Girls never initiate w/ me...problem?

[The LadyKiller]

I know guys usually initiate things with girls, but is there a problem if a girl (or girls) never initiate things with you - even girls you don't "like?" By this, I mean just starting a conversation in person/phone/text/online. While a girl suggesting a chance to meet up, even very casual, feels good, I am more curious about a girl just opening the lines of communication.

Maybe it's only a little frustration, but I have noticed that I really never end up talking to girls UNLESS I initiate it. And this is at every day places like work and (formerly) at school, not pickup hotspots like bars and clubs. It would be a sweet test if I just went to work one day and just said nothing to the girls I know just to see if any initiate a conversation. Unfortunately, I can't do that or I'd get in trouble with my bosses. But maybe worth a try sometime.

This trend has been bothering me for some time and I've never found a source to it all. I am physically fit, outgoing/personable/respectful, I dress well, good hygene...but girls just do not initiate anything outside of a quick hi and run. My friends do not have this issue and some girls do invite them places, making the entire thing seem very easily and natural (even when I know my friends have no game!). Fwiw, this issue does not exist between me and other guys I know, as I get along with most of them.

This is not a "all girls - even ones I'm not attracted to - despise/ignore me for some reason" thread (too extreme)...but their inability to initiate literally anything doesn't help :-/

 

[Diaforetikos]

Simple answer...

Who cares?! Be outgoing. If they don't start anything with, who cares? If they do, who cares?

Maybe they think your an average guy. Average guys don't start conversations. But your not average. So prove me wrong. It happens to me all the time, now that you got me thinking about it, but ive also had what I consider to be success with women. They looked at me and didn't think nothing of it. But I opened my mouth and proved em wrong.

To be honest, your giving this way too much attention. You seriously took the time to sit down, think about this, and then write on an online forum about it.

You want attention. I'm serious. Or you wouldn't care otherwise. So care less. Be the outgoing one, and then you'll see the results your looking for. Hopefully I answered your question.

 

[Aaron B]

Why focus on an area in which you have very little influence and control?

Why let something you don't directly control have an effect on how you feel about yourself?

 

[The LadyKiller]

I should probably clarify: This "initiating" ordeal comes after I have already met the girl once. WHen we first meet, things seem normal or good. After that, then I end up with what this post is about. I am also an outgoing guy, so I usually end up initiating.

While I am likely trying to control something I can't, I have noticed:
-It adds social proof when girls initiate or something like that when in front of others
-Some HB's tend to have "power" in social circles and this helps determine who goes to parties or outings. I don't fear or feel I am controlled by anyone - I'm my own man, but others do.
-And for girls who I do have interest in, I always initiate. Again, I don't have a problem initiating, but it's hard to believe the interest goes both ways when I'm doing all the initiating all the time.

It just seems a little peculiar that it happens all the time, that's all. If I meet a girl and then was to not say anything after, we would never talk again.

 

[verysuave]

I know guys usually initiate things with girls, but is there a problem if a girl (or girls) never initiate things with you - even girls you don't "like?" By this, I mean just starting a conversation in person/phone/text/online. While a girl suggesting a chance to meet up, even very casual, feels good, I am more curious about a girl just opening the lines of communication.

Maybe it's only a little frustration, but I have noticed that I really never end up talking to girls UNLESS I initiate it. And this is at every day places like work and (formerly) at school, not pickup hotspots like bars and clubs. It would be a sweet test if I just went to work one day and just said nothing to the girls I know just to see if any initiate a conversation. Unfortunately, I can't do that or I'd get in trouble with my bosses. But maybe worth a try sometime.

This trend has been bothering me for some time and I've never found a source to it all. I am physically fit, outgoing/personable/respectful, I dress well, good hygene...but girls just do not initiate anything outside of a quick hi and run. My friends do not have this issue and some girls do invite them places, making the entire thing seem very easily and natural (even when I know my friends have no game!). Fwiw, this issue does not exist between me and other guys I know, as I get along with most of them.

This is not a "all girls - even ones I'm not attracted to - despise/ignore me for some reason" thread (too extreme)...but their inability to initiate literally anything doesn't help :-/

Let me tell you what it is you want to hear. You are TOO good looking and these women are intimidated by your looks. I hope you are happy

 

[The LadyKiller]

Let me tell you what it is you want to hear. You are TOO good looking and these women are intimidated by your looks. I hope you are happy

I wish that was the reason

This isn't an attention-seeking thing. It could be some overthinking on my part, at the same time maybe I am unknowingly doing something that turns girls off, who knows.

 

[verysuave]

i am just basing it on your story. The fact that BEFORE you even start talking to them.

It would be different if you have known them for weeks already.

Just my take on it

 

[verysuave]

I wish that was the reason

This isn't an attention-seeking thing. It could be some overthinking on my part, at the same time maybe I am unknowingly doing something that turns girls off, who knows.

I am just basing it on the fact that this is happening BEFORE you even start talking to them.
you said : "I am physically fit, outgoing/personable/respectful, I dress well, good hygene"

It would be different if you have gotten their number, know them for a few weeks.. etc etc

 

[Mike32ct]

Simple answer...

Who cares?! Be outgoing. If they don't start anything with, who cares? If they do, who cares?

Maybe they think your an average guy. Average guys don't start conversations. But your not average. So prove me wrong. It happens to me all the time, now that you got me thinking about it, but ive also had what I consider to be success with women. They looked at me and didn't think nothing of it. But I opened my mouth and proved em wrong.

To be honest, your giving this way too much attention. You seriously took the time to sit down, think about this, and then write on an online forum about it.

You want attention. I'm serious. Or you wouldn't care otherwise. So care less. Be the outgoing one, and then you'll see the results your looking for. Hopefully I answered your question.

^This.

Some of us get opportunities thrown at us. Others have to work for it. I'm in the later camp. I'm a decent looking guy by most standards, but the number of times women have approached me I could count on one hand. Sure it hurts the ego to see women approach and even pursue other guys. But it's simply not productive to focus on that.

Remember YOU are the selector. Approach her because YOU want to see what SHE is like. Call her because YOU are offering HER an opportunity to spend time with YOU.