Hello to everyone. I know this is a regular problem, but I believe that every situation has it's unique details which can change everything. So here I go.
Just to start, I'm 20, and the girl is also 20. The relationship was a first and special one for both of us. Full of excitement, holidays, ups and downs, good sex and laughter too. We had broken up for like 12 hours, getting back together realising it was just because of a string of stupid arguments.
But after nearly five years since we first dated she left me on Wednesday 14 Jan, to my shock. I'd realised that she wasn't as responsive to my acts of love recently, perhaps because I increased them, but this break up came as a shock. Her reasoning was that "she doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore". She said she was thinking about it for a while and decided this was the best thing to do. She fitted this in right after my exam at university, and before a presentation on Thursday and another on Friday! Great timing, as you can see. She told me in my car, in 15 minutes, as she had to go to work. Nice timing again!
So, I because I love her so much and think she is my girl, I collapsed that night and especially the next day as it sunk in to me. I was crying and very emotional as I left for my presentation. I was in the worst state of mind possible. I rang her up that morning once I got to university. I couldn't help myself. I was crying and I wanted her back. A BIG NO-NO. I KNOW! I asked for reasons, she brought up things about her parents moving away and that I haven't supported her as she begins a new chapter in her life. I accepted I may have been insensitive. I'm ashamed of my weak behaviour that day, and the next day, when I took some flowers to her work place, with a message saying "I love you, let's work it out". She replied with an sms saying "The roses are beautiful, thank you so much. I hope you are ok."
I called her again. She was at work obviously so it wasn't the best situation for us to talk. I said I deserved better explanations etc. She said she needs space and time to think.
Saturday. A new man. With advice from sosuave.com, my mother and my friend I realised who I am. A good looking, intelligent, funny guy who stands out around these parts. I hadn't done anything wrong. So I said to myself "you want space, you've got it". No contact on Saturday.
Sunday, at 11.30, I get this exact sms: "Hey you. How are you? I've been doing a lot of thinking and I would really like to chat. I will call later to arrange a time. xxx". I didn't reply. At 3.30, I get this sms: "Would you like to meet up?" I didn't reply. This was all part of my playing-confident, cool, challenging Alp [my name].
At around 7pm, I sms'ed saying "I was out all day and I left my phone at home so I could think more. Ring me when you get this message". But I was't out at all really. As you can see, her message was a lot warmer than mine. I made sure of this.
So in a few minutes she rang, she was at work. I sounded confident too. She asked how I was, I said I went out with friends and had a good time. She said she stayed at a friend's house on Saturday and went to a disco on Friday but was in a bad mood all weekend. She said she is lonely. So I said, "what are you saying. why do you want to talk. have you had your space?" She said "I wanted to talk for you. It is fair on you if we talk, like you said on Friday [when Alp was weak and begging and just being a complete nobody]." I said: "I already know of ways we can work this out, but I'm not going to list them if you still feel the same. I'm ready to move on, I'm a confident person and I'm comfortable. Have you had enough space?" She said "she still needs time", so I said "well ring me when you have your space. I will be doing different things this week, I might go away this weekend and the weekend after." She says: "Yeah but you can still call me if you want, I won't ignore you." I said: "No. I'm not going to call you. You said you want space and time so I'm giving it."
I also told her timing was wrong with my exams and all, but she said "I can't help the way I feel", and half-heartedly apologised for her bad timing. She also said she has been thinking of ways to work it out too, but still needs time for some stupid reason!
Monday, no contact despite real temptations on my side. I'm still giving her space. I know she still loves me and I love her. But what I want to know is, how much space and time is normal? What if I see her at a club tomorrow night? What do I say? When should I contact her, if at all? I want her back, and I will make myself a challenge to her for real if she does come back.
Fellow Don Juan's, give me feedback, wherever you are.
Just to start, I'm 20, and the girl is also 20. The relationship was a first and special one for both of us. Full of excitement, holidays, ups and downs, good sex and laughter too. We had broken up for like 12 hours, getting back together realising it was just because of a string of stupid arguments.
But after nearly five years since we first dated she left me on Wednesday 14 Jan, to my shock. I'd realised that she wasn't as responsive to my acts of love recently, perhaps because I increased them, but this break up came as a shock. Her reasoning was that "she doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore". She said she was thinking about it for a while and decided this was the best thing to do. She fitted this in right after my exam at university, and before a presentation on Thursday and another on Friday! Great timing, as you can see. She told me in my car, in 15 minutes, as she had to go to work. Nice timing again!
So, I because I love her so much and think she is my girl, I collapsed that night and especially the next day as it sunk in to me. I was crying and very emotional as I left for my presentation. I was in the worst state of mind possible. I rang her up that morning once I got to university. I couldn't help myself. I was crying and I wanted her back. A BIG NO-NO. I KNOW! I asked for reasons, she brought up things about her parents moving away and that I haven't supported her as she begins a new chapter in her life. I accepted I may have been insensitive. I'm ashamed of my weak behaviour that day, and the next day, when I took some flowers to her work place, with a message saying "I love you, let's work it out". She replied with an sms saying "The roses are beautiful, thank you so much. I hope you are ok."
I called her again. She was at work obviously so it wasn't the best situation for us to talk. I said I deserved better explanations etc. She said she needs space and time to think.
Saturday. A new man. With advice from sosuave.com, my mother and my friend I realised who I am. A good looking, intelligent, funny guy who stands out around these parts. I hadn't done anything wrong. So I said to myself "you want space, you've got it". No contact on Saturday.
Sunday, at 11.30, I get this exact sms: "Hey you. How are you? I've been doing a lot of thinking and I would really like to chat. I will call later to arrange a time. xxx". I didn't reply. At 3.30, I get this sms: "Would you like to meet up?" I didn't reply. This was all part of my playing-confident, cool, challenging Alp [my name].
At around 7pm, I sms'ed saying "I was out all day and I left my phone at home so I could think more. Ring me when you get this message". But I was't out at all really. As you can see, her message was a lot warmer than mine. I made sure of this.
So in a few minutes she rang, she was at work. I sounded confident too. She asked how I was, I said I went out with friends and had a good time. She said she stayed at a friend's house on Saturday and went to a disco on Friday but was in a bad mood all weekend. She said she is lonely. So I said, "what are you saying. why do you want to talk. have you had your space?" She said "I wanted to talk for you. It is fair on you if we talk, like you said on Friday [when Alp was weak and begging and just being a complete nobody]." I said: "I already know of ways we can work this out, but I'm not going to list them if you still feel the same. I'm ready to move on, I'm a confident person and I'm comfortable. Have you had enough space?" She said "she still needs time", so I said "well ring me when you have your space. I will be doing different things this week, I might go away this weekend and the weekend after." She says: "Yeah but you can still call me if you want, I won't ignore you." I said: "No. I'm not going to call you. You said you want space and time so I'm giving it."
I also told her timing was wrong with my exams and all, but she said "I can't help the way I feel", and half-heartedly apologised for her bad timing. She also said she has been thinking of ways to work it out too, but still needs time for some stupid reason!
Monday, no contact despite real temptations on my side. I'm still giving her space. I know she still loves me and I love her. But what I want to know is, how much space and time is normal? What if I see her at a club tomorrow night? What do I say? When should I contact her, if at all? I want her back, and I will make myself a challenge to her for real if she does come back.
Fellow Don Juan's, give me feedback, wherever you are.
