****ed Up with a kiss big time HELP

[DragonBlood]

On and off flirting with one of the girls from work. Recently she kept bringing up how single and depressed she was so I decided to make a move. I ****ed it up though and could use some damage control advice.

DB: Hey becky its the long weekend I was wonder if you wanted to go out?
Becky: *Big smile* I cant Im travelling today for a presentation abroad (truth, not unusual in her line of work)
DB: No! Why are you always such a pain?
Becky: I will be back on Sunday we can go out then and we can go to lunch today anyway

I ask her to show me the presentation shes working and just more about the trip. Some idle chatter later we both seem relaxed so I decide to give her a kiss before I go back to work... but.. she freaks and pushed me away

Becky: What are you doing?
DB: I was going to give you a kiss?
Becky: Im working right now do you not think its appropriate?
DB: I dont worry about these things... *I notice the shocked expression on her face*... but you do..
DB: Becky I didnt mean to upset you
Becky: *ignores and focus on work*

I gather my things and ask her hesitantly if she still wants to hang out when she is back (weak on my part but I could see the mood had changed)
Becky: *with shocked expression* I need to think about it
DB: great... *I leave*


I decide not to go to lunch because it would be too awkward and just look desperate. I have not heard from her by text. Naturally I assume the date is off so that is not my goal here. She is abroad at the moment but Im concerned how this could play out being one of the girls at the office I see often. Pretending nothing happened seems risky.

This happened yesterday and I havent sent her any messages either, but I feel that I have too. This is what I have so far but I could really use some advice on how to diffuse this.

Couldnt face into my meals at all feel like a total ass. Im sorry to ruin your trip.

Should I send? What should I do in this situation?

 

[Tictac]

All this over a blown kiss?

Do not pass 'go'. Do not collect $200.

And do not send that lame text.

 

[Tictac]

All this over a blown kiss?

Do not pass 'go'. Do not collect $200.

And do not send that lame text.

 

[Tictac]

All this over a blown kiss?

Do not pass 'go'. Do not collect $200.

And do not send that lame text.

 

[DragonBlood]

All this over a blown kiss?

Do not pass 'go'. Do not collect $200.

And do not send that lame text.

I understand that, and if it was a normal girl I wouldnt. BUT because its a girl from WORK Im concerned she might pull out harassment on my ass if I act aloof.

It would be ideal to wait until Tuesday just act casual and diffuse by not even mentioning it just ask about the trip etc

but if shes not in on Tuesday, hasnt sent a text or anything its probably too late to act then and Im sure I can expect a call to the bosses office.

Ive dont nothing to assure her that something like that wont happen at the office again so it would be easier for her to take this route to just avoid the situation and uncertainty.

 

[VladPatton]

Why in Sir Satan's Green Holy Hell would you do that at work??? You weren't in a romantic setting, you didn't get her all hot, she wasn't focused on kissing, you just...went for...it cold-cὀcked...at work, nonetheless. Wrong time, wrong setting. You should of stopped immediately after this statement:

I cant Im travelling today for a presentation abroad

and said: "ok, we'll do it when you get back". This would of planted a seed in her mind and she would of thought about it while away on her trip (hopefully). Then you just try again when she's available.

This is a casualty of SoSuave. You thought you were gonna alpha the sheyat out of her and that she'll melt over it. Dudes need to set up their plays with some patience. Now you gotta worry about a harassment claim. Jeezus Lou-eezus, man!

Firstly, make like none of that shıt even happened. Second, forget about trying anything else with this chick. Third, pray to whatever diety you see fit that she doesn't get your ass fired.

This is why you don't mess with work girls.

 

[DragonBlood]

I know Vlad this is why I am asking for help. Should I at least not tell her that I feel like a dumbass and that we should cancel? Something like that at all?

I dont like the idea of bringing it up but it seems just as foolish to do nothing.

 

[DragonBlood]

How about this? Its true but not a story I like to talk about.

Becky Im still feeling the pressure from my last relationship and ended up embarrassing myself. She and her friends turned out to be bullies, I took a leave of absence already but I need some time alone. I think we should cancel.

 

[Skyline]

I know Vlad this is why I am asking for help. Should I at least not tell her that I feel like a dumbass and that we should cancel? Something like that at all?

I dont like the idea of bringing it up but it seems just as foolish to do nothing.

Asking her out was fine, the following events is what made her feel comfortable? Why? Because you tried forcing yourself on her without letting HER gather the comfort to ALLOW you do so. That's pretty ballsy what you did at work, because sexual harassment and all that, but unless she's giving you signals it's pretty much a no go in any situation. And if she is, ask her out to a romantic setting. If you apologize and act all needy and desperate now, she'll just know that you're a weak, needy, and indecisive man. You're best bet is to go Ghost on her(contact her when she contacts you). This will allow her to pursue you at her own comfortable pace, if she's still interested at all that is. If she does, ask her when she's free to get together.

Doing nothing isn't foolish. Doing "nothing" is translated into patience and waiting things to come to you. Women are more attracted to a mystery rather than a 100% guarantee. I think this girl is done with but anything can happen.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I know Vlad this is why I am asking for help. Should I at least not tell her that I feel like a dumbass and that we should cancel? Something like that at all?

I dont like the idea of bringing it up but it seems just as foolish to do nothing.

No matter what you, it's only going to make things worse. The best thing you can do now is act like it never happened.

 

[Willard]

I agree with VladPatton and Frayzer, I would act like it never happened, I would stop pursuing her and let her pursue you if she is still interested.

 

[DragonBlood]

If you apologize and act all needy and desperate now, she'll just know that you're a weak, needy, and indecisive man. You're best bet is to go Ghost on her(contact her when she contacts you).

[...]

Doing nothing isn't foolish. Doing "nothing" is translated into patience and waiting things to come to you. Women are more attracted to a mystery rather than a 100% guarantee. I think this girl is done with but anything can happen.

Thanks for the more positive note Guys I have been a bag of nerves and depressed all day. I am not thinking of pursing this women.

Do you think I should try to push the bullying incident to protect myself if things go wrong? I do feel this has impacted on my decisions as I havent been myself the past couple of weeks. Especially with the councilor I was seeing on holiday at the moment. I need to be more prepared for what might come.

 

[Willard]

Just forget about the whole thing, regret and worry are useless emotions. Most likely she is going to forget abou it as well. She obviously liked you at first, you just made a bad decision, I doubt she's going to report you to human recources. That would call attention to her as well as you. You have to get your head together and learn from what happened and move on.

Instead of a councilor, learn to help yourself with some reading some success books from authors like Brian Tracy, Dale Carnegie, Robert Greene, Eckard Tolle. Once you develop a winning mindset you won't let silly things like this bother you anymore. Good luck

 

[Thorninmyside]

Your dying to "fix" this. Ignore, no, fight your ass off against that impulse. You'll screw things up beyond ways you can even imagine right now. Leaving it alone takes guts. Caving to that instinct to make it right will do the opposite.

Let her do the pushing (she won't) from now on. Concentrate on being awesome at life.

 

[Skyline]

Thanks for the more positive note Guys I have been a bag of nerves and depressed all day. I am not thinking of pursing this women.

Do you think I should try to push the bullying incident to protect myself if things go wrong? I do feel this has impacted on my decisions as I havent been myself the past couple of weeks. Especially with the councilor I was seeing on holiday at the moment. I need to be more prepared for what might come.

Oh stop it. Do you think you would be feeling or acting this way if she had accepted that kiss? No you would be dancing around in joy! You're only feeling guilty and depressed because she rejected your advances and now you think you were wrong in doing so so now you feel guilty and want to apologize or explain. You don't owe her anything dude. You're not accepting responsibility for your actions, if you were you wouldn't be guilty about this. Accept the fact that you tried advancing and got rejected. Then move on, life isn't about getting hung up on negative experiences.

 

[Trump]

This happened yesterday and I havent sent her any messages either, but I feel that I have too. This is what I have so far but I could really use some advice on how to diffuse this.

Should I send? What should I do in this situation?

I don't get it when guys try this, you can't go 0 to 60 with girls like you are in a Porsche. You have to warm them up first: romantic music, lights, candles, dinner, fireplace, etc, etc.

When she was talking about her presentation and trip, you should have kept asking questions, baiting her, make her feel good about her presentation and herself. Just because you wanted it doesn't mean she did, or even cared.

Don't say anything about it or put anything in writing, she can use it against you. Just keep going about your daily work and act as if nothing has happened until she cools down.

 

[devilkingx2]

so much is wrong here, let me try to clear this up

the closest you came to doing anything at all wrong is trying for a kiss at the wrong time, that's pretty minor and has to happen to everyone at least once, it was no big deal.

she however, completely overreacted for no particular reason at all, from the sounds of it you won't be getting this girl, from the sounds of it you don't exactly want her either.

I don't see what your obsession with apologizing or trying to make right is though, it's done, it's over, she's a b**** and you've completely lost her

apologizing will do nothing but admit you're wrong when you've done nothing wrong.

EDIT: in retrospect, it seems you did a little more wrong than I thought,

your judgement on trying to kiss her was absolutely trash, I have no idea why you'd try and kiss her at work before you've even started dating and are just flirting.

in the future, not in such a public place, not with such an unromantic mood, not with a girl you've had no build up with unless she's giving huge signals and has a really high IL

I guess I can sort of understand her reaction now, but you've totally still lost her.

 

[DragonBlood]

Well its difficult to do nothing, but the less I think about it and forget about work in general the easier Im finding it to keep my cool. She said she would let me know whens shes back but I havent heard anything yet and its late in the day. This doesnt surprise me at all but not sure if its a good thing or a bad thing.

So peoples general advice is not to accept blame but to call it out as a minor offence if I have too? I mean, I can talk about how she forced me to give her a kiss goodbye at her birthday a year ago before I left, and since I kissed her on the cheek how visibly disappointed she was.

Or perhaps the time she came to my office 'to borrow a stapler', she was visibly nervous and had trouble asking the question and when I told her I didnt have one (with a smile of course) and trying not to laugh she left in a huff and in a frustrated voice said 'I dont even know why you bother coming in'.


Also, something I am uncertain about, should I do everything I can to avoid this person at work this week e.g. not going to lunch with the rest of the group or should I just be my usual self.

To be honest I do feel too embarrassed/reluctant to face this person right now but at the same time will that highlight some kind of guilt if Im acting different?

 

[Thorninmyside]

I can talk about how she forced me to give her a kiss goodbye at her birthday a year ago before I left, and since I kissed her on the cheek how visibly disappointed she was.

No. Just no.

A girl is entitled to change her mind. The other situation is old news and has no bearing. You picked a terrible moment to lunge. You probably thought it was going to be easy. She did get real jumpy real fast and I'm sure that was a shock to you, but ANYTHING you do or say to rectify or bring reference to this tactical ballsup validates her reaction in her mind.

 

[DragonBlood]

Sorry TIMS. To clarify I meant if I was talking to HR defending my actions in that this was not as one sided as it seems in the first place. Part of the reason I asked this women out was to remove the tension that was there while I worked. I dont think anyone would believe my actions just came out of the blue.

Of course a girl is entitled to change her mind as much as I am. God Im not even going to bring this up with the girl. The ball is in her court in that regard.

Instead of worrying and being depressed etc Im trying to come to terms with my actions and what is the best stance to take in front of other people? I feel like I should have a more relaxed/confident stance and try to call attention to her actions as well if things were to escalate in the coming weeks. Im honestly not sure though.