How do I act when she mentions Ex?

[PoZest]

Current plate I see often, her ex has been asking her to meet and have a talk. She tells me she wouldn't get back with him or anything like that, but she's mentioned him nearly every time I see her.
She'll say stuff like, "he's said he misses me", "he said he'd love to have sex again" things like that. I kind of ignore it or just laugh it off, but she has actually agreed to meet him to have a talk. And also promised me nothing would happen, even though I'm not exclusive with her or anything, so she didn't have to say that.
But what can I say or do when she brings him up in conversation? I know he really wants her back and he will ask that when she meets up.

 

[BrownBear]

Threaten her that if she dares to come back to him, you will commit suicide in front of her :cuss: :cuss: :cuss:

 

[VikingKing]

On a serious note, bring up one of your ex's. Talk about her in a good way, but not to overtly, more subtle.

 

[expos]

She might go back with him if you don't game her enough. Or, she is using you to get her ex jealous so that he runs back to her begging and pleading (which she'll likely get a kick out of).

This brings up a good question....how much interest should you show in a girl who just gets out of relationship and still has ties to the ex? Do you give a high interest level and technically game her to bang her, or do you just withdraw and let things play out?

 

[LearningSlowly]

As long as you continue not to be exclusive with her, she has the right to have sex with her ex. She probably will.

Let that sink in.

Does it bother you? Are you mature enough to either deal with it or cut her loose if it happens?

There's no use to being petty about it, either before the sex or after it. Either accept it or let her go. If you want her to only have sex with you, make it an exclusive relationship.

 

[nice_guyeh]

What if he has no ex's

 

[1-800-HellNo]

I can't stand it when girls still talk to their exes.
But i've accepted that if they don't admit they are doing it, they are still probably doing it.

Girls don't like to fully cut contact with someone because it helps reduce their constant jealousy, amongst other reasons.

The moment I learned, for absolute certain, how fvcked up and secretive women were, was when i accidentally looked at ones Facebook messages.

She is so obviously still attached to this ex.
There is nothing else to say.

You need to tell her that if she wants to be with you, she can not meet up with him.

She'll probably do it anyway, which is why you need to be ready to walk out on her, for good.

You can not make her think that you are better than her ex. You have to SHOW her.
She sounds particularly worthless and unloyal, tbh.

 

[1-800-HellNo]

As long as you continue not to be exclusive with her, she has the right to have sex with her ex. She probably will.

Let that sink in.

Does it bother you? Are you mature enough to either deal with it or cut her loose if it happens?

There's no use to being petty about it, either before the sex or after it. Either accept it or let her go. If you want her to only have sex with you, make it an exclusive relationship.

The biggest reason why it's even worse for a girl to hook up with her ex than just a "random" is because there are a lot more feelings involved.
It is a bad situation.

Tell her your ex is talking with you and watch her flip out.
Listen to all her questions: "well what is she talking to you about?"
"you don't actually respond, do you?"
"you arent thinking of getting back with her, right?"

Listen as she tells you she doesn't want you speaking with your ex because it makes HER uncomfortable.

Most women and men have exes, and baggage related to them.
Don't discuss it, until WAAAY into your relationship, and never show signs that you think about your ex. Even if you do.

"Smart" girls know not to bring it up, and the fact she talks about so much proves how much she values you.

hint: it is not a lot.

 

[plate's_empty]

Current plate I see often, her ex has been asking her to meet and have a talk. She tells me she wouldn't get back with him or anything like that, but she's mentioned him nearly every time I see her.
She'll say stuff like, "he's said he misses me", "he said he'd love to have sex again" things like that. I kind of ignore it or just laugh it off, but she has actually agreed to meet him to have a talk. And also promised me nothing would happen, even though I'm not exclusive with her or anything, so she didn't have to say that.
But what can I say or do when she brings him up in conversation? I know he really wants her back and he will ask that when she meets up.

This is a good one OP. I'd like to see how some of Vets would handle this. Here's my synopsis:

what are the facts?

-she is a plate
-you two are not exclusive
-she is telling you about her ex, not hiding it from you

What do you want out of this relationship? For her to remain a plate....right? Girls, especially desirable ones, are always going to have guys vying for their attention. They will be hit on, asked out, offered gifts. They all have ex boyfriends, some of which still want to be with her.

I feel she's bringing it up as a $hit test to see how you handle it. If all she is is a plate, then I would be indifferent....BUT, I wouldn't reward her for it...i.e. calling more (like after she was supposed to see him to see how it went). I would make her pay a little bit. Withdrawal a little, without making it look like you're upset or jealous. She could be playing both of you against each other. If that's the case then I wouldn't put up with that. You don't need it.

I'm a strong advocate of NOT being a hypocrite. If I'm going to see other girls then I cannot expect a girl not to see other guys. But, I should still be their #1

 

[Brosy]

Say in a friendly and nonchalant way "hey it doesn't sound like you're over your ex, we should leave it for now".

If her IL is high enough she'll come running. If not, you saved yourself a headache that wasn't going to go away.

 

[VladPatton]

Say in a friendly and nonchalant way "hey it doesn't sound like you're over your ex, we should leave it for now".

If her IL is high enough she'll come running. If not, you saved yourself a headache that wasn't going to go away.

I agree with this, it's what I would do. Leave her at the bar, restaurant, wherever you are and physically walk out on her next time she doesn't shut up about him. How annoying.

 

[Kbomb]

She is probably just running a jealousy plotline to get you hooked.

 

[PoZest]

Say in a friendly and nonchalant way "hey it doesn't sound like you're over your ex, we should leave it for now".

If her IL is high enough she'll come running. If not, you saved yourself a headache that wasn't going to go away.

This sounds like good advice. I will say something along those lines next time she mentions him.

Since I posted this question she has had the meet up with him. Told me what time they were going and everything, then she text me this later on,
HB: Well that was weird
Me: Ha what happened?
HB: Nothing we just went for a drive and had a laugh. Was a bit awkward at first but didn't have a serious talk or anything

I didn't reply to this straight away, then she sends:

HB: He's now just text me making it awkward though.
Me: Oh, what?
*Then she copies his text; him saying how he had a good time, he was 'dying to F##k her though'

Me: Oh weird, what did you say?
HB: I just avoided it sort of, and he didn't send another reply.

I left it there then text her the next morning about something else.

I don't know whether its good that she's telling me this, sort of dissing him. Or whether she's doing it to make me jealous or something...

 

[Brosy]

She is probably just running a jealousy plotline to get you hooked.

Yep, call her bluff.

However, and this is a BIG however, don't mention your own ex's, don't walk out on her, don't show any sign of annoyance whatsoever.

As per my last post, you are suggesting you raincheck, no threat, no ultimatum, simply that you can take it or leave it.

Edit: and don't actually say you "could take it or leave it" as that in itself is a reaction/threat

 

[plate's_empty]

This sounds like good advice. I will say something along those lines next time she mentions him.

Since I posted this question she has had the meet up with him. Told me what time they were going and everything, then she text me this later on,
HB: Well that was weird
Me: Ha what happened?
HB: Nothing we just went for a drive and had a laugh. Was a bit awkward at first but didn't have a serious talk or anything

I didn't reply to this straight away, then she sends:

HB: He's now just text me making it awkward though.
Me: Oh, what?
*Then she copies his text; him saying how he had a good time, he was 'dying to F##k her though'

Me: Oh weird, what did you say?
HB: I just avoided it sort of, and he didn't send another reply.

I left it there then text her the next morning about something else.

I don't know whether its good that she's telling me this, sort of dissing him. Or whether she's doing it to make me jealous or something...

Why is she telling you all this?? I would not engage in this conversation at all. Immature of her to bring this up and tell you what he is saying. Seems like she's trying to make you jealous like above poster mentioned. Is this what she's going to do to you when she starts dating someone else? Tell her you don't want to hear about it. Why would you??

If she brings it up again......

Leave her at the bar, restaurant, wherever you are and physically walk out on her next time she doesn't shut up about him. How annoying.

 

[PoZest]

Why is she telling you all this??

I'd love to know. Although I've never expressed to her that I don't want to hear it or anything. She thinks I'm interested in this, whereas to be honest, I'm not happy with her contacting him and meeting, but, we're not exclusive, so I can't really complain. She's never said she wants to be exclusive herself, and I don't want to say it first. I can see how it goes for a while I guess, maybe let her know I'm going to go out with another girl? I don't know...

 

[Cremasta]

Whenever she makes a comment about her ex, whatever it is, I would just say "Oh, ok."

As soon as she tries to make a second comment, or turn it into a conversation about the ex, just put up your hand to stop her and say "You know, I was just being polite then... I have no interest in talking about your ex."

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I'd love to know. Although I've never expressed to her that I don't want to hear it or anything. She thinks I'm interested in this, whereas to be honest, I'm not happy with her contacting him and meeting, but, we're not exclusive, so I can't really complain. She's never said she wants to be exclusive herself, and I don't want to say it first. I can see how it goes for a while I guess, maybe let her know I'm going to go out with another girl? I don't know...

You have the right frame of mind, in that since your not exclusive you can't really complain about this behavior....HOWEVER

1) Does she know you are dating others?

2) If she does/doesn't know, do you think she suspects it?

3) If yes to the any of the above questions, she is telling you about this to try and force your hand and get you to admit/commit to her... don't fall for it

4) If she continues to bring this up, punish her by withdrawing your attention and she will realize real quick not to do that in the future.









PIMP

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

"he said he'd love to have sex again"

Tell her that she should have sex with him again.

She is trying to DHV. Throw it back in her face and let her feet hit the ground.

 

[VikingKing]

The biggest reason why it's even worse for a girl to hook up with her ex than just a "random" is because there are a lot more feelings involved.
It is a bad situation.

Tell her your ex is talking with you and watch her flip out.
Listen to all her questions: "well what is she talking to you about?"
"you don't actually respond, do you?"
"you arent thinking of getting back with her, right?"

Listen as she tells you she doesn't want you speaking with your ex because it makes HER uncomfortable.

Most women and men have exes, and baggage related to them.
Don't discuss it, until WAAAY into your relationship, and never show signs that you think about your ex. Even if you do.

"Smart" girls know not to bring it up, and the fact she talks about so much proves how much she values you.

hint: it is not a lot.

gold. trust actions not words.