First four day game approaches

[wonderer]

Hi,

Think I saw a similar thread to this but couldn't find it so starting my own. Found it tough but rewarding today, I really need some tips!!

Did my first ever 4 approaches. I aimed for 5 but I was out for quite a long time.

I was using the London day game model.

With all girls I opened with: hey, this is really forward of me, but you look really nice today, cheeky grin, speaking slow, eye contact.

1st girl: said she looked like a ninja for wearing all black, asked her where the sword and blades were, she laughed, but then walked of saying thanks

2nd girl: Said I liked her boots, they looked very equestrian, asked where the horse was, we talked a bit, I said she looked french, she was from Greece, we talked about how it snowed there recently, I asked some questions which I shouldnt have at that stage I guess, she was defensive, wouldnt tell me where she was from or her name, hadnt built enough comfort I guess. She said she had to go.

3rd girl: said she looked Scandinavian, she was actually english, she never fully stopped and was walking, I then said I liked how she was juggling multiple bags, she walked off.

4th girl: again didn't stop, said she looked Spanish, she wasnt, said thank you though and walked on.

Im finding stopping the girls hard, they hesitate to stop, but my stack is sh*t, I just dont really know what to say, in the model it says to point out something you notice, but saying i like your bag is boring?? I really dont know what to say on the spot.

I need to go London or something where I can just approach all day long and learn, only did 4 today which was annoying.

Any tips / hints??

 

[Roober]

I haven't tried it yet, but fully intend to soon.

-Just keep trying! It is not going to come overnight. It will take time, especially if this is something new to you.
-Apply what works and write off what doesn't work, maybe even log this on a spreadsheet
-After only 4, you are probably coming off a bit mechanical... you will get better over time. It will likely take over 20-30 approaches to get your first number. I really am not sure though.
-Like anything else, to get good at something, you have to practice.

Sounds like your stack is okay, but then you have to vibe, making most of the convo... You have to invest first! Don't ask her anything really until she begins to invest.

A couple notes on general conversation...
-If someone talks about the weather, they have nothing else interesting to talk about...
-Looks like you had trouble getting the women to stop, so work on your approach
-Not sure I would recommend the comedy right off the bat. Try to be more subtle with your stack. Let comedy happen, don't force it


congrats by the way. Takes some serious cojones!

 

[fastlife]

@wonderer Props on going out & opening. Four sets is more than most guys'll try their entire life.

All of your openers sounded solid--so why didn't the girls stop? I didn't witness your approach, but I can speak from my experience starting out: stopping girls on the street isn't 'socially normal' behavior. You might have thoughts like, Maybe I look creepy. She probably has more important places to be, etc. that are coming through in your subcommunications. The girl, of course, will default towards choosing society's frame over yours until yours is strong enough that she buys into yours, I.E. This guy seems important, better stop & see if he is.

Tonality is important. Projecting your voice & speaking with breaking rapport tonality (look it up on YouTube) will make a huge difference. For any of these sets, I'd recommend trying to turn around and walk with them (just the same direction, not necessarily even side by side, using your voice to maintain connection) & offer a statement of empathy: "Damn girl, treat me like a dog. It's OK I'm not some creepy dude that'll follow you or ask for money--but [and continue your stack].

Speaking of your stack, remember the 90/10 rule. Expect to do 90% of the talking until she invests--and then you start asking questions & allowing her to carry the interaction. Her brain, especially during day game, needs time to kick it into gear; she needs time to get an idea of who you are & what you're about. It doesn't even have to ge good--you just have to be talking.

So put it all together & it'd be something like this:

"Hey girl, you look like a ninja wearing all black. Where's your sword?"
[She laughs & keeps walking]
[Walking with her]
"Hey, it's OK. I'm not going to follow you like a little dog. Sure you have places to be--probably on your way to a Tinder date. What's your name?"
[Small compliance hoop--she'll probably go for it if she hasn't already engaged (leave spaces between words& sentences for her to invest)]
"Oh, Sarah. I don't have an ex named Sarah--so you'll be unique. Look, you don't have to try so hard."

Just keep talking. Within 30 seconds to a minute, she'll either brush you off (excuse yourself & wish her a nice day) or she'll start investing, "Omg. Who are you?"

 

[Konada]

I'd work on being 100% committed to the stop. Its normal that you feel that 'its not socially normal' to stop girls on the street. In fact, it is not common. It takes a couple of approaches to really remove the hesitation from stopping a girl so don't sweat it.

I find that starting with a powerful 'Excuse me', wait for eye contact and then say 'This is really random, but I saw you from over there, thought you looked really nice. So I had to come to say hello.' (Open)

Saying 'I like your bag' is ok, but you have to stack it and tell her what it reminds you of. 'When I see your bag, I think of xxx'. Basic storytelling. (Stack) You know you have her hooked when she asks you ANY question. (Hook). Now just build rapport and get her investing into the interaction, light flirting is ok but dial back the vibing (Invest)

 

[dustmuffin]

I'm not experienced in day game. All I have to suggest is keep it up. Practice makes perfect. Good on you for giving it a go.

 

[Roober]

What percent of women do you guys think have been approached this way in the States?

 

[fastlife]

What percent of women do you guys think have been approached this way in the States?

Under 5%. In more urban areas, they do get approached--but usually more of a one-off, "Hey mami."

For nightgame, it's more like 75%. But most of the guys are drunk or super indirect--more 'friend to friend.' As far as other guys making legitimate approaches, I've only witnessed a handful or three my whole life.

 

[Roober]

Under 5%. In more urban areas, they do get approached--but usually more of a one-off, "Hey mami."

For nightgame, it's more like 75%. But most of the guys are drunk or super indirect--more 'friend to friend.' As far as other guys making legitimate approaches, I've only witnessed a handful or three my whole life.

I suppose that is where the socially acceptable thing is weird for them? So cold approaching during daygame does certainly set yourself apart. I have asked a couple of the women since I re-entered the market last month, and most have said guys don't really come and ask for their numbers. If they do, it is usually some sleazeball or cat call...

 

[fastlife]

I suppose that is where the socially acceptable thing is weird for them? So cold approaching during daygame does certainly set yourself apart. I have asked a couple of the women since I re-entered the market last month, and most have said guys don't really come and ask for their numbers. If they do, it is usually some sleazeball or cat call...

Yeah, that's why the first 10 minutes of any approach isn't a 'rejection,' unless she flat out tells you to leave--and even then, a lot of girls will sh1ttest you with stuff like that:

I.e. "Sorry we're talking about something really important."
"Oh yeah, planning your next Tinder date. You should wear that shirt." [And the set busts open.]

But if you're just starting out, leave when she tells you lol.

But, especially during the day, she's in her head. She's zoning out; she's worried about how her hair looks. Enter new stimulus. Snap--He's talking to me. So she might default to being rude, she might default to politeness, etc. BUT it will take her several minutes before she is really aware of the interaction & her real personality catches up to her knee jerk reaction. But you have to stay in there long enough--most guys will be like, "Oh sh1t. Bad reaction" & eject. At least give yourself a chance. Put your personality on the line. That means you have to be ready to do most of the talking for as long as it takes--socially savvy girls might be on point off the open; shyer girls might not give you anything at all until she's coming home with you.

 

[wonderer]

Did four more approaches today. Really pleased. This is exciting and im enjoying it.

Girl 1: Said she looked nice, she stopped as I was talking, then walked away, didnt say anything.

Girl 2: Said she looked nice, she said thanks! I said - I couldnt work out where you were from, she went to uni here and was from london, she said she had to go and left

Girl 3: again said she looked nice, said I liked her ripped jeans, I was wearing matching ones and said this, then did a "knee touch" she was loving it, she had a map on her phone of the station, her train was arriving in 10 mins!! I told her to wait, she had an accent, she was from new Zealand, but now she really had to go. Bad timing!! but said it made her day.

Girl 4: best girl of them all, and a real hotty, blond hair, pretty face, was on her phone, I stopped her, said sorry this is really REALLY random but you look incredible!! again she loved it, she wouldn't stop laughing during our interaction, I said I liked how she was multi-tasking on her phone, tinder, whatsapp, she said she didnt use tinder, I then said I liked her glasses, we had matching ones, she said hers were better because they were bigger, we compared, wont go through the whole interaction but it was great, hook came about 5 mins in - what are you doing here she asked me. Anyway, 10 mins in I said I had to go, lets go for a drink sometime. Got the number. She knows hardly anything about me, and I ended the interaction - hope this is a good thing? Will text in a couple of days and ask out, hoping the interaction was good enough to avoid a flake, seemed pretty solid.

Going out agian tomorrow and monday, I have no plates now and really need abundance so I dont focus too much on one girl / care too much.

Takeaways- If a girl says she has to go, she is hesitating, I need to work on getting her to stay - when new Zealand girl 3 said she had to catch her train in 20 minutes I shouldve said, your train comes every 20 minutes, im once in a life time!

switching it up with the open, I like the open I used on girl 4 and will test this out tomorrow.

Thanks for reading, any advice/hints welcomed, gunna report back tomorrow!

 

[Roober]

Great stuff man! Success in only day 2, that's awesome!

 

[Konada]

Great job on the 4th girl. I believe Mark Manson talks about how daygame is sort of breaking social norms so starting with a 'this is really random' shows that you're a socially savvy, confident male.

Don't sweat it at this stage of plowing through resistance. Follow the structure and let the chips fall. Very soon, your ability to express yourself and social acuity to pick up token resistance vs hard resistance make things easier for you. Focus on the structure for now. Keep up the good work!

 

[fastlife]

@wonderer Props man!

In the future, try to text girls so they have your name & get them to agree to a definite date for today/tomorrow while you still have them in person.

You can always flake & reschedule if it doesn't work for you--but it's important to get that agreement.

Girls make decisions based on their emotions--and you'll never have more influence on their emotions than when you have them in person. You're an actual human to them at that point, but give it a day or three and you'll just be something spontaneous that happened to them; they'll have gone on dates, met other guys; their dog might die; they might overthink it and decide it's not a good idea to meet up with a stranger--since she'll begin thinking of you in those terms instead of as @wonderer, the great, charming guy whose number is already saved in her phone.

She might come thru--done girls will--but you'll want to be doing everything you can in the initial interaction to solidify an actual meet up.

 

[wonderer]

@wonderer Props man!

In the future, try to text girls so they have your name & get them to agree to a definite date for today/tomorrow while you still have them in person.

You can always flake & reschedule if it doesn't work for you--but it's important to get that agreement.

Girls make decisions based on their emotions--and you'll never have more influence on their emotions than when you have them in person. You're an actual human to them at that point, but give it a day or three and you'll just be something spontaneous that happened to them; they'll have gone on dates, met other guys; their dog might die; they might overthink it and decide it's not a good idea to meet up with a stranger--since she'll begin thinking of you in those terms instead of as @wonderer, the great, charming guy whose number is already saved in her phone.

She might come thru--done girls will--but you'll want to be doing everything you can in the initial interaction to solidify an actual meet up.

Damn, I wish I knew this!! I texted the girl the next day and she hasnt reponded, didnt even look at the message I sent on whatsapp. I thought the interaction was solid. Ive read now that you should send a text on the same day, I didnt know this, will try and set-up a date when im with them too.

Thanks for advise. Im going out again in about an hour

 

[wonderer]

I did about 10 approaches today, I wont go through them all, some had boyfriends and carried on walking, some stopped and talked then said they had a bf, I was cheeky and said are they permanent ones? Do you want a side piece?

I got two numbers, one had a bf but I said lets all meet up as friends - bad move really but she knows why I approached her.

2nd number - we were talking about star wars and festivals, she hooked me about festivals, I said lets go for a drink some time, she said she doesnt do dates, I said no no not a date a hang out do you do coffee, got the number. I'm feeling a no response already!

I got better at stopping girls from leaving, when they said they had to go, I said one sec! i need to go soon anyway, then carried on the conversation.

There was another girl who was hooking me, we were walking along, but she knew too many people and kept stopping to chat, my mistake is I shouldve stopped too, she was a cute Colombian. You live and learn!

Going to try and learn from my mistake with the last girl and text in a couple of hours.

Any advise / criticism welcome, I haven't gone in dept with the interactions here as I dont want to bore you!

 

[fastlife]

Damn, I wish I knew this!! I texted the girl the next day and she hasnt reponded, didnt even look at the message I sent on whatsapp. I thought the interaction was solid.

Yeah. Your interaction probably was solid, but you can't control what happens after. You'll have girls be all over you who flake out when it's go time & you'll have girls who are super 'meh' about everything & not give you anything to work with, come over to your house on the first pitch. Just have to chalk it up to the game--but your odds are best if you get the number & get her to agree to future plans.

I'd still try texting her again in a couple days, something like: "I text you. You don't text back. This is so 'us.'" If she's a complete rando--no social ties--I'd even keep plowing after that. Usually I'll give a 'no reponse' around 3 tries over the course of a month & then another try a month or 3 later (if I was really into her); it's a low probability play, but it works sometimes & you're not hanging out with her right now anyway so there's really nothing to lose.

I did about 10 approaches today, I wont go through them all, some had boyfriends and carried on walking, some stopped and talked then said they had a bf, I was cheeky and said are they permanent ones? Do you want a side piece?

It is 'cuffing season' so a lot of girls have someone seasonal. Keep practicing thru Feb. 14th & you'll find in March & April that things open up considerably! As you get better, girls will wait longer & longer to tell you if they do have a boyfriend. But I think you're doing well to keep trying.

Another thing I've noticed is that girls with boyfriends are 100% more receptive to being approached--if a girl's super friendly, unusually nice & super compliant, usually it means she has a bf. You're running quick sets--but if you start doing longer ones, you need to be aware of that--some of these girls are open to other 'arrangements' but others just soak up the validation with no intentions of following through.

I got two numbers, one had a bf but I said lets all meet up as friends - bad move really but she knows why I approached her.

Not a bad move. The goal is to get her in person. She's much more likely to meet up if she can tell herself, 'Oh, we're just friends!'--even if you and her both know that's not really the deal.

2nd number - we were talking about star wars and festivals, she hooked me about festivals, I said lets go for a drink some time, she said she doesnt do dates, I said no no not a date a hang out do you do coffee, got the number. I'm feeling a no response already!

Probably right, but text her anyway. You never know! There's a good chance you're subcommunications aren't really congruent yet, which is why she threw up that objection. Work on giving 'commands' & eliminating neediness or uncertainty. But there's also a chance that by plowing through her objections you established the same level of confidence & entitlement that you would have with more solid nonverbals.

There was another girl who was hooking me, we were walking along, but she knew too many people and kept stopping to chat, my mistake is I shouldve stopped too, she was a cute Colombian. You live and learn!

Yup. Stick with her. Pitch your voice where only she can hear it: "Don't be rude. Introduce me to your friends"--but you have to say it like she's being socially uncalibrated and you're 100% used to girls you just met introducing you to her friends. The group might test you like, WTF is this guy, but your frame should be that I belong here; I don't know about you other people but this is my world. So if anyone gets challenging (as opposed to polite introductions--which means you seem like you already belong), you can just say something like, "Oh, you didn't know? I'm her new husband. Do you approve?" But say it as a joke.

If I already have a girl hooked, I'll wander half a block ahead & just post up to smoke a cig so that the pressure's on her to get tf out of set & come find me, but early on you have to stay in set. Remember: act like you belong and chances are no one will even question it, for example:

 

[wonderer]

Yeah. Your interaction probably was solid, but you can't control what happens after. You'll have girls be all over you who flake out when it's go time & you'll have girls who are super 'meh' about everything & not give you anything to work with, come over to your house on the first pitch. Just have to chalk it up to the game--but your odds are best if you get the number & get her to agree to future plans.

I'd still try texting her again in a couple days, something like: "I text you. You don't text back. This is so 'us.'" If she's a complete rando--no social ties--I'd even keep plowing after that. Usually I'll give a 'no reponse' around 3 tries over the course of a month & then another try a month or 3 later (if I was really into her); it's a low probability play, but it works sometimes & you're not hanging out with her right now anyway so there's really nothing to lose.



It is 'cuffing season' so a lot of girls have someone seasonal. Keep practicing thru Feb. 14th & you'll find in March & April that things open up considerably! As you get better, girls will wait longer & longer to tell you if they do have a boyfriend. But I think you're doing well to keep trying.

Another thing I've noticed is that girls with boyfriends are 100% more receptive to being approached--if a girl's super friendly, unusually nice & super compliant, usually it means she has a bf. You're running quick sets--but if you start doing longer ones, you need to be aware of that--some of these girls are open to other 'arrangements' but others just soak up the validation with no intentions of following through.



Not a bad move. The goal is to get her in person. She's much more likely to meet up if she can tell herself, 'Oh, we're just friends!'--even if you and her both know that's not really the deal.

Incredible feedback man!! Thank you, learning a lot. Will keep updating, I'm at work next few days so will be approaching on the weekend. Thanks!


Probably right, but text her anyway. You never know! There's a good chance you're subcommunications aren't really congruent yet, which is why she threw up that objection. Work on giving 'commands' & eliminating neediness or uncertainty. But there's also a chance that by plowing through her objections you established the same level of confidence & entitlement that you would have with more solid nonverbals.



Yup. Stick with her. Pitch your voice where only she can hear it: "Don't be rude. Introduce me to your friends"--but you have to say it like she's being socially uncalibrated and you're 100% used to girls you just met introducing you to her friends. The group might test you like, WTF is this guy, but your frame should be that I belong here; I don't know about you other people but this is my world. So if anyone gets challenging (as opposed to polite introductions--which means you seem like you already belong), you can just say something like, "Oh, you didn't know? I'm her new husband. Do you approve?" But say it as a joke.

If I already have a girl hooked, I'll wander half a block ahead & just post up to smoke a cig so that the pressure's on her to get tf out of set & come find me, but early on you have to stay in set. Remember: act like you belong and chances are no one will even question it, for example:

Incredible feedback! Thank you! Learning so much, will update and whats happening, wont be able to approach now until the weekend due to work. Thanks!

 

[fastlife]

Incredible feedback! Thank you! Learning so much, will update and whats happening, wont be able to approach now until the weekend due to work. Thanks!

Something you can do in the interim that will carry over until you can actually approach:

If you go to the grocery store, a drugstore, the gas station, a restaurant--really anywhere--Pretend that you're the owner. I'm not saying go up to employees and tell them to restock Aisle 8 (though you could lol), but just think to yourself, I'm the owner. How would the owner walk? How would he interact with the people there? How would he talk? This is all mine--isn't it nice? It's kind of like being a kid, playing make believe--but do that and watch how your subcommunications affect the way people interact with you.

It's something that's tough for people to wrap their minds around until they experience that feedback. Or pretend you're a rockstar. You'll notice that people are so wrapped up in scurrying around that they will just fall into your frame. Your brain will rewire itself based on that feedback--and you can take that frame with you next time you're on the streets.

These days, it's not uncommon for people to hand me their business cards on the street (I've even had a couple people in nice cars literally stop and roll down their windows so they could figure out who I was); it's not unusual for the girls I meet in bars to ask me if I'm a promoter; it's not unusual for owners to single me out and invite me to stay for free drinks after closing time. I even had a couple girls who invited me back to their apartments ask me if I was a prince or some type of celebrity lol. A girl that was over a couple weeks ago, who I opened on the streets outside the club, told me, "The night we met, you seemed like someone important--and I'm not just saying that."

It wasn't always like that--I haven't changed my wardrobe drastically in about 3 years; I haven't changed my hairstyle in close to 5; I drive a sh1tty car; my 'day job' (I never talk to people about my other income sources unless they're close friends) is generally pretty low status--the only things that changed were 1.) How I feel about myself and 2.) How those feelings carry over into my body language, my demeanor, my 'presence' if you will. Most of game is just learning to buy totally into your own frame--whatever frame that is--and you really don't need anything logical to back it up (beyond having enough feedback to believe it for yourself), because most people are too hurried, too tired, too insecure, too stuck-in-their own heads to do anything other than make a quick survey of their environment & gravitate towards whoever's frame is strongest.

 

[wonderer]

Litt

Something you can do in the interim that will carry over until you can actually approach:

If you go to the grocery store, a drugstore, the gas station, a restaurant--really anywhere--Pretend that you're the owner. I'm not saying go up to employees and tell them to restock Aisle 8 (though you could lol), but just think to yourself, I'm the owner. How would the owner walk? How would he interact with the people there? How would he talk? This is all mine--isn't it nice? It's kind of like being a kid, playing make believe--but do that and watch how your subcommunications affect the way people interact with you.

It's something that's tough for people to wrap their minds around until they experience that feedback. Or pretend you're a rockstar. You'll notice that people are so wrapped up in scurrying around that they will just fall into your frame. Your brain will rewire itself based on that feedback--and you can take that frame with you next time you're on the streets.

These days, it's not uncommon for people to hand me their business cards on the street (I've even had a couple people in nice cars literally stop and roll down their windows so they could figure out who I was); it's not unusual for the girls I meet in bars to ask me if I'm a promoter; it's not unusual for owners to single me out and invite me to stay for free drinks after closing time. I even had a couple girls who invited me back to their apartments ask me if I was a prince or some type of celebrity lol. A girl that was over a couple weeks ago, who I opened on the streets outside the club, told me, "The night we met, you seemed like someone important--and I'm not just saying that."

It wasn't always like that--I haven't changed my wardrobe drastically in about 3 years; I haven't changed my hairstyle in close to 5; I drive a sh1tty car; my 'day job' (I never talk to people about my other income sources unless they're close friends) is generally pretty low status--the only things that changed were 1.) How I feel about myself and 2.) How those feelings carry over into my body language, my demeanor, my 'presence' if you will. Most of game is just learning to buy totally into your own frame--whatever frame that is--and you really don't need anything logical to back it up (beyond having enough feedback to believe it for yourself), because most people are too hurried, too tired, too insecure, too stuck-in-their own heads to do anything other than make a quick survey of their environment & gravitate towards whoever's frame is strongest.

Little update for you, both girls texted back, taking the one with a bf for coffee for wednesday, she said as mates, not really sure what this means, hoping shes thinking of monkey branching soon. Other text back, I sent one back, she hasnt replied yet, will try to get her out too.

 

[Roober]

Litt


Little update for you, both girls texted back, taking the one with a bf for coffee for wednesday, she said as mates, not really sure what this means, hoping shes thinking of monkey branching soon. Other text back, I sent one back, she hasnt replied yet, will try to get her out too.

haha... hypergamy at work! you better woo the crap out of that branch-swinging monkey!