Female friend troubles! Help required...

[SweetTooth]

Basically me and her have been friends for a few years. We aren't that close but we have the same friends and have hung out together etc. I started liking her recently but she has a boyfriend. She never mentioned him to me... So I asked her out. She turned me down, saying something like "it could've been different if I wasn't in a relationship, but then again me and my bf argue a lot and you make me feel better" and "I'm confused because I have problems with him but I don't know what to say because I don't want to lead you on..."

So anyway her best friend spoke to her and tells me that the girl would never go out with me even if she didn't have a boyfriend.

So I speak to her again saying that I heard how she feels about me, that it's all fine etc. but she goes to me "I told you the truth it really could be different, it's hard to tell when I'm with someone". A few weeks later she went from telling me that she couldn't tell, to saying she finds me attractive, she said "I feel as though I shouldn't be telling you as it won't help you get over things" then started saying she would go out with me if she was single. She said "I don't know if me and my bf are gonna last much longer tbh I feel as though you like me more than he does for one".

I told her best friend again. The girl says to her best friend that she makes **** up to me because it's too awkward to reject me (wtf?) so I go speak to her again and say again that I know what she told her best friend, that she shouldn't have led me on. She tells me that she has to lie to her best friend about things so it doesn't get back to her boyfriend.

We've argued a lot since then and she refuses to admit things and apologize (though she says now that she'd never go out with me because we argue too much and I hate her all the time) she continuously says she told the truth.

Another guy (and even the girl's best friend) told me she's a user and leads people on who give her attention. I texted her words to that effect and got a "**** you." back and she wrote on her FB "love how people know more about me than I do "

What should I do about her? What should I say to her? I'm speaking to other girls now but I'm ****ing angry at her seeing as she was meant to be a "friend". She was a good friend to me before this happened.

 

[Strelok]

The biggest mistake you did was feed her with your attention,seriously why dont you read this site and understand how certain girls work.
They need huge amounts of attention and no matter if they have a bf or not they're gonna need more and more..you can guess why facebook is a second home to many girls.

The second mistake you did was playing her drama game ,her friend and the secret talking between the two of you etc.
Do you really think that she's gonna leave her bf for you? if she had any intention to do so she would have give you something maybe a kiss maybe something more.

And about your friendship,there's no friendship at all you just want her as more than a friend while she's fine with getting attention and ego boost from you giving the less possible back in return.
Look at that facebook line,drama machine in progress when she's gonna talk with her friends about the meaning of that line on her board,bragging about the attention she receive even if she play the good girl that try to never hurt anybody.

You don't love her,you want to get her to "have justice" after what happened.

Let it go and realise that it's not a good idea to keep doing what you're doing.

 

[SweetTooth]

Thanks, it just kind of upsets me to be honest, because she has been my friend for a long time, I really trusted her and would never have thought she would want to hurt me, but that's what has happened.

 

[Strelok]

Better being screwed at 20 in your social circle than being screwed at 50 in your home,it's not big deal and you will laught at it in few months.

 

[iliketennis]

no reason to ever be angry at a girl for rejection or playing games. it's their nature.

 

[SweetTooth]

no reason to ever be angry at a girl for rejection or playing games. it's their nature.

I am extremely angry with her. I wouldn't be if she was just some girl, but being as she's a so called "friend"... I have a girl friend who tells guys the truth, they say to her "will you go out with me" she goes "no you're just a friend sorry", they go "what about the future! waaaah waaah wahhh" she goes "nah, sorry". Granted she actually likes me but I REALLY don't see her in that way.

Why can't all girls be like that with rejection though? I mean really what sort of ***** plays mind games on her friends knowing what she's doing to them? :nono: I feel like I should say something to her. If I lose her as a friend oh well... What would you guys do?

 

[betheman]

grow up, she is being a **** and doesnt deserve another ounce of your time or energy

 

[SweetTooth]

grow up, she is being a **** and doesnt deserve another ounce of your time or energy

Again thanks haha you're right.

 

[Igetit!]

Dude....seriously....you need to wake up.

She's playin' you dude,she's using you for a sucker. Can't believe you've been here for 4 years and can't see what's going on.

Basically me and her have been friends for a few years. We aren't that close but we have the same friends and have hung out together etc. I started liking her recently

Look at this..... you said that you and her have been friends for a few YEARS,but that you just recently started liking her.


So FOR YEARS things were cool and fine between you two. You just recently started showing interest in her,and that's when all "heck" broke loose between you guys.



It's because you're trying to get her to have sexual feelings for her "friend". You're trying to force something that isn't there. And this girl has all sort of different emotions going on in her.



She's arguing and fighting with her boyfriend which causes emotional waves in her,and she's got YOU arguing,fighting with,and calling her names....and you two aren't even dating.


Although I don't think she likes you,she DOES LIKE the fact that you give her attention.



Do you really think a decent relationship can come out of all this tension and anguish?

So I asked her out. She turned me down, saying something like "it could've been different if I wasn't in a relationship, but then again me and my bf argue a lot and you make me feel better"

Ok,look at this......

She turned you down when you asked her out. Then she told you that her and her boyfriend argue a lot,but that YOU "make her feel better".



Uhh....hello? Dude,she's using you to "make her feel better" whenever things get too much with her BF. Then once you've calmed things down,guess what?

She goes right back to her boyfriend.


She's actually UNKNOWLINGLY doing the "push/pull" thing between two guys,her boyfriend and you.


Don't blame her for using you. She wouldn't be able to if you weren't hanging around her in the first place.

So I speak to her again saying that I heard how she feels about me, that it's all fine etc. but she goes to me "I told you the truth it really could be different, it's hard to tell when I'm with someone".

She may have been telling you the truth here,but I guarantee you,it's not true now. She probably would have gotten with you in the past,but look at how you're behaving towards her now.


You're calling the girl names,arguing and fighting with her. That sounds like that relationship she's currently in right now with her boyfriend. You think she wants to leave arguing and fighting just to go to arguing and fighting?

A few weeks later she went from telling me that she couldn't tell, to saying she finds me attractive, she said "I feel as though I shouldn't be telling you as it won't help you get over things"

Ohhh,she's goood. She's reeeeal good.


You see what she did here,don't you? She told you that she finds you attractive,then said that she probably shouldn't have said that to you because it might make it harder for you to get over things.


It's because she DOESN'T WANT you to "get over things". She senses your frustration and doesn't want you to leave. So she said that to give you a little hope that things might happen between you and her.



That way you'll continue BEING A SUCKA and hanging around,giving her attention and making her "feel better" when things get rough with the boyfriend.


That's just how girls are,so I can't blame her,but you,you're a Sosuave member. You disgrace the forum being used like that. It'd be one thing if you didn't know what was going on,but if you know,or have been made aware of it and continue in this nonsense,that's just STUPID.

She said "I don't know if me and my bf are gonna last much longer tbh I feel as though you like me more than he does for one".

Now this is just EGO.


She said that she feels like you like her more than her boyfriend does.

So she's talking about your feeling for her,and her boyfriend's feeling for her.

That means there's no challenge. She thinks your feelings for her are greater than her own boyfriend's. You're like an emotional ATM. She just comes up to you,you make her feel good,then she's off until she needs another "hit" again.

She was a good friend to me before this happened.

That's because you're trying to FORCE HER to feel something she doesn't feel.


If you'd just BACK OFF,stop trying to pursue her,and go date someone else,all this UNNESSARY strife and tension would go away.

 

[Jack-Torrance]

Look at this..... you said that you and her have been friends for a few YEARS,but that you just recently started liking her.


So FOR YEARS things were cool and fine between you two. You just recently started showing interest in her,and that's when all "heck" broke loose between you guys.



It's because you're trying to get her to have sexual feelings for her "friend". You're trying to force something that isn't there. And this girl has all sort of different emotions going on in her.

10 post limit goddamn :l but okay I'll reply from here... Yeah you're right, well actually the problems didn't begin until I started accusing her of giving me false hope and leading me on. Hell broke loose when her friend got involved.

Although I don't think she likes you,she DOES LIKE the fact that you give her attention.

I agree

She turned you down when you asked her out. Then she told you that her and her boyfriend argue a lot,but that YOU "make her feel better".



Uhh....hello? Dude,she's using you to "make her feel better" whenever things get too much with her BF. Then once you've calmed things down,guess what?

She goes right back to her boyfriend.

Yep that's damn right hahaha

She may have been telling you the truth here,but I guarantee you,it's not true now. She probably would have gotten with you in the past,but look at how you're behaving towards her now.


You're calling the girl names,arguing and fighting with her. That sounds like that relationship she's currently in right now with her boyfriend. You think she wants to leave arguing and fighting just to go to arguing and fighting?

That's actually exactly what she said to me. Since we started arguing she says now that she'd never go out with me because we argue too much, and I just "hate her all the time". She said after the first few arguments to stop, she said that she "told me the truth" and I should "stop going on at her because it's really off-putting". But I was convinced by her friend she was lying and was mad as hell so I took digs at her since.

Ohhh,she's goood. She's reeeeal good.


You see what she did here,don't you? She told you that she finds you attractive,then said that she probably shouldn't have said that to you because it might make it harder for you to get over things.


It's because she DOESN'T WANT you to "get over things". She senses your frustration and doesn't want you to leave. So she said that to give you a little hope that things might happen between you and her.

Well I was trying to find out her feelings for me because she kept saying she couldn't tell when she's in a relationship (I thought bs), I told her "I know you do know you're just not telling me" that's when she was like "it's because if I told you it wouldn't help, I've been in this situation before and it didn't help, I don't want to do the same thing to you..." then another time she did come out and tell me. She was like "yes I am attracted to you, I don't feel I should be telling you so I'm being blunt".

That's because you're trying to FORCE HER to feel something she doesn't feel.


If you'd just BACK OFF,stop trying to pursue her,and go date someone else,all this UNNESSARY strife and tension would go away.

You're right. Still pissed at her for using me to be honest... I think she was lying to me about her feelings for me and it just makes me angry, when she knew exactly what she was doing. If she was a random girl I wouldn't mind but for someone I've trusted etc for so long, that's ****ing appalling.

 

[Chickfight]

Bro, you need to get a clue.

You know why people here say judge by her actions not her words? This is why. Her action was to reject someone she's been friends with for years. You should have understood here and forgot about it. Instead you listen to her words (which were obviously attention seeking and drama creating) and let them fester in your mind, becoming emotional and pointlessly overanalyzing.

You created and are maintaining a relationship with this girl where the power structure 1-99 in her favor. She's getting attention and drama surrounding her, boosting her ego, and what are you getting? Nothing but sh!tty emotions. In fact the only reason you have 1% power in the relationship is because she might miss the attention if you leave.

The only way she would gotten with you is if she were more interested in you than her boyfriend and if that were the case, YOU WOULD KNOW. She would have been the one making her interest known or asking you out.

I'm not sure you realize that asking her out meant the end of your friendship. Either she accepted (highly unlikely) or you just handed her so much power over you that the normal 50-50 friendship dynamic was gone. Now the only way you can be friends with her will make you feel like sh!t.

My advice? Stop handing away your power! Stop letting yourself be pulled into bullsh!t and girl drama where the only person losing is you.


Note: And why would you trust her? What has she ever done to show you you can trust her? You can like a girl and even be friends, but you're a fool to trust her unless she has proven herself trustworthy beyond a doubt. The only thing you can do until then is not take her words seriously and be indifferent to her actions.

 

[Jack-Torrance]

^ that's good advice, I think I'm just going to end it with her.

I was talking to her, she said that I "know she's not interested right now otherwise she would be with me and not her boyfriend", and about me she was like "I've never fancied you (maybe a bit in the past) but kinda liked you in a way, basically you're not a guy I would just say no to if that makes sense?". I told her that she misled me saying she has problems with her boyfriend and she just said she was sorry... She reckons she "has a boyfriend so has NO interest in other guys right now but things might've been different if she was single".

Should I just stop speaking to her? I already have friends so... and friends that don't have a load of power over me and actually have respect for me...