Friends to Lovers

[seek&destroy]

Told an old friend of mine I like her, and that I want to date her. She was a little shocked, so she LJBF'd me. I'm thinking...is there any way to change her mind? And how do I go about this?

Background:
We went to high school together (I graduated in '05, she was a year younger than me). She was always pursuing me, and always hanging out with me AND always surrounded by other guys. Mind you, I never had an interest in her back then, but since I heard she ended her relationship of 5 years just recently, I had to do something about it, since I only have a limited amount of time to work with here.

I had a similar setup with another girl a couple of months ago, ended up fvcking up...worse than I ever have in my life thus far, and that left me bitter until about 10 minutes ago, when I heard that my "friend" was single again.

I spoke to her on the phone about 5 minutes ago. Turns out she's been single for about 2 months, and she's not actively looking for anything serious so soon (according to her...my past experiences have taught me to do what I want and ignore what she says in the beginning...in terms of what she wants)

Is this possible??

 

[Korrupt]

Nope. Find another girl to pursue and forget about her... Unless you like being platonic friends with a girl.

 

[shizz702]

Nope. Find another girl to pursue and forget about her... Unless you like being platonic friends with a girl.

Unfortunaely this is probably true.

Once you are casted into that friend zone that is pretty much it.

Move on.

 

[seek&destroy]

Any input from senior members??(no offense to you guys)

 

[Iceberg]

Any input from senior members??(no offense to you guys)

Well you've been here since 2005. I think you'd agree that "I want to date my friend, but she wants to just be friends" is the story that brings 95% of guys to this site in the first place.

Did this LJBF moment just happen recently? If so, how do you expect her opinion of you to change so suddenly? The only thing you could do is spend time apart from her. Become a new man. Let her hear stories about you dating around town, having fun, going on adventures. That might change her perspective on you. Not likely though, because she already knows you. But if you had a 10% chance of making this happen, then that would be how.

Also, how did this discussion go down? You told her you like her and want to date her? Why do that? It makes it awkward and formal. I would have at least invited her to "hang out" for some drinks, and made some moves to escalate in person. You cant make a woman attracted to you by asking her out on the phone. That's Sosuave 101. You've been here too long to be operating like that.

 

[Igetit!]

Told an old friend of mine I like her, and that I want to date her.

Damn man. This is ALL screwed up.

You were already at zero not having done anything at all. You TELLING HER that you liked her just made things worse. It put you at like -100 or something.


Telling her you liked her was a BAD MOVE.....all by itself.


You have that.......PLUS her putting you in the friendzone. That's like trying to kill a corpse or something,I mean sheesh,it's already dead.



You should have came here seeking advice BEFORE making a move because this is jacked.

She was a little shocked, so she LJBF'd me.

Her being "shocked" IS NOT good.


That's most likely because you two have known each other for 5+ years and in that whole time you've NEVER MADE A MOVE OR SHOWN AN INTEREST IN HER. So to her,you've been one way for the entire time she's known you,then all of the sudden,out of the blue,you get sexual with her.



That's why she was "shocked". You blindsided her with your interest,it came out of nowhere.



There was no flirting or teasing or anything leading up to it,you just BAM...came out with "I like you and want to date you".


Can't do that man.

I'm thinking...is there any way to change her mind? And how do I go about this?

I'm sorry man,but the friendzone is a dead end. No,you can't change her mind. The reason you can't change her mind is because she didn't make this decision with her MIND,she made it with her FEELINGS.




To change her mind,you'd have to change the way she feels,and that's NOT GOING TO HAPPEN because the feelings she has for you RIGHT NOW have been 5+ years in the making.




No "trick","tactic", or Don Juan "line" is going to undo the 5 years worth of friendly/nonsexual feelings she has that you UNKNOWINGLY caused in her by NOT DOING ANYTHING.

I spoke to her on the phone about 5 minutes ago. Turns out she's been single for about 2 months, and she's not actively looking for anything serious so soon (according to her...my past experiences have taught me to do what I want and ignore what she says in the beginning...in terms of what she wants)

She told you that she's not looking for anything serious so soon.


Hmm. Are you sure you've been friendzoned by her? Because the only reasons I can think of why she'd say something like that is because......


1:She may have some interest in you,but the way you approached sort of scared her off a bit. You came off as wanting something serious,as wanting a relationship,whereas if you had just flirted and teased her,she may have went along with it. But when you told her you liked her,she was probably like,"Sheesh,I just got out of a relationship. I just got finished being responsible for a guy's feelings. I don't want to have to deal with that now."


or....



2:She said that to you to warn you not to pursue her.



If she pulled out the friend card,then it's probably #2.

Is this possible??

No.

The friendzone CANNOT be escaped. Avoided,yes,but gotten out of,no.

 

[scorpio1138]

never tell a girl you like her.

just get it going and go in for the move!!!

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Told an old friend of mine I like her, and that I want to date her. She was a little shocked, so she LJBF'd me. I'm thinking...is there any way to change her mind? And how do I go about this?

Background:
We went to high school together (I graduated in '05, she was a year younger than me). She was always pursuing me, and always hanging out with me AND always surrounded by other guys. Mind you, I never had an interest in her back then, but since I heard she ended her relationship of 5 years just recently, I had to do something about it, since I only have a limited amount of time to work with here.

I had a similar setup with another girl a couple of months ago, ended up fvcking up...worse than I ever have in my life thus far, and that left me bitter until about 10 minutes ago, when I heard that my "friend" was single again.

I spoke to her on the phone about 5 minutes ago. Turns out she's been single for about 2 months, and she's not actively looking for anything serious so soon (according to her...my past experiences have taught me to do what I want and ignore what she says in the beginning...in terms of what she wants)

Is this possible??

You've been here since Sept 2005 and you're asking questions like this?

 

[backbreaker]

yeah they petty much nailed it. moveon.org

the friend zone can be escaped, but only by drastically and instantly changing the impression a woman has about you. this is a thread I made a few years ago talking about this.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=84433


It's not worth the trouble and frankly, I don't think you are capable of that anyway. It's much more prudent to forget about her and learn from your mistake, don't make them again

 

[Packers2010]

Nope. Find another girl to pursue and forget about her... Unless you like being platonic friends with a girl.

dude you really like this girl?

i mean. how far are you willing to go?

i say this because the girl i a "seeing" (not gf and bf just sex) is my best friend. iv'e liked her for, forever. i even told her i was madly in love with her and she said she didn't like me in that way, she eve said we wouldn't have sex. well what dose she do. break up with her bf and starts having sex with me.

grated this was all about timing. if i play my cards right in a few months i could be dating her. i just have to work on me first.

what i am rambling on about is. if you really like her. then just wait. or like everyone else says. if she doesn't look at you in that way within 30 seconds find someone that will. but it won't be the same trust me

 

[SamTheHobit]

Ok so ive escaped the god damn friends zone.. What happend was we were pretty good friends she new i wanted to be with her but she was adiment on being friends, so any way i just decided to cut contact for around 12 days than due to circumstanses i moved to another town she found out and gave me a call and she was crying because she wouldnt see me her 'friend again' so any way we kept contact for about three month vie sms and facebook than i see shes in a relationship on fb so i decide to cut contact. Then a month later shes single so we chat again and than 2 weeks later i come back to my home town.. The very same day i arrived she want to see me, she was extremely attracted to i didnt know that atfirst, in my mind i was still in the friendzone so i didnt realy show my attraction back and then a few weeks later i make my move and viola..

so my advice cut contact for a few months and make her value you. It worked for me i found this out by certain events that took place.. Give it a try or just be friends.

 

[mojo16]

www.thefriendzone.co