Growing out of Friends post college

[WC2]

There are several phases in life when a man potentially grows out of his 'best buds' or just has a new attitude towards life. At least for me.

The first time I truly out grew my friends was when I got to college. It was an opportunity to recreate yourself and associate with whoever you wanted to and they would be none the wiser to who you really were.

I truly thought my friends from college would be my best friends all my life thru thick and thin. And I had a lot of them.

However something odd has happened over the past year or so.. I am beginning to want to recreate myself again, the same way I did when I left for college. I guess our interests just don't align any more.

Call me crazy, but I'm in my mid to late twenties now and I am becoming more and more career motivated. I find myself spending time during the weekends improving my craft and brainstorming business ideas while my buds are busy getting hammered at the local bars. It's becoming less and less desirable to go 'hunting' for women all the time. I would rather meet women through my business channels.. Women who aren't spilling vodka tonics all over their tits.

Can I get some feedback here? Is this odd? Apparently the majority of my buds are still stuck in their college frat persona where if you don't drink your face off on a Thursday, you're a total pu$$y. Scuse me bro.. Sorry I have to wake up at 6am to take work semi seriously tomorrow!

Most of all its becoming apparent that these guys who were my bros thru thick and thin, don't have expectations in life as high as mine. I want to be in control of my life before I'm 40. I want to have the freedom to be able to retire for a few years to explore the world while I'm still young. I want to surround myself with others like this.

So again, can anyone level with me on this one?

 

[PlayHer Man]

It depends on the nature of your friendship. Sometimes you can have new interests and change course in life without losing your friends.. provided they respect your new direction... other times not.

What often happens is people become jealous and/or take offense to your new direction. It is what it is. You have to live the life you want to live. Either your friends will accept your growth or they won't. Not much you can do.

I have friends who used to go out every weekend that I don't see much anymore because they have girlfriends now. I understand that and don't take offense to it. People should do what makes them happy.

Ultimately.. I believe its the clannish types who get the most butthurt when someone in the group starts to deviate and go in a different direction. These people are selfish and controlling (in the same way women are) and like to guilt trip their friends when they don't "fall in line" with the group. I don't worry about losing friends like that.

I say.. do whatever the f*ck you want. Don't live your life for friends, family or girls. My entire life my social circle has fluctuated. I have periods of time where I have loads of friends, then just a few, then loads again. People move around and get married and other crap. Plus, I take hiatuses often to do my own personal stuff.. career stuff, banging girls, travel, relaxation, etc. I get along best with very independent men who don't need to hang out "all the time" for the friendship to work. With those people my friendships last for years. Some are from college.

I'm not really a big "group" person so once any group of people tries to tie me in too close I often withdraw. I'm very independent so I easily offend the clannish types who want to do everything as a group and get butthurt if you don't invite them to EVERYTHING. Not my thing.

I just always make sure to have a few wingmen I can count on.. but that's the only social circle I go out of my way to maintain. And those guys are very independent also.

 

[Solubus]

In Heaven, if they were your true friends, you would see them again.

 

[BMX]

No, I'm right there with you on this one. I'm focused a whole lot more on my career right now and have sincerely grown sick of going out to bars and clubs consistently. These buds can chase women and have a crappy professional life and become complacent if they want to by the time they reach 30-35, not I. I am more results-oriented and that lifestyle they lead does not appeal to me at all.

I did make a rare visit last night to a college known for partying that I declined to study at years ago. It was great for a change of scenery and fun, but I could never see myself succeeding at a school like that. So I chose a school with a better academic reputation and graduated on time.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear WC2,
recently attended an Old Boys Fiftieth Reunion,from College....Very sad really,they were not so much unhappy as just stagnating,bit like mouldering turnips on the Compost heap...Sure they mostly all sit back on very Healthy Superannuation packages,but as some one here says "All Men die,sadly very few will ever live"!