The Pedantical
Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2005
- Messages
- 98
- Reaction score
- 1
I've been trying to pick up girls at the bar, but my problem is that I'm always ashamed of wanting to date a girl and have sex with her... I barely ever admitted to anyone that I wanted that, and I grew up telling everyone I was homosexual (to the point of actually having real homosexual encounters) because I was too ashamed of being attracted to girls. I've had a few moments when I would actually say out loud that I wanted a girl, but I always regretted it either immediately afterward or the next day then tried as hard as I could to deny it or say I was joking
Recently I've been reading up on Jeffrey Dahmer, and I've spent most of today reading all the articles I could find about him and watching the documentaries on him and on his trial, and his interview with Stone Phillips
I've been ruminating over and over in my mind about Dahmer and his crimes and how horrible its all been, and I'm trying to imagine myself as Jeffrey Dahmer and the humiliation of his trial so that I can convince myself that what I want is pretty damn innocent in comparison... but it was errie how when Jeffrey talked about hiding bodies in his grandmother's house I felt that it was exactly the same thing as my secret wish to go on a date with a girl, that I've been hiding from everybody because I'm too afraid of them finding out
What I hope to do is next time I go to a bar is to bring to my mind an image of Jeffrey Dahmer as vivid as possible while I go talk to a girl, and then shift my imagination from his crimes to my wish of going on a date. What I'm hoping is that my brain will react in comparison and in the heat of the moment reach the conclusion that there's nothing to be ashamed of in wanting a date, so that it might help me work up the courage to open a conversation with a girl
If anyone has any suggestions, I'd be happy to hear... I've been in psychiatry and medicated for several years now and I haven't had results... I think once I can get over the shame I might be all right
Recently I've been reading up on Jeffrey Dahmer, and I've spent most of today reading all the articles I could find about him and watching the documentaries on him and on his trial, and his interview with Stone Phillips
I've been ruminating over and over in my mind about Dahmer and his crimes and how horrible its all been, and I'm trying to imagine myself as Jeffrey Dahmer and the humiliation of his trial so that I can convince myself that what I want is pretty damn innocent in comparison... but it was errie how when Jeffrey talked about hiding bodies in his grandmother's house I felt that it was exactly the same thing as my secret wish to go on a date with a girl, that I've been hiding from everybody because I'm too afraid of them finding out
What I hope to do is next time I go to a bar is to bring to my mind an image of Jeffrey Dahmer as vivid as possible while I go talk to a girl, and then shift my imagination from his crimes to my wish of going on a date. What I'm hoping is that my brain will react in comparison and in the heat of the moment reach the conclusion that there's nothing to be ashamed of in wanting a date, so that it might help me work up the courage to open a conversation with a girl
If anyone has any suggestions, I'd be happy to hear... I've been in psychiatry and medicated for several years now and I haven't had results... I think once I can get over the shame I might be all right