Girl is flirting with other guys in front of meh!?

[SoSuaveDude]

Ok, so this girl im going with pretty much flirted with her ex in front of my face. Its not blatant flirting, but her pupils start dilating for him, and she starts devoting great attention to him. Man, i truly hate being a jealous man, and if i could control my emotions better, i would be straight. Should i just go no contact, and wait for her to message me? Her ex will be going back to university out of town on thursday, and I know i shouldn't have anything to worry about, but this situation is making me over-react. It's like our intimate connection simply weakens when the ex is around. Prior to today, me and the girl went out on a date friday, and it went extremely smooth. Got plenty of kisses (first kiss and more), and she was talking about me and her being married one day. She's obviously interested, but i think i should limit my contact with her, and still appear to be a challenge. Lol Help community!

 

[betheman]

your being used in my opinion. she clearly has stronger feelings for the ex than you, if your not getting sex, get out, dont bank on this being an LTR, its going nowhere

 

[MrP]

if your not getting sex, get out

Nuff Said.

But really, if you guys just started going out, you should give her some time for her to warm up to you.

 

[Jariel]

One of the sad lessons I have learned is that you can't expect a girl to suddenly stop all her feelings towards her ex, especially if they were together a long time. No matter how great you are, you don't have the history together or the emotional connection....yet. I've had many girls leave their boyfriends to be with me, then a week later go running back.

Best thing you can do is accept she will have feelings for him for some time to come and may want him back. It's nothing personal, but proceed very casually while dating her. Limit your contact and, above all, keep your options open until you have established a relationship.

 

[SoSuaveDude]

Thanks, and what should i do? Should i limit contact. Wait for her to contact me? I feel like texting her now, but i sense that would be really afc/desperate.

 

[DropZone3]

Treat yourself to something you always wanted and give her the gift of missing you.
Your gut feeling told you something was wrong. Always look at a woman's action not her words.

 

[SoSuaveDude]

Treat yourself to something you always wanted and give her the gift of missing you.
Your gut feeling told you something was wrong. Always look at a woman's action not her words.

Thanks and good advice. Truth be told, i fall for girls way too easily, and i think i fear the possibility of prematurely losing her, which is a mentality that will definitely make things alot worse in the long run. I mean she's a sweet girl, but my irrational thinking of her possibly being "the one" must quickly halt. I guess im putting her on a pedestal like she's out of my league or something lmao smh!

 

[SoSuaveDude]

BUMP - I appreciate the advice, but are there any closing statements that can help prevent me from possible future situations like this?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

BUMP - I appreciate the advice, but are there any closing statements that can help prevent me from possible future situations like this?

Answer these questions:


1) How long have you been seeing each other?

2) Have you fuvked her yet?

3) Are you meeting, talking with other girls?


-------------------------------------------

My guess to the answers to these questions are: 1) a month or so 2) no 3) and no.

The way to prevent yourself from getting too attached too quickly is really a big part of the learning curve in your transformation from an AFC to a stud. Newbies who first start to learn about game try to follow all the rules too closely, where's its unnatural because they don't want to appear "AFC."

As you gain experience and start to realize your own market value so to speak, you will realize that you have mastered the skill of attraction and can have women whenever you want or choose.

In the meantime while your on this journey you got to fake it til you make it. Think to yourself, if I was a guy that several hot woman chased after, how would I act? How would I walk? Would I care if one girl flaked or flirted with her ex? How would I respond to this?

Sounds silly, but once you start to believe you are the fuvkin' king, you will start to act like the king and once a few girls believe you are worth the price of admission, the fire will quickly spread. By that time you will gain plenty of experience and ACTUALLY be the fuvkin' king of your domain.


Cliff Notes: Start dating multiple women, don't sell yourself short, don't tolerate disrespect. Instead of calling, texting and stating your disapproval, let your actions do the talking. In other words, wait til she calls you wanting to see you, then bang her brains out, go out later that night and meet a new girl.


Edit: Also wanted to add, if your not working out 3-5x a week, get in the gym. Starting eating better, dress better, do EVERYTHING that is within your control to improve your appearance because when you look good, you feel good and that is literally have the battle.



PIMP

 

[terran2k]

how did you, her, and her ex endup in the same place?
anyway, she was disrespecting you by doing what she did btw. dont tolerate it one bit, not even for a second.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Ok, so this girl im going with pretty much flirted with her ex in front of my face.

As Pimp said above: Please define if you've had sex with this girl or you're just talking. If you haven't had sex with her (and it sounds like you haven't) - than no, you are not "going with" this girl. The chemicals that bond us to each other mostly occur during and after intercourse (if you don't want a girl to bond to you - kick her out immediately after sex.) I would say, short of a teenage-like crush, it's hard to have a girl bonded to you without some amazing orgasm exchanges. Any woman who clings to a man who hasn't rocked her world - either has a low sex drive, or is going to be a clingy mess.

So the fact that she isn't completely into you yet - is not a bad thing.

Its not blatant flirting, but her pupils start dilating for him, and she starts devoting great attention to him.

Sounds like she's still getting a "rush" when around him. Terms of their breakup?

Man, i truly hate being a jealous man, and if i could control my emotions better, i would be straight.

It comes with experience man. "Control" jealousy is a good thing to go for though. You cannot biologically rid yourself of jealousy, only chanel it into other things.

Should i just go no contact, and wait for her to message me?

I'm not entirely sure what you're hoping to achieve from no-contact. It won't do a lot here; especially if you haven't had sex with her. You also haven't refined exactly what occured. Only that her pupils were dillated.

Her ex will be going back to university out of town on thursday, and I know i shouldn't have anything to worry about,

What should you worry about??? Other women should be where your attention/worry is right now. Worrying about this other man is fvcking going to make you sick. Do not worry about competition! Instead, find some warm bodies for HER to compete against.

and she was talking about me and her being married one day.

SLOW DOWN a whole whole lot! How many women have you been with? If you've been with a lot - act like it. If you've been with only a few - find more. You're trying to link your connection to her talking about marriage. This woman already has you under her spell. Do you see the damage of giving your belief to one woman before you even know what she believes in? Also in paying too much attention to their words.

She's obviously interested, but i think i should limit my contact with her, and still appear to be a challenge.

If you're only "appearing" to be a challenge - it will have minimial effect on her. Sorry. People love to plant that idea that tricks like that work, and they do, but only when the situation is right.... Only when her Interest Level is a rocket in the sky ready to explode if you take your hand out of hers. That may be how YOU feel about her, but it's obviously not how she feels about you. Regardless of words....

Until you have sex with her... tricks most likely won't work.
Until you have this girl Phening for SoSuaveDude... tricks most likely won't work...
Until the chemicals in her body are killing her to figure out a way to get more time with you.... tricks will not work!

Trade in the tricks, and become.....

 

[SoSuaveDude]

Ok, let me clear this up... I'll start by saying i am not your traditional Pua guy seeking constant sex.

Intro: Im a Christian, and so is this woman. As a result of my faith, i oppose sex before marriage, and try to align my life with the Bible. I know someone is probably thinking "well, then why are you on this site!?" My simple response is that i completely agree with most methods shared throughout this community, and the valuable information can be applied in most aspects of personal communication. Now that that is cleared up, let's begin.

Now on this situation, i was 17 and this girl was 20 desperately waiting for me to become 18 (legal age of sex in us.) Now this is still quite confusing, because this girl is a virgin, and is promising to remain one until marriage. Kudos to her, she's a HB8 and i continued spinning plates, but can definitely see myself with her down the road.

Fast forward, Now i am 18 and she constantly pursued me into taking her out and spending time with her. The physical attraction is there! So i begin to mutually flirt with her throughout december, and she decides to spontaneously buy me a tie as a christmas present. Im thankful and decide to return the favor by taking her out on a casual date.

Intermission: I know that a serious relationship at 18 is extremely unlikely to work, and probably a waste of time. But at the same time, spinning plates isn't all that great if im not seeking sex (don't believe in premarital).

Back to story: Okay, so the date goes really smooth in my opinion (bowling). Get a makeout session, and i have this girl rambling about sex with me, and mentioning her sexual fantasies of me. Said i get her panties wet and she later had to change them lmao. She even admits that she would give me a bj before marriage if i so wished (no she never gave anyone head, and is a 100% virgin trust me!). I was very tempted to push for sex, but eventually I drop her off, and get the "goodnight kiss".

The date was last thursday... Boom, friday comes (new years eve), and her sister holds a party which i unfortunately couldn't make. Her ex was at the party, and im pretty sure nothing really went on between them.

So sunday comes, we're at church. The whole time, this girl is acting semi-avoidant as if i did something wrong, or she has another guy is on her mind. Idk, but it felt like the spark between us was absent, and she was quite unusual. However, i did catch her rarely glancing my way a bit throughout service. After service ends, the girl approaches me, and was about to blatantly kiss me until she quickly realizes that we are in church lol.

Refreshments were served downstairs after service, and im eating with some friends, and there's room for her to sit next to me, but she heads over near her ex who is eating alone. The ex is a church member, but attends a university out of state. As far as i know, the past between these two was nothing serious, and it was just a "fling". Well anyway, i decide to move, and sit across from the girl, and proceed to having small talk. 5 mins later, the ex buds in and brings up a simple topic on the new year's party they attended, and the girl seems to expand on it. I'm then lef as an outsider at the table looking pretty foolish while this man (the ex) completely steals her attention, as they continue to ramble on. I go completely ignored at that time, and say that ill be back. I go upstairs and eventually return downstairs, and she is completely positioned towards the ex, pupils dilated and all.

Remember ex goes back to university sometime this week.

Now i haven't contacted her since, and don't plan on it. should i just completely drop her, and look for other prospects?

 

[bukowski_merit]

I personally could NEVER even consider any type of relationship with a woman pre-sexual encounter. But, if your moral beliefs are that you should not do it - i encourage you to stand for what you believe in as far as that is concerned....

However, you are young, she is young; you both are inexperienced. But...

Inexperienced woman > Inexperienced man

as far as "game" is concerned...

keep that in mind...

Some comments...

Intermission: I know that a serious relationship at 18 is extremely unlikely to work, and probably a waste of time.

This is true.

But at the same time, spinning plates isn't all that great if im not seeking sex (don't believe in premarital).

This is not true.

You can spin plates without sex. 50% of my plates are girls i just keep around to keep me occupied when i need them. Girls i've never had sex with. These girls are more or less flirt buddies.

If you are not seeking sex - then get whatever it is that you're seeking from MANY women.

Back to story: Okay, so the date goes really smooth in my opinion (bowling). Get a makeout session, and i have this girl rambling about sex with me, and mentioning her sexual fantasies of me.

What were her sexual fantasies?

Said i get her panties wet and she later had to change them lmao.

uhmmmm....

She even admits that she would give me a bj before marriage if i so wished (no she never gave anyone head, and is a 100% virgin trust me!).

This woman is not a virgin (i can't trust you because you're trusting a woman). She's also trying to figure out if you'd be willing to cross that line, which is why she's dropping fantasies, talk about her panties being wet, and telling you she'd give you a BJ. She's trying to see 1) If you're going to judge her sexual openness. 2) If you'll lead her into doing something in the "spur of the moment" on accident.

This is very similar to when a woman who is "taken" begins to talk to me about sexual things in a way that tells me that she's "down" if i am. She's trying to figure out if im secret society.

She's trying to figure out if you are secret society.

I was very tempted to push for sex,

She would have done it! No question...

Her ex was at the party, and im pretty sure nothing really went on between them.

I'm not so sure of that. She probably gave him many BJs and perhaps more (depending on if he had the balls to lead her into it or not; she IS down).

but she heads over near her ex who is eating alone.

This guy is a bit of a rebel? Perhaps someone who doesn't entirely believe in what the church teaches?

The ex is a church member, but attends a university out of state.

I see...

As far as i know, the past between these two was nothing serious, and it was just a "fling".

You don't know. And you won't know unless she's absolutely sure you won't judge her.

But i sense that you are looking for purity, and she probably does too.

Well anyway, i decide to move, and sit across from the girl, and proceed to having small talk. 5 mins later, the ex buds in and brings up a simple topic on the new year's party they attended, and the girl seems to expand on it. I'm then lef as an outsider at the table looking pretty foolish while this man (the ex) completely steals her attention, as they continue to ramble on. I go completely ignored at that time, and say that ill be back. I go upstairs and eventually return downstairs, and she is completely positioned towards the ex, pupils dilated and all.

This is all pretty small time man. I can see how it would disturb you, but it's not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of life. If you want to know how to handle this next time - read up on some "amog" techniques.

Should i just completely drop her, and look for other prospects?

Yes. Not because of what she's done, but because she is not what you're looking for (in my opinion). Remember what i said - you can spin plates without sex.

 

[JT7890]

Thanks and good advice. Truth be told, i fall for girls way too easily, and i think i fear the possibility of prematurely losing her, which is a mentality that will definitely make things alot worse in the long run. I mean she's a sweet girl, but my irrational thinking of her possibly being "the one" must quickly halt. I guess im putting her on a pedestal like she's out of my league or something lmao smh!

This is what happens when you have limited your options to only one person. I think if you go out and meet a bunch of other women and get some plates spinning, you will solve your problem.

 

[SoSuaveDude]

I personally could NEVER even consider any type of relationship with a woman pre-sexual encounter. But, if your moral beliefs are that you should not do it - i encourage you to stand for what you believe in as far as that is concerned....

However, you are young, she is young; you both are inexperienced. But...

Inexperienced woman > Inexperienced man

as far as "game" is concerned...

keep that in mind...

Some comments...



This is true.




This is not true.

You can spin plates without sex. 50% of my plates are girls i just keep around to keep me occupied when i need them. Girls i've never had sex with. These girls are more or less flirt buddies.

If you are not seeking sex - then get whatever it is that you're seeking from MANY women.





What were her sexual fantasies?





uhmmmm....





This woman is not a virgin (i can't trust you because you're trusting a woman). She's also trying to figure out if you'd be willing to cross that line, which is why she's dropping fantasies, talk about her panties being wet, and telling you she'd give you a BJ. She's trying to see 1) If you're going to judge her sexual openness. 2) If you'll lead her into doing something in the "spur of the moment" on accident.

This is very similar to when a woman who is "taken" begins to talk to me about sexual things in a way that tells me that she's "down" if i am. She's trying to figure out if im secret society.

She's trying to figure out if you are secret society.





She would have done it! No question...





I'm not so sure of that. She probably gave him many BJs and perhaps more (depending on if he had the balls to lead her into it or not; she IS down).




This guy is a bit of a rebel? Perhaps someone who doesn't entirely believe in what the church teaches?





I see...





You don't know. And you won't know unless she's absolutely sure you won't judge her.

But i sense that you are looking for purity, and she probably does too.






This is all pretty small time man. I can see how it would disturb you, but it's not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of life. If you want to know how to handle this next time - read up on some "amog" techniques.





Yes. Not because of what she's done, but because she is not what you're looking for (in my opinion). Remember what i said - you can spin plates without sex.

Okay, i promise that ill spin plates, but based on the info i gave, do you guys think this girl will start chasing after me again if i don't contact her for a while?

 

[Big Overseas 1]

Women only act like this around guys they don't respect or don't care about losing. So it's best that you keep your options open too, fella.

 

[Visitor125]

Ok, so this girl im going with pretty much flirted with her ex in front of my face. Its not blatant flirting, but her pupils start dilating for him, and she starts devoting great attention to him. Man, i truly hate being a jealous man, and if i could control my emotions better, i would be straight. Should i just go no contact, and wait for her to message me? Her ex will be going back to university out of town on thursday, and I know i shouldn't have anything to worry about, but this situation is making me over-react. It's like our intimate connection simply weakens when the ex is around. Prior to today, me and the girl went out on a date friday, and it went extremely smooth. Got plenty of kisses (first kiss and more), and she was talking about me and her being married one day. She's obviously interested, but i think i should limit my contact with her, and still appear to be a challenge. Lol Help community!

You never know what's in a woman's mind. This simple phrase will save you a lot of heartache later.

 

[terran2k]

yeah you can date multiple women without sex.
also that chic is not a virgin, i get the idea that you're looking at the fantasy that you have in your mind of her and overlooking the obvious of what she is.

 

[Masculinity]

Man, i truly hate being a jealous man, and if i could control my emotions better, i would be straight.

The text in bold made you sound so gay. What are you doing with a gf trying to fvck another girl if you aren't straight? Hahah :crackup:

 

[Outsider]

Someone once said to me, "*****es will be *****es."

She was just being a girl. Girls "flirt" with other guys all the time, dude, relax and let it go.

Maybe, next time, if he's escalating it a little too far, step in and say something, but if it was just harmless flirting, chill out.

Furthermore, as to what you should do now, as long as you didn't get all pissy that she was talking to another guy and got all sour for the rest of the night, see what's she's up too.

I mean, really, are we so immature that we have to "punish" her (by giving her the silent treatment, cuz let's face it that's what these guys are suggesting by not talking to her) for talking to another guy? Get at her see what's shes up to, AND BE COOL!