Girlfriend Drinking with Co-Workers...

[jonwon]

I disagree.

Why?

Because he is only 19.

The way I look at things...what he should consider doing is dump her. I mean...why be involved with somebody that is into drinking with a bunch of guys? Something that obviously bothering him!

He is only 19. He should not be preocupied for this crap. If she is a drunk or feels is cool to get drunk with a bunch of co-workers on a humpday...and that stuff bothers HIM...then he should dump her and find another woman. If he feels that he will have problems finding women in his age group, then he has other issues that he must address first: self improvement.

True it does bother him enough to post on a board about it, so maybe dumping is the best option the comfort zone has been crossed.

But easier said then done, esp' if he is very attatched, i know when i was 19 and my girl (at the time) i was very much into her, too much in fact though it taught me many lessons, this seems one he will have to learn himself.

seems no matter what he does here he will loose out, he does not want her drinking with other guys and getting drunk fair do's, tbh about why would she want to? it all comes back to the male female friend zone again and again.

Tricky ground esp' when i know from exp' women and men use the they are just a mate smoke screen a hell of alot. Plus i find it hard that no man could ever be not attracted to a women unless she was ig ugly!

Women can have male friends but men cant this is the way i feel and i know i am not alone on this! unless the women is a total dog.

has some one put here, when they beak up she will most likley be on the next male guy closest to her, this is usually the drinking buddie.

Also lets get some home truths here about women too.

Women will not go drnking with guys they do not like, this is the bottom line truth.

Girls could have a male friend that she likes cos he treats her like a brother, they have known each other for years, more often then not been to university together e.t.c.
Girls with LSE (low self esteem) have male friends that qualify her each and every time she sees them, telling her she looks hot and sh**, they are in essence her ego trip boys, whilst the BF is at home playing PS or some other thing.

Girls have male friends that are friends of friends, or family members mates!

Girls have gay male friends.

They also have male friends that are just nice innocent guys, i dont know what this is, but the guy on knowing them are totally innocent, they are normally in a marriage or relationship and very happy.

Girls also use the male friend thing to justify alone time with a guy they like.

are there more?

But going out drinking with guys who she has just met knows nothing about sucks big time, getting to know them or not, unless she is getting to know her female mates and the guys just happen to be there, in the hope of getting some.

Put it this way if a guy 'wanted' your women he would not give a sh** about YOU in the least, in fact you would be a challange for most guys to crack. Some guys will respect your togetherness these usually dont go out drinking with them, cos they dont want to imply anything is going on.

put it this way if you girl asked me to go out for a drink i would say why? personnaly i dont do female friends, for starters i have two sister, that offer me all the advice i ever need, truth not BS.

Plus i far prefer the company of men then women when i am drinking, women can bore the hell out of you tbh! plus if she was hot i would be just thinking when is the time to F***.

getting a lift home with steve, unless he is happily married with kids and very old i would be concerned yes!

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Jonwon has some valid points but there's a flaw.

The angle that most of you are taking is that she's gonna meet some other guy and cheat, unless you watch her every move or keep her at home.

Where is the "prize" mentality in all this? you should be of the attitude that you are her man and no one pleases her more.... AND actually be that person.

Remember that 90% of the guys she's gonna meet are chumps.

I believe you mentioned a scenario about the girl going out with guy friends while the Bf is home playing Playstation???? WTF is that?

Someone who sits around playing that thing all the time deserves to have his girl go out and find someone better.

 

[mexican_player2]

dude just break up with her...i had the same problem as you man and she was cheating on me, so im telling you, what ever you do u are screwed

just find another girl its over for you man

 

[vorbis]

where do some of ye people work? I've worked in bars and in companies where going for a few drinks after work was the done thing. As an example, I was in a graduate program in ireland. Female co - workers WITH boyfriends used to come out with us every second week. There was flirting going on (oh the horror) but nothing ever happened! How can people go through life imagined the worst possible outcome to every scenario?

 

[speed dawg]

where do some of ye people work? I've worked in bars and in companies where going for a few drinks after work was the done thing. As an example, I was in a graduate program in ireland. Female co - workers WITH boyfriends used to come out with us every second week. There was flirting going on (oh the horror) but nothing ever happened! How can people go through life imagined the worst possible outcome to every scenario?

I hate say it, and I'm as American as they come, but that is ingrained in American culture. This jealous, insecure man that follows the girl around like a little puppy complaining. It's really sickening.

It's really quite easy arithmetic. Trust her until she does something that crosses YOUR OWN line. When she does, dump her. If you don't like her going out with the coworkers, don't allow it. Dump her. But, you can't tell people what to do.

 

[Mr_knowit_all]

I think some of the posters are having a problem making a distinction between playing it cool, and being secure, and letting a woman get away with anything she wants.

I mean, where does it end? You don't say anything when she goes drinking with co-workers, you don't say anything when a guy drives her home, you don't say anything when a guy hits on her, you don't say anything if she blatantly disrespects you.

I guess the psychology behind that thinking is if you ever show jealousy or concern, then you're making yourself less attractive in the woman's eyes.


But like I said, where does it end? Where do you draw the line and say so and so behavior is simply unacceptable? I'm all for not being jealous, but what some of you guys are saying sounds ridiculous. I mean couldn't the woman just as easily construe your indifference for not caring? Isn't that going to make you unattractive to her?


There has to be a happy medium between being a jealous, possessive *******, and some idiot who just lets his gf do whatever she wants. I think when you can find that compromise, you're in the right ball park.

P.S. Did anyone notice poop dawg's hypocrisy in the above post? First he says this dude is being insecure and unattractive because his gf "crossed his personal line", yet says when a girl does "cross your line" you should tell her to get lost. Isn't that what I've been saying all along? Obviously he wasn't comfortable with her decision, that's why I told him to tell the bytch to take a hike.

 

[speed dawg]

I mean, where does it end? You don't say anything when she goes drinking with co-workers, .

She did nothing wrong.

you don't say anything when a guy drives her home,.

Drunk or not drunk, if I didn't know the guy, we'd have problems. This possibly could have been avoided, but it seems she's doing this because she's lost some interest. My point this whole time, was that had he not gotten all pissy about #1, he'd have been alright.

you don't say anything when a guy hits on her, .

A girl can handle that on her own. If a guy bothers her or disrespects her, I step in.

But like I said, where does it end? Where do you draw the line and say so and so behavior is simply unacceptable? I'm all for not being jealous, but what some of you guys are saying sounds ridiculous. I mean couldn't the woman just as easily construe your indifference for not caring? Isn't that going to make you unattractive to her? ..

Each person has to determine in their own eyes what is disrespectful. Still, you can't make anyone do anything.

There has to be a happy medium between being a jealous, possessive *******, and some idiot who just lets his gf do whatever she wants. I think when you can find that compromise, you're in the right ball park.

That's the smartest thing you've said all day. Don't assume that I ALWAYS let girls get away with sh1t. I happen to believe in this situation she did nothing wrong by going out with coworkers. See, if you'd quit getting pissed off and flaming people, you can actually accomplish something in a discussion.

 

[jonwon]

I think some of the posters are having a problem making a distinction between playing it cool, and being secure, and letting a woman get away with anything she wants.

I mean, where does it end? You don't say anything when she goes drinking with co-workers, you don't say anything when a guy drives her home, you don't say anything when a guy hits on her, you don't say anything if she blatantly disrespects you.

I guess the psychology behind that thinking is if you ever show jealousy or concern, then you're making yourself less attractive in the woman's eyes.

But like I said, where does it end? Where do you draw the line and say so and so behavior is simply unacceptable? I'm all for not being jealous, but what some of you guys are saying sounds ridiculous. I mean couldn't the woman just as easily construe your indifference for not caring? Isn't that going to make you unattractive to her?


There has to be a happy medium between being a jealous, possessive *******, and some idiot who just lets his gf do whatever she wants. I think when you can find that compromise, you're in the right ball park.

I think the right compremise is atually finding the women who has those ideals to begin with, you cant change anyone or force anyone to do anything.

Yes it is ok to say something bothers you, it is fine, but telling some one not to do it, can never work.

The fact is it only really becomes an issue when you so afraid to loose the person, this is the true trap. You become controlling instead of relaxing and judging there actions.

Being jealous or controlling should not come into it, when it does, it is not the person at fault but YOU! sorry to say but it is, so what she goes out with mike e.t.c or steve, tell her you dont like it, not comfortable with it, if she fires it back at you say, Bye bye then, simple as on paper.

But then again if mike and steve are work mates and she is going on a works event or mike and steve are in a relationship and really do not want anything from the girl you have nothing to fear.

It is when the girl makes excuses and lies to you, is when you should be concerned not before! when she crosses that boundry then to me it is better to walk then tell them what to do.

They disprespect you once, they will do it again!

but in all fairness the red flags are these here:
Drinking under age.
Getting a lift home from a guy who is also drinking.
Thinking she has to go drinking with work mates to bond, this is BS.
And the biggie humpday, what the fu** does that imply, if that name alone does not imbue feelings of jealousy i dont know what will.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

I think some of the posters are having a problem making a distinction between playing it cool, and being secure, and letting a woman get away with anything she wants.

I mean, where does it end? You don't say anything when she goes drinking with co-workers, you don't say anything when a guy drives her home, you don't say anything when a guy hits on her, you don't say anything if she blatantly disrespects you.

I guess the psychology behind that thinking is if you ever show jealousy or concern, then you're making yourself less attractive in the woman's eyes.


But like I said, where does it end? Where do you draw the line and say so and so behavior is simply unacceptable? I'm all for not being jealous, but what some of you guys are saying sounds ridiculous. I mean couldn't the woman just as easily construe your indifference for not caring? Isn't that going to make you unattractive to her?


There has to be a happy medium between being a jealous, possessive *******, and some idiot who just lets his gf do whatever she wants. I think when you can find that compromise, you're in the right ball park.

P.S. Did anyone notice poop dawg's hypocrisy in the above post? First he says this dude is being insecure and unattractive because his gf "crossed his personal line", yet says when a girl does "cross your line" you should tell her to get lost. Isn't that what I've been saying all along? Obviously he wasn't comfortable with her decision, that's why I told him to tell the bytch to take a hike.

Yup, i agree... there is a line. And this line is different for everyone.

My ex GF of 2 years worked in tourism. At least once a week, she would meet up with her co-workers (all young guys and girls) and they would get drunk at a local pub or some such thing.

I was absolutley fine with it. I often went along, and met some really cool people. I was never the jealous BF and never did i ever say that she couldn't go out.

When we were alone throughout the week, we spent some good quality time together so it was a welcome gift to have a night or two, here and there where we went and did our own thing.

If my ex would have gotten flirty with one of her co-workers then I'd step in and tell her that I dissapprove... but it never happened. In fact, she slapped one of the guys once, for saying something ****y and downright rude. He was trying to pick her up, and she told me all about it.

It didn't upset me at all... I laughed at it, because I'd met this guy and though he was good looking, he was still a boy.... He was way too ****y and arrogant and ******dly focused on what others thought of him. He wasn't a threat.

Her and I spent a good long time together and none of this stuff foomee is concerned about was ever a problem.

So, I guess it all comes down to the individual. Decide where your line is and if she crosses it, dump her.

 

[Mr_knowit_all]

I think the right compremise is atually finding the women who has those ideals to begin with, you cant change anyone or force anyone to do anything.

Yes it is ok to say something bothers you, it is fine, but telling some one not to do it, can never work.

The fact is it only really becomes an issue when you so afraid to loose the person, this is the true trap. You become controlling instead of relaxing and judging there actions.

Being jealous or controlling should not come into it, when it does, it is not the person at fault but YOU! sorry to say but it is, so what she goes out with mike e.t.c or steve, tell her you dont like it, not comfortable with it, if she fires it back at you say, Bye bye then, simple as on paper.

But then again if mike and steve are work mates and she is going on a works event or mike and steve are in a relationship and really do not want anything from the girl you have nothing to fear.

It is when the girl makes excuses and lies to you, is when you should be concerned not before! when she crosses that boundry then to me it is better to walk then tell them what to do.

They disprespect you once, they will do it again!

but in all fairness the red flags are these here:
Drinking under age.
Getting a lift home from a guy who is also drinking.
Thinking she has to go drinking with work mates to bond, this is BS.
And the biggie humpday, what the fu** does that imply, if that name alone does not imbue feelings of jealousy i dont know what will.

See, now you sound like a reasonable, and intelligent person. I agree with some of what you wrote. In my opinion, the girl shows a lack of integrity for wanting to go drinking so bad that she's willing to go against her bf's wishes and drive home with a drunk dude. I mean really, does this sound like a quality chick to you?

I also agree that you can't force anyone to do something, and I don't believe I ever advocated forcing her to do anything. I simply said set your limits and if she can't accept them, she can get lost. Nobody told the guy to hog tie her and keep her home. If she has the right to go drinking with co-workers, he has the right to break up with her if he's not happy with that decision. I don't see where that's being jealous or insecure.

But in conclusion, I really think he'd be better telling her to get lost. I don't see how anything good can come from getting drunk with co-ed, co-workers. If he lets her get away with this, I guarantee this relationship will not last long.

 

[wayword]

Trust her until she does something that crosses YOUR OWN line. When she does, dump her. If you don't like her going out with the coworkers, don't allow it. Dump her. But, you can't tell people what to do.

Better to play it safe, then sorry...

Repeat this mantra to yourself every night:

All women are byches, until proven otherwise.
All women are wh0res, until proven otherwise.
All women are deceitful manipulators, until proven otherwise.
All women are idealistic hypocrites, until proven otherwise.
All women are emotional wrecks, until proven otherwise.
All women are selfish opportunists, until proven otherwise.

All women don't care about YOU, they care about THEMSELVES.

Don't assume she's a Pollyanna on a pedestal (unless her track record proves that)...and then wait for her to prove you wrong!

Yes, not all women fit these descriptions, but most (particularly young HBs) do.

 

[Mr_knowit_all]

She did nothing wrong.



Drunk or not drunk, if I didn't know the guy, we'd have problems. This possibly could have been avoided, but it seems she's doing this because she's lost some interest. My point this whole time, was that had he not gotten all pissy about #1, he'd have been alright.



A girl can handle that on her own. If a guy bothers her or disrespects her, I step in.



Each person has to determine in their own eyes what is disrespectful. Still, you can't make anyone do anything.



That's the smartest thing you've said all day. Don't assume that I ALWAYS let girls get away with sh1t. I happen to believe in this situation she did nothing wrong by going out with coworkers. See, if you'd quit getting pissed off and flaming people, you can actually accomplish something in a discussion.

I won't address each of your remarks separately, but I'll summarize.

Dawg, just because you didn't think she was doing anything wrong by meeting co-workers, doesn't mean he felt the same way. Obviously this was bothering him. You said it yourself; crossing the line is subjective. If she crossed his, he has every right to break up with her.

If you want to let your gf do that kind of thing, more power to you. But not everybody feels the same way, and they shouldn't be called jealous or controlling because of it.

 

[Chemistry]

YOU'RE A FVCKING IDIOT!!!!!!

You try to sound like you're so well adjusted, and you have this "relationship" thing figured out. Then why the fvck are you here????

You know, you should be grateful that some people post here with some sense. If they didn’t then the forum wouldn’t exist and nobody would be progressing anywhere because it’d be a bunch of guys who need advice trying to give advice on something they know very little of.

In all truth that is what the forum is bordering on right now.

 

[Chemistry]

I won't address each of your remarks separately, but I'll summarize.

Dawg, just because you didn't think she was doing anything wrong by meeting co-workers, doesn't mean he felt the same way. Obviously this was bothering him. You said it yourself; crossing the line is subjective. If she crossed his, he has every right to break up with her.

If you want to let your gf do that kind of thing, more power to you. But not everybody feels the same way, and they shouldn't be called jealous or controlling because of it.

Yes, the line is subjective. IMO I do not see where the line has been crossed or how one could consider it to be. Your girl or GF has every right to have friends of her own, and you’ve got to grant her that right because you’d be setting a double standard if you went along and had friends of your own. That’s the basis to health in a relationship, having active outside interests – without them things run the risk of imploding.

Mr. Know It All, what you've got to realize is that you’re giving advice on a DJ forum. The OP wants to act as a DJ would, displaying confidence and independence, so the line is not subjective as you make it out to be. In fact, the line is very distinctly positioned a long way from where the poster is currently at, more over in the realms that Bad Ass Canadian, Vorbis and myself are occupying with our replies. My opinion is that you shouldn’t go through life limiting people on the grounds of insecurities because you’ll only lose out in the long run. If he wanted to have the normal AFC response and reaction to this situation and was happy with it, then he wouldn’t question his predicament, or he’d write in to his local paper’s Agony Aunt column. Instead he’s come to a DJ column so recognize that he wants a certain brand of advice, and that’s not the brand of advice that you’re giving him.

 

[Krak]

Once upon a time, a girl decided to go to a party after work with all of her co-workers. She told her boyfriend where she was going and he didn't want her to go. Resenting the fact that her boyfriend was trying to control her, she went anyways.

At the party, she got completely wasted but couldn't find a ride home. So one of her guy co-workers offered her one but instead of taking her home, he asked her if she wanted to chill back at his place. So they went back to his house and you can fill in the details from there.

After this happened the girl tried to rationalize what she did by using the excuse "I was drunk bla bla.." when in actuality, it was her fault for using poor judgement. The moment she accepted the ride from this co-worker was the moment she decided to cheat on her boyfriend.

True story, an experience of mine.

 

[jonwon]

Once upon a time, a girl decided to go to a party after work with all of her co-workers. She told her boyfriend where she was going and he didn't want her to go. Resenting the fact that her boyfriend was trying to control her, she went anyways.

At the party, she got completely wasted but couldn't find a ride home. So one of her guy co-workers offered her one but instead of taking her home, he asked her if she wanted to chill back at his place. So they went back to his house and you can fill in the details from there.

After this happened the girl tried to rationalize what she did by using the excuse "I was drunk bla bla.." when in actuality, it was her fault for using poor judgement. The moment she accepted the ride from this co-worker was the moment she decided to cheat on her boyfriend.

True story, an experience of mine.

sorry to hear man but as ppl can see it is a no win situation, she would have gone anyway and probably got drunk anyway and probably got a lift anyway.

Nothing you could have done other then not get too deeply involved that way when the shi* hits the fa* you can walk away almost intact.

Focus on you, the rest is a bonus.

 

[obijuan]

So my girlfriend got a new job a few weeks ago, and I guess now they have this weekly thing called "humpday" or something where they all get together and get drunk. I told my girlfriend I don't want her drinking with them because she'd have to drive home afterwards. Then she says, "if I find a ride can I?" and I tell her yeah. So she says this guy Steve can drive her because he's the only co-worker that lives nearby. I told her I don't want him driving her, only if it's a girl. Cos I'm cautious of guys and drunk girls, ya know, etc. And it upsets her. Am I going about this right? What other reasons should I tell her not to drink with them? I really don't want her drinking with these people, but she insists that she'll feel out of place, etc.

Break it off-- dump her and be vague when questioned-- she'll either figure it out or she's not worth it