I doubt these theories

[FOL!!!]

In general I mean. Let me first introduce myself, I'm new to the boards and this site. I read many (but certainly not all) of the articles and a bunch of reactions on this board and I'm pretty skeptic about all this. The main reason is the question to people who ain't getting a chick. The question asked to them is "Do you really try?!" and "You maybe try 4 girls a month"...and some people were even talking about 60 phone numbers in a week...bloody hell... That is just brute force trying to get a girl, that has nothing to do with being a Don Juan if you ask me. If you would be a Don Juan you could get many girls you want. Not try it on many of them, and just get a few. then you are just like anyone else, except for the difference that you try it very very often (desperate like often?). It even seems to be "player"-ish.
I understand (and it's logical) you never get alll the women...but like I said now...giving yourself the title "Don Juan", but trying so many girls that one of them has to like you, doesn't seem right either. Enlighten me!?


And do you really think 80% (?) of the women see getting into a relation is a game. Where the man has to be unreachable somehow? It could be, but I somehow doubt it. If a girl likes you and you like the girl...why play a game?


This isn't an attack to the site or anyone. I'm just very skeptic to all this. Alltough some tips are really usefull, and The DJ Bible (weeks 1 and 2) seem a good way to start up. I came to this site and read about all this because I'm such a "nice/shy guy" and don't get contact with girls easily, so I'll surely go try the first (and maybe all) weeks of the DJ bible.

P.s. I did not use the search, the reason for this is, because this is so general I would get a million of topics. If this has been already asked, please give me a link and I'll read over there and maybe ask a question there

Before I came to this site I didn't see 'it' as described on this site. Not at alll... But I surely need to relax in front of women, get into some kind of contact faster and see the first dates as just "fun times"... I met a girl in the supermarket (she works there) now...and we have had some contact, but I wanted to make sure this goes fine and all...but according to this site, that's the wrong approach. Don't expect ****, if she doesn't want you, get another...Weird, I have to think about that. But I surely need to get some action going on soon, because this takes over 2 months already and past month she was having vacation. So even when I'm skeptic about all of this, I'm asking some advise. What should I do? Let me give some more details. I know her from the supermarket where she works. I dunno the English word for it, but you have to put your groceries on the counter and you have to pay her for it. So she's been staring at me and smiling...and I got the frikking guts to talk to her (lol, really this was a biig step already). The next time I went to the supermarket, she literally turned 180 degrees on her chair and stared at me... I thought of this as a hint. Then we started chatting a bit, she indeed gave some personal information about her school situation and stuff...but because there were other people behind me, the conversations are pretty short. Then I saw her in town, sitting outside drinking with some guy. They weren't close to each other, or kissing or holding each other or whatever, so it could just be a friend. And after that, she was away from her work for 3 weeks (probably vacation). Now I saw her yesterday again at the supermarket, not at the counter, but filling the groceries in the store itself. I saw her, and she didn't saw me...I didn't do ****, got scared again (damn, while I finally broke the ice for myself...the ice "grew" back again in her vacation time). Now I'll see her again next week (someone gotta get groceries). Now, I want to hook up with her, I'm pretty positive I got her interest. What to do next time? Directly say something like "wanna go and have a drink sometimes?" and give her my number, so she has to call me or what? I don't really feel I'm focussing on her too much (like in the past maybe), because if she doesn't work out, hey too bad...It would be a bummer, but there are enough fishies in the sea. So that attitude is at least better than previous year. Getting less desperate eh?

Anyay, this topic is split in 2. First being critical on all this, second asking for advice...odd maybe, isn't it? Sorry, I can't help that, but being critical isn't a bad thing I guess. It could only convince me those theories are right, so I would believe more in it. (or if not...then we have a problem ). But I have to be less chicken**** if we are speaking of approaching women. That's for 100% sure and I'll certainly go read the articles which I believe in (eye contact articles, conversation articles, DJ bible first 2 weeks at least (didn't read the rest yet)).

Hmm Long post I guess, oh well...

 

[MidnightResistance]

If a girl likes you and you like the girl...why play a game?

I see where you're coming from and I agree.
But this world is fvcked up.
There are a few decent chicks out there who aren't playing it all as a game. But they are a minority. The majority of that minority are also fugly.

 

[FOL!!!]

Re: Re: I doubt these theories

Originally posted by MidnightResistance
I see where you're coming from and I agree.
But this world is fvcked up.
There are a few decent chicks out there who aren't playing it all as a game. But they are a minority. The majority of that minority are also fugly.

Is it really that bad? I wonder... =)

Originally posted by Othello
You're exaggerating a bit but anyway I digress. The point of repitition in activities (e.g. the 60 phone numbers), is to get you to accustomed to a pick-up. If you want to shoot in basketball better, you practice, practice and practice. The same is true in being a Don Juan. You need to practice until it becomes second nature to you.

The reason you try for many different girls, is so you don't develop a oneitis and become obsessed with that girl. This will depress you, weaken your game and ruin your chances of meeting new girls. The more girls you meet the more chances you have of finding one you ACTUALLY like.

(thanks for fixing the links Othello, makes it a lot easier to quote ). Ah I see...so those 60 numbers are just practise shots. IF you got that down, you know how to pick up a girl, let's say you also learned how to finish the rest. By that time you start to be more picky on the girls you might try to win?

And of course if you meet more girls there is a bigger chance, but it doesn't seem much DJ to me, if you know what I mean... I agree on the 'getting focussed to much at 1 (or maybe a few) girls'. That's my...I'll come back at that at the end.

It is about improving your game. Improving your chances of women. Improving your self and your life. In doing so, this will open up many possibilities. It's about experimentation and trial and error. If you are able to play 'games', and 'games' is a word I wouldn't use, to increase her interest you then why not. It isn't like you somehow used a cheat on her (like godmode in quake lol). It is an extension of your improved self.

Hmm I see...Allthough I actually read it already, this cleared it up

I shortened this but did the whole paragraph.2 motnsh may have killed your chances buddy. She may have made you a friend by now, but you did say the ice has come back over. Next time you see her make a joke, make the mood light-hearted. Then when your both smiling and a good mood is set, say "hey, i'm going out to xxxx and you should tag along, what's your number?" Either she will give you her number or not.

You seem to be a little bit obsessed with her, and this is why you should approach many more girls [/B]

First of all, let me respond to the latter sentence. I don't feel obsesses by her. I 'got obsessed' way too much at a girl previous year, god damn, that was the biggest mistake of my frikking life! So I'm not obsessed by her, but I do focus on her. I don't see her as the only option, but as a good option for now.

I don't think she considers me as a friend (maybe I should interpret your "a friend" a bit different then literal ?), because we only had contact for like...4 times in those 2 months. But the problem might also be that I'm not kind of a disco type kind of guy. I like sitting somewhere and have a drink though, but saying "Hey, I'm going out to...etc" and then just sit there together (with the 2 of us), seems like "hey, I'm going to sit somewhere alone, wanna join me?"...lol (if she would say now, I'm actually saying that I'm going to sit somewhere alone...).
lol or is this typically a case of too much thinking and should I just say what you said, which is just a rephrasement of "wanna have a drink with the two of us at xxxx" ?

 

[spider_007]

this hole thig sumed up in the few words:

Originally posted by OneArmDeeJay
This site is just to improve you, as a person, to work on your inner game, not to act like someone your not.

 

[FOL!!!]

Originally posted by spider_007
this hole thig sumed up in the few words:

Originally posted by OneArmDeeJay
This site is just to improve you, as a person, to work on your inner game, not to act like someone your not.

That doesn't make much sense in this topic

If I ask "does it work that way" and you reply with "it is just to imrpove you as a person" you don't really give an answer to the question, do you?


And how is "brute force trying women" self improvement?

It's a bit too short answered the way you did, if you ask me

 

[MacDiddy]

FOL... its not for us to enlighten you and hence convince you of its merits if you are coming from a position of sceptism and resistance to new ideology....

You are probably not ready for what this board has to offer... You may be experiencing success and wondering what the hell is all this $hit for anyway...

When you are at a crossroad and nothing else seems to make sense then come back.

When you are ready, read the DJ Bible and get on this forum and start posting..

 

[MikeyBoi]

You're in a difficult situation, FOL.

From what I can tell, you're a shy, quiet guy, with very little sexual experience. Plus you don't speak native English (what is your ethnicity, by the way?)

All of these things will make it more difficult for you to get laid. I really don't mean to get you discouraged, but this is the way it is. Life is unfair, and young girls, it would seem, are MORE unfair.

First you must acknowledge that you are a beginner. You probably have very shaky social skills, and even worse, you probably think your social skills are a lot better than they actually are.

As a beginner, you have to be ready to face failure. The economics of your situation is HORRIBLE. Girls, even just okay-looking girls, are very in demand. Chances are any girl you are interested in has dealt with guys with better social skills and lady-skills than you have, and this will make you look boring, predictable, and desperate.

You have to go into this understanding your handicaps, and taking a pragmatic, problem-solving attitude rather than an emotional one. You must have unshakeable self-esteem, and very, very thick skin. Because guess what...

You can NOT appear too vulnerable at first to most girls, it pressures them to not hurt you, which is too much responsibility for them. Young girls want to party and have the freedom to be DONE with you whenever they want. Only when they're convinced that they CANNOT hurt you, can they feel relaxed around you.

When you "Try to make conversation" with a girl, chances are she knows you are "trying" and furthermore she knows how important the current interaction is for you, and the dynamic is her indulging you.

My humble opinion: only when you have a few female friends that you are totally comfortable with, can you begin to relax around women.

"Getting" a girl is one TALL ORDER for someone at your beginner's level. So start at the bottom, and talk to girls without thinking of sex. Get some girl FRIENDS. Try to find something you have in common with some of the girls in your life.

Do you work? Talk to girls at work. It might be easier once you get sex OUT of your mind.

Do you go to the gym? Talk to girls at the gym. Talk about working out, and heck, maybe you could have a gym buddy after awhile.

Do you go to school? School is a great environment. Talk to girls in your classes about the material and try to find someone to study with. Often times study friends can turn into party invites, and eventually true friends.

In summary, you probably have a long way to go. Work from the inside out. You need to feel like there are some people on your side. You need to have someone to talk to about your girl stuff...they don't need to be an expert, just a listener. And most importantly, I have to stress this again, be your OWN reward, provide your OWN validation, be complete and happy REGARDLESS of women.

Sometimes one outside problem is just an indication of a bigger, hidden problem. Getting women is not your problem. Your problem is that you likely live with a paradigm that bars you from many opportunities, only SOME of which are romantic ones.

Sorry to be long-winded and confusing, if that's what I was.

Best,
Mikey

 

[FOL!!!]

MacDiddy: I didn'texpect such an answer at all. And why? Because I'm always into new things, and certainly up to new knowledge. But everyone with some common sense know they should not take everything they read (especially the internet) or hear for granted.

Mikeyboi: Thanks for the long reply. I'm surely in a difficult situation. I'm to the point where I see it and want to do something about it.

I'm pretty shy, and only had sex with 1 girl/woman. And I'm not here to learn how to fvck as much women as possible (and I believe that was indeed not the (main) idea here). I indeed don't speak native English, but I wonder why that is something negative. I'm west-european.

I am a beginner and lack strong social skills, I won't disagree (except when being with friends or when I need something to get done, even with strangers...but when it's just for being social, I indeed fail most of the time. Also lacking presentations skills in fron of big groups (?) I don'tknwo if that has to do anything with it).

I do have a few female friends...I only hang around with 1 most of the time though and hell I'm as comfortable with her as any of my male friends, no problem at all.

Work -> My own company with a friend...doesn't work there

Gym -> I ride bmx and motorcycle...not really a place where you seem to get a 'sporting buddy'. there are some motorcycle clubs though...I meet them sometimes. And, to be fair, I hate getting up to such a group of strangers (even men). I don't feel comfortable in such a situation. But, I do know I just do it far more easy these days than a year ago. I also speak to them more easily than a year ago, so there sure is some progression compared to the past. And I did come to this site to check out wether there is a chance to improve it by the many tips out here.

School-> Yeah I go to school...but you have to know, this is some kind of technical university... The women at my class... (1 at 50 guys) is not really the girl you would like (short hair..spiked...oh whatever, you get the point). So that isn't a really good environment. the rest of the school is sooo damn big. There are enough pretty ladies around the school though.

I sure have along way to go, I got three friends who I (can) talk to about girl stuff. My problem with women is part of a social skilled problem. Partly fear, partly not knowing how to keep up a good conversation if there is no clear subject. If I meet someone for (let's say) reparation of my tv, the conversation will flow, but not when there is just a conversation because it's fun (with strangers of course). I have this also with men, or groups. With men I improved myself a lot already in the past few months. With groups I've been improving myself as well, by just going and start talking and stuff, that seems to be a start as well. The best thought I have about all this at the moment is hey they are just people as well *gosh* But it works (for me). But I don't think there is a bigger problem than that. I like hanging around with people, but sometimes my social skills seem to hold back of talking to people.

Funny, I read some of this stuff and ust tried it yesterday, by just bouncing the conversation to the other...and she (mother of a guy I was just visiting, he was away for a few mins) kept talking and talking this way. So I sure do think this site could help me, especially with some tips about conversations and general body talk (not just to get attractive, but to be more open and friendly). And the DJ guide week 1 and 2 (and maybe 3) seemed to work on my general social skills (instead of just going for women). And maybe if I keep working on week 2 (which is "having a short conversation with a complete stranger) for a few weeks longer and also to groups, I might be ready to head on for women and read more of the other articles which are related to it. Maybe, by then, I agree with the way you all see what women want, do and how the act. As for now I just haven't looked at it that way, except for a small group of women, but I surely could be wrong.
Does that seem the right way to go for it? I bet when I get more comfortable my self-esteem gets a boost, and by the faillures my skin gets a bit thicker.

But I don't see why I have to take all this for granted and not be a bit critical/skeptic towards it.... Isn't that normal for a human being? And I'm not a WBAFC to throw everything aboard and go fully to what's given to me. (I rather see that as a plus). But I'll take it hypothetically for being the truth and go for it. DJ bible week 1, here I come.