My wife and I have been married for one year and engaged for about 2 yrs before our marriage. We have known each other for 6 years. I love her a lot and care for her deeply. I know she cares for me but I dont think she has ever been in love with me truly.
Anyways, I was away for my work after our engagement and during that time my wife met another guy and had an affair with him. They had a physical relationship for about nine months before our wedding. I was not aware of this but she used to tell me several times that she was not interested in the marriage anymore and tried to break it off a couple of times, but I begged her to continue telling her that everything will be ok. I was not aware of the real reason. A few weeks before our wedding I got to know about this affair (although not all the details) and I was shocked. Although I felt like I should walk away from the wedding I went ahead with it because I didnt want to break off in the last minute and hurt many people. She too apologized and promised to be true to me before our wedding. Although she was with me and getting married to me, her heart was elsewhere. She too got into the marriage because she did not want to hurt her family, my family and myself. We went on a honeymoon vacation where we slept like two strangers each night.
Immediately after the vacation, I had to go back to my work location abroad for about 6 months and in this time my wife's boyfriend moved to where she lived and they had a serious physical affair. One day I found out by reading some chats that she was still sleeping with him. She broke down one day and told me that she loved him and not me and wanted to be with him. I didnt know what to do again. I could have asked for a divorce but I still thought I should give it another chance. She promised again that she wont do it anymore. I was going to come back in about 3 months.
Fast forward three months - she moved to where I am living now just to come and tell me that she is pregnant. She told me she loved her boyfriend and she has no feelings for me. She told me she slept with him almost every night for the past 6 months. I am at my wits end. Should I ask her to stay and believe that she will not do it again or just leave? I love her so I want to forgive her again and take her back. I was even ready to raise the child and told her so. Unfortunately she suffered a early miscarriage so the baby is not in the picture anymore. But all these events have left me dead inside. Her parents got to know about this and they are depressed. I told her parents I will stay by her side and be ok with whatever she wants. She on the other hand has told her family that she loves her boyfriend but she is ok staying with me because it will make many people happy. I know she doesn't love me and she is ready to stay with me for the sake of her family, the same reasons as before. I know she cares for me but thats about it. She loves someone else. I think she still meets him when I am not around and most of the time I have to keep a watch. She looks for small excuses to make calls to him and message him. I know all this and still put up with it hoping that she will ask him to get out of our lives. Its so draining I cannot explain it.
What should I be doing?
Should I confront the guy and ask him to walk out of our lives and hope that my wife will change in time? Before she met this guy she never had any other affair or even a boyfriend for that matter. But she says she has this emotional connection and intimacy with him that she just cant seem to get with me. She doesnt even let me hold her hand. Do you think she will change if he goes out of her life? Can I make her fall in love with me? We have not been physically close even once after our marriage. Even at times I have tried, she snubs me and gets away from it. She has not once posted our picture together on facebook or even changed her status to married. I know all the things and how they are, but the big Q is - will things change? Can I make her love me like she loves him? How will i know that she wont get into a relationship again if he contacts her in the future? All this is driving me crazy. Pls help!
Anyways, I was away for my work after our engagement and during that time my wife met another guy and had an affair with him. They had a physical relationship for about nine months before our wedding. I was not aware of this but she used to tell me several times that she was not interested in the marriage anymore and tried to break it off a couple of times, but I begged her to continue telling her that everything will be ok. I was not aware of the real reason. A few weeks before our wedding I got to know about this affair (although not all the details) and I was shocked. Although I felt like I should walk away from the wedding I went ahead with it because I didnt want to break off in the last minute and hurt many people. She too apologized and promised to be true to me before our wedding. Although she was with me and getting married to me, her heart was elsewhere. She too got into the marriage because she did not want to hurt her family, my family and myself. We went on a honeymoon vacation where we slept like two strangers each night.
Immediately after the vacation, I had to go back to my work location abroad for about 6 months and in this time my wife's boyfriend moved to where she lived and they had a serious physical affair. One day I found out by reading some chats that she was still sleeping with him. She broke down one day and told me that she loved him and not me and wanted to be with him. I didnt know what to do again. I could have asked for a divorce but I still thought I should give it another chance. She promised again that she wont do it anymore. I was going to come back in about 3 months.
Fast forward three months - she moved to where I am living now just to come and tell me that she is pregnant. She told me she loved her boyfriend and she has no feelings for me. She told me she slept with him almost every night for the past 6 months. I am at my wits end. Should I ask her to stay and believe that she will not do it again or just leave? I love her so I want to forgive her again and take her back. I was even ready to raise the child and told her so. Unfortunately she suffered a early miscarriage so the baby is not in the picture anymore. But all these events have left me dead inside. Her parents got to know about this and they are depressed. I told her parents I will stay by her side and be ok with whatever she wants. She on the other hand has told her family that she loves her boyfriend but she is ok staying with me because it will make many people happy. I know she doesn't love me and she is ready to stay with me for the sake of her family, the same reasons as before. I know she cares for me but thats about it. She loves someone else. I think she still meets him when I am not around and most of the time I have to keep a watch. She looks for small excuses to make calls to him and message him. I know all this and still put up with it hoping that she will ask him to get out of our lives. Its so draining I cannot explain it.
What should I be doing?
Should I confront the guy and ask him to walk out of our lives and hope that my wife will change in time? Before she met this guy she never had any other affair or even a boyfriend for that matter. But she says she has this emotional connection and intimacy with him that she just cant seem to get with me. She doesnt even let me hold her hand. Do you think she will change if he goes out of her life? Can I make her fall in love with me? We have not been physically close even once after our marriage. Even at times I have tried, she snubs me and gets away from it. She has not once posted our picture together on facebook or even changed her status to married. I know all the things and how they are, but the big Q is - will things change? Can I make her love me like she loves him? How will i know that she wont get into a relationship again if he contacts her in the future? All this is driving me crazy. Pls help!
