How would you handle this ?

[Golden Arms]

Hey fellas - need a bit of advice. .

A couple of Saturdays ago, I go to a club with a female friend of mine, let's call her G. Her and I have hooked up last year, but now we're just pretty good friends. She brings her hot 24 yr old PuertoRican coworker, let's call her L. This chick's got a body that ranks about 9.5 with a face that's roughly 8.

Right away, L starts flirting, I get her digits and ask her for pic to go with it. She pulls out her phone and shows me a pic of her bare ass. She asks me if I"m about 30. I tell her 36. Fine. We go dance, talk some more, etc.. she spends rest of the night texting than gets mad at G cause G wants to stay in the club longer and gets a ride home w/ another girl. She storms off pissed. I cab it home.

She texts me next morning to find out if I made it home ok. Texts me again few days later. We set up a date for Thursday. Right away I get a text from G "Good luck on your date with L". We go out for drinks Thursday. Good conversation but she reveals herself to be somewhat volatile "Oh, you thought I was pissed that night ? Trust me, you haven't seen me pissed". I drop her off - kiss on the mouth, no tongue. She inquires about my status with G, I say just friends, of course. Right after the date, she starts texting me to say she had a great time, etc.. let's do something soon, seems very open.

I IM G at work Friday. G tells me how L came into work all excited about our date last night and how happy she was about it. At the same time, I get the sense G isn't completely ok w/ me dating her co-worker. I also find out L just got out of a 6 yr relationship that sort of messed her up in a major way. G told me that she still sees her ex from time to time. Also, she has plans to relocate in April (she told me that herself)

Few days go by. L's got her Xmas thing in a neighboring state. Texts to wish a Merry Xmas, etc.. we have trouble setting up the next day due to conflicting schedules. I am out w/ some friends tonight and text her something silly. This is our text convo verbatim:

Me: Oh well, I got guns and all that too. You know my body is good
L: Yea and body is just a bonus how u treat me is the main marker of how good u are
Me: I agree. And that goes both ways
L: I must warn u though I m selfish n very high maintenance
Me: As long as you treat me like you want to be treated. That's fair, right
L: Right but u do realize I m NOT looking for a relationship I m looking for a friendship that's that turned into something more..
Me: I do and it's fine
L: I like and want to stay single I just got out of a 6 year one that was pretty much a bitter divorce so I don't want nor need one
Me: I've been hurt too... and I know you're not looking anything serious and it's fine.
Is there anything you like about me? Must be something
L: Ur car

What do you guys think ? She's obviously bitter from her break-up and got major guard up and will not let me know if she's into me if her life depended on it. However, it appears that she wouldn't opposed to swapping some bodily fluids sometime in the future. Which is fine, and really the only reason I've put up with her - I don't get to bang girls as hot as her very often.

On the other hand, I can't stand girls who think world revolves around them, although her candor about it is refreshing. Biggest egos also exist among the most insecure people and I'm wondering if there's a way I can use it to my advantage here. Thoughts?

 

[Tiguere]

use her as fvck buddy. she likes aholes. you can tell. so get her liqoured up and go for the kill. this one has emotional baggage. no long term potential at all. this is just a preliminary guess from me. set something up for tomorrow night and smash that tights a$$.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Try re-writing the story. Every time a woman talks, take her words and change them to mean the opposite of what she said. Then you will have a much better idea of what is really happening.

 

[pdx1138]

I'm sure she's a handful.

Just have fun with her and keep it that.

 

[Golden Arms]

use her as fvck buddy. she likes aholes. you can tell. so get her liqoured up and go for the kill. this one has emotional baggage. no long term potential at all. this is just a preliminary guess from me. set something up for tomorrow night and smash that tights a$$.

Good idea; need to make sure to get her drunk next time we hang out

 

[Golden Arms]

Try re-writing the story. Every time a woman talks, take her words and change them to mean the opposite of what she said. Then you will have a much better idea of what is really happening.

That is interesting. Does that actually work for everything ? Somehow I doubt that when she says she's selfish and high maintenance she means selfless and low maintenance.

 

[Lexington]

Your frame is beginning to crack based on these texts:

"I've been hurt too... and I know you're not looking anything serious and it's fine." (qualifying yourself to her...establishing her as the prize)

"Is there anything you like about me? Must be something " (even with the wink, this sounds like you are looking to her for feedback...i.e. seeking approval)

The frame you need to establish through your actions is that you are the prize. She is the one that should be grateful for the opportunity to have the chance to have your c0ck between her legs. She is the one that should be guessing your intentions....not the other way around. Don't overdo it though. Your frame will crumble if you appear to be trying too hard. This must be communicated covertly, because covert communication is the medium that most women understand best.

This whole "I'm high maintenance" thing is a sh*t test; she's testing you for congruence and you are starting to show some cracks. Fortunately, the frame appears salvageable. From here on out, you push hard for the lay. If she doesn't put out by date 4, move on. The opportunity cost of pursuing this project becomes too high at that point.

 

[Golden Arms]

Your frame is beginning to crack based on these texts:

"I've been hurt too... and I know you're not looking anything serious and it's fine." (qualifying yourself to her...establishing her as the prize)

"Is there anything you like about me? Must be something " (even with the wink, this sounds like you are looking to her for feedback...i.e. seeking approval)

The frame you need to establish through your actions is that you are the prize. She is the one that should be grateful for the opportunity to have the chance to have your c0ck between her legs. She is the one that should be guessing your intentions....not the other way around. Don't overdo it though. Your frame will crumble if you appear to be trying too hard. This must be communicated covertly, because covert communication is the medium that most women understand best.

This whole "I'm high maintenance" thing is a sh*t test; she's testing you for congruence and you are starting to show some cracks. Fortunately, the frame appears salvageable. From here on out, you push hard for the lay. If she doesn't put out by date 4, move on. The opportunity cost of pursuing this project becomes too high at that point.

Thank you! this is a part of my game that is sorely missing and I need to improve on.

Timing can't be worse right now as I'm pretty vulnerable after wasting my time with a chick who I was really into and who left me hanging after 2 months (which prompted me to come back to sosuave after years of absence). But still, wtf. I know asking her if there's anything she likes about me is weak sauce; I guess I did it because I was sick of her going on about herself.

But can you be a bit more specific about which statements/actions I should convey to salvage the frame ? Like how would you respond to someone stating they're high-maintenance and selfish ?

 

[pdx1138]

a good example might be:

HER: "I'm high maintenance."

YOU: "I know exactly what you mean, I used to work at Jiffy Lube."

just play it, don't respond with a real answer.

 

[Golden Arms]

a good example might be:

HER: "I'm high maintenance."

YOU: "I know exactly what you mean, I used to work at Jiffy Lube."

just play it, don't respond with a real answer.

Not take her too seriously, huh ? that works, thanks

 

[backbreaker]

I just don't see this chick being the correct long term play.

I mean play the tape out. she jsut got out of a relationship so at BEST you are going to have to compete with the ex.. i did that with amber the girl i dated earlier in my 20's i put up wtih that **** for 6 months before i broke her free of that. that's the BEST case scenario.

but let's say you get past the american gladiator style test that the ex is going to give you now you have to face the gauntlet of her friend not wanting you to **** her lol. In other words, the friend has been sitting it out beucase in her mind she thinks that the EX is enough of a deterrent for you not to get any serious play. but if she's wrong she can and probably will sabotage the relationship.

But let's say your game is super duper tight and you are able to get past the ex boyfriend joust and the best friend gauntlet, now you have to face the eliminator.. lol the fact that the girl in-herself, is just a freaking **** lol.

I don't care how nice her ass is that's just too much work. I think the correct play here is to cut this one loose and use the friend to pivot to another girl in the future or make a run at the girl herself in the future. i think you can get past the firend if the girl is ripe enough, this one isn't nor is it worth it even if you did.

 

[Slickster]

I think she's already giving you the brush off. At least warning that its coming.

What you should have said....

Her: I'm high maintenance.
You: Well I might keep you around if you don't act up too badly.

Her: I'm not looking for a relationship.
You: Relationship? Take it easy we just met. Lets just focus on having fun.

Her: blah, blah, blah my divorce.......
You: I don't want to talk about negative stuff from the past lets just have fun.


Whenever relationship talk comes up early on deflect it. Keep things light and fun.

 

[Golden Arms]

Slickster - I need to have you on the speeddial, for real - that is some golden stuff.

Anyway - update, not a great one.


She texts me this morning to see how i'm doing. We schedule a date to go to the movies. I've been wanting to see Django Unchained, she knows. I tell her it's at 8 pm at this theater close to her. She texts back how she wants to see Les Miserables. I completely ignore that and say "So, i'll meet you at 8, ok?" Fine.

We meet, movie's sold out. Les Mis, too. So we go to a bar nearby for some food/drinks. Conversation's going as good as i can hope. She's like "yeah i lke your car cause i'm materialistic, blah blah blah".. but overall she's very talkative/friendly. No pulling teeth. We talk for about 1.5 hr straight. I take a pic of her and post it on FB. She's enjoying herself, obviously. We make plans to go snowboarding next month.

Anyway, ,she's gotta meet her friends at 11 to go clubbing, we part ways. Parked in the same parking garage. We walk down together, she's gotta look for her car, I know where mine is. So she just kind of casually says "ok bye" waving her hand. Not even a hug, and it's our 2nd date. On my way home she texts "Thank u had a great time". I just replied "Me too. You're fun". Really really wanted to say something about wanting a better way to say good-bye, but restrain myself.

What do you guys think - lost cause ? or give her one more shot ? If we go snowboarding, she's sure as hell paying her own way.

 

[romangod]

What do you guys think - lost cause ? or give her one more shot ? If we go snowboarding, she's sure as hell paying her own way.

Personally, I think she's a lost cause and you're wasting your time. Do the math. She's 24 and just ended a 6 year relationship. Ergo, she was 18 when it started. Chicks don't let go of those things that easily especially at that age. It's a whole new world for her being on her own and she's still finding her way as she enters full adulthood.


At best you're the potential rebound guy but more than likely you're her "chump" friend whom she knows will feed her ego and keep her amused until she sorts things out.


She knows you want her. If she wanted you she'd have made that clear by now. Meanwhile she'll play you for a chump until you grab your balls and say. "Screw you, I'm outta here.". Then she might actually respect you.

Good luck.


Cheers!

 

[Golden Arms]

Personally, I think she's a lost cause and you're wasting your time. Do the math. She's 24 and just ended a 6 year relationship. Ergo, she was 18 when it started. Chicks don't let go of those things that easily especially at that age. It's a whole new world for her being on her own and she's still finding her way as she enters full adulthood.


At best you're the potential rebound guy but more than likely you're her "chump" friend whom she knows will feed her ego and keep her amused until she sorts things out.


She knows you want her. If she wanted you she'd have made that clear by now. Meanwhile she'll play you for a chump until you grab your balls and say. "Screw you, I'm outta here.". Then she might actually respect you.

Good luck.


Cheers!

Probably a pretty good theory.

So what would you do - just next her completely - no contact, not return her texts ? She's usually the one who initiates texting.

I don't mind ejecting, but I can't help but wonder if there's another shot at making her take her panties off, even if not high probability ? I can send a message through her friend (G) that if she doesn't plan on putting out, i'm not interested in taking her out.

 

[BeDJ]

So what would you do - just next her completely - no contact, not return her texts ? She's usually the one who initiates texting.

She craves your attention, take that away from her. I've ignored texts/calls and received positive results.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Golden Arms,
Don't waste too much time on this Girl,she is a Player,if you get involved with her you will get hurt...As all the Older Experienced Guys are suggesting,pump her and dump her before she does the same to you...And take care,this chick has been around the block a few times!

 

[Golden Arms]

She craves your attention, take that away from her. I've ignored texts/calls and received positive results.

I'm really really really bad at this stuff. Like a BAFC. That's why I pretty much need to be spoon-fed at this point.

So when you say you've ignored girls and gotten positive results - does that not imply that you eventually stopped ignoring ?

I don't even giver her that much attention anyway. She always texts me first, not the other way around.

 

[Golden Arms]

Dear Golden Arms,
Don't waste too much time on this Girl,she is a Player,if you get involved with her you will get hurt...As all the Older Experienced Guys are suggesting,pump her and dump her before she does the same to you...And take care,this chick has been around the block a few times!

I'd love to do just that - it's the pumping her part I need help with. Thanks

 

[Pair A Dice]

How do you have 560 posts and you're so bad at this?

You've gone through two dates with her and the most you've done is kiss on the lips and nothing else. Do you see something wrong with that?

Put her on the backburner and only reply when she texts you something that deserves replying.