Having children

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

A few thoughts:

1. Finding a woman who's worth having children with is not easy these days.
2. Finding a woman who's worth having children with AND is still at peak fertility is harder still (peak fertility = healthier children).
3. Travel is pretty overrated and shouldn't be considered a "life goal".
4. Career is NOT overrated but unless you plan to be a stay-at-home dad, would having kids really affect your job goals?

All things considered, if having kids is important to you, having them sooner rather than later in life is better IMO, despite the prevailing wisdom.

Having kids people can't afford is the biggest mistake. Many are not prepared financially to have kids, I get the saying"you're never prepared" but its better to have them when men are financially stable than having them when he's living paycheck to paycheck.

 

[dj457]

I learned a great deal from this website way back in the days. Thanks for all the know-how. Now I'm an old-timer by our standards Let me give you some datapoints of what's waiting for you in 10-15 years:

1) having a kid is one of hardest things in life. 10X worse than kidney stones. you need to be a masochist. seriously. people say it's pleasure and it is pleasure but lots of pain to get there. Lots.
2) people live 80 yrs average. You get married at 25 -> you will be w/ same person for next 50 years. 50 yrs. Think about that... you can eat the same icecream only so many times...
3) you have two options: have kids early and then be kid-free during 2nd life (i.e. marry at 25, kid free at 45yrs old.). Or have kids late but be kid free before retirement (kid at 35-40, +20 yrs, they are gone before you reach 67). Which one is better? You decide. If you think you'll have a better career, save more money, and be able to (or want to) do other stuff, then get married late. If you think you have the financial means or support from family for spouse+kids, then you can do the first option.
4) Cost of Kids = lots of time and money for 20yrs. There is no getting away from this unfortunatley. say, $20k/year on average (this worth of time/money). Can you provide this? Can you save for retirement while paying this cost?
5) There is a time difference between men and women to get "mature" - Women want to get married and have kids before 30 (latest 35). As a male, I wasn't mature until 35. A good option is to reach 35-40 to marry a 10yr younger woman, so timing works well for both spouses - this is what I did.

6) Before getting married, put your spouse through many tests. i.e. take them to a camping site w/ terrible bathroom facilitites - watch how much they complain. Whatever they perform, once kid is born, it will get 500% worse.

7) The first 5 yrs of kids is especially very difficult. Very difficult. As somebody else said it, you and your spouse will learn what love is actually. Good news you will love your kid more than yourself - bad news you will realized you didn't love your spouse but liked them So be prepared to get a divorce.

8) Before you get married, do a pre-nup. People live 80yrs so after 30yrs, a divorce is very possible. Rather than going thru the emotional rollercoaster, prepare to split things or separate them ahead of time. This doesn't get executed unless divorce happens. This is another good test to put your spouse through.

Having been thru two marriages w/ kids, this is same advise I will give my boys (in addition to sending them to this website ).

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

As someone who was not planning on having children, it was and is a wonderful part of my life. I would not trade it for anything, ever. My children are my pride and joy (and pain in the arse). I wish i'd had children with a woman that was better suited to me as a partner, as we are now divorced - for my own sanity but also because it would have shown my children what a happy, healthy and loving marriage looks like.

I also, given the choice would have had kids earlier than I did - at about your age, if it had been something I wanted. You have the energy now.

 

[Machine10033]

I don’t know what the answer is. In my early 20’s I wanted a large family. I wanted a simple life... raising boys, teaching them things, watching them grow up. I hit my mid 20’s and started my red pill journey. I got hooked on self improvement...playing the game... I suddenly decided I did not want kids

I am now 43... financially secure... accomplished pretty much everything I wanted professionally and financially. Hooked up with chicks I never dreamed of hooking up with when I was a youngster. Now I have a nagging feeling of emptiness... i feel like I have so much knowledge I could have given my offspring and gave them a massive head start on life. I will grow old with a bunch of assets and die with no one to carry of my legacy.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Now I have a nagging feeling of emptiness... i feel like I have so much knowledge I could have given my offspring and gave them a massive head start on life. I will grow old with a bunch of assets and die with no one to carry of my legacy.

If I have kids, you can be their Godfather / Awesome Uncle Machine.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

There are pros and cons. You are never ready. There is never a “best” time, only pros and cons.

In your youth you have greater energy, easier physical recovery (for her from pregnancy), and it’s less financial means.

As you mature in age you have greater financial means, greater life experience and perhaps some wisdom, but the trade off is you do not yet your own life back until later (my youngest is now 15 and I’m 54), I know friends who started at 17 or 18 who had their kids raised before 40….

Children are an enormous responsibility and expense (20K per year per kid is a decent rough estimate although multiple kids are not exactly a multiple expense because you stay in the same house as you have additional kids as an example)…..

Husband calling. More thoughts in a bit.

 

[BeExcellent]

To continue, what you most want in a relationship is to choose the correct woman to procreate and build a life with.

That means someone who puts YOU first. You want a woman who has the following priorities:

1. The marriage as in the intimate relationship with her husband comes above all else.
2. To be a good confidant/partner/friend to her husband.
3. To be a great parent.

The children come after the marriage relationship in the great unions. Why? You are partners for life, parents raising kids only for a part of life.

Children best learn what a great union is by seeing a great example in their parents relationship, period.

The priorities above get you there.

OP discuss this with your girlfriend if y’all are seriously considering being life partners and parents. It may reveal quite a bit about her character from an angle you’ve not considered.

 

[EndlessNameless]

To me there is no clear and definite answer. As the old lady said there are pros and cons.

Just pick your poison.