Guilt from cheating on LTR

[movistar]

She sent me an email the other day saying she made out with a bisexual girl because she had always been curious and wanted to try it. She sent me an email saying she was worried of what I would think and it had been on her mind all day. She felt super guilty about making out with another girl, so I wonder how she would feel if she cheated on me.

They will tell you only what they want you to know. Some people divulge information to make you FEEL as though they are being completely honest. I'm not saying she cheated, but there could have been more to the story than she is admitting, or there could be other stories...

Don't feel guilty, you're 20 you want to bang every hot chick you see, it's natural. I'm 40 and still want to bang 'em all... Maybe it'll stop when I'm 60

 

[AAS]

Haha, some people speak about women as if they are creatures that fall into a single or perhaps a few categories. Sofomore, women are people too.

If your girlfriend cheated on you, would you want to know? I hope the answer is yes, because as a man and a logical human being, you should take responsibility for your life and that includes the people you allow in your life. IF your gf cheated then that is an essential piece of information that you need to have in order to make true decisions in your life.

If you don't tell your gf that you cheated, then you are not allowing her to make informed decisions for herself. To not tell her would be a selfish act of absolute AFC-sim. She may forgive you for your actions or she may not, but at the end of the day if you respect her then you will allow her to make her own decisions about your relationship. You should put the explanation of your cheating in the context that you put it in in your post. She will probably be extremely disappointed and angry at first, but thats understandable. If you are truly sorry she might be able to see that, and if she doesnt forgive you at least you are not forcing her to live a lie and you aren't living a lie yourself.

Trust me, tell her the truth and the whole truth. I'm sure it will hurt, but you'll never feel right about lying to her even if you get to spend the rest of your life with her.

Hope you do the right thing and step up.

 

[AAS]

Before some of you point out that he is only 20 and it shouldn't matter and get all bi**hy. It is never too early to start bettering yourself. If you don't understand that, then you are missing 95% of what it takes to get a decent girl and not just a slut.

 

[Sofomore]

She sent me an email the other day saying she made out with a bisexual girl because she had always been curious and wanted to try it. She sent me an email saying she was worried of what I would think and it had been on her mind all day. She felt super guilty about making out with another girl, so I wonder how she would feel if she cheated on me.

They will tell you only what they want you to know. Some people divulge information to make you FEEL as though they are being completely honest. I'm not saying she cheated, but there could have been more to the story than she is admitting, or there could be other stories...

Don't feel guilty, you're 20 you want to bang every hot chick you see, it's natural. I'm 40 and still want to bang 'em all... Maybe it'll stop when I'm 60

There's nothing I can really do about this. If I ask more questions about it I will be showing an insecure side and look like an AFC.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

At the end of the day whether you like to admit it or not she cheated on you. Her excuse was she was "curious and wanted to try it." While I was in a relationship you know how many times I was curious and f*cked another girl.... ALOT. If I did I tell her I'd probably say the same line.

 

[Sofomore]

At the end of the day whether you like to admit it or not she cheated on you. Her excuse was she was "curious and wanted to try it." While I was in a relationship you know how many times I was curious and f*cked another girl.... ALOT. If I did I tell her I'd probably say the same line.

How can you be so sure without actually knowing her? It sounds like you are making assumptions about women.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Kissing someone else is cheating. What is your definition of cheating?

 

[sexysuave]

Do NOT tell her man.

If you tell her and you end up with this girl, that will ALWAYS be with her. In other words, she may forgive you, but deep down she will still resent you for it. If an opportunity arises, she is MUCH MORE likely to cheat on you knowing that you have done it to her already.

Suck it up and do not tell her. You don't give a sh*t about the other girl (do you?), so just move on and live your life, and as scars said, "take it to the grave". Don't even tell your next gf (if there is one) that you cheated on this one. She will judge you on it. Pretty much, you never cheated! Move on and shut up about it. Otherwise, you are just opening up doors to a whole lot of trouble down the line.

 

[Sofomore]

Kissing someone else is cheating. What is your definition of cheating?

Well, in this case, she kissed another girl because she was curious. I don't see this as cheating.

Now if she made out with a guy, it would be cheating. Don't you think a girl being curious and making out with another girl for fun is just harmless play? It made me uncomfortable to hear it but I am not going to get all AFC and accuse her of cheating...ESPECIALLY when I did something worse and had sex with another girl.

I don't think I have the guts to go along every day just acting like nothing happened. She will probably notice a small shift in my attitude, despite my best ability to act normal.

Now what I am contemplating is whether or not it is fair to tell her:
On one hand, telling her is the moral thing to do, so that she can make a decision about continuing our relationship. This option makes ME feel better and her feel worse.

On the other hand, hiding it will allow the relationship to continue how it has been. This makes ME feel worse and her feel nothing.

Either way I lose. I need to spend some serious time thinking if I can carry the guilt on my shoulders for the rest of our relationship.

 

[joverby]

Nothing you can do to change what you did now. You regret it(I hope you wrapped it too) and realize you love this chick / value her more now, that's a good thing. Just don't do it again. And if you absolutely can't let it go(be your normal self around her becasue your mind is being consumed) I would break up, maybe tell her in that case if you feel she deserves to know why(most probably wouldn't think that was a good idea but like the poster above me stated, once you tell her no matter what she says or how bad she wants to move on, she won't be able to. It will linger in her mind forever)

So take it with you to your grave, realize it was a mistake and move on or end it IMO.

 

[Sofomore]

Do NOT tell her man.

If you tell her and you end up with this girl, that will ALWAYS be with her. In other words, she may forgive you, but deep down she will still resent you for it. If an opportunity arises, she is MUCH MORE likely to cheat on you knowing that you have done it to her already.

Suck it up and do not tell her. You don't give a sh*t about the other girl (do you?), so just move on and live your life, and as scars said, "take it to the grave". Don't even tell your next gf (if there is one) that you cheated on this one. She will judge you on it. Pretty much, you never cheated! Move on and shut up about it. Otherwise, you are just opening up doors to a whole lot of trouble down the line.

Ah ok, you bring up a good point. I guess I am feeling like a pvssy right now and don't know how I can just "suck it up". This whole thing is making me feel insecure and pathetic. Kind of sad because these last two years I have come very close to the DJ mentality.

 

[AAS]

I'm sorry sofomore but your inexperience and your confusion is really shinning. The MOST AFC thing you could do is be too afraid of telling her the truth. You are BEING a pvssy if you don't tell her. Not telling her does not make you a DJ, a DJ is able to admit his mistakes and move on. I've never seen such pathetic advice in my life.

My gf from a previous LTR cheated on me while I was visiting family abroad. I found out through someone else, and she wasn't going to tell me. I am eternally thankful that I found out. Now I have a gf who i've been with coming on 3 years and overall I'm pretty happy. DO NOT compromise your own credibility because you're too much of a pvssy to deal with reality. I promise you man, that things can only get better in the long run if you tell her the truth.

read my previous post.

 

[mahoney]

this one is a real 50-50 call imo

Personally i wouldn't, if i make a mistake then (rightly or wrongly) I don't want to dump this on someone else - i can see how telling her might lessen my feelings of guilt, but i can't see how telling her would do her any good. Ultimately i think this kind of dilemma is about yourself, not the girl - ie ask yourself - who's benefit is the confession for? you (and your guilt) or her (and her happiness)?

There's no right or wrong answer, and each person has to decide for themselves what is right to do - but think hard about it, and be honest about why you would be telling her, and for who's benefit?

 

[gspshields2]

I feel this. She really does like me, to the point that she will do anything for me. All this DJ/PUA sh!t aside, we are very fond of eachother. I honestly don't think we are going to get married but I am happy with her at the time. I guess you could say I am not setting up expectations for the future and just enjoying the time I have with her.

The only thing holding me back is if she told me she slept with some guy on her trip, I would dump her right away.

Brah, post up a pic of yo girl. I will tell right away from looking at her whether she is the type of girl to cheat. Chances are she already has.

 

[sexysuave]

I'm sorry sofomore but your inexperience and your confusion is really shinning. The MOST AFC thing you could do is be too afraid of telling her the truth. You are BEING a pvssy if you don't tell her. Not telling her does not make you a DJ, a DJ is able to admit his mistakes and move on. I've never seen such pathetic advice in my life.

My gf from a previous LTR cheated on me while I was visiting family abroad. I found out through someone else, and she wasn't going to tell me. I am eternally thankful that I found out. Now I have a gf who i've been with coming on 3 years and overall I'm pretty happy. DO NOT compromise your own credibility because you're too much of a pvssy to deal with reality. I promise you man, that things can only get better in the long run if you tell her the truth.

read my previous post.

You've lost it buddy. IMO he is a p**sy if he tells her. If you started a poll on this I think the consensus would be "if you tell her, you're STUPID AS F*CK".

You obviously got cheated on in the past so you're biased on this subject. Your b**ch cheated on you and didn't tell you so now you want this poor schmuch to tell his girl he cheated on her? I'm sorry, but that's BAD advice man.

Think about it, what is he accomplishing by telling her this? NOTHING, there is NO GOOD outcome by telling her thing, NONE! She may choose to

a) leave him - he loses
b) stay with him - he loses again, because she will resent this FOREVER... and I mean FOREVER, this resentment will keep growning and it doesn't have to even impact the relationship now, it can come up 10 YEARS later!! Resentment is the killer of all relationships. This is foundational stuff right here. KNOWING that he cheated on her, it's like she is living in a house without a celing, one of the foundational pieces are missing. She will NEVER be able to fully trust him, will ALWAYS wonder if and when he's gonna screw someone else, and she is MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH more likely to do the same thing to him now if put in a situation that presents an oportunity.

There clearly is NO GOOD out of telling her this, the ONLY good is that HE may feel less guilt... NO GOOD for the relationship, short or long term though!!

So yeah dude, if you're p**sy enough and you just wanna make your self feel better, go ahead and tell her, but you might as well break up with her right away while you're telling her, and also realize that you're damaging this girl long term for the next guy as well, as she will feel like a piece of SH*T because she got cheated on (just like how AAS feels) and she will never be fully able to trust another guy again.

Ask any married man if you should tell her if you cheated or not and they would laugh at you. The consensus is to never tell her. You clearly DO NOT give a damn about this other girl and LOVE your girlfriend. Why in the world would you hurt her and damage her by telling her you cheated on her? And at the same time destroy the relationship? If you love her so fuvking much then just stay with her and treat her like before and dont' see this other girl again, end of story dude.. take it to the GRAVE.

Also if you tell her the truth and end the relationship, or whenver you guys eventually break up (because she WILL resent this), she will tell everyone else you cheated on her. You will get a reputation as a cheater and it will be more difficult next time you have a girl since she will probably hear this either from other people or from you, since you feel so compelled and guilty and wanna tell the whole truth the entire truth and nothing but the truth.

Dude, if EVERYONE just came out and showed ALL of the skeletons in their closet, do you think world would be a better place?????? LOL think REALLLYYYYYYYY hard about that!! I think it would be pretty damn disturbing. I definitely wouldn't want that to come out.

So keep your dirty little secret to your self, FOREVER. You're being a damn p**sy right now so wake up and slap your self and move on with your life. And also her kissing another girl in some club without consulting you or anything IS a red flag, no matter how you look at it. You dont' even need to defend it, it is what it is, hopefully that's the entire story, but that IS a red flag bro (unless you're just FWB with a chick and would wanna set up a threesome or something, but in your situation, this was a red flag).

Bottom line, whatever you do, suck it up, man up, and move on with your life. Keep this little skeleton in YOUR closet only, do not let it out, and realize that you simply fvcked some random and got a nut in. You didn't give a damn about her, you still LOVE your girl, and move on. NO GOOD will come out of telling her, I would bet a fortune on it!

 

[Jaylan]

wow some of the responses here are so retarded.

first off, a dj does not cheat. he is a quality man in control of himself.

secondly, do unto others as you would have them do to you. i have and never will cheat on a partner because i know how crummy it feels to have that happen and to be lied to about it as well. so why would i do that to someone else.

if you dont want to tell her then you must agree that youd be ok if she got a good ****ing from another guy and didnt ever tell you. drunk is not an excuse either, ive been drunk and horny as hell and turned down sex when it was beneath my standards for myself. and i am no hypocrite, so i never go back on what i say, especially when it comes to someones trust. i dont betray those i love.

personally i believe betrayal of your partner shows a lack of love. if she was so great and you truly cared for her this wouldnt of happened bro. and two wrongs dont make a right, so what she did doesnt justify your cheating.

honesty is a cornerstone of a good lasting relationship. relationships based on lies dont tend to last long. but hey im different, i like my relationships to be based on respect and honesty. so if i can do that, there has to be other folks like that.

and the advice saying not to tell her because "you dont want to dump your guilt on her and cause her pain" is bull. absolute bull. its even more selfish to keep it to yourself. why cant the other person be allowed to know all the important details of their relationship and be able to make their important life decisions.

man i bet this advice would be different if the girl was the one who had screwed someone. bet you the guys who advocate cheating and lying would flip a crap if they went to a womens forum and saw stuff like this.
respect man, respect. the golden rule as well. i think more people need to follow it.

 

[LostInBoston]

Brah, post up a pic of yo girl. I will tell right away from looking at her whether she is the type of girl to cheat. Chances are she already has.

I can't post again for 1440 minutes...so i made a new account. THIS IS SOFOMORE.

Absolutely not. I will not post a picture of her on a public forum. She is very attractive and I firmly believe that she has not cheated. This isn't denial, its based on my observations of being with her for the last year and a half.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Sexysuave is right.

Absolutely no good whatsever will come out of telling her about this one transgression. If you do it again, however, you should tell her because that represents a serial problem that you can't stop and it is only fair for her to know what she is dealing with.

You don't love her. You love yourself, and you want her. If you actually loved her you wouldn't have cheated.

 

[LostInBoston]

Sexysuave is right.

Absolutely no good whatsever will come out of telling her about this one transgression. If you do it again, however, you should tell her because that represents a serial problem that you can't stop and it is only fair for her to know what she is dealing with.

You don't love her. You love yourself, and you want her. If you actually loved her you wouldn't have cheated.

I DO love her though. She has been away for a month and I have been having thoughts of being single. This made me start reading up on DJ material and I started to adopt the single mentality. I know that had this month gap not happened, I would have been able to think back on how great my relationship was and not cheated. The month of space put me in a horny mindset of - fvck it, she wont find out. She won't find out, unless it comes from me.

I really fvcking care for her. She has told me that her last boyfriend had one-itis for another girl while dating her. So she said "if you ever want out of the relationship, its better to tell me than to drag it on"

Now, I don't want out of the relationship. I want to be in it MORE THAN EVER. Cheating has made me realize that I am not a scumbag and will never do it again, EVER, no matter how long we are apart.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Ask any married man if you should tell her if you cheated or not and they would laugh at you.

Yep. It's kind of like when she asks you if she looks fat in a certain outfit. Women don't want honesty. They will say they do, but they don't.