As I approached thirty, I became a relationship guy. I've been official with three women in the last three years. I'm currently in an LTR but only about six months in. That said, she is a great girlfriend, killer humor, proper feminine softness and empathy, strong impulse control, minimal baggage, strong family relationships, HB8 according to my friends, follows my frame, doesn't use much social media, great in bed, etc etc etc.
basically i havent seen any good advice on how to find and date quality girls
The advice for an LTR is the same as hooking up, basically. Focus on yourself first. You want high quality, become high quality and don't stop. The second I was official with my girlfriend, I started putting
more work into improving myself, and I was already working pretty hard. Biggest mistake guys make, and this was my main issue in my twenties, is that even if they have a c0cky confident approach to flirting and dating, they become beta once in a relationship. You must be congruent, but more importantly be a man, period. You never stop gaming your woman. Essentially, keep doing what you did to attract her in the first place. Basically, don't stop being a man.
The biggest difference in an LTR is that while you don't want to become beta, you do need to soften up a little bit. Relationships require emotional connections and sexual attraction. You don't want to turn into a weak, supplicating wimp, but you do want to let her soften you a little bit. Too much alpha and she'll feel disconnected and used, too much beta and she'll feel no sexual attraction. This is something I'm still working on actively. Typically you're better off leaning more towards alpha behaviors from what I can tell. You can always make up for being too heavy handed later on while keeping your respect and attraction high, but being too beta at the wrong time can really kill attraction and respect.
As for how to find quality women, this is something that a lot of guys on here don't think about. That said, a lot of guys do and they've posted a lot of great information. Most of what I use as screening came from this site and it works wonders. In terms of where, I think you can find them everywhere. I met my girlfriend on OLD, and I know of another two high quality women my friends met on OLD as well. That said, there's a lot of filtering through low quality on OLD. I think things like professions, like medical or caring roles, hobbies and social circle are the best bet to meet quality women. But there's no simple answer.
How to know they're quality? Screen, screen, screen. When I went on dates, I wasn't trying to get laid, I wasn't trying to get a girlfriend, I didn't care what happened on the date. I went on dates to have fun and keep an eye out for a quality woman. I went on about 10 first dates before I met my girlfriend. What traits are you looking for?
Empathy - Genuinely cares about others.
Impulse control - Doesn't have drinking or drug problems, doesn't over eat, doesn't have emotional outbursts.
Strong family bonds - Has healthy and loving relationships with her family.
Career/Hobbies - Has things she is passionate about and respects working and money.
Low baggage - No crazy stories about dating or friendships.
Respect - Doesn't sit on phone!!! (If they can't put their goddamn phone away for an
hour to have a drink with you? Major attention seeker, low impulse control), treats everyone politely. Offers to pay her way. Respects your time, isn't late.
Values - Moral values, hard work, respect etc. This is a big predictor of relationship success.
Communication - Can talk about things comfortably.
Mental health - Most people have some issue with mental health these days but you don't want to date someone with serious issues.
There's more but that's a good start. You won't find all this out on a first date, obviously. But you should be looking for these qualities or lack thereof. You will spot a few easily on a first date. My girlfriend on our first date bought me a drink, didn't touch her phone, was kind, and only had two glasses of wine. Empathy, respect, impulse control. She had a great sense of humor and we had very common values. She had a career, a hobby she's incredibly talented at and a family she loves dearly. The more dates we went on the more that behavior proved to be congruent and even showed itself to be stronger in some cases.
I could blab about this for hours so I'll stop there. Generally everything you read about game is important in an LTR, it's just that your choice in woman needs to be careful and you need to soften up the alpha a little. Those are the main differences. And never stop gaming her.
