HB's history includes rape...

[Ragin_Asian]

Man this world is so f*cked up...I know I'm one of the lucky few and trying to see the world in a "half full" perspective but there are some people who are left behind and stuck in a rut.. I know so many girls who have been raped by the scum of the earth. It hurts me how some of them are still affected even after so many years after the incident. It's none of my business or problem but it canes my heart knowing it. I've also been a witness to many sexual abuse on other people hence I still have issues now.

My ex confessed to me that she was raped when she was only 11 and DAMN didn't that crush me. Sleepless nights, indecisiveness, awkwardness, anger and later on seemed like I felt her pain. (That was back in the AFC days of course).

I know other girls who suffered the same ordeal and they have seem to just lose self respect, confidence, self esteem and the drive for life. I know a girl who is only 16 yet shes slept with over 19 guys and 3 girls. Her excuse is that she uses sex so boys would like her. Another one uses her anger to be successful yet uses sex only for her raw sexual desires, not for intimacy, connection, love and all that other stuff. Porn actresses, strippers and other sex workers seem to have this similar kind of dark pasts.

I can help but think about my ex's past, I still like her very much and pretty much the only girl I've ever made a true connection with (I've been with a lot of other girls tho). I would like to get together with her later on in the future if our paths crosses once again (If not, no sweat I've got others).

The main question is, once a girls been raped is that a red flag signal to stay away from her? I kinda dont want to play the hero cos all that will do is absorb all the pain she has suffered (as i have in the past, it only f*cked me up worst). Even if a girls got a lot of personality, great, hot and everything you could ask, once you find out she has that kind of past, should I avoid all that pain and bail out? Are these girls simply tainted? I've got a lot of questions but I'll post them later on.

Lads please put your experiences, knowledge and other input on this issue.

 

[KnightRyder]

Originally posted by Ragin_Asian

The main question is, once a girls been raped is that a red flag signal to stay away from her? I kinda dont want to play the hero cos all that will do is absorb all the pain she has suffered (as i have in the past, it only f*cked me up worst). Even if a girls got a lot of personality, great, hot and everything you could ask, once you find out she has that kind of past, should I avoid all that pain and bail out? Are these girls simply tainted? I've got a lot of questions but I'll post them later on.

RA, I am not trying to undermine your long post, but I hope my succient answer will suffice as this succient answer best embodies my past experience etc.

" yes "

 

[Ragin_Asian]

What if you are already seeing someone then find out theyve been raped when they were young?

 

[Andromax]

I gotta disagree with KnighRyder.


Backing away from a woman that had been raped, solely because she has been raped in the most insensitive thing i've ever heard.

It all depends on how she dealt with the crisis, and how she has grown emotionally and psychologically.

If she is a nut case, well then that goes without saying, but ive seen many nut cases that havent been raped.

Then again, one of the most amazing women in my life, who was raped when she was 15, is one of the most stable and intelligent people I know.

She told me after we had dated for about a year, and yeah it was hard to swallow, but she told me she had healed, and that she was doing what she could to help people now. She volunteers for STAR (stand together against rape)

We arent together any more, but we are still good friends.


My point is, its very ignorant to consider a woman being raped as a red flag.


Forsaking a woman because she has been raped is a red flag on you, buddy.

 

[Centaurion]

you know, i might sound like an insensitive bastard, but to be honest, i have a really hard time to believe a chick when she says 'rape'. i need a dna and or a video off it if im gonna believe that a chick has been raped.

this is from personal experience, ive had two good friends being accused of rape, when in one case, the dude was in another country, and the other one, the guy was with me, when the so called 'rape' happened. and ive also heard a lot of stories like that when chicks just go 'rape' whenever they want some attention and/or their life is ****ed up.

therefore, if a girl mentions 'rape' to me, and she seems to be the unstable type, i'd be gone before she can finish the sentence. but on the other hand, if this is a good girl that ive known for a good while (good friends/ltr) i'd definatly stick around and offer her my support.

 

[Centaurion]

Originally posted by Ragin_Asian
What if you are already seeing someone then find out theyve been raped when they were young?

that entirely depends on the relationship you have with her. if you've been with her ie one year, and then find out, yes then i believe that you should offer your support.

but if she blurps out 'rape' on your second date, then you should definatly consider to hit the highway.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Ragin_Asian
What if you are already seeing someone then find out theyve been raped when they were young?

RA, I think it depends entirely on the woman/girl regarding how much they are affected by being raped. It also depends on the actual violation against them. For instance, if someone is violently raped and beaten by a stranger...it tends to severely mess them up. If the crime isn't as violent or was committed by someone they know it tends to be a bit easier to deal with.

As I've posted on here before, my ex husband was very abusive. As a result of that abuse, I found him repulsive and didn't want him touching me. He made my skin crawl. There were plenty of times where he would include forcing me to have sex with him as part of his abuse rituals. When I left, I chose to be a survivor, not a victim. I didn't allow any of that to affect my relationships I had afterwards. Some women are able to put bad experiences from the past behind them and some can't. With some practice, you can learn to tell the difference. If a girl/woman has a tendency to look for cases of where she can feel like a victim...she's not coping well. If anger, frustration or hurt feelings are warranted, that happens and is okay.

I don't mean to pry, but I'm noticing a bit of a pattern you seem to be running. You're attracted to girls who have been abused. There's a really good chance that you're suffering from "White Knight Syndrome". That's where a guy tends to hone in on girls who they think need a hero to rescue them. Just like a girl can't "fix" or "mother" a guy into adoring her, neither can a guy rescue or save a girl into adoring him. There's something about these kinds of girls that attracts you. Maybe it's insecurity, meekness or something similar. It might be a good idea for you to pay closer attention to similarities between these girls and see if you can figure out what the trait is that gets your attention and then try to look for some girls who lack that trait.

Sorry for being so blunt...but I call 'em as I see 'em.

 

[Cherry]

centaurion

She was 11 years old, how could she consent you mindless fool?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Centaurion
you know, i might sound like an insensitive bastard, but to be honest, i have a really hard time to believe a chick when she says 'rape'. i need a dna and or a video off it if im gonna believe that a chick has been raped.

this is from personal experience, ive had two good friends being accused of rape, when in one case, the dude was in another country, and the other one, the guy was with me, when the so called 'rape' happened. and ive also heard a lot of stories like that when chicks just go 'rape' whenever they want some attention and/or their life is ****ed up.

therefore, if a girl mentions 'rape' to me, and she seems to be the unstable type, i'd be gone before she can finish the sentence. but on the other hand, if this is a good girl that ive known for a good while (good friends/ltr) i'd definatly stick around and offer her my support.

It's really unfortunate that some women falsely accuse men of rape. It really ticks me off when that happens because it causes people to think as you do. It's so unfair to those women who do get raped. I think the legal system needs to be VERY harsh with those who falsely accuse. They should have to do time for false accusations and pay steep fines and have that money go to social services that help those who really have been raped.

 

[Centaurion]

Re: centaurion

Originally posted by Cherry
She was 11 years old, how could she consent you mindless fool?

wtf dude!???

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by Ragin_Asian
).

The main question is, once a girls been raped is that a red flag signal to stay away from her? .

Yes it is. Sounds harsh and shallow, but its a harsh and shallow world. There damaged permanently my friend. Sorry.

 

[Nightspark]

there has been one thing that i have learnt doing sales and also learnt through this board and also picked up from talking to heaps of people....

they taught me a lesson that you should stay away from people who inhibit and express negative thoughts or feelings because attitude is contagious!

Okay this rule can be broken for special cases, like you've known them for quite sometime... but usually you should stay away from the ones that say that... just look at what it's already done to ya man.. it's caused anxiety, sleepless nights and what have you...

 

[Deep Dish]

Once a girls been raped is that a red flag signal to stay away from her?

In short, yes.

People who were physically, sexually, or emotionally abused as a kid will be programmed to seek out chaos in their life. They will seek out abusive individuals so as to re-enact their abuse. The people they are attracted to must either be chaotic or unavailable, and often the abused becomes the abuser. They find normal, healthy, nice guys “boring”. Eventually girls become tired of the jerks and so they seek out nice guys, only the problem is that since they can not tolerate intimacy, finding it too boring, they will sabotage the relationship with the nice guys.

Of course, they must get therapy. If they get therapy, there’s a chance they will iron out their issues. But therapy is rare. Hence, if a girl was raped chances are overwhelming she will not have sought out and followed through with therapy. The vast majority bury their feelings and since they don’t feel they have those feelings anymore, that they “got over it”, that it’s “now over”; but of course they did not “get over it” and they are still defined by it.

And then there are guys who are only attracted to messed up women, guys who find all the women are attracted to turn out to be psychos or borderline personalities or whatever or drug addicts, even though they “had no way in knowing” beforehand they were dealing with such chaotic women. But it’s exactly that emotional turbulence that they were attracted to in the beginning.

From the website drdrew.com, website of Dr. Drew Pinksy, co-host of the radio show Loveline:

Q: She's a mess, but she's hot. Should I date her?

A: Judging by the way you talk about this young woman, it's clear you're not interested in her as a human being-to you, she's just "hot." Statements like that really show how far a guy will go to be with someone he's attracted to, regardless of the circumstances. Have you ever considered that by objectifying this woman, you're creating more havoc in her life? If you're truly interested in this woman-even for other reasons than the fact that she's hot-this is going to be a very difficult relationship, to say the least. I urge you to pursue the relationship only if she is in recovery. Getting involved with a using addict can be a nightmare, and you would need to be in a co-dependency recovery program, such as Alanon, in order to set boundaries and help you manage your feelings throughout this relationship. But, if you're only interested in this woman for one reason, don't get involved and make a bad situation worse. The best thing you can do is be there for her as a friend.

 

[Ice Cold]

I've had a girl who wasn't raped, claim the status just because it allows her to be nuts. It's a good excuse. I was raped. It wasn't my fault, but that massive psychological damage made me screwed up, so now I can do whatever the F I want to.

Hanged with her for some time just to study her behavioural characteristics.

-----------------------------
Then I had a girl raped under influence. I knew them both. It was a party, the chick was stoned. The guy was close too. She'd never done it with him sober... and was hurt when this happened, cause she trusted.

But she was flirty when drunk. No police involved. They just didn't talk much after that.
----------------------------

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Que pasa dj Ice Cold - you've been gone for a while - were you in a deep freeze?

"IF" a girl has been raped as a "CHILD" the she has permanent mental damage and I personally would never get involved with a woman in such a battered state!

Don't believe too many women who say they have been raped - most wouldn't tell this to anybody except in rare instances!

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

All of you guys saying that she should be treated like she's worthless because she was raped at 11 just prove how little real life experience with women, love, and romance you really have.

It's really easy to parrot this DJ advice about red flags and NEXTING chicks over anything, but when you get right down to it you are advising a guy to dump a girl because of something that happened to her as a child which she had no control over. And not because it is affecting her current behavior (she's not acting like a messed up psycho/sl*t right) simply because she confided in him. It's really sad and I feel sorry for you guys.

My advice would be to look at behavior and actions that she's responsible for now and to take action and make decisions based on that. Not on punishing people for being victimized....

Cesare Cardinali

 

[Ice Cold]

Cesare: How many raped women have u been with?

Que pasa dj Ice Cold - you've been gone for a while - were you in a deep freeze?

Nah... just to much stuff to deal with.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

How do you tell the difference between a survivor and a victim? I dont go for women witha dark past like this. Im just concerned because there are so many women around who has a dark past, the possibilty of actually being with one is pretty high without knowing it.

With the last chik I really liked I didn't know she was raped until much later in our relationship. With other girls I know who has this past I dont into going further with them but I still remain friends. Most of the are pretty hot and they wouldn't have problems looking for someone else.

I was just curious becuase she coulda been a a real wreck when she was younger after it happened. One thing knowing a girl who went through a busload of boys when they were young. Another hard thing is she coulda went through that but hides it very well. And if your very close to that chick because shes now coping well it is extremely hard to stomach all that facts.

And in the future I wouldn't want to get involved with a girl who was raped. I'd still be friends with them but thats as far as I'd go. I dont think I'm being insensitive because its not like I'm the only guy for them.

What are the usual consequences after the rape?? Either for the survivor or the victim?

 

[AFK Protector]

This thread makes me sad for the victims.

It makes me want to ram a baseball bat up the rapists' asses..............
















































































..............sideways.

I'dprobably stick with her even if she was raped. I mean, just because someone else fvked up her life because she was attractive is not her fault. I'm one who believes in second chances, and if I am her second chance then cool.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Ragin_Asian
How do you tell the difference between a survivor and a victim? I dont go for women witha dark past like this. Im just concerned because there are so many women around who has a dark past, the possibilty of actually being with one is pretty high without knowing it.

With the last chik I really liked I didn't know she was raped until much later in our relationship. With other girls I know who has this past I dont into going further with them but I still remain friends. Most of the are pretty hot and they wouldn't have problems looking for someone else.

I was just curious becuase she coulda been a a real wreck when she was younger after it happened. One thing knowing a girl who went through a busload of boys when they were young. Another hard thing is she coulda went through that but hides it very well. And if your very close to that chick because shes now coping well it is extremely hard to stomach all that facts.

And in the future I wouldn't want to get involved with a girl who was raped. I'd still be friends with them but thats as far as I'd go. I dont think I'm being insensitive because its not like I'm the only guy for them.

What are the usual consequences after the rape?? Either for the survivor or the victim?

You misunderstood the point I was making. Based on the girls I've heard you talk about being interested in it sounds like you are subconsciously attracted to women who have been abused in one way or another. This is very common but it's not something men do consciously.

There is something about a girl who has been abused that attracts you. It might be a good idea for you to pay closer attention to the similarities between the girls you go for and see if you can identify what that trait is.

The difference between a victim and a survivor all comes down to attitude. A victim lets past abuse control their present life, current relationships and behavior. A survivor puts it behind them and moves forward.