Forgetting the very idea of women until you get your sh1t together...please read

[hopeful loner]

I'm 20 years old and I have recently realized that the next five years are very crucial in the development of whatever I plan to do with my life. I'm still taking lot of undergrad classes and I plan to get two majors, both of which are a bit demanding. At any rate, I find that while I am very interested in improving myself with women (I'm a virgin...but currently locked on to a decent girl after implenting some "techniques") I find that at some level it takes SERIOUS effort on the part of the super-frustrated afc to overcome his issues and turn into a don-juan or a PUA. The point is...when you're at a crucial stage in your intellectual or academic development...is it wise to give that effort?

I'm honestly contemplating deliberate celibacy here for the next half decade until I'm established in something. Any thoughts?

 

[Egoist]

you don't need to go celibate, opportunities will present themselves if you keep an open eye.

but otherwise, yes, ABSOLUTELY concentrate on school/career/future first. Don't ever even think of sacrificing it for some chick, or just some sex.

but yeah, first and foremost, concentrate on your ambitions, and if you can get laid in your time off, so be it, otherwise don't stress - plenty of time to get laid for a guy, you can be well into your 40s and banging 20 year old broads.

 

[Badmannaz]

i agree but not for 5 years no-way....whatever you need to change about you shouldn't take more than 6 months...


But i agree on focusing on myself for awhile and stop thinking about women...but it's kinda hard when your university or college has nothing but beautiful women walking around

 

[hopeful loner]

Bad--that is so true! And especially when you consider that these women are probably at the peak of their beauty...then it just saddens you.

 

[Badmannaz]

Originally posted by hopeful loner
Bad--that is so true! And especially when you consider that these women are probably at the peak of their beauty...then it just saddens you.

lolz i don't think women are at there peak till there around 23-26...I'd take a women around that age over a girl my age....i've noticed that....girls my age seem so immature and fake

 

[brucevangeorge]

Theyre right. What do you want to do? Ever heard of work now, play later?

Well, if you work to improve yourself, get your sh1t together, when everything like academics becomes a breeze, you can play all you want. But have a good foundation first. Not only that, you will focus and achieve your goals and you will have the upper hand over some bum who wasted his time partying and drinking through college. You will be successful and can get any broad you want.

However, if the opportunity presents itself in your spare time go for it. But remember, there are bigger things, that is why you study.

 

[Ice Cold]

When you're doing a double major, academic work doesn't become a breeze. It only gets harder and more demanding the further you go.

I'm in the same boat man. A specialist and a major. Everytime I see a hot chick, I think: "I can be studying right now"

But you don't HAVE TO dedicate a lot of time to finding girls. Study and "let it happen".

Socialize for connections with professors and do extra curricular stuff for resume. You'll meet tons of people like this and some will like you.

Or better yet, find a chick who lives on campus and is in the same program you are. So you can study and fvck each other during breaks.

But then davinci or micelangelo was virgins until like 60...

 

[\O/]

It's always smart to focus on your education and improve in other aspects of life. I know that at some point it becomes extremely time-consuming and that you feel like you can't find the time to do anything else. Before you know it, you have no social life and the girls who are in their prime screwes tons of other guys while you have your nose in your books.. Even though you have a great education to show for it, I think at some point you will regret not living life to the fullest at that time-period of your life.

I go to school, getting a decent education, but I've chosen to find a balance. I believe social-skills and making large contact-networks are far more important to be successful than straight A's. If you can do both, then great.

Don't make up exuses for yourself. You can always find time to chat up some chicks, go to some parties and play the game. Even when you are taking a difficult education. People have done it before you.. In 5 years you will regret your choice..I would.

 

[American_Psycho]

Mark my words, if you deliberately go through college ignoring girls, you WILL regret it later in life. I'm not sure if there's anything in life I feel as certain about as this.

(And just for the record, I'm doing a double major and a minor at a top-12 US college)

 

[Shiftkey]

But then davinci or micelangelo was virgins until like 60...

Weren't they gay?

 

[belividere]

I'm overly schooled at this point. I'm about a year out from a PhD in a cutthroat ultra-competitive field. Take my advice and learn to manage time and learn your limits. I double majored in college and got out with a very high gpa, yet I managed to go out almost every weekend and most thursdays. I also had to work 25+ a week and kept involved in sports and working out. I'll be honest I have dropped the last part out of my routine for far to long though.

I cut out anything that was an utter waste of time like TV. I'd rather be out and about on a Friday than catching NBC's primetime lineup three nights a week. I'm definetly with \o/ and american pyscho about not giving up an outside life. That is what keeps you sane. Keep your eye on your goals but be able to enjoy the journey.

 

[silverfox]

Originally posted by American_Psycho
Mark my words, if you deliberately go through college ignoring girls, you WILL regret it later in life. I'm not sure if there's anything in life I feel as certain about as this.

(And just for the record, I'm doing a double major and a minor at a top-12 US college)

^That's the cold hard truth right there.

In college you have a stupid amount of opportunity to meet new people. Once your out of college the opportunities are far fewer.

 

[white cloud 8]

I see the point, get your life together and focus on your education (for those attending college and university). Girls are secondary, they are here to enhance your life, they are *NOT* your life. I like the advice my dad gave me, he said "Just focus on your education right now and better yourself first, don't worry about girls, they will come later on".

 

[Robbie]

ah, nostalgia

You're not kidding. I miss the hell out of college! There was ass all over the place and I could get all of my work done, go to the gym, stay on top of several hobbies, and still give myself Wednesday and Friday nights and all of Saturday off. I really, really miss college. I could almost blow off an entire week if I wanted to and there would be few repercussions.

Things have changed a lot. I'm always busy now; I'm somewhere with a lot of stress and competition and I work almost all of the time. I don't expect things to calm down much until I'm in my mid thirties. I'm kind of on a set track. I was just thinking the other day about how I haven't met a new person in a very long time. I haven't had a date in a while. In college, I could meet a new girl every day. For a while, I got good at just getting the ball rolling and scoring dates. I must have lost my touch or maybe I'm just not out there enough anymore. On the other hand, I'm very happy with the direction of my career. It's tough out here though.

It's smart to not make women the focus of your life while you're young. There are very few quality women out there (at least while they're young and impressionable) and if you're in a relationship with one of them, there's no guarantee that the relationship is going to last. Your career, your job, your degree and your title; however, are going to stick around forever. You'll spend most of your time on this planet working. Better do something you find interesting. Better make the investment now. I know a thirty year old dude who works at a pet store, sweeping animal poop, and he scores all the time with his seduction tricks. Uses the same lines over and over again that he got from a movie. Dude can't keep a woman though, cuz they get tired of paying for his dinner and smelling dog piss, cedar shavings, and wet fur every time they get into his car. What's worse than this is that his life must really suck and will probably continue to suck between the hours of 9 and 5, every single day, from now until the lord returneth.

So, it's smart to think about your future. Definitely make the grades and challenge yourself as an undergraduate. Then again, you're twenty and you're not going to live this part of your life over again. I never had it easy with women. I've had some distinct disadvantages when it's come to dating and I've always felt like I had to work a lot harder than most guys. Almost in spite of my handicaps, college seemed so much easier than the real world when it came to meeting women and hooking up. So, so much easier. Of course, the girls that partied and hooked up with you all of the time in college are probably earning about six bucks an hour at the GAP right now, finishing their third consecutive pint of Ben & Jerry's as we speak, while pawing through the personal ads for a desperate, older man with money. They were sort of a one time thing. You wouldn't want to sacrifice your dream career for an ill-fated relationship with one of these leeches.


But at least make sure to have some fun while you're in school! Keep a balanced life and you'll have happy memories to look back on and a successful future ahead of you!

 

[johnmich]

I am reading through 'the game' and this relates to papa and many others of the community.

This site should not go first. There are many more important things such as work and school. Young people will laugh at school but that should be priority number 1 as its the main thing in your life (if your around 15-16).

Its wierd how some people would rather do nowt than schoolwork when at home. I am the same and sometimes fvck around on my computer til the early hours of the morning.
I wake up knackered and with nothin real to show.

I could go into lenghty detail but i cant b bothered now. Its 2 am i gotta go into college tomoro.

jus thinkabout it anyway.

 

[triple_ultima]

I agree with what has been said so far, and would like to recommend that you check out this post if you haven't already, especially these particularly relevant parts:

(Originally by Pook)
(A real man)
-Focuses on his dreams.

No, this does not include the chick. You must have passion for something in life, something you even want to do for the rest of your life. Your romantic life is an echo of your regular life.

(Originally by Pook)
(A real man)
-Tries to always win in what he does. (After childhood, there are real winners and losers in life.)

Men build towers; women build webs. If you aren't constructing your tower or aren't even planning it, why should she cast her web at you? If you want worthy chicks, you, yourself, must strive to become worthy.

It is very important to concentrate on every other possible area in your life before concentrating on women. In order to get a worthy woman, you have to be intelligent, confident, and have lots of ambition and work ethic. Ironically, this can only happen if you don't spend your time worrying about women. This doesn't mean you should become celibate - on the contrary, get all the girls you can! It should not even be near the top of your priority list, however; once you put everything else at the top of your list, girls will put YOU at the top of THEIR list.

 

[American_Psycho]

I'm not saying girls should be your #1 priority, but for god's sakes, don't ignore them.

YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE

When you're 30 or 40, you're not gonna be able to go out on a Thursday night, get wasted with a group of your best buddies, hook up with some hot 20 year old babe, and wake up hungover the next morning with no repercussions.

Once you're out of college, you are NEVER going to get that opportunity again! But I'm sure you'll be very comforted by the fact that you stayed in studying for 8 hours on a Friday night to get an A- instead of the B+ you would've had otherwise...

 

[##17]

Good thread.

Here is how I look at it. It's not an either/or, one-or-the-other proposition. For example, no matter how hard you are working on your career path, you need to put effort towards your physical fitness. You definitely should not make it an obsession, but you do need to make it a point to work out regularly. A strong and healthy body not only will make the rest of your life more enjoyable, but will also be able to summon the energy you need for your career ambitions.

Just as you need to put effort towards physical fitness, you also need to put effort into learning how to be good with women (or understanding what makes you good already). It's definitely not healthy to make it an obsession, but it is important to get that part of your life taken care of. It will not only make the rest of your life more enjoyable, but it will refresh you for your career ambitions.

My point is that life is a balance, and that you need to take care of all the important parts of your life. That said, that you have a passion in your life already can be very attractive to women.

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

It's not like studying takes 24/7. I am sure you spend some time not doing work for school.

There is always time for SOME sort of social life, even if it isn't much. You don't have to go clubbing every day but even during school or at school you can find some girls to hang out with, date, perhaps even have sex with at some point.

Sounds to me, given by the fact you are a virgin and therefore probably not very successful with women at all, that you are just trying to make excuses for yourself to justify to yourself not trying.

It's just like with people not calling you back. "Oh I was busy". Oh really? Did you go to the bathroom at all? Did you watch a few mins of TV or listen to some radio? You could've easily squeezed in a phone call there to say whats up. Just like with you right now. You cannot with any credibility tell me that you spend ALL your time on school.

Doing a double major isn't that hard either. You are still taking only a certain amount of coursework at any given time, even if its spread over two categories. I know because I was doing my political science minor which I am now done with and my major is management and for at least two semesters I had business and political science classes mixed together. The only difference between a minor and a major is a minor requires 4 senior-level classes and a major requires 8, at least for that program.

I also work full time now and go to school full time, and I still have time to go out on dates every week. I find the time. Tuesday after school I went out for a couple of hours to grab a bite and hang out, and friday I am doing the same with a different girl. I am still getting good grades, and I am still working full time.

If I can do it, anyone can.

You are fooling yourself in several different ways right now.

First you probably think you have to have your degrees set and a good job to be successful with girls. You didn't say this specifically but I got this hunch. In case this is one of your thoughts, this is a fallacy as everyone knows that not so successful guys do great with women all the time.

Next you seem to think that after you hit 25 or whatever you can't learn and can't continue to develop yourself. This is another fallacy. There are many life long learners and many people go back to school in their middle ages and even older. There are some that don't think you learn as quickly when you're older, but that only depends on if you stop. If you are always reading on your own and trying to learn on your own those parts of the brain keep getting that mental exersize and you stay in your learning prime.

If you leave education behind and waste time for a while, your brain will focus on other things and it will be harder to get back into a learning state of mind.

As far as time goes, you can always find the time to be social because girls are literally EVERYWHERE. Unless you are studying to be a priest or something you should have no problems meeting girls.

The fact you used words like super-frustrated AFC, probably in reference to yourself, tells me that you are indeed frustrated and you want something to happen but you are held back by your fears and insecurities. For this reason, you use the freudian defense mechanism of rationalization to justify to yourself why you are just fine not making the effort.

"I am not getting any, but that's okay cause I should be focusing on my studies anyway"

You need to stop that immediatley. There is always room for self improvement at ANY TIME, and I am sure you are not doing work 24/7, and in any case doing self improvement on yourself and expanding psychologically which is what studying social dynamics and people does to you will help you in all areas of your life, including school and work.

Your happyness will also improve if you work on yourself and improve your social life, and that is far more important than anything else in the world. No matter what you are doing, if you're not happy, what's the point? There is none.

 

[Ice Cold]

Joe Dirt speaks the truth.

Value college... because you'll never have so many quality single women again. Once you're out - you're stuck on one job, where you can't really date anymore... relative to college anyways.


Another point:

You have to be proactive in your social life and do some work. It takes planning and organization.

For the first year or so, I sometimes found myself doing nothing on saturdays if I wasn't working. I just didn't think about doing something social, before it was too late to start calling people and try and organize something.

I decided to dedicate one day a week for rest/social and partying. I'd plan something 2 weeks in advance, invite everybody ahead of time and then have fun my way... the way I want it.

It sounds simple... and it is... but I've spent some time figuring it out.