F*cked over by a "friend"?

[Skweints]

Well, I do have to say, I'm pretty good at giving advice to people here on this board. But I do have to say, sometimes it's VERY hard to take your own advice. I think it has to due with the fact that no emotion is involved when you're helping someone out...

Anyways, after tonight, I realized quite a few things that most of us fall prey to. Me, I understand one-itis... and I try everything in my power to stay away from it. Being out here in Japan, it's kinda hard... but I'm gettin better, meeting more women, having a couple "backup" plans, etc.

But tonight, I got killed. I got jealous over a girl I had only spent one night with. And we danced the entire time. No rapport whatsoever, besides kino rapport... (getting her to feel safe being around me, basically.) Yes, granted, she was pretty good looking, and seemed like she would be worth getting to know due to her shyness (I don't know why I'm attracted to this...)

This goes a bit deeper than most one-itis situations, though. I've had a friend, who I stopped talking to for quite some time, who decided to tell me that he was going to meet this chick that my other friend introduced me to. The reason I stopped talking to him is because there have been about 3 or 4 possible relationships that had gotten messed up because of his intervention. He's not a teamplayer... if he is jealous, I cannot understand why, but for some reason, he feels as though he has to f*ck up as many possible relationships I can have with women. Maybe it's because he thinks I f'ed up most of his... even though it was mostly him getting caught in his own lies that screwed things up, and he's simply trying to get me back. Whatever...

The moral of the story is, don't over-react over stupid ****, especially when it involves a "so-called" friend. What I should have done in my situation was told him the back the f*ck off, and find his own females to get involved with, instead of constantly trying to get involved in mine. Did I? No... the emotion got in the way, and I tried to play it off like I didn't know and didn't really care. Knowing this guy, I all but firmly believe that I would be the better choice.

Any of you been in similar situations? How have you handled it? I know it's one thing dealing with guys you don't know... that **** is easy. But a close personal friend who tried to screw you over, I think is a bit more difficult to handle.

 

[dearsappho]

This happened to me in January. Exactly the same (but I was seeing the girl for a while). Only I took the liberty of telling my 'friend' exactly what I thought of him.

The girl in question was watching my display, she called me pathetic (granted) and walked out of the club.
I havent seen her since (although she txts infrequently).

There are no rules for these situations. You cant predict the results of any given situation on the night.

At the end of the day youre damned if you do and damned if you dont it seems.

 

[Skweints]

Heh, seems to be the way of the world. I'll be content knowing I won... whether or not that happens, it's still unclear. At least I'm in a position to know who my real friends are and who aren't...

 

[Bonhomme]

Situational

It's situational. If you're with the gal and he blatantly interrupts, that's just plain rude, and the best thing to do is give him a disapproving look (like you would any pest) and say "excuusse mee," and gently pull the gal aside. Anyone with the slightest bit of sense will back off at that point. If they don't, you may have to have a few words about proper manners.

On the other hand, if the guy's carrying on with a gal you like when you weren't around, you would be the rude and lame one to interefere.

A gal will always choose who she wants to be with. If she pretends to be interested in another guy to see if you're jealous, then she's bad news, and you should stay away from her -- far away -- and deal with other women.

Jealousy = insecurity. The less you pay any mind to someone else's interest in a gal you're interested in, the better off you are. May the best man win.

 

[Skweints]

That is absolutely true... and the whole reason for my post. I got too involved with something I shouldn't have worried about in the first place.

I'm not asking anybody to pity me, I'm simply trying to show that -EVERYBODY- will get hurt at one point or another. It's the human in us that makes this happen. Some of us are better at handling it than others...

But to those who aren't, maybe it'll inspire them just enough to realize, hey, I ain't alone, I do this **** too... but I realize what my problem is, and I'm gonna freakin FIX IT!

I know it's situational, but this one wasn't like your first description, nor like your second... This was a direct intervention after he had found out I hooked up with a girl. It's blatantly obvious. Had I known more details before this had happened, I would've responded a lot differently... but since I didn't, it hit me harder than it should.

I disagree with the whole "A gal will always choose who she wants to be with. If she pretends to be interested in another guy to see if you're jealous, then she's bad news, and you should stay away from her -- far away -- and deal with other women." though... this is a constant test from women. Maybe I've just dealt with a dishload of these type of women, but it seems most women WILL do this... but in the end, if you DO distance yourself, they will end up chasing you all over again, so it kinda works out anyways. However, you are right... a girl WILL chose who she wants to be with, it's just our job to make them realize who the better person is... and the best way to do that is to let them know you're not gonna be around forever... you don't know what you've got till it's gone...