I feel need to "get back" in the game again

[moneyisking]

It's been a while since I left this "game" if you will. I admit that I have dropped, for the most part, the whole DJ thing and moved on with life. I diverted to online dating, hooked up with couple girls (one ONS), but overall, I stopped really trying, stopped improving, etc. Lately though, I am feeling the strong urge to get back into it and finally conquer this challenge that I could not yet overcome, and that is confidence and knowing what to do when it comes to women.

Although I delved into this thing pretty heavily, I didn't obtained the success that would otherwise convince me to believe that "I am the prize, the great catch." I admit that I am pretty insecure guy; maybe it's because I am 5'6". maybe because I believe being Asian and stereotypes hinder my chances, maybe because only successful, confident DJs around me (my older brother was big one) were good looking guys, maybe because I failed a lot more than I actually succeeded... but what the fvck? I have been too naive. The fun comes from overcoming challenges, and where did all that go?

I have strong points: I love gym, therefore I have good physique, I make good money being 25 y/o, I have no financial struggle, I drive a car, I am moving to a new inner city location filled with college babes and bars, and the list goes on!

Last weekend I went out with a bud, and I decided to just walk up to two girls and talk to them. My heart was racing, nerves firing, but I did. Did it make me feel good about myself? Not really. I didn't get her number, I didn't take no one home, hell, maybe it even fostered the negative reinforcements about my insecurity *hate that word*, but hey, if I didn't talk to them, would anything have changed? Nope, and I glad I talked to them.

Guys, I still don't know how to talk to women. I can chat up, but then what? I still get that feeling like the mind goes blank, brain white, with nervousness and racing heart all at the same. I can't talk to them like I talk to the guys. It's easy, I just talk to guys like whatever; that's it, whatever. If they are cool, we become friends, if not fvck em. I don't plan what to say next, my mind is at ease and I don't feel nervous at all. For some odd reason, my mind doesn't seem to apply this gold principle when I am talking to a hot babe... well one thing at a time. The main thing is, I am going to get back into it, and it's going to be tough figuring it out, but god bless the internet it provides me people like you

 

[gravityeyelids]

It's been a while since I left this "game" if you will. I admit that I have dropped, for the most part, the whole DJ thing and moved on with life. I diverted to online dating, hooked up with couple girls (one ONS), but overall, I stopped really trying, stopped improving, etc. Lately though, I am feeling the strong urge to get back into it and finally conquer this challenge that I could not yet overcome, and that is confidence and knowing what to do when it comes to women.

Although I delved into this thing pretty heavily, I didn't obtained the success that would otherwise convince me to believe that "I am the prize, the great catch." I admit that I am pretty insecure guy; maybe it's because I am 5'6". maybe because I believe being Asian and stereotypes hinder my chances, maybe because only successful, confident DJs around me (my older brother was big one) were good looking guys, maybe because I failed a lot more than I actually succeeded... but what the fvck? I have been too naive. The fun comes from overcoming challenges, and where did all that go?

I have strong points: I love gym, therefore I have good physique, I make good money being 25 y/o, I have no financial struggle, I drive a car, I am moving to a new inner city location filled with college babes and bars, and the list goes on!

Last weekend I went out with a bud, and I decided to just walk up to two girls and talk to them. My heart was racing, nerves firing, but I did. Did it make me feel good about myself? Not really. I didn't get her number, I didn't take no one home, hell, maybe it even fostered the negative reinforcements about my insecurity *hate that word*, but hey, if I didn't talk to them, would anything have changed? Nope, and I glad I talked to them.

Guys, I still don't know how to talk to women. I can chat up, but then what? I still get that feeling like the mind goes blank, brain white, with nervousness and racing heart all at the same. I can't talk to them like I talk to the guys. It's easy, I just talk to guys like whatever; that's it, whatever. If they are cool, we become friends, if not fvck em. I don't plan what to say next, my mind is at ease and I don't feel nervous at all. For some odd reason, my mind doesn't seem to apply this gold principle when I am talking to a hot babe... well one thing at a time. The main thing is, I am going to get back into it, and it's going to be tough figuring it out, but god bless the internet it provides me people like you

Yea man, i feel you totally on this post. i'm at a similar point right now. Although, after getting into the game thing for a long while, i did feel i had achieved a level that i never felt capable of before. Even now i'm fine talking to girls for the most part...i've just grown lazy and needy and havent been hungry and felt that fire to get good. I feel like i fell back into a rut i need to get out of and havent achieved the results i want. Stick with it though, it does take time.

As for talking to em...you're on the right track completely with that comment "like i talk to the guys". That's exactly what you need to do. You need to view them almost like a guy that you're just being buddy-buddy with. That's how relaxed you need to be. Yes, it's easier said then done. but the biggest advice i can give you is to desensitize yourself to hot girls. Get a few female friends that are cute and just hang with them as a friend. Watch how they operate and you'll quickly realize that they fart and poop and feel insecure and look like crap when they're hungover and act annoying, just like your guy friends. They're only human. Yea it's fun to have sex with em. And you still need to be sexual. But aside from physical escalation, you'd be surprised how much like talking to a good friend gaming a hot girl is. Especially when you're building comfort. You should be interacting with them almost like a very close friend even as you're kissing them and building physical attraction. It makes her feel so much more relaxed because it's like sex isnt even a big deal. It's like you have the connection of friends but you just like to have sex with each other. At least that's what's worked for me.

But opening girls is especially important. just be social. Guys psyche themselves out so much...especially at the bar doing "approaches" and all that. It's not an approach. It's not something to be built up or worried about. You shouldn't even be doing awkward "cold approaches, where you come out of nowhere and deliver some line. The best way is to make it feel relaxed and natural. If you're at the store, simply turn to her like you just noticed her, and say "hey, what do you think about this shirt?". Or at the bar, hang at the bar and just make conversation rather than prowling around like the typical desperate chode. Honestly, i gave up on 'pick up lines'. Especially when you're all drinking at the bar, you rarely need to say more than "hey, whats your name?". Focus more on your body language and tonality, and above all just have fun.

You're not trying to get the number, or get the makeout, or get in her pants. You're simply being a social dude and she's cute so why not talk to her? You're a quality guy and any girl at the bar should be thrilled that a cool guy like yourself chats them up. That's the mindset you've gotta have. At least IMO. There's different things that work for everyone...but that's my two cents.

 

[moneyisking]

@gravityeyelids: ya exactly, right on point man. like you said, it's easy to talk to the dudes because sh!t, if all goes well we are friends, if not to hell with them, but it doesn't work so easily with women, it's as if my brain thinks to operate the logical way, but the heart is resisting the rationale, the more sensible way. I mean, I really never had the platonic hot friend whom I hung out or anything. And ya I still think that somehow my mind totally compartmentalize man and woman absolutely. I can maybe grocery shop and ask a old grandma or a dude about whether to put this or that ingredient in my soup, but I KNOW I will be all nervous and stupid sh!t if I asked a girl... and you know, I don't know why I do that hahaha. I am drinking cold beer in this 30 degree cold a$$ Texas winter and thinking I got to implement your suggestion, that maybe women aren't that different. see how it goes. I know I know, easier said than done, but one thing at a time right?

I read your post by the way, didn't have much to say since we are not on the same page, hell not even on the same book, but I think you got it all figured out, just a philosophical slump my man. Thanks for the 10 cents

 

[gravityeyelids]

@gravityeyelids: ya exactly, right on point man. like you said, it's easy to talk to the dudes because sh!t, if all goes well we are friends, if not to hell with them, but it doesn't work so easily with women, it's as if my brain thinks to operate the logical way, but the heart is resisting the rationale, the more sensible way. I mean, I really never had the platonic hot friend whom I hung out or anything. And ya I still think that somehow my mind totally compartmentalize man and woman absolutely. I can maybe grocery shop and ask a old grandma or a dude about whether to put this or that ingredient in my soup, but I KNOW I will be all nervous and stupid sh!t if I asked a girl... and you know, I don't know why I do that hahaha. I am drinking cold beer in this 30 degree cold a$$ Texas winter and thinking I got to implement your suggestion, that maybe women aren't that different. see how it goes. I know I know, easier said than done, but one thing at a time right?

I read your post by the way, didn't have much to say since we are not on the same page, hell not even on the same book, but I think you got it all figured out, just a philosophical slump my man. Thanks for the 10 cents

One of the best things i did to improve my confidence with women was befriend an entire apartment of neighbor girls in my complex with no intent on sleeping with them. They were attractive, and i was over there CONSTANTLY, just hanging out, listening to them b!tch about guys and stuff. It takes them off the pedestal and also allows to to analyze girls and understand them in a way that is impossible with random girls in public or girls that are trying to impress you, because they're completely open and comfortable with you after a while.

And a positive side effect is....if you get in good with a group of girls...they will say good things about you and wingwoman you to their cute friends :rockon:

And as far as the nervousness....haha that never really goes away. It always is kind of nerveracking. Cold approaching always is and always will be a huge pain in the arse. You just gotta do it. The good news is that you learn how to handle the nervousness and make it less intense. Kind of like a job interview. Remember your first interview? If you were like me, you were probably sweating and almost shaking. You still get nervous each time, but after a few interviews you learn to just take a breath and relax and just dive in. "Just sh!t your pants and dive in and swim."

 

[jurry]

Haha good advice gravity..

Really its a fight against the ego, that wants to protect the guy inside from rejection or humiliation, so itll come up with a thousand reasons you cant do x or y.. But as gravity says its all bullshît you gota just jump. Telling yourself to stop being dependent on outcomes or act like its just one of the guys isnt going to matter if it isnt true for you, you simply NEED that failure and that awkwardness and humiliation to kill the ego a bit. And each time you do a little more of it dies, theres no way around it.. But slowly you get more and more comfortable.

All depends on how serious you are about it. Interestingly enough, you could swap out failure and awkwardness for depression and boredom, and you'd have a good guide for meditation.. An interesting similarity that has always drawn me to sosuave.

 

[Mike32ct]

Focus on quality over quantity.

You will find that some chicks will be very difficult to keep a conversation going with. Whether it's low interest on their part and/or they just aren't interesting at all and/or they don't feel like talking at the time, conversation can feel like pulling teeth sometimes. Other women will be almost effortless to talk to, and the conversation will just flow naturally.

When you approach women, you are "testing the waters" to see if they are up for a conversation (and possibly more lol).

Honestly, the only encouraging and gratifying part of this "game" IMO is how some women can be very bytchy and short with you and others can seem like you've known each other for ten years*.

So keep at it. I guarantee that you will find a chick or group of chicks that are actually cool and fun to talk to. That will encourage you to keep going. You need to look for that 5 percent of women that are actually interesting, rather than try to work the entire room of shallow AWs.

*Technically, DTF chicks are often NOT the most friendly, but that's another topic lol. For now, focus on women that are cool to talk to in order to get your conversation game up. Then later move on to the slightly colder, "I need to get railed tonight" chicks lol.

 

[moneyisking]

jury and mike, thanks for solid advice!