How do I get her back after this???

[Bud_Fox]

I messed up bad with this girl. We were dating for 18 months and this was by far the longest relationship for both of us. We are both 28, educated and have decent jobs but both still live with our parents. She didn't have her drivers license and didn't have much savings in the bank, even though she came from a good family.

Around our 5th month anniversary last year there was a week when I noticed she was very moody. It was the same week I started a new job and her texts to me were becoming very short and I could tell something was wrong. I asked her if anything was bothering her, she made some comments, then I made a comment how she was 28 and didn't drive so she said we were finished and removed our facebook relationship status. The next morning I called her up, apologized, she cried, I cried and we patched things up. She said she was concerned that I didn't introduce her to any of my friends after 5 months. I said it was difficult since I always had to pick her up, but a few days later I started to introduce her to everyone.

Everything was then perfect for about 6 months until her parents went on vacation and I moved into her house for a week. It was our first time playing house. She cooked meals and I drove her to work and picked her up after my shift was done. Over the last few months I noticed she was texting this one guy almost everyday. He would post stuff on her facebook page but I had never met him. When my girlfriend was in the shower I started to read some of her texts. She sent flirty texts saying "admit it, you want me, lol" and that "I was an insecure boyfriend because I didn't like her texting this guy". I guess I didn't put her phone away correctly because when she got out of the shower she saw something wasn't right with her phone and immediately accused me of not trusting her. I said whats the big deal? If she didn't have anything to hide then it shouldn't have been a problem. Needless to say we slept in separate beds that night. Next day we apologized to each other but I was still not 100% happy.

A few night later I logged into her facebook page by accident when I discovered her password. I was shocked when I saw that she had our relationship status blocked from this guy! I couldn't believe it and was so hurt. I sent my girlfriend a message saying we needed to talk. She thought I was breaking up with her. I never mentioned I logged into her facebook because I knew she would change her password, but I told her I didn't trust her anymore because she was always texting this guy. After a lot of talking we finally patched it up. A few days later she called me and said she felt disrespected because I was talking down to her and accusing her of stuff. I apologized and we went forward.

We went on vacation a few months later. Just the two of us went down south for 10 days. We had a great time but there were definitely a few moments when we got under each others skin. I was thinking about popping the question on our vacation but didn't think we were ready. We both have strong opinions/personalities which sometimes causes arguments. She also said she thought about adopting a child in the future. I said I was unsure if I wanted kids or not, but if I did would prefer to have my own. Our sex life was great by the way. We had sex at least 2 or 3 times a week. That's good since we didn't live together and worked different hours.

After the vacation was over I started asking if her she thought she would move out with me next year. She said she wasn't ready because she didn't have the money, was working on her 2nd degree, still didn't have her license, and was worried that we were fighting too much. I was starting to worry because my parents want me out in the next year or so. I felt she was losing interest in me and she said she didn't think we would travel next year because she was planning a 2 week vacation with her mother. My girlfriend was actually kinda upset I didn't want her mother to come along with us on our vacation. Her mother kinda wanted to tag along, but I just wanted the two of us.

My girlfriend said I was starting to act moody lately. I really f'ucked up by signing up on an online dating website. She was suspicious of me and started to send me messages pretending to be someone else. I was totally stupid, caught off guard and she was able to prove it was me online. She was very ANGRY at me. I tried to deny it for a few days, but she said she wasn't stupid and I finally admitted it. She deleted me from facebook, told me we were no longer a couple, and that she didn't think she could be intimate with me again. She said we could end things as friends but I didn't think I could be friends since I still loved her. I said I made a huge mistake by signing up online. I said I was hurt because she didn't want to travel next year or move in with me. I said I took her for granted.

I was begging her for forgiveness, but she said we needed time apart and that she was going to start dating other guys. She said it was ok for me to do the same thing. I then got really angry and finally confronted her on the fact she had her facebook relationship status blocked from that guy and said if it wasn't for that breach of trust I probably never would have signed up online.

I then did something stupid like Charlie Sheen would do. I sent an email to this guy saying "Just remember I banged her over 100 times and to, have fun now that she is single". I also sent a message to her 3 closest girlfriends and another close guy friend saying that she was the reason for the breakup since she had no interest moving out of her parents house and that she was constantly texting this other guy.

Her parents found out about this and were FURIOUS! Her father said I wasn't allowed anywhere near their house again. The next day I sent apologies to her friends for the message. I said I was hurt, wasn't thinking clearly and embarrassed myself.

A few days passed with no word from my ex-girlfriend even though I sent her several "i'm so sorry" text messages. She finally replied saying that she missed me, but after me sending nasty messages to her friends and telling her to F-off things could never be repaired. I said if she missed me we could make it work. She said no and her parents wouldn't approve of me anymore after the things I said. I then said that her father also had a temper and he overreacted at me. She said that was enough and I haven't heard from her since.

That was almost 10 days ago with no contact from her at all. I left her a few voice mails saying I was sorry, had flowers/wine delivered to her house, and even sent a few messages to her friends that I was sorry and asked them to have her give me a call. It's been no use though. One of the friends sad she didn't want to get involved in the fight.

Over the last week I signed back up to dating websites because i'm looking for someone new. I noticed that she is on the same sites as me. It's easy to find her by accident because we are in the same area/age. I feel so depressed because she looks so hot compared with all the other people on these dating websites.

I haven't been sleeping much because this depression is driving me crazy. My mother was a little worried about me. I have been trying to exercise as much as possible to take my mind off of things, but every time I go near my laptop or cell phone I can't stop thinking about her. She was depressed the first few days but now she is feeling much better about herself. I'm down in the dumps and her confidence is up.

I still want her back. She would have been the one for me, but because I had anger problems and didn't communicate with her effectively when there were trust or money issues things built up inside of me and everything exploded.

12 days ago I told her I might goto therapy to work on some anger issues. She said maybe that might be a good idea.

I even sent her mother an email saying I was sorry. Her family was so nice to me and I screwed things up. There was no response from her mother.

I miss her a lot. She won't accept my apologies though. She has me completely blocked with her phone/computer. The guilt is driving me crazy. I have been chatting with a few girls online but none of them are as pretty as my ex and even though I might date a few of them I won't be able to get my ex out of my head because I think we were such a good match.

DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR ME????

Thanks,

 

[Iceberg]

Damn, you guys were doing a lot of dumb sh*t.

And as a continuation of the dumb sh*t, you're asking how to get her back.

It sounds like the entire relationship was led by the woman. You're snooping through her phone and emails. You're asking her when she can move in. She's telling you how things go, when you're supposed to be the man telling HER what's happening in the relationship.

My advice is to let her go. Find your balls. And THEN go find new women...hopefully you'll find a relationship-worthy girl. The one you had is NOT that.

Your girl was sending flirty texts to another man, and hiding your relationship from this other guy....And what...you think this will get BETTER after you move in together, and marry? Get your head out of the clouds. Time to grow up.

 

[gaspipe]

I hate to say this but its a tale tale sign that her IL in you has diminished for whatever reason (i,e new guy in the picture). Ive been there dude and I know it hurts. But the best thing to do is to withdraw attention and disappear for a while and even contemplate the notion of moving on without her in the picture.

 

[perseverance]

I can't believe you two are twenty eight, you sound like a couple of sixteen year olds.

Your first mistake was letting a woman become the man in the relationship. Your second mistake was always running back to her and your third mistake was letting this woman control your emotions to the point where you behaved like a man with deep-seated mental health issues.

When your girlfriend said you weren't together anymore and removed your relationship status from facebook because she was jealous of your new job, that should have been a warning sign to you that this woman a) isn't mature enough for an adult relationship, b) this woman is quite possibly mentally ill and c) she doesn't respect me. These things should have been more than enough to make you say "right, I'm off to find someone else, someone more mature, someone better". Instead you went running back to her apologising, even when it was her that was in the wrong in the first place.

It's understandable that you gave her a second chance, you're a better man than me, but how could you stay with someone who was a) sending flirty messages to another man and b) hiding her relationship status from him on facebook? This is blatant disrespect, her lack of respect for you and your relationship and your valid lack of trust should have seen the relationship end.

Instead you take her on holiday and you contemplate proposing to her and then you suggest that you two move in together? It's pure madness. The rest of your post just highlights the immaturity levels on display, it's not worth commenting on.

What do I suggest you do? I suggest you start acting your age, start acting like a man and try and find a woman who is going to respect you and respect your relationship. I think you need to step away from the dating world for a while, get this woman out of your system, focus on your job, focus on spending time with friends and family, focus on getting your own place and then when you are in a healthier frame of mind getting back into the dating world.

This girl and you were a toxic mix and thankfully one of you had sense to cut the other one off and move on with life. You need to do the same, she isn't worth your time or your affections.

 

[Desdinova]

There is so much 5hit to learn from this one post. Let's go through it...

I asked her if anything was bothering her, she made some comments, then I made a comment how she was 28 and didn't drive so she said we were finished and removed our facebook relationship status.

If something this simple can cause a girl to dump you, then it's not worth keeping her around. You should have thanked her for letting you know that she's not right for you, and moved on. But then you did this...

The next morning I called her up, apologized, she cried, I cried and we patched things up.

Jesus Christ, I can smell the estrogen. NEVER cry in front of a girl unless someone died.

She said she was concerned that I didn't introduce her to any of my friends after 5 months. I said it was difficult since I always had to pick her up, but a few days later I started to introduce her to everyone.

That was a cover-up for something else that was going on, and you eventually found out what it was...

Over the last few months I noticed she was texting this one guy almost everyday. He would post stuff on her facebook page but I had never met him. When my girlfriend was in the shower I started to read some of her texts. She sent flirty texts saying "admit it, you want me, lol" and that "I was an insecure boyfriend because I didn't like her texting this guy".

...and you WERE insecure. Women don't like insecure men, and this guy was obviously more interesting than you.

A few night later I logged into her facebook page by accident when I discovered her password. I was shocked when I saw that she had our relationship status blocked from this guy! I couldn't believe it and was so hurt.

A sure sign that she was either thinking about fvcking around on you, or she actually was. And then you finally kicked the bytch to the curb, right?

I sent my girlfriend a message saying we needed to talk.

Oh fvck... Come on, GET RID OF HER.

She thought I was breaking up with her.

and you SHOULD HAVE.

After a lot of talking we finally patched it up. A few days later she called me and said she felt disrespected because I was talking down to her and accusing her of stuff. I apologized and we went forward.

How many times are you going to apologize before you realize it doesn't fix anything?

I was thinking about popping the question on our vacation but didn't think we were ready.

Insecure men propose to their gfs when they feel that they're going to lose them.

I really f'ucked up by signing up on an online dating website.

No, you fvcked up by not ditching her BEFORE signing up for online dating.

I was totally stupid, caught off guard and she was able to prove it was me online. She was very ANGRY at me.

She was angry at you for being on a dating site, and you acted like a kitten when you found out she was fvcking around with another guy.

I then did something stupid like Charlie Sheen would do. I sent an email to this guy saying "Just remember I banged her over 100 times and to, have fun now that she is single". I also sent a message to her 3 closest girlfriends and another close guy friend saying that she was the reason for the breakup since she had no interest moving out of her parents house and that she was constantly texting this other guy.

And that's what insecure guys do.

That was almost 10 days ago with no contact from her at all. I left her a few voice mails saying I was sorry, had flowers/wine delivered to her house

Can you fix a house with wine and flowers? NO. You can't fix a relationship with wine and flowers either. She likely threw the flowers in the garbage, called up her boy toy, and they drank the wine YOU paid for. Good job!

I still want her back desperately. She would have been the one for me, but because I had anger problems and didn't communicate with her effectively when there were trust or money issues things built up inside of me and everything exploded.

It has nothing to do with your anger. If anything, you weren't angry enough. Your insecurity and lack of self-respect is your problem. If anybody (including a woman) takes you for a fool, you kick them out of your life, end of story. She played you like a piano, and you let her smash the keys as hard as she could. Get your head out of your ass and SEE how you let her treat you like a chump.

You should NEVER tolerate treatment like this. There's plenty more women out there, ones who would be happy to have a great guy.

NEVER buy women gifts when they treat you badly. As I always say, it's the same as rewarding a dog for 5hitting on the carpet.

 

[st_99]

Don't worry, after a while, maybe a year or so, you'll be laughing about all this and cracking up about how crazy you got over this chick. You'll even be saying, 'thank god someone took her off my hands'.

But I understand what you're going through, I've been there and then I did it again not learning from the first time! lol. Yeah, its a crazy life, just deal with it. At some point the goal is to get to where you simply DO NOT CARE if a girl wants to be with
you or not, you'll take her or leave her knowing that its just the way it goes sometimes.


also DESDINOVA's post is spot on. Get pissed, grow a pair, move on, and think of this girl as garbage.

 

[Serg897]

Wow, this thread is a textbook example of what NOT to do in a relationship. Im sorry to say this, but your story shows a staggering lack of good judgement and is riddled with bad decisions. This relationship should have been over many months before it actually ended. And now its over for good. Thankfully, there are many lessons here that can be carried over to the next relationship.

 

[Bud_Fox]

When we started dating she was fairly quiet and shy. After dating me she started to dress sexier (boots, leggings, tank tops, tight dresses, etc). I was the 2nd guy she had sex with. She used to have some extra weight years ago but now has much more confidence because of her looks. She also has lots of lingerie (corsets, french maid costume which she wore once for me). Realizing now that I won't be banging that anymore is driving me crazy. I think I may have a bit of a sex addiction.

I also can't stop thinking about how nice her parents were to me and how nice she used to be to my mother. After our vacation down south I posted pics on facebook and everyone thought we were the perfect happy couple. My friends were shocked when they found out we broke up.

The last few months she would never post on my wall or click "like" if I posted something on her wall. However, she would often click like or comment on that guys page who she was hiding her status from. She said she was just friends with him and they only met twice during the last year. Once when he went to her house and she helped him with his taxes. Her parents were home at the time though and her dad gave him a bbq burger. Other time was when they bumped into each other while at the local university. She was waiting for her dad to pick her up and they met for a few minutes cause they were in the same area.

For the last several months her Facebook picture was just a solo picture of herself. I was annoyed that I had a pic of us together and she just had a pic of herself. Since she was hiding her status from this guy it made me even more jealous. I didn't say anything though because I was looking forward to our vacation and thought if I caused a fight the vacation would be cancelled.

Her family recently came into a fairly large inheritance and I'm convinced she will finally get her drivers license now that we broke up just so she can feel independent and get revenge on me. She is also temporarily laid off and has lots of time to exercise and check out dating websites. While I work full time hours and don't have as much free time.

Earlier in our relationship she told me she suffered from stomach ulcers years ago, and she can't seem to handle stress/relationship fights as much as me. I think that me starting arguments over the last few months may have stressed her a little. She also said after she found out I was on the dating website she couldn't sleep for a few nights and threw up a small amount of blood at one point. I have no way of knowing if this was true or not. After I admitted it was me on the site she went from being sad to angry. And of course I flipped out when she said she was going to date other guys.

She said I was trying to control her too much over the last few months. I would roll my eyes sometimes when I saw her spend so much money on clothes, books, electronics, etc. She said I was a penny pincher once or twice while on vacation. I am saving money for a house/retirement while she just spends money carelessly.

She is also a big mamas girl. Totally wrapped around her mothers finger. He mother is a short/fat woman, but fairly successful business woman with a bit of an ego. She often said her mother was her best friend and they often did a yearly trip to Florida. It would annoy me sometimes when she would constantly talk about her mother.

So I don't know if my ex was mostly to blame for this breakup or if it was me not talking about my anger in a more calm manner. I would imagine most breakups aren't as bad as this one. Although I know some people have had it way worse than me.

A part of me still wants her back because the sex was awesome, her family has money and she likes to travel a lot. She is kind of spoiled, but whatever. I'm meeting a new girl this Monday for a drink after work. This new girl looks like she may have potential. Only a 7 tops in looks, while my ex was an 8. And although this girl seems really smart/hard working, she probably has big students loans and her family isn't as well off.

I will be buying myself a condo in 2012. It's time to move out of my parents. I won't have as much money to play with anymore but will feel independent that I won't have to rely on anyone for a few years.

 

[Desdinova]

There is absolutely no purpose for your last post to exist. It doesn't make her better, and it doesn't make you appear less insecure. It's full of useless details about your relationship with her.

Since you don't seem to give a damn about getting over her, maybe you SHOULD buy her more gifts, write her love poetry, sing love songs under her bedroom window, and be a constant pain in her ass. Maybe she'll throw something at you and knock some sense into you.

 

[jafyk]

You guys are comforting or bashing the guy. Is that really gonna help? . Offer him a solution. Take him back to the start. More on what I mean later. Every time I read a thread like this. It reminds me of who I was and how far I've come. I feel great shame to have been that person at a late age in my life. Still now I'm glad I've seen the light.
Anyway, I could like the rest of the guys either bash you or comfort you with simple tips that might fix one or two problems but not the root of the problem.
So, I'm gonna offer you the one thing that has helpe me see things in a very different light now. Go download "The Book of Pook" it is in the DJ Bible at the bottom of your screen. Do it now while you feel this hurt and pain lest you encounter a girl who might provide you with temporary relief and cause you to forget to get to the root of the problem...then in a few weeks or months you'd be repeating the same pattern you did with your ex. Please, I beg of you to read it. In the mean time get busy with hobbies or goals and give yourself time to heal.

Oh, and getting her back is not an option as this will only further hinder your progress and prolong your hurt. We can only advice but it's up to you to take us up on it. If you don't I promise you will be back here with another sad story of the same or similar girl. Don't worry the "Book of Pook" is a great read. It will fill you with understanding. Cheers brother.

 

[MikeBrown30]

- You will have thoughts about her without consciously doing it, just accept that this will happen. It's part of the human brain to bring up random memories.

- I guarantee that as time goes on you will think about her less and less. Because the wound is "fresh" so to speak, you currently feel as though you will never get over her, which is completely normal. Where you go from here will determine how your future relationships pan out.

- Buying the condo is a good idea, as long as you have worked out the financial side of it. You need to be independent to be successful.

- This girl actually did you a favour, by showing you undesirable behavior which you now know to look out for in the future. Now you just need the backbone to call out girls on this type of behavior AND you need to have the balls to walk away, irregardless of how hot she is/how many "good" memories you have with her.

Basically just get on with life, and be the best Bud Fox that you can be. Hit the gym hard, work hard at your job/school/whatever.

One more thing, block her from your Facebook, delete any phone numbers, emails, email addresses, texts, get rid of photos etc. Anything that will remind you of her. And for Gods sake, please don't try and get back in touch with her. I would be ashamed of myself if I had done any of the stuff that you did, specifcally sending out emails to her friends and that other guy.

 

[Konada]

Sorry dude it's been a lost cause ever since she started texting the guy. You lost your frame and her disrespect for you grew. Until then, she was merely waiting for a mistake on your part to make an excuse up to dump you. In your case, it was the online dating thing. It was over at the very start, be glad she did you the favour of indicating to you to man up.

 

[cordoncordon]

Without going into too much detail, imo at best you BOTH sound like two 14 year olds, and at worst both of you seem clinically insane.

Find your balls man, because they are losttttttttttt.

 

[Bud_Fox]

After thinking long and hard for the last few days I realized I should have broke up with her in the spring when I found out she was hiding our relationship from him. I guess I stayed around because she was kind of like a trophy girlfriend for me. I got an ego boost by having her with me. And we were having so much sex it was hard to walk away.

Also I was looking forward to that vacation. Her dad even gave me a free flight (I had to pay everything else for me though). But with the trust issue and her being a career student, it only further made me frustrated to the point where we were driving each other crazy and I signed up on a dating website.

I felt guilty for a few days about sending messages to her friends about our breakup. But a little piece of me is happy because I felt like she was keeping him as her backup guy. None of her friends had met him, but since I told them all what was going on she could never be able to introduce him as the new guy in her life. So eventhough I acted like a teenager by doing that i'm kinda glad that I ruined any chance of her being able to introduce him to her friends as her new guy.

 

[rhcp83]

Dude, your posts make you sound like you're 15. Yet another example of what a lot of guys will go through for a constant flow of sex. This is why women have so much power.

 

[Johnnyventana]

The real Bud Fox would be banging other chicks already. In either case, Bud Fox, you might want to check this out. Your relationship has been textbook. She did a number on you alright, and in the end, she made you look like the crazy one. Of course, she really is the crazy one.

http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/157224108X

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Wasup with all this broke on broke dating? Don't get in a relationship with a female unless she can offer you something. She is 28 and she lives in her parents house with no drivers license? Where they do that at?

You need to get your game up if this is what you like.

Your a man, you are supposed to lead the woman, and when she was texting the other guy every day that was majorly disrespectful. She had no respect for you. You should have dumped her then.

 

[Bud_Fox]

So it's been about 4 weeks since I have had ANY contact at all with her. I can't believe how cold and heartless she has become. She won't reply to any text/email/voicemail. Her close friends have deleted me from facebook. I even called her dad to apologize. He was nice but basically told me to go find someone else.

I can't believe after 18 months she couldn't meet me face to face to break up. I didn't get any closure at all.

I haven't had a full 8 hours of sleep in over a month....this is seriously f'ucked up! I can't stop thinking about this sh!t and feeling guilty. My employer has a hotline where employees can make anonymous calls about family problems/addictions/etc. I called them today and spoke with a counselor for an hour. I told her how I didn't communicate well, have anger/jealousy problems, how my family problems made me stressed out. There is a history of mental illness in my family. My mother has some anger/jealousy problems that I think she has handed down to me.

I thought this girl was really the one..........and I can't stop thinking about the tight dress she had planned to wear for me New Years Eve. How hot she looked/missing the sex is the main thing that's driving me crazy. She was dropping hints she wanted to get married down south and I didn't propose which is driving me crazy!!! It's depressing to see how many fat, desperate, uneducated women are out there on dating sites. I thought the grass would be greener but I was wrong. For the average guy with a small circle of friends and a fulltime job, the dating game is hard. It's easy to pick up a chick to get a BJ............but it's hard finding wife material.

I had a date last night with this "5" at the best. I felt no attraction and we have almost nothing in common. I really ****ed up by going on POF. I can't believe how stupid I was to let her catch me.

I have been watching some Joel Osteen stuff on youtube about letting go of the past and forgiving yourself for past mistakes, but it's hard.

I can honestly say this was the worst break up of my life.

 

[rsxtreme]

Never get others involved with your own relationship issues... Especially with sending stuff like that to her friends.. That sounds like some 8th grade stuff

 

[Hyper2010]

same situation

BadFox my good chap.
I don't normally comment on these posts, I'm more of a learner than one to express my opinion, but in this instance I believe I have some limited advice which I think you may find beneficial. COLD. HARD. TRUTH.
The truth is BadFox I saw your post on here and could relate to it 100% as I am in almost the same situation, and have reacted in a siilar way to how you have. My partner of around 2 years recently dumped me too over, this time over 'anger' issues and some other crap which I wont bore you with. She was dishing out crap and the more she gave, the more I swallowed to the point where she was spending my wage for me within 2 or 3 days, did whatever she wanted and generally treated me like something she scraped off her shoe. And I let her. I put up and shut up. Like her *****!

I did this for 2 years mate. 2 YEARS OF MY LIFE!

For two years I put up with constant argueing, accusation and BS.

EVEN when SHE ended it I tried to apologise, went to her house with wine/chocolates etc. No answer, so I rang 20 or so times, consant texts etc! Generally hounded the hell out of her...

But this is all relative...

The truth of the matter is my friend, you, me and anyone can do better than be treated like this!

NO Pvssy on earth is worth your self-respect! Trust me, theres always one available and always a better/better looking girl around the corner. Pvssy is easy!

Why not try this...Instead of chasing, why not become the kind of Man whom women/girls chase??

My way of coping was to set some goals, targets etc in my life for me to do, and Im now on my way, same as you are of getting my own house, life back on track, etc. Set some goals fo what YOU want to do buddy! Ie, save £30, 000 for you own house, buy a better car, travel for a year, set up your own business...Do things YOU like, and this in turn will attract women to you! Be your own person and have your own life.

I know how hard it is because Im going through it right now, and am sleeping for maybe 2-4 hours at night, but you have to make that break mate. The hottest piece of ass in your life might be waiting for you just around the corner. Just waiting for you to make the move.

Youve been given some GOLDEN advice in the posts above, but its useless if you don't follow/listen to it...SPOT the alarm bells pal. I was getting sex maybe once every 3 weeks or month...I missed that one, I shouldve ended it months ago haha.

MAKE THE BREAK.
SHES NOT WORTH YOUR TIME.
NO TEXTS. NO FACEBOOK. NO CALLS

Private message me though if you wanna speak, with someone in the same situation.

Phil