Having trouble approaching women

[JLW]

So I just got out of a 2.5 year relationship.

I SUCK at cold approaching. In fact, I haven't even gotten to the approaching part. This includes any sort of interaction: at clubs, bars, on the bus, walking down the street, ANYTHING.

Any time I am introduced to a girl through a group of friends or something, it's fine. I have no problem interacting with girls, or people in general. In fact, I like to think of myself as pretty interesting, and fun to be around.

But a really bad flaw is the fact that I can't approach girls at random in the settings that I described (bar, bus, clubs, etc).

How do you guys get the nerve to eventually just go up to a girl and talk to her?

Whenever I catch a girl looking at me or something, I give a quick smile or glance, and then I try too hard to think of something to say. I start thinking "what the hell am I going to say to her to start a conversation?" Then I start psyching myself out and subconsciously find excuses not to talk to her.

HOW THE HELL DO I GET PAST THIS?

 

[stayfly]

it's not an easy skill and it's actually natural to feel that way

you just gotta jump into the conversation like jumping into cold water. know that it's a bit scary and will be uncomfortable for around 30 seconds, then after that it can be fun

also, start small and increase the convos gradually over time as you would progressively increase weights when strength training

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

Stayfly says:

it's not an easy skill and it's actually natural to feel that way

you just gotta jump into the conversation like jumping into cold water. know that it's a bit scary and will be uncomfortable for around 30 seconds, then after that it can be fun

also, start small and increase the convos gradually over time as you would progressively increase weights when strength training

Good point, i was just going to go more in-depth with this.

So I just got out of a 2.5 year relationship.

I SUCK at cold approaching. In fact, I haven't even gotten to the approaching part. This includes any sort of interaction: at clubs, bars, on the bus, walking down the street, ANYTHING.

The first step is to realize WHY you're afraid of approaching or feel you suck at it. Once you have a better idea, that will makes things easier

Any time I am introduced to a girl through a group of friends or something, it's fine. I have no problem interacting with girls, or people in general. In fact, I like to think of myself as pretty interesting, and fun to be around.

The reason, is because part of things are taken care of. Your not having to worry "How did meet this person? What should I say?" The introductions are out the way and that potential awkward feeling isnt there.

But a really bad flaw is the fact that I can't approach girls at random in the settings that I described (bar, bus, clubs, etc).

Wrong my friend. You can do it, your brain is holding you back in fear of your ego getting harmed.

How do you guys get the nerve to eventually just go up to a girl and talk to her?

Determination, motivation, Desire and Rock Bottom. Remember, if you dont know her prior, you don't stand a chance in hell if you dont go up to her.

Take a look at this girl:

http://media1.break.com/dnet/media/2008/6/07jun27-hot-club-girl.jpg

Besides her looks, what else does she have? What's so interesting about her? Not much at all for the most part. Many of those girls live uninteresting lives. Shop, hang out with friends, work, that's it. They're looking for that guy to fvck who can make their lives fun by giving her good sex, not even needing to be a guy who does alot of actvities. Just a guy who bones her good. Believe me, your life is 100 times more interesting than hers. What makes her so out of your league? Cuz she looks good? There are a million of her but one of you.

PART 2 Below:

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

PART 2:


Rock Bottom: This is crucial right here. To get this part of your life handled, deep down in yourself...your going to have to feel so bad about your inability to do anything, your mind and body doesn't want to have to feel that negative pain anymore. Letting out all of those negative emotions that trouble you in this field. To where your like "Fvck this! I can't take it anymore! I'm going to do something about this!" Your adrenaline will be so high, that you'll want to not experience that pain again.


Motivation and Desire: How badly do you want to meet her? How badly do you want to put your **** between her tits? How badly do you want to bend her over, pull her hair and spank her while doing doggy style? She's there for YOU! I repeat...you! She's yours for the taking! Will you in fact get her? Not always but you have a 0% shot if you dont do anything. You have atleast a 1% shot of getting her. Out of 100 girls like here, there's a chance you'll land atleast one of them if you just step over.

Whenever I catch a girl looking at me or something, I give a quick smile or glance, and then I try too hard to think of something to say. I start thinking "what the hell am I going to say to her to start a conversation?" Then I start psyching myself out and subconsciously find excuses not to talk to her.

HOW THE HELL DO I GET PAST THIS?

. The attachment to the outcome of saying something that will get her to like you. This is what holds guys back, afraid that what they say wont be good enough. Well...think of this...your probably decent looking, got a decent job, and got two pairs of balls. You're already good enough!

The fact that a girl looks at you...is her taking the initiative and to tell you I want to meet you. The fact that you don't go over there is a disservice to her. You just rejected a girl you liked. She now feels rejected because you didnt fulfill your role if you liked her back.


Now then, what do you do?

EASY WAY:

List all of the negative beliefs you have in terms of why you can't get these women

List the fears of approaching you have

List an ultimate goal with this. ONS, Girlfriends, etc

Then, start small and then work your way up.

First thing you should do is go up to a girl and say hi, once you say hi....you can leave. Your goal is done. That's all it takes...saying a hi and then leaving. Or what you could do is start up conversation with guys. Then start random conversation with girls nearby. Once you do that, introduce yourself. Once you do that, your goal is done. Once your comfortable with that, comment about the environment and ask her opinion of it. Once you do that, your goal us done. Then have some threads in the back of your mind to switch to. Keep doing this long enough and you'll be more relaxed. Your going to feel unpleasant and scared to do this at first which is natural. After your relaxed with the basics, then add some flirting, touch her a little bit, go for the number. But this is all basic stuff.

First thing first, accomplish being able to say hi to a random woman be it her passing by or you going up to her . Many will say hi back.

Lastly, most girls will react well to an approach. Don't let the community fool you of them being aloof most of the time. They aren't, girls are nice lol. There are some b1tches, but thats minimal.