MAN?
DJ_Tekinkel
Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2009
- Messages
- 38
- Reaction score
- 1
Wow slick, I read what happened.
I felt really bad for you!
But you know what
IM FUKN HAPPY FOR YOU
you just got rid of the most DISRESPECTFUL HORISH B.IT.CH I EVER heard of holy crap!!!
She doesn't even deserve you, your words, your time, your thoughts!
I'll share you some tips on coping that I did with a gf i broke up with after 2 years, and in 1 week i was smiling, happier, and laughing for no reason. I felt free. It's all to do with how you think mate. and it'll actually set you on the path of becoming a DJ.
First thing is NC for YOU, please It's imperative you do not talk / contact her at all.
Now...
Everytime you DO think of her, think of all the SH!T things about her, how ugly she looks, the moles, blah blah, serious. DO IT. This will turn you off her.
Straight after this you need to tell yourself in your head"WOW she does not deserve me, I'm Sl!CK and im the FUKN ****"
Now i want you to think you are the FUKN **** even if you dont feel you are, just do it. Your the MAN. your free, chicks are everywhere for you to PICK them. You dont need that *****. she did you a favor, cause now your stronger, your the fukn man and you will never go through that bull**** again.
So walk with your head up, i want you to force a smile. i want you to start enjoying life and get busy.
Do random ****! seriously it'll make you feel ALIVE. time to live man!!!!
I do random **** every month, i force myself to do something random and new every month where possible. It'll keep you busy and make u feel interesting and confident!
So go out there, go rock climbing, go mountain biking, go hiking, go for a random jog , go bowling, join a martial art, go hit the arcades, visit a water park, hell pick up a new instrument just do ****, keep busy and you'll feel on top of the world. If you never done it before! MORE REASON TO DO IT! You'll start feeling like a COMPLETE FUKN SL!CK MAN
Once your 100% feeling like the FUKN SL!CK u Are, you will go
"HOLY **** I CANT BELIEVE I EVEN CARED/DATED That *****. I JUST WANT TO SHAKE HER HAND AND SAY THANK YOU FOR BEING SUCH AN ARSEHOLE!!!!"
I felt really bad for you!
But you know what
IM FUKN HAPPY FOR YOU
you just got rid of the most DISRESPECTFUL HORISH B.IT.CH I EVER heard of holy crap!!!
She doesn't even deserve you, your words, your time, your thoughts!
I'll share you some tips on coping that I did with a gf i broke up with after 2 years, and in 1 week i was smiling, happier, and laughing for no reason. I felt free. It's all to do with how you think mate. and it'll actually set you on the path of becoming a DJ.
First thing is NC for YOU, please It's imperative you do not talk / contact her at all.
Now...
Everytime you DO think of her, think of all the SH!T things about her, how ugly she looks, the moles, blah blah, serious. DO IT. This will turn you off her.
Straight after this you need to tell yourself in your head"WOW she does not deserve me, I'm Sl!CK and im the FUKN ****"
Now i want you to think you are the FUKN **** even if you dont feel you are, just do it. Your the MAN. your free, chicks are everywhere for you to PICK them. You dont need that *****. she did you a favor, cause now your stronger, your the fukn man and you will never go through that bull**** again.
So walk with your head up, i want you to force a smile. i want you to start enjoying life and get busy.
Do random ****! seriously it'll make you feel ALIVE. time to live man!!!!
I do random **** every month, i force myself to do something random and new every month where possible. It'll keep you busy and make u feel interesting and confident!
So go out there, go rock climbing, go mountain biking, go hiking, go for a random jog , go bowling, join a martial art, go hit the arcades, visit a water park, hell pick up a new instrument just do ****, keep busy and you'll feel on top of the world. If you never done it before! MORE REASON TO DO IT! You'll start feeling like a COMPLETE FUKN SL!CK MAN
Once your 100% feeling like the FUKN SL!CK u Are, you will go
"HOLY **** I CANT BELIEVE I EVEN CARED/DATED That *****. I JUST WANT TO SHAKE HER HAND AND SAY THANK YOU FOR BEING SUCH AN ARSEHOLE!!!!"
KontrollerX
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2005
- Messages
- 4,484
- Reaction score
- 182
Since you PMed me for my take here is my take LOL.
"I tried calling her she ignored me like 3 times..."
Stupid move.
When a woman fvcks up and assumes you did something you didn't like "ignore her intentionally" or whatever the fvck you don't go rushing to explain like some beta male.
You lay back and keep your mouth shut and bide your time and wait until the b!tch comes crawling back to you herself.
This is what the symps on the site can never understand.
Nevertheless you are more along the DJ track of mind or at least I think you want to be and no one is perfect so I write this off as a simple mistake on your part.
"the next day she calls me in the evening and tells me she wants" SOME SPACE" from me because she doesnt know what she wants... Shes like,, I love you and I have soo much going on in my life now, im moving up to NYC alone.. Im going to a new school... and Im working at a new spot.. I cant let you get in my way with ur drama... Instead of just arguing with you,, I want sum space so I can calm myself down...I tried bringing up how good we were in the past and how we make it through so many hard times... she tells me its different now...
BUT!!!!!!!... I asked her how the hell do you want space if you are going on vacation with me this weekend in 2 DAYS!!.... Shes like if you dont wanna go tell me,, Ill take someone else...
for 3 days she wants to see me but she wants space at the same time!!... I am confused... IDK what to do..."
Ditch the b!tch.
She was just looking for any excuse to break up with you and with all of your beta AFC like mistakes you gave them to her.
Anyway you shouldn't of explained anything to her or ANY woman in your future relationships.
The minute they bring up so called "problems" like this you point them to the door.
This immediately fixes their behavior and gets them back all over you again 98% of the time.
For the chicks that do walk out the door the 2% of the time you try this you dodged a bullet and were better off without them anyway as they really did not want to be with you in that case.
"BUT!!!!!!!... I asked her how the hell do you want space if you are going on vacation with me this weekend in 2 DAYS!!.... Shes like if you dont wanna go tell me,, Ill take someone else..."
Oh for christsakes!
Don't do that.
Don't try and argue with a woman's stupidity and contradictory nature.
As when you do that the woman looks at you like you are stupid as well weak.
Logic doesn't work on females!
Logic doesn't work on females!
Logic doesn't work on females!
Got that yet guys? This goes for all of you.
You want to use logic on someone who'll understand it?
Go talk to your best guy friend.
I specify guy friend because some of the AFC's on this site entertain the ridiculous notion of keeping female friends around...what a crock of sh!t.
Oh yeah and don't go on that trip with that cvnt.
You are done with her and her bullsh!t.
If in the future she contacts you begging to get back together go read Metaphysical's "so you just got dumped guide" on this site and follow it to the letter.
"I tried calling her she ignored me like 3 times..."
Stupid move.
When a woman fvcks up and assumes you did something you didn't like "ignore her intentionally" or whatever the fvck you don't go rushing to explain like some beta male.
You lay back and keep your mouth shut and bide your time and wait until the b!tch comes crawling back to you herself.
This is what the symps on the site can never understand.
Nevertheless you are more along the DJ track of mind or at least I think you want to be and no one is perfect so I write this off as a simple mistake on your part.
"the next day she calls me in the evening and tells me she wants" SOME SPACE" from me because she doesnt know what she wants... Shes like,, I love you and I have soo much going on in my life now, im moving up to NYC alone.. Im going to a new school... and Im working at a new spot.. I cant let you get in my way with ur drama... Instead of just arguing with you,, I want sum space so I can calm myself down...I tried bringing up how good we were in the past and how we make it through so many hard times... she tells me its different now...
BUT!!!!!!!... I asked her how the hell do you want space if you are going on vacation with me this weekend in 2 DAYS!!.... Shes like if you dont wanna go tell me,, Ill take someone else...
for 3 days she wants to see me but she wants space at the same time!!... I am confused... IDK what to do..."
Ditch the b!tch.
She was just looking for any excuse to break up with you and with all of your beta AFC like mistakes you gave them to her.
Anyway you shouldn't of explained anything to her or ANY woman in your future relationships.
The minute they bring up so called "problems" like this you point them to the door.
This immediately fixes their behavior and gets them back all over you again 98% of the time.
For the chicks that do walk out the door the 2% of the time you try this you dodged a bullet and were better off without them anyway as they really did not want to be with you in that case.
"BUT!!!!!!!... I asked her how the hell do you want space if you are going on vacation with me this weekend in 2 DAYS!!.... Shes like if you dont wanna go tell me,, Ill take someone else..."
Oh for christsakes!
Don't do that.
Don't try and argue with a woman's stupidity and contradictory nature.
As when you do that the woman looks at you like you are stupid as well weak.
Logic doesn't work on females!
Logic doesn't work on females!
Logic doesn't work on females!
Got that yet guys? This goes for all of you.
You want to use logic on someone who'll understand it?
Go talk to your best guy friend.
I specify guy friend because some of the AFC's on this site entertain the ridiculous notion of keeping female friends around...what a crock of sh!t.
Oh yeah and don't go on that trip with that cvnt.
You are done with her and her bullsh!t.
If in the future she contacts you begging to get back together go read Metaphysical's "so you just got dumped guide" on this site and follow it to the letter.
One of my favorite posts ever.
The Art of Walking Away
www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=89718
Originally posted by The Anti Dr Phil
I've seen you guys post many reasons why it's hard for men to walk away, despite being in horrendous situations, except one very important reason. One of THE most important reasons, in my humble opinion.
Bottom line - Most men don't want to endure the thought of another man invading his territory; another man laying his woman. It doesn't matter if a man's woman is the most evil creature on the planet, a man doesn't want to endure that thought. People (men and women) are territorial, and people find it difficult to walk away because of the aformentioned reason. Many of you may disagree, but really think about it for 11 seconds. Some people would STILL feel a twinge of jealously if they were to see an ex out with someone else years later, so you can imagine what that internal struggle must be like when the wound is still fresh. Fortunately, women endure the same internal battles/demons, so I say do the smart thing and gain the upperhand by leaving the relationship first. Wicked? Perhaps, but thems the breaks.
In my opinion, he who walks away first leaves with the relationship with the most power. And leaving with the most power and dignity is akin to winning the break-up war. But if you really want to get your hands dirty, engage in psychological warfare, and introduce the trifecta into the equation. Leave the relationship 1st, without closure (which is key), and without a trace. This gem of a maneauver is akin to dropping a nuclear or bilogical weapon in the break-up war, and it can take a person years to recover. It's but one in many steps of what I like to call The Anti Dr Phil's "Medeival Torture Methods" - aka extreme psychological warfare. Closure and forgiveness are NOT an option.
So with that being the ugly and smelly facts, I will behoove me to leave first, if I can help it. The person who chooses to ride it out is usually left with the most emotionally baggage/battle scars, and their self esteem takes an even greater hit. Not only will said individual be left with the unnerving feeling that they didn't have the strength to leave first, they are left toiling in emotional uncertainty wondering what you're doing, "who you're doing", and why you didn't attempt to work things out. Their self esteem takes a hit, and it leaves them with a feeling of lowered self worth. A feeling of "he loved me the least because he had the power to walk away first - without a trace". Nothing lowers a persons self esteem quicker than dealing with feelings of rejection. And there is no feeling of rejection worse than being jilted by a former lover. Knowing all of that, a person would be an absolute fool to not leave first.
Not only would I leave, I'd dissappear like Keyser Soza (Usual Suspects), never to be seen or heard from again. And if she did see you again months or years later??? Take that time in between to self improve to ridiculous lengths, which would drive the stake home even further. It's a subconcious way of saying, "not only did I not need you, I didn't respect you enough to say goodbye". And as a kick in the tail on the way out, "I got even better without you".
Is it an @sshole move? Yep. But no one ever said war and breakups weren't ugly.
That said, if a person is married or has children, of course this would be a tad hard-core...but for general relationships??? I am unmerciful
The Art of Walking Away
www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=89718
Originally posted by The Anti Dr Phil
I've seen you guys post many reasons why it's hard for men to walk away, despite being in horrendous situations, except one very important reason. One of THE most important reasons, in my humble opinion.
Bottom line - Most men don't want to endure the thought of another man invading his territory; another man laying his woman. It doesn't matter if a man's woman is the most evil creature on the planet, a man doesn't want to endure that thought. People (men and women) are territorial, and people find it difficult to walk away because of the aformentioned reason. Many of you may disagree, but really think about it for 11 seconds. Some people would STILL feel a twinge of jealously if they were to see an ex out with someone else years later, so you can imagine what that internal struggle must be like when the wound is still fresh. Fortunately, women endure the same internal battles/demons, so I say do the smart thing and gain the upperhand by leaving the relationship first. Wicked? Perhaps, but thems the breaks.
In my opinion, he who walks away first leaves with the relationship with the most power. And leaving with the most power and dignity is akin to winning the break-up war. But if you really want to get your hands dirty, engage in psychological warfare, and introduce the trifecta into the equation. Leave the relationship 1st, without closure (which is key), and without a trace. This gem of a maneauver is akin to dropping a nuclear or bilogical weapon in the break-up war, and it can take a person years to recover. It's but one in many steps of what I like to call The Anti Dr Phil's "Medeival Torture Methods" - aka extreme psychological warfare. Closure and forgiveness are NOT an option.
So with that being the ugly and smelly facts, I will behoove me to leave first, if I can help it. The person who chooses to ride it out is usually left with the most emotionally baggage/battle scars, and their self esteem takes an even greater hit. Not only will said individual be left with the unnerving feeling that they didn't have the strength to leave first, they are left toiling in emotional uncertainty wondering what you're doing, "who you're doing", and why you didn't attempt to work things out. Their self esteem takes a hit, and it leaves them with a feeling of lowered self worth. A feeling of "he loved me the least because he had the power to walk away first - without a trace". Nothing lowers a persons self esteem quicker than dealing with feelings of rejection. And there is no feeling of rejection worse than being jilted by a former lover. Knowing all of that, a person would be an absolute fool to not leave first.
Not only would I leave, I'd dissappear like Keyser Soza (Usual Suspects), never to be seen or heard from again. And if she did see you again months or years later??? Take that time in between to self improve to ridiculous lengths, which would drive the stake home even further. It's a subconcious way of saying, "not only did I not need you, I didn't respect you enough to say goodbye". And as a kick in the tail on the way out, "I got even better without you".
Is it an @sshole move? Yep. But no one ever said war and breakups weren't ugly.
That said, if a person is married or has children, of course this would be a tad hard-core...but for general relationships??? I am unmerciful