I could really use some advice on life, and getting off rock bottom..

[The Karate Kid]

Hey guys, im bumming hardcore right now, and wicked depressed and i cant seem to get out of it. I could really use some inspiration if y'all could help..

Backstory as to why im depressed:
In the summer of 2010, i was on top of the world, I had my money in order, i was moving into my own place in Boston, and going back to school to earn my degree, I was getting ready for my first mma fight(didnt happen, got injured). I basically just had **** going for me. everyone could tell, women were all over me, it was great

Just before i moved down there, i met this chick, G, we hit it off pretty well and she instantly fell for me the day we met(what she claimed after we ended). I didnt think much of it, as i had no desire for a relationship, figuring i was going to get to Boston and make the city my *****.

Well i kept seeing G, and she would literally drive an hour and a half down to boston to see me for a night, only to have to drive an hour away for school, it didnt matter to her, since she was nuts about me.

And then something happened, and everything changed. I for some reason, whether it was school, loneliness from a new city, or some deep personal issues, fell apart, and quickly, my entire life started to come undone. I questioned everything and lost all the confidence i had built up.

Somehow in my head i justified that if i got the girl back who i was dating before G, i would be able to find my magic again. I now know that I irrationally thought that if i dated the girl who I saw when i was on top of the world, i would get that feeling back. ****ing Ridiculous. And blew up in my face.

Anyway, G kept being there for me, trying her heart out to save me from whatever had come over me, while i continued to push her away, until at one point, she jsut stopped. And all of her love and passion for me turned to anger and annoyance. She said she "finally got hurt." I ended up losing a girl who i had the potential to have a great thing with...

And since all this happened, I left school(tentatively going back this fall), got my life completely off track, worked **** jobs, pushed G totally away(i couldnt forgive myself for my mistakes and kept bringing up the past and the old us...for a year). I also started dating another girl, but it was only a matter of time before my baggage made me push her away as well.

G now wont talk to me because she thinks i need to get my act together, and that im no good for her or anyone until i do(this also just happened to be when she met someone whom she is really into). I know that no man should value someone this much, I just cant seem to let go of her because of all the good she brought to my life. I dont have attachment issues with any other girl, either.
End of Story

I just cant seem to get it together. Im so mired in my mistakes, and regrets over ****ing my life up, and losing probably the only person who has been there for me whenever i needed her(even up until 3 weeks ago, she was always there if i needed her). It's literally torturing me. Eveyrthing that i had going has gone to hell


Ive hit rock bottom, and I just dont feel like i cant get out of this. Any advice you guys have would help a lot. I just dont know what to do to get my mind right. Its been a year and a half, and nothings changed.

 

[bigneil]

Guys, this is not an unusual situation. It is the norm in life.

The classic mistake made here was the OP tried relying on the woman as the source of his "magic". That's like a tree saying "I'm falling but if I can just lean on this bird it will soften the fall". The bird will get out of there quick.

The pain you feel is supposed to inspire you to get your life back on track, and when you are sturdy enough to support a nest the birds will return in flocks.

 

[ezio]

cant really say much rite now but everyone has been at rock bottom some time or the other in their lives. its a passing phase in life bro, its definitely not going to be your status for the rest of your life. seems to me you are trying to resolve too many issues at once and you end up ****ing up worse and getting yourself more depressed. take one day at a time. concentrate on going to school, at the very least that would give you a new goal in life and take your mind of issues for a while.

Also i think your girl is right, until you get your **** together you are no good to anyone, not even yourself. seems to me she cares deeply for you as she stuck with you for so long. show are you care equally by working on your life and putting **** in order. I believe once she sees how serious you are about working on yourself she might eventually come back to you, however you should know this is not a given. whatever will be will be.

Remember, one day and one problem at a time. good luck

 

[The Karate Kid]

Thanks for the advice guys. I definitely know i am a bit of a mess right now, and i indeed am not good for anyone. I guess the fact that I kept making the wrong choices has just shattered the confidence i had, and made me lose all the emotional control i once held. I could honestly say that many people would have given me respect for how i was before my **** hit the fan.

And about the girl, i do agree that she cares, she said that when i get myself in order, she wants me in her life, i just dont know if she was being honest, or letting me down gently. im just worried that all of my bull**** has finally made her fed up to the point that i lost a possible lifelong friend. Its way more than just having some chick to date and bang. I never had issues finding those

 

[Groovy]

What's ur age?

 

[The Karate Kid]

24.

 

[AAAgent]

Break-ups happen, and sometimes when we're not in our groove, and things don't go our way, we tend to lose focus, hope, and worst of all we stop trying.

Your life isn't bad, your just facing new city drama. You worked hard in the last city you were in and things paid off but generally that doesn't transfer over to a new city. In a "NEW" city, your going to have to start off fresh. You will have to get new friends, get used to new surroundings, find new places where you enjoy to eat, hangout, or just chill out. Getting acclimated to a new environment will take some time.

Take things one step at a time.

Stop worry about girls and that particular girl at the moment. You barely have your sh1t together, so work on getting yourself straight before you think about running like a AFC back to her. Once you get yourself together, that's when i'd recommend contemplating talking to her again.

Remember, if you don't think your sh1t is together, how do you expect a woman to trust herself in you when your emitting a sad aura. Work on making yourself happy and content and things will fall in line.

 

[The Karate Kid]

I know my life isnt too bad, but definitely **** compared to how it was before. My biggest problem is that ive made so many wrong decisions over the past year and a half that i dont think i can make any good ones, or that things will work out for me. Im honestly terrified of the next thing i do wrong

 

[Groovy]

24.

It looks like you are a 50 year old going through a mid life crisis or something! When you're young you're supposed to have a lot of ENERGY AND MOJO. "And then, something happened, and everything changed". What kind of crap is that? Of course, you get knocked down once in a while, something upsets you, but then BOOM, you find a way out, you're back in the game stronger then ever. You're too young to be going through male menopause or something!! COME ON BRO!! You even got another girl, are you crazy? MAN. It sounds, from what you described, that she does NOT have a boyfriend, is still single, and may be willing to take you back. Maybe I'm wrong, what is this "she met someone who she is really into?". But WHO CARES, you need to re-activate yourself FAST, FOR YOURSELF, and while you're at it, try to get her back too! It may not be too late!! If you fail, at least you tried!! You got all the TOOLS. You don't even state WHAT went wrong!! No good reason, nothing. What happened? Someone died from your family? Did you loose an arm or leg? You have NO REASON AT ALL. You just lost your groove. YOU'RE 24!! You can and will get over this fast. You have the youngness. What can stop you? Nothing can stop you! Start eating a better diet. Start eating LOTS OF FRUITS, NUTS, like pumpkin, almonds, sunflower, so on, SOY, YOU NEED TO ABUSE SOY, EAT SOY MILK, TOFU, SOY SAUSAGE, SOY YOGURT, YOU NEED TO **** PURE SOY, eat SEAWEEDS too. Go on you idiot! Do it now!

PS: If you need more info just msg me I can try to help you out with your diet, exercise, breathing exercises etc, but you can ask in health and fitness there's some cool posters in there like marmel or ****mojo.

 

[The Karate Kid]

Well idk what happened exactly, i think it was the pressure of school, trying to start my fight career, money, and a lot of family problems. My dad(who is my role model) cheated on my step mother and got another lady pregnant, and in turn my step mother tried to commit suicide. So my family went to ****. So i freaked out and ran back home and left school

I cant get the girl back, Its been a year since we were together, and I have pushed her away by bringing up serious **** and the past. If i could fix things with her i would, but she doesnt want anything to do with me right now, which bothers me since she is the only person i have ever actually connected with beyond sex. Id honestly be happy just to have us be cool, but i guess my needy pathetic **** made her realize that she cant have me in her life until i get my **** straight. Worst part is i knew everything i did with her was wrong, but i couldnt stop from being mega AFC.

And the girl i did have, literally within a like 2 weeks told me she met someone and fell for him, shes a hard 9, so guys arent an issue for her. but i never really was into her, she was beautiful, but lacked a personality

 

[SoSuave666]

It looks like you are a 50 year old going through a mid life crisis or something! When you're young you're supposed to have a lot of ENERGY AND MOJO. "And then, something happened, and everything changed". What kind of crap is that? Of course, you get knocked down once in a while, something upsets you, but then BOOM, you find a way out, you're back in the game stronger then ever. You're too young to be going through male menopause or something!! COME ON BRO!! You even got another girl, are you crazy? MAN. It sounds, from what you described, that she does NOT have a boyfriend, is still single, and may be willing to take you back. Maybe I'm wrong, what is this "she met someone who she is really into?". But WHO CARES, you need to re-activate yourself FAST, FOR YOURSELF, and while you're at it, try to get her back too! It may not be too late!! If you fail, at least you tried!! You got all the TOOLS. You don't even state WHAT went wrong!! No good reason, nothing. What happened? Someone died from your family? Did you loose an arm or leg? You have NO REASON AT ALL. You just lost your groove. YOU'RE 24!! You can and will get over this fast. You have the youngness. What can stop you? Nothing can stop you! Start eating a better diet. Start eating LOTS OF FRUITS, NUTS, like pumpkin, almonds, sunflower, so on, SOY, YOU NEED TO ABUSE SOY, EAT SOY MILK, TOFU, SOY SAUSAGE, SOY YOGURT, YOU NEED TO **** PURE SOY, eat SEAWEEDS too. Go on you idiot! Do it now!

PS: If you need more info just msg me I can try to help you out with your diet, exercise, breathing exercises etc, but you can ask in health and fitness there's some cool posters in there like marmel or ****mojo.

I agree that the OP is fine and is young. However, I do not agree with your diet recs. Soy is terrible for testosterone and your hormone balance. Women in menopause are prescribed high soy diets to increase estrogen levels and decrease testosterone levels. Anything in moderation is OK, but to tell him to eat high levels of soy will only decrease his ambition.

 

[bigneil]

Consider these highs and lows for me in the past 1.5 years alone:
Summary: $88K, $99K, $0K, $145K, $0K, $120K. The end resuls is I'm making 33% more in 18 months (and went through 18 states, 4GFs and 2 bouts of unemployment to get there). Dark days might return, but you can't keep a good man down. Hang in there!

 

[The Karate Kid]

Well my issues arent just about girls, Its more than that, but thanks for the link, its a good read.

 

[Bible_Belt]

What was your physical injury? Are you still training martial arts anywhere?

The odds of you having an actual paying "career" in mma are about million to one. It's a little better if you are a heavyweight, but not much. Even low-level UFC fighters have a hard time earning a living wage. My point is not to stress about losing out on the 'mma career.' Just think of it as a hobby that keeps you in shape. You might also try tournament-style Brazilian jiu-jitsu in a gi, as a way to still compete at something without getting your head pounded on too regularly.

 

[The Karate Kid]

Boxers fracture in my left hand. I know the odds of making a real career were low, but it was something that really mattered. Training has always been my passion. I have done some gi tourneys, and an ammy boxing match, but Fighting has always been what i wanted

 

[TRSX]

OP, today my GF moved out (after 3 years). I feel you man, and sorry this happened.

Any form of relationship has an unequal (including friends). There is NO such thing as a mutual breakup. Best advice anyone on here can give you, is keep your head high, focus on you now, and I promise 50 "g's" are around the corner waiting for you.

But whatever you do, don't pent up the energy. Go do an activity, with a friend, family, anyone.. When you feel down, get on your gloves and maybe punch a bag for a bit. Find 5 songs that make you feel good aboutyourself, and just repeat the **** out of them.

You're back in the game, now you get to decide how to play.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Ah, that sucks. Did they operate and put a pin in it? The problem with the boxer's fracture is that it is likely to re-occur. The bone gets weaker every time it gets broken. It doesn't always end careers, but you just have to be careful with the hand. It's an odd injury that pretty much only comes from punching. If you were to stick with a grappling sport and not punch, it would be almost impossible to break it again. If you were to put several dedicated years into become a legitimate bjj purple belt or higher, then you could easily win a lot of amateur mma fights without ever having to throw a punch.

 

[The Karate Kid]

I'm actually a blue belt right now, I'd probably have my purple, I just haven't put the gi on in a while

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Karate Kid: You're only 24! I would kill to be 24 again! I know I am only a few years older, but the 20's are the BEST years of your life. Take advantage of every day. Do you know that some people have not even had a girlfriend by 24?

Stop talking like your life is over because of one mistake. Less than 1/3 of your life has gone by, you have plenty of time to turn things around. Your 20's are when you SHOULD be making mistakes. You don't want to make these mistakes when you are 35+. Take it as a lesson learned and something to grow from.

Regarding depression, been there, done that. Here is what I learned from my bouts of depression:

1) As tired as you are, don't sleep more than 7-8 hours a day. Avoid afternoon/evening naps, no matter how tempting they may be. Excess sleep WORSENS depression. Believe me!

2) Surround yourself with positive people.

3) Keep your car/room smelling clean and fresh. You would be surprised at how sensitive your mood can be to scents.

4) Exercise regularly. Based on your lifestyle, you are probably already doing so. If not, pick it back up right away. You said you are injured, can you still train?

5) Don't stay home alone. Don't watch too much TV. Always accomplish something every day. Knowing you did something useful boosts your mood. Sitting around like a dead lump of mass makes you more depressed because you feel like life is passing you by.


Hope that helps.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I'm actually a blue belt right now, I'd probably have my purple, I just haven't put the gi on in a while

I was helping out a promoter at an amateur mma event Saturday night, where the main event was basically just nine minutes of one guy sitting on another, because the guy on the bottom did not know a mount escape. I'm not sure he knew that such a thing exists. He did have sponsors, a nickname, a very elaborate walk-out dance, and a blue belt in a martial art that his trainer made up. And this was not even that bad of an mma event; I have seen much worse.

My idea of a bjj purple belt is about five dedicated years of training. At that level, you can do really well as an amateur.