Fruitbat
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- May 3, 2013
- Messages
- 3,306
- Reaction score
- 2,408
This is a very difficult decision just made. This isn't angst, only what's relevant is below. I made this decision to keep some element of frame so I can once again become a decent, respected man......
Long story short is I had a horrendous marriage which ended up with me supporting my mentally ill ex for several years, whilst having a mother who went full BPD crazy. This was such a horrible time I ended up drunk, on drugs 24/7, fighting people but mainly depressed, living in a state and untidy and fat. I also told people about my past abuse in childhood and other things which you would usually keep pretty close to your chest.
I have stopped being invited to anything, I see my only good mate once every 6 months...the whole group just turned (and have told me that I am seen as dangerous, dark and potentially a nutjob/murderer/weirdo)
I have been working very hard to rebuild everything but I just took the drastic step of basically removing myself from social media and any connections to this group of people. It's not really even their fault - but I cannot walk with my head held high with these people. Also, I had a horrible set of things happen which led me to this but none of that is validated which pisses me off.
So, I realise I can NEVER have frame with these people. I can never take a woman around as the more aggressive men know all my weaknesses....I'm basically a toxic brand of sorts,.
So, although dramatic, I have to make space for something new. I also want to give a big "**** off" to those who took some of the things said when at the depths of depression, drunk, and play that back as some sort of judgement.
Theres a thought nagging to never burn bridges but I haven't told anyone to piss off. I have just decided to go another way.
My fear now is when back dating I will seem a bit odd in having only 2 or so friends left. I also feel very isolated - BUT I figure that being alone is better than being the bottom feeder of a group, or the "weird" one.
It's funny how depression is different for men. If this was a woman after a divorce you can guarantee everyone rallying round but if you are a guy, you will be hurt further. Depressed women are "victims" depressed men are "dark and unpredictable"
So, to rebuild my self respect, I have to turn my back. I can't see another way.
Anyone done this or experienced similar, or views welcome?
Long story short is I had a horrendous marriage which ended up with me supporting my mentally ill ex for several years, whilst having a mother who went full BPD crazy. This was such a horrible time I ended up drunk, on drugs 24/7, fighting people but mainly depressed, living in a state and untidy and fat. I also told people about my past abuse in childhood and other things which you would usually keep pretty close to your chest.
I have stopped being invited to anything, I see my only good mate once every 6 months...the whole group just turned (and have told me that I am seen as dangerous, dark and potentially a nutjob/murderer/weirdo)
I have been working very hard to rebuild everything but I just took the drastic step of basically removing myself from social media and any connections to this group of people. It's not really even their fault - but I cannot walk with my head held high with these people. Also, I had a horrible set of things happen which led me to this but none of that is validated which pisses me off.
So, I realise I can NEVER have frame with these people. I can never take a woman around as the more aggressive men know all my weaknesses....I'm basically a toxic brand of sorts,.
So, although dramatic, I have to make space for something new. I also want to give a big "**** off" to those who took some of the things said when at the depths of depression, drunk, and play that back as some sort of judgement.
Theres a thought nagging to never burn bridges but I haven't told anyone to piss off. I have just decided to go another way.
My fear now is when back dating I will seem a bit odd in having only 2 or so friends left. I also feel very isolated - BUT I figure that being alone is better than being the bottom feeder of a group, or the "weird" one.
It's funny how depression is different for men. If this was a woman after a divorce you can guarantee everyone rallying round but if you are a guy, you will be hurt further. Depressed women are "victims" depressed men are "dark and unpredictable"
So, to rebuild my self respect, I have to turn my back. I can't see another way.
Anyone done this or experienced similar, or views welcome?